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ORIGINAL: addicted2it

This subject is a huge issue with me, but I cannot understand why it is necessary for me to respond to an ad in detail without knowing who or what I am responding to. 

Without going into extreme and convoluted explanations regarding who and what is being represented in CollarMe profiles, I would just ask these pertinent questions:

• If you are a femdom who is seeking a submissive/slave, and especially one who is expected to be real-time, why do you not indicate a specific locality in your profile?

         I agree that if someone is looking for real time service, then a general idea of the location would help.

• If you are a femdomme, why would you expect a detailed profile and letter of introduction from a person who may not be able to serve you in real time because of location and travel restrictions?

   Maybe the Dominant wants adetailed profile so She/He can see if you follow instructions, and is open to infrequent visits to them if the chemistry is right.

• Why do you choose not not respond to a polite request for a specific location only?

 This could be down to safety, although i suspect many people, both Dom and sub are just naturally reluctant to give such details to a total stranger. If the Dominant likes your reply and wishes to meet, the information you requested will inevitably follow. 

I live in California and cannot relocate.  Having said that, California is a very large state, so why not say that you are in either southern, central, or northern California?  Is this too much to ask, or are you worried that someone in a city of several hundred thousand people will actually know who you are and will blow your cover?

I think that I speak for many submissive here.

I would think for every submissive that agrees with you there is another who doesnt. Some will feel as reluctant as the Dominant to exchange info so soon. Others will feel its impolite to question a Dominants actions. This doesnt make you opinion any less valid, it just means everyone is different. I do see the point about wasted effort though, i guess thats just a chance one takes sometimes.  

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ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

It was great to see this thread (hi addicted2U).

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On the internet and for especially for free sites: The stats say a minimum of 60% are fake, as in scammers. Then you have men out there who just want sex and will say or do anything to get it. I wonder what that percentage is? (snickers)

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I have been here for just over a week on cm and already had someone pretend to be a Dom/Domme couple who wanted to send me their slave.  I gave them my city and then realized the pics were the same man on both profiles. This 'sub' had been hounding me for my city, then made up a fake profile to get the info out of me.

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I live in Private, CA. When I have emailed a few times and maybe a phone call with a sub/slave and am confident that they are for real, then and only then will I give my city. If a Domme or Dom who has been around for years gives me a recommendation I am relieved and that makes the process very simple!   I am known on the internet and in real life and value my privacy greatly.

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I think saying: I am an hour away from:________ might be a good way to go, so the sub trying to connect with a Goddess will know right away if the situation might work out.

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ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

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ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess
But you have a choice too...if you don't want to write long, detailed letters...don't!

I expect it would affect a domme's interest in an introductory letter if neither the letter nor the profile list a location. Let's suppose she still likes the letter enough to write back a letter of reasonable length. And let's suppose that she then learns  that the submissive lives 5 hours away. I expect she would feel frustrated for time wasted.

Granted this situation is not the same as that suggested by the OP because here the submissive is who initiated the contact. Still, given how the ratios are and that the choice to simply not contact any profile that does not list the location is not as practical for subs as it might be for dommes, it is how I can best try to convey the perspective from the other side.

I can understand fully not wanting to disclose too detailed personal information including information like the address. If one is uncomfortable about listing the city, I am not clear on why something like Central Texas or something like within x hours of City y is uncomfortable. This information does help someone to whom geographical proximity is important for realistic logistics. And it helps the person with the profile by increasing the ratio of introductions of interest. But practically speaking, how much does listing Central Texas enable a stalker to find out where a person lives by listing Central Texas versus Texas? I agree that what people list is their choice. But I am curious to know if anyone can put to words the reason for the question I ask.

Cheers,

Sea

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
sea, Yes, I've noticed the same trend.  I always seem to find the interesting ones are always located somewhere else. 

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ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess
having worked with women who have been abused and who are finding their own strengths...many might want to find out as much as they can online and then proceed with meeting up.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

addicted2it, I guess I would be guilty of 'keeping score' in a sense when it comes to how much information I am willing to discuss.  I have some basic stuff out there, such as My location and My real pic, but if I am going to be asked questions on details, I'm going to want something before I give that out.  I'm here for other reasons rather than to just be someone's fantasy filler.  If someone wants to get to know Me, I see that more of an exchange, and I'm going to have to get something in return for what someone is asking Me to give.

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ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
sea, Yes, I've noticed the same trend.  I always seem to find the interesting ones are always located somewhere else. 

The grass is always......there on the other side.

I went to Scotland a few years ago and went out to the pubs for New Year's Eve. I noticed a several of the locals were drinking Budweiser. The grass is always greener on the other side and a bud must be an exotic beer for them, so I thought. And so I made a comment to this effect. I was quickly corrected that they were drinking bud for not that reason but because they can drink it all night and not be hung over the next day!

So. My story proves no point. But it is a funny anecdote nonetheless ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

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ORIGINAL: samboct

Hi Philip

I agree with you, and having written lots of long introductory letters and gotten desultory responses at best, I share in your frustration.

Let me throw out a different downside as well.  In responding to a profile on this board, I did what I thought most people would appreciate- I did my homework.  The person I wrote to had listed her location along with a website and a myspace page so I did a little searching on google.  Found out that she liked art, certain types of books, etc. which seemed to be a good match with my own tastes.  I wrote a detailed letter telling her that I thought we had certain common interests- what did she think? (and yes, most of the letter focused on vanilla, very little/none on kink.)  Included a picture and my location.  So after several hours of stewing and writing- what was the response I got?

"You know a lot about me."  That's verbatim.  There was a bit more but from the brevity of her response, and the lack of warmth- I certainly didn't strike much of a chord.  It seemed she was upset that I'd done what I considered  to be my homework which consisted of a simple google search on her screen name and given location along with a website.  Obviously with this kind of response- I'm not going to do anything else.  But clearly it's a blurred line between trying to impress someone and being considered a stalker.

Hence I concur with your frustration.  It's very annoying to follow someones request to write a detailed response based on often very sketchy information (lots of wild deductive leaps here.) that gets a response that could be measured in syllables.

Regards,

Sam
Stamford, CT