quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I have to agree with the OP on this one.  This has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time.  Time after time i read in various profiles that they are interested in "local" people only...but then won't even bother to tell you what "local" is.  That might not be such a problem in a small state like Rhode Island, or Connecticut, but in many states it is at least a 5 to 8 hour drive or more from one end of the state to the other so just giving what state you are in doesn't pinpoint "local" by any means.  So if a person wants "local" and they don't want a lot of information to be found by googling all they have to do is use a screen name specific to CollarMe.  The only information that could be found by googling then would be whatever they have written on CollarMe.  Even in a very small town it would be almost impossible to locate a specific person based only on a screen name used only at one Internet site, especially if there is no picture.

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ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I have to agree with the OP on this one.  This has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time.  Time after time i read in various profiles that they are interested in "local" people only...but then won't even bother to tell you what "local" is.  That might not be such a problem in a small state like Rhode Island, or Connecticut, but in many states it is at least a 5 to 8 hour drive or more from one end of the state to the other so just giving what state you are in doesn't pinpoint "local" by any means.  So if a person wants "local" and they don't want a lot of information to be found by googling all they have to do is use a screen name specific to CollarMe.  The only information that could be found by googling then would be whatever they have written on CollarMe.  Even in a very small town it would be almost impossible to locate a specific person based only on a screen name used only at one Internet site, especially if there is no picture.

Exactly my point.  And then there is this: Femdommes want a well-written, detailed, personal letter.  I can understand why one-liners go right into the trash.  So, when I politely ask them what part of the state they are located in, I usually receive no response.  Are these potentially good contacts, or are they just generally peeved at all males who write letters of inquiry?  One Femdomme even asked me if I sent her a form letter.  I NEVER send anyone a form letter.  They are written specificially for that person and in direct response to their profile.  But why would anyone want to spend all of their time writing to someone who they may never be able to meet because of distance?

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I have to agree with the OP on this one.  This has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time.  Time after time i read in various profiles that they are interested in "local" people only...but then won't even bother to tell you what "local" is.  That might not be such a problem in a small state like Rhode Island, or Connecticut, but in many states it is at least a 5 to 8 hour drive or more from one end of the state to the other so just giving what state you are in doesn't pinpoint "local" by any means.  So if a person wants "local" and they don't want a lot of information to be found by googling all they have to do is use a screen name specific to CollarMe.  The only information that could be found by googling then would be whatever they have written on CollarMe.  Even in a very small town it would be almost impossible to locate a specific person based only on a screen name used only at one Internet site, especially if there is no picture.

Exactly my point.  And then there is this: Femdommes want a well-written, detailed, personal letter.  I can understand why one-liners go right into the trash.  So, when I politely ask them what part of the state they are located in, I usually receive no response.  Are these potentially good contacts, or are they just generally peeved at all males who write letters of inquiry?  One Femdomme even asked me if I sent her a form letter.  I NEVER send anyone a form letter.  They are written specificially for that person and in direct response to their profile.  But why would anyone want to spend all of their time writing to someone who they may never be able to meet because of distance?

Now this I can agree with.  Being a "local only" type Myself, at some point, the information has to be made available.  I am able to list My city without a major issue.  While I don't have the concern Myself, I'm sure there are T/those that do.  If I found Myself in a different situation, I probably might still be a bit gaurded. 
 
I'm still hesitant to agree that location would necessarily be information I would exchange after just the first email.  That's just Me personally.  There are factors that I would want to match before I give out very much.  I know the OP described a long introduction letter, but if certain things were missing, I'm more the type to ask certain questions and expect answers on certain topics before I would be willing to throw caution to the wind.  I want to know I'm interested.  If I'm not, I probably wouldn't give out much.  It seems shallow, but a face pic is pretty high up on the list.  I want to KNOW there's an attraction there before I go too far.
 
I do have a couple of questions to the OP, since it has obviously struck a nerve once or twice.  Are you giving the location information about yourself before asking it of someone else? 

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Are you willing to invest more than one contact?

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ORIGINAL: Unrepentant1

You get out what you put in. I am far from everyones type, but even if I have no pic up, I always send them with a message and never hide where I am from. It is always a plus when you are upfront with whom you send a message. No point messing about, you will have to show who you are at some point. Be honest its a massive plus point with anyone. 

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ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess

I'm confused about the title of the thread and where it's going, but anyway...And do forgive Me if someone has already said this, I didn't get to read all of the threads.

What about women who are just being cautious?  What if they are coming out of an abusive relationship (yes Dominas may have suffered abuses)?  Or what if they have suffered abuses in the past and wish to avoid that?  What if previous meetings with people online just didn't work out for them or the submissive?  What if they have something to protect... i.e. a marriage, a job, a reputation?  What if they are getting a bad vibe from you?  There are all sorts of reasons...I just don't think people need to get their knickers in a bunch over it. 

It sounds to Me like you are equating Ladies not giving up their locations to not being genuine and that isn't fair.

For Me, once I feel comfortable enough with a person, sure I'll give out My photo or address, or agree to meet somewhere nearby.  But you bet your ass I won't do it until I WANT to.  That's My privilege as a Domina.  It's also My right as a human...submissives can do the same.

~Kara
Edited because I can't spell worth a damn!

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess
For Me, once I feel comfortable enough with a person, sure I'll give out My photo or address, or agree to meet somewhere nearby.  But you bet your ass I won't do it until I WANT to.  That's My privilege as a Domina.  It's also My right as a human...submissives can do the same.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's funny you used the term quid pro quo in your response, because I almost used it Myself in My last entry.  I see it as some being more willing to partake in an information exchange.  That's even considering My own personal stance, since I'm very prone to answer honest questions in a very blunt manner, but I'm not likely to give something I haven't gotten.

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What I was also alluding to in My prior post was, even in a very detailed letter of introduction, there are always things that get skipped over or left out.  It's more a process of getting to know someone.  We all see things differently, so something that isn't important to the writer, might be important to the receiver.

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Not everyone is comfortable with putting up the pic.  I think that goes back to somewhere in the process of getting to know someone.  Along the lines of feeling better sending it to O/one rather than the masses.  We are still talking about women who might have safety concerns.

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ORIGINAL: addicted2it

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ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess

I'm confused about the title of the thread and where it's going, but anyway...And do forgive Me if someone has already said this, I didn't get to read all of the threads.

What about women who are just being cautious?  What if they are coming out of an abusive relationship (yes Dominas may have suffered abuses)?  Or what if they have suffered abuses in the past and wish to avoid that?  What if previous meetings with people online just didn't work out for them or the submissive?  What if they have something to protect... i.e. a marriage, a job, a reputation?  What if they are getting a bad vibe from you?  There are all sorts of reasons...I just don't think people need to get their knickers in a bunch over it. 

It sounds to Me like you are equating Ladies not giving up their locations to not being genuine and that isn't fair.

For Me, once I feel comfortable enough with a person, sure I'll give out My photo or address, or agree to meet somewhere nearby.  But you bet your ass I won't do it until I WANT to.  That's My privilege as a Domina.  It's also My right as a human...submissives can do the same.

~Kara
Edited because I can't spell worth a damn!

Kara, you are doing just fine.

With regard to not providing location information, I really don't think that in the majority of instances the Domina is even aware that she isn't being as specific as she could be.  I am only reacting to what I think is an unfair expectation on the part of many Dominas, which is to insist on a long, detailed letter as opposed to a one-liner inquiry.  In such an instance, I would be more than happy to write a very detailed and tailored response, providing there was at least a chance that a relationship with that person was logistically possible.

I see what you're saying...but again, the Domina is the controlling factor, she can give and take what she wants to.  Yes it makes it harder and more tedious to browse profiles, this I understand.  But you have a choice too...if you don't want to write long, detailed letters...don't!
 
 

Speaking for myself, when I see someone's profile that states, "None of your business", or "Wouldn't you like to know?" instead of naming a city, I simply pass those by in favor of profiles which are more forthcoming.  If indeed they are worried about safety issues because of a bad relationship, then they are probably carrying too much baggage to even be objective about any new relationship -- and that can apply to both Domme and sub alike.
 
Hmm.  IMHO I think this statement is unfair, especially since you know virtually nothing about these people when you first "meet" them.  (The use of the term emotional baggage drives Me nuts at the best of times.)  I'm not just talking about a relationship gone sour, I am talking about abusive relationships.  We have a right to protect ourselves and be as mysterious as we want to be!  Like LordandMaster said, different people have different comfort levels. 
 
I suppose all you can do is express that you would like to know more about the person you're writing to and see what happens.

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ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess

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ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess

I'm confused about the title of the thread and where it's going, but anyway...And do forgive Me if someone has already said this, I didn't get to read all of the threads.

What about women who are just being cautious?  What if they are coming out of an abusive relationship (yes Dominas may have suffered abuses)?  Or what if they have suffered abuses in the past and wish to avoid that?  What if previous meetings with people online just didn't work out for them or the submissive?  What if they have something to protect... i.e. a marriage, a job, a reputation?  What if they are getting a bad vibe from you?  There are all sorts of reasons...I just don't think people need to get their knickers in a bunch over it. 

It sounds to Me like you are equating Ladies not giving up their locations to not being genuine and that isn't fair.

For Me, once I feel comfortable enough with a person, sure I'll give out My photo or address, or agree to meet somewhere nearby.  But you bet your ass I won't do it until I WANT to.  That's My privilege as a Domina.  It's also My right as a human...submissives can do the same.

~Kara
Edited because I can't spell worth a damn!

Kara, you are doing just fine.

With regard to not providing location information, I really don't think that in the majority of instances the Domina is even aware that she isn't being as specific as she could be.  I am only reacting to what I think is an unfair expectation on the part of many Dominas, which is to insist on a long, detailed letter as opposed to a one-liner inquiry.  In such an instance, I would be more than happy to write a very detailed and tailored response, providing there was at least a chance that a relationship with that person was logistically possible.

I see what you're saying...but again, the Domina is the controlling factor, she can give and take what she wants to.  Yes it makes it harder and more tedious to browse profiles, this I understand.  But you have a choice too...if you don't want to write long, detailed letters...don't!

I'm not really concerned about the tediousness of browsing profiles.  I am more concerned with the time and effort that it takes to write a personalized letter of introduction, only to find out that the person I'm writing to is not within a reasonable traveling distance from me.

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I suppose all you can do is express that you would like to know more about the person you're writing to and see what happens.

I have done that as well, but with little or no success.  It's very difficult to pique someone's interest when competing with oftentimes hundreds of requests.  It takes special effort, which I am willing to put forth.  Of course I don't have to write a detailed letter.  But my real reason for bringing this topic to light is to alert those who write profiles to simply make their locality more specific, because it will only help to increase their choices.  I wouldn't think that a Domina wants to waste her time talking to someone who cannot be there for her  That's it.  Nothing else.




_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to KaramelGoddess)

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

...With regard to not providing location information, I really don't think that in the majority of instances the Domina is even aware that she isn't being as specific as she could be...

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ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess
But you have a choice too...if you don't want to write long, detailed letters...don't!

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ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
I knew less than that. I ONLY knew her screen name (the rest was fake information). Type that in a google search and you can find small tidbits everywhere that all together add up to more than most people would ever put in a profile.

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ORIGINAL: addicted2it
I have often found the best matches to be on opposite coasts.

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ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

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ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess
But you have a choice too...if you don't want to write long, detailed letters...don't!

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I can understand fully not wanting to disclose too detailed personal information including information like the address. If one is uncomfortable about listing the city, I am not clear on why something like Central Texas or something like within x hours of City y is uncomfortable. This information does help someone to whom geographical proximity is important for realistic logistics. And it helps the person with the profile by increasing the ratio of introductions of interest. But practically speaking, how much does listing Central Texas enable a stalker to find out where a person lives by listing Central Texas versus Texas? I agree that what people list is their choice. But I am curious to know if anyone can put to words the reason for the question I ask.

I can only surmise that the question of the disclosure of too much information is a hot-button issue, not only for Dominas, but for women in general.  And I totally agree with undergroundsea as to why a person would think it too risky to disclose something so vague as a location defined as X number of hours from a major city. 

I am sorry to see Dominas go on the defensive here just to underscore their right to privacy,  only to go ahead and place ads in a public venue that could possibly end up being a threat to their safety and well-being.

As I have stated before, I respect everyone's right to privacy, and I will be the first to defend that right, but it seems to me that Dominas are also diminishing their own ability to choose from within a larger pool of applicants if they would only decide to make their location a little less vague.

There are always risks in life, and I believe that all of us have engaged in risky behavior at one time or another.  However, without risk there can be no appreciable gain.




_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to undergroundsea)

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ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

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ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
I knew less than that. I ONLY knew her screen name (the rest was fake information). Type that in a google search and you can find small tidbits everywhere that all together add up to more than most people would ever put in a profile.

I am beginning to see how you obtained her information but I am still not convinced. Your example shows that even without listing the location one can be found--that just the screenname itself is enough.

And, in her case, she had these other details attached to her profile elsewhere. So then, it seems to me the answer is not to hide the location, but to not have other profiles that provide more detailed personal information.

Cheers,

Sea

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ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
But with each new piece of info you have anywhere, the ability and connections needed to find you go down, until almost anyone can do it. So I entirely understand a Dommes decision to not give out her information, and instead offer you the choice of giving yours.