feeling taken advantage of

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

feeling taken advantage of

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> feeling taken advantage of

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:18:00 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Ok I have a question

Does it even make sence for a slave to feel taken advantage of by her Master? Can a Master even take advantage of his slave??

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

Post #: 1

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:24:45 AM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Last time I looked, Masters weren't Gods. Of course they can take advantage of a slave. They may do it knowingly, they may do it thoughtlessly, but until they grow wings and sit on clouds, they are just humans like the rest of us.
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 2

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:30:07 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

No I know that, what I mean is.. as a slave beeing a slave is there a such thing as beeing taken advantage of by ones Master.. I dont know if Im explaining it right!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 3

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:31:01 AM

themischievous1

Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

I guess that depends on what camp you fall into. If you believe that slaves have no rights, no limits, and are basically just property, then probably not.

If you believe that slaves are people first and foremost, with valued personalities, feelings, opinions, ideas, and thoughts of their own that count, who dream, who have desires, etc. (you get the idea) then yeah, sure a master can take advantage.

It depends on said master's intentions and motivations toward the slave in question. Are those intentions and motivations truly in the slave's best interest? And is this master capable of something like that motif that doctor's have to subscribe to like "First do no harm..?"

How ethical is the master and does he even really have a grasp on what the word "integrity" means? Talk is cheap in this regard. Action speaks far louder than words.

I would say the answers to these questions above tell you whether or not a slave may or may not feel taken advantage of. Personally, if I had a sub/slave I would pay attention to what they were feeling, especially if they felt taken advantage of.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 4

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:41:45 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

The ideal slave is never taken advantage of. If Master wishes something to be, the ideal slave's sole purpose is fill that need. Lots of people are in M/s dynamics where the slave has basic rights. In my opinion, a Master takes advantage of his slave when she feels used beyond her desire to be used. This has a logical problem in which the slave is truely controlling the pace.

Just because a person becomes another's slave doesn't mean they'll always want to be a slave. In my limited experience, slaves that are treated properly only desire to serve their Masters better, but it's possible that a slave realizes that her Master is not good for her. ('Not good' could mean a glaring lack of concern for safety, not being SSC, if it matters, being physically abusive, breaking limits, or simply.. using her. The man who only uses his slave for sex is not a Master... He's a fuck buddy.) I risk catching some flack, but I firmly believe a slave always has the choice of leaving or staying. I feel a collar is a sanctuary, not a prison, and if a Master treats his slave right, she'll want... need...crave his ownership.

If a slave is being used the way a slave should be, but is getting nothing in return (no pleasure of making Master happy, no lessons learned, no food/shelter...) then it's time to consider moving on.

Hell, I know there are some people who want to be used with zero consideration of their own happiness. It's hard for me to fathom that need to serve, as I've grown into dominance. In life, it gets as extreme as you can possibly imagine and then some.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 5

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:58:15 AM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Honey, slave or master, submissive or dominant or switch, we're all just human beings. Yes, a slave can feel taken advantage of. Yes, a master can take advantage - by going outside of agreed upon boundaries, by failing to uphold their end of a bargain, by cheating, by lying, by doing all the things that human beings do to sabotage themselves and to ruin the relationships that they are in.

Look - this kind of falls into my perrenial "its all roleplaying" rant. Cut away the D/s bs and what you have is two (or more) people choosing to live together a cartain way. It is a choice. Agreements were made, and all sides are obligated to keep their end up.

It might be that the slave has discovered a new limit - well, not new, per se, but not one that had ever come up before. It's not on the hard limits list, so the master feels no obligation to respect this new limit. Hell, where limits are concerned, some dominati think of them as little more than a stumbling block, or even a challenge to their authority. The first time you have a hard limit crossed by your dominus, protest, and are told that you just have to get used to it because you're a slave now, believe me, you WILL feel to have been taken advantage of.

Slave or not, a person is still a person. An individual, with all the quirks that that entails. A slave has wants, needs, and desires. The point of slavedom as we practice it now is that some people have discovered that they want to surrender their authority to someone else. Luckily, they are free to do so. It is a need to be fulfilled, but it is not by any means the only one.

If a slave feels that their dominus has taken unfair advantage, then that slave must take the time to bring this concern up with the dominus in question. If their concerns are not adequately answered, the slave must seriously consider whether or not they wish to continue to surrender their personal authority to this person. If the dominus has anything like a clue and wants to keep the slave, they would be wise to address the issue and find some way of coming to terms.

Then again, for some folks, being taken advantage of is part of the scene. What i mean is, some people derive a particular kind of satisfaction from that slightly miserable feeling that comes from being taken advantage of. That feeling of having been abused is part of the after-glow for them.

I speak in nebulous terms because the initial question is fairly nebulous itself, and the follow-up is not much better. Without some particulars to address, this is the best set of answers I can come up with (and i completely understand if you have no desire to bring up some private household issue in this forum). Even so, I hope this helps.

The short answer, by the way, is yes. A slave can feel abused. The question then becomes, what can the slave do about it, other than leave?

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 6

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:02:49 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the replies... I guess what Im really getting at is more in the lines of service.. takeing advantage that way. I know a slaves job is to serve but what about when thats all she ever does.. what about when all other aspects of the dynamic are not beeing done yet she is expected to still clean and such.. I mean feeling taken advantage of that way.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 7

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:12:08 AM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Master hates cleaning his motorbike. If he can find a way to off load the chore on to someone else, he'll do it. It's not for my own good, or to put me in my place, but because he's avoiding a chore he hates. I know the difference between a punishment I deserve, and when he sets me up, so I'll have to clean his bike. That's taking advantage, and yes, Masters do it. Is that what you mean?
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 8

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:26:26 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

Master hates cleaning his motorbike. If he can find a way to off load the chore on to someone else, he'll do it. It's not for my own good, or to put me in my place, but because he's avoiding a chore he hates. I know the difference between a punishment I deserve, and when he sets me up, so I'll have to clean his bike. That's taking advantage, and yes, Masters do it. Is that what you mean?
:))
LH

No I dont even think that is takeing advantage that is just a Master haveing his slave do a chore. Im talking about when servises like that arent just part of the dynamic anymore but they ARE the dynamic.

Ok here is how it is. When me and Master first got together he never had me do any sort of service at all I asked for some to be added because I had that need to serve. It was to become a small part of the dynamic, however as time past my chores grew and grew and play time shrunk and shrunk to the point we only ever did anything when I had some sort of punishment comeing.

It then got to the point where I really learned to be a good obedient slave that I was beeing so well behaved I had no punishment comeing at all it has been like that for seven months and in those seven months we have played i think a total of 2 times the last time we played was my birthday all the way back in april. And I mean we have done NOTHING but me cleaning and playing taxi to his friends... In fact the only time we really spend together any more is when Im working for him.

Now I dont mind doing these things I want to help I mean I did ask for it after all, however I never wanted it to be the entire relationship, there is nothing fullfilling about the one sidedness that has been going on. It is getting to the point now that I am acting out, I dont even mean to but I cant help it it is the only way he acts domanent to me at all and I hate it, I want to be a good slave I want him proud of me, as he has been, but it seems I cant have him proud of me and physicaly domanating of me at the same time. We have begun to talk and try and work this out.. I just wasnt sure if I was insane for feeling taken advantage of after all I am a slave right... I guess I have just been really doubting myself and my slavery because of it.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/29/2007 2:29:02 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 9

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:49:03 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Thanks for the replies... I guess what Im really getting at is more in the lines of service.. takeing advantage that way. I know a slaves job is to serve but what about when thats all she ever does.. what about when all other aspects of the dynamic are not beeing done yet she is expected to still clean and such.. I mean feeling taken advantage of that way.

Magik's slave

You mean basically the things such as Sex, BDSM play activities and even Discipline are missing right?

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:50:25 AM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Yes, that's being taken advantage of. If he is being a part time Dominant, then he shouldn't expect you to be a full time slave. It's my motorbike example being extended into a lifestyle. You have asked the question for a reason. Your instincts are telling you something doesn't feel right here. You are not "wrong" - feelings aren't "wrong" - they are a signal to sit up and pay attention and re evaluate your "relationship" dynamic.
Hugs
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:51:46 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Thanks for the replies... I guess what Im really getting at is more in the lines of service.. takeing advantage that way. I know a slaves job is to serve but what about when thats all she ever does.. what about when all other aspects of the dynamic are not beeing done yet she is expected to still clean and such.. I mean feeling taken advantage of that way.

