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RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:08:49 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		MS -
 
Go talk to him about this.  Tell him what you need and that you feel taken advantage of and from his reaction - you will know the answer and what is to be done next.  If he is 'clueless' then its your responsibility to ask for time to speak freely.  If he refuses, you already know the answer - if he allows, then be patient for him to respond and then see how it goes? 
 
Good Luck
Peace
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:09:34 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

for the most part the poor man is clueless...


Wow, this is how you talk about your master.  On a public forum no less.



Taken in context to the entirety of how it was intended it wasn't a big insult - taken out of context like you did above here it could be construed that way. At any rate, why not focus on the op's dilemma instead of trying to make her feel bad about how others interpret her talking about her master - much more constructive no?

Agreed...i didnt see it as a cut down either.....and yes...she definitely has more important things on her mind...geez....


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*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:10:09 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

OK, I have to ask...why is it "taking advantage" of a slave is a master tells her to clean his motorbike? Not as a punishment, just as "You're going to do this because I own you."


I think it's only being taken advantage of if there was the expectation (negotiated or merely assumed) that the slave would get something (physical, verbal, emotional) and now they aren't. The only person who can define that is really the slave who is there by her/his consent and can withdraw that at any time.

I'm sure that if I just ordered Fox to do things and never smacked his ass or said "good boy" or teased him about his fetishes that he would soon feel he was being taken advantage of as free labor and not as a consensual slave. He would likely talk to me about it though because that would be a chance in my behavior and different what he received during training and being owned to this point.

quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

Master hates cleaning his motorbike. If he can find a way to off load the chore on to someone else, he'll do it. It's not for my own good, or to put me in my place, but because he's avoiding a chore he hates. I know the difference between a punishment I deserve, and when he sets me up, so I'll have to clean his bike. That's taking advantage, and yes, Masters do it. Is that what you mean?



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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:13:51 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

"Why has KatyLied turned into such a Cunt?"

You have broken my heart.....You betch.


Damn, where is the little curtsey emote when ya need it?

This will have to do:




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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:00:28 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dear MajiksSlave,

Forgive me if I am wrong, but it sounds like there are some serious issues that your Master is having deep within himself.  He is focused on self and seemingly cannot see you or meet your needs for his own seem so blantant.  I don't think that he is willfully disregarding you or trying to hurt or use you.  He just doesn't know what to do with you.  He doesn't know what to do with himself.  Therefore he withdraws to a point... keeps things going the only way he knows how without the dreaded being totally alone.  He keeps you there in place for many reasons, but isn't willing or able to do more than that because of his own needs.

You may need to protect yourself in the situation, but it sounds like you both value the relationship you have had and wish to continue it to some degree... but that relationship has evolved and changed and will need to be changed on how you view it and work within it.  You have heard the term... he doesn't do what he needs to keep me, but he can't let me go... well... that sounds a bit like what is happening here.  I don't think it is as simple as his just wanting a service slave.  He doesn't know what he wants.  Therefore that puts you in a pretty confusing place.  You can't expect him to change this over night.  This will mean digging deep for both of you.  You may have to look at things that are difficult to look at because you had a dream of this going some place that it didn't go.  It might have come close... but close isn't enough to base anything on.  It has to be on the mark or it isn't on the mark.  Know what I mean?

I hope I am making sense.  I am having a rough day here and the mind can be foggy... but maybe you can see where I am going with this.  I don't think that thinking final anything at this point is the way to go.  It will hurt and you will get caught up in that pain.  Maybe exploring the idea and you are both very valuable to one another... but some needs have come forth that need addressing and maybe things will not come out like you both thought they might... but that doesn't mean they have to come out hurting one another... damaging and in a way that you cannot retain something of the bond you have created with one another.

Good luck to you both!  Lockit

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:19:08 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
What was your old sig line?

Something like "The likelihood of a relationship lasting long term is inversly proportional to how much it is proclaimed about publicly"


And you replaced that with ...."I"m free, and freedom tastes of reality?"...It's not bad...It's just that your old one was a thing of beauty.

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:26:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
And you replaced that with ...."I"m free, and freedom tastes of reality?"...It's not bad...It's just that your old one was a thing of beauty.

Thanks, but I felt it was too snarky and had served its purpose.  I wanted something more personal to me and positive.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 2:44:32 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
And you replaced that with ...."I"m free, and freedom tastes of reality?"...It's not bad...It's just that your old one was a thing of beauty.

Thanks, but I felt it was too snarky and had served its purpose.  I wanted something more personal to me and positive.


It is timeless......And snarky sells....Hmmmm?..Something more personal and positive....(Domiguy savors the meaning of that phrase as it rolls around his mouth....Rushