RE: Formation of dominants and submissives

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RE: Formation of dominants and submissives - 5/8/2007 7:59:01 PM

smilingjaguar

Posts: 271
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
I am not even sure what to say but that has to be one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard and beats my darkest by a mile. I am happy that you have found someone who can take care of you, you certainly should have a cosmic karma account in the high six figures!

Thanks for the kind comment. As dark as that story was, if you took that part out the rest of my childhood was pretty happy. I have a really good relationship with my mother that continues to this day. It was just an odd combination of me overhearing something I shouldn't have from my mother combined with being taught from a very early age that you always take care of your brothers and sisters that combined in ways they were never intended to.

I'm really lucky to have my Sir in my life, and all around I live a pretty blessed existance.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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Post #: 81

RE: Formation of dominants and submissives - 5/8/2007 11:48:57 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

quote:

We were having the above sort of question when I mentioned that "you know mom on some very real level, when you get angry, I get scared" and she laughed at that. I mean who could imagine a son having any sort of fear of his mother? Yeah right. I push when and where I can but I can't force her to grow and trust me, she isn't interested in much growth at the moment.

Ok, I haven't read and kept up with the replies, but Ms Jo, I have to say this made Me laugh a bit. I used to joke with My UM's that I would strike them down and bury them in the backyard. Even thought they knew it was a joke, they still have that in there somewhere. Being 5'2", both of them are bigger than Me now, but when I talk, they listen.

This reminded me of an incident last fall. My um is 22 and 6'3. I'm 41 and all of 5'3. I was cooking dinner and he was sneaking in to steal chicken as it was being sauteed for chicken parmesean. I didn't even realize he was behind me as I turned around with an upraised spatula suddenly. He gave a startled "Eeep" and ran into another room. I was like...."what the hell was that about?" Now mind you I've never laid a hand on him as a disciplinary method ever but he knows not to push my buttons. He said, " You may be a shrimp Mom but you scare the hell out of me sometimes."

My reply...A little fear is a good thing sonny.

No, you can't force her to grow or to trust but you can control how you react to her refusal to do so. Her refusal also doesn't mean it has to inhibit your own personal growth or self perceptions.

Thanks LadyPact. Same goes for me, he's at least a foot taller and has been since he was 16 or so. I used to lovingly threaten to kick his ass if I had to stand on a chair to do it. Of course he laughed as well but with a little sideways look of...she wouldn't, would she. LOL Glad I could make you laugh.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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Post #: 82

RE: Formation of dominants and submissives - 5/10/2007 12:17:46 PM

marfre

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

We often hear that submissives are formed from abusive parents and I think many of us have seen enough examples to know that, while common, certainly isn't universal. So my question for submissives is how many of you had parents who didn't provide structure, who didn't provide boundaries or whom grew up in chaos and thus crave structure?

I look forward to many thoughtful and challenging answers!

SimplyMichael,

My childhood was normal, parents supportive and caring. My father was very ill early in my life and I had to take on a great deal of responsibility for the household and his care. I have been the controlling, responsible, in charge of everything woman ever since. Even now, I have become a caregiver again.

I am a dominant female in RL. I think that’s why, in my sexual relationships, I want to give that over to someone else. To be out of control with someone I like and trust. I want to submit, to surrender, so I no longer have to control everything around me. I want that responsibility to be someone else’s for that part of the relationship

So yes, there is probably a strong correlation. I learned to be strong and controlling in RL, and in so doing, I found a needful escape appeared in my sexual expression.

As for whether or not it’s healthy, I would say so. RL now is very vanilla. I have missed the submissive sdie of myself for years, and think that has put a dulling filter over many other parts of my life.

~m

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

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Post #: 83