Magik's slave

You mean basically the things such as Sex, BDSM play activities and even Discipline are missing right?

BINGO

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 12

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:54:10 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

Yes, that's being taken advantage of. If he is being a part time Dominant, then he shouldn't expect you to be a full time slave. It's my motorbike example being extended into a lifestyle. You have asked the question for a reason. Your instincts are telling you something doesn't feel right here. You are not "wrong" - feelings aren't "wrong" - they are a signal to sit up and pay attention and re evaluate your "relationship" dynamic.
Hugs
:))
LH

I know Im just haveing trouble comeing to grips with it...

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/29/2007 2:55:09 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 13

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 3:36:07 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

It's good that you are talking about it. My two cents is about the same as Suleiman's. We're all just human beings with needs. I understand that you asked for service to be added and you got that need fulfilled; however, it sounds as though it's taken over. There may be something "wrong" on his end...stress, unhappiness with his job, etc. that's causing this. Keep talking and hopefully you can resolve your problems.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 14

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 3:51:11 AM

instynctive

Posts: 2726
Status: offline

Instead of talking it out here, I would suggest you talk to him.

You are obvious unhappy with essentially being a 24/7 NSA maid, and that is not what you signed up for. Bandit is right.. there *could* be things going on with him that is causing his neglectful behavior, but you will never know until you communicate with him.

FWIW, we *are* all human, so if he is not really interested in communicating or even listening to your concerns (which vicariously show concern for him), then perhaps it's time to move on...

My two cents.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 15

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 3:51:27 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

You need to sit down and talk with your Master. It could be from his point of view, that when you requested more chores that he assumed you desired to be more service oriented rather than used as his playtoy. Or it could be he just has not felt like punishing/disciplining you for reasons only known to him.

The only way to know for sure what is going on is by talking to him.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 16

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 5:18:06 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

It is difficult to come to terms with the realization that one's partner is vastly different than what we suspected in the beginning. I am sorry and wish you well.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 17

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 5:31:19 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: themischievous1

I guess that depends on what camp you fall into. If you believe that slaves have no rights, no limits, and are basically just property, then probably not.

If you believe that slaves are people first and foremost, with valued personalities, feelings, opinions, ideas, and thoughts of their own that count, who dream, who have desires, etc. (you get the idea) then yeah, sure a master can take advantage.

mmmmmmmmmm well those two concepts are not mutually exclusive.... believe or not...

A slave can be property and be valued personalities with feeligs, opinions, ideas and thougths.

quote:

It depends on said master's intentions and motivations toward the slave in question. Are those intentions and motivations truly in the slave's best interest? And is this master capable of something like that motif that doctor's have to subscribe to like "First do no harm..?"

The slave's best interests? mmmmmmmmm well there are many so-called slaves that are looking for Service Masters.

But then there are those that Masters that will make decisions for the whole and not soley for the part. Granted the best interests of slave is considered... but it is only one consideration of many.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 18

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 5:37:57 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

The ideal slave is never taken advantage of. If Master wishes something to be, the ideal slave's sole purpose is fill that need. Lots of people are in M/s dynamics where the slave has basic rights. In my opinion, a Master takes advantage of his slave when she feels used beyond her desire to be used. This has a logical problem in which the slave is truely controlling the pace.

just because she feels used beyond what she wants... doesn't make it that she is being taken advantage. Of course.. that might work for a submissive mindset.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 19

RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 6:04:13 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

It is hard for us to know exactly what is up with your relationship and we are offering our experiences and observations as I’m about to do. Take it for what it’s worth. Also, I acknowledge the above posts may be as accurate as what I say.

However, it is a practice of some Doms when they tire of a slave to begin to use her strictly for domestic service until she tires of the whole thing and moves on. If she stays, he has a service submissive who can be used without the need to provide any warm and fuzzy feelings. Some do attempt to stay, but the neglect and requirements for service can steadily be increased until she eventually realizes she can’t continue.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> feeling taken advantage of

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.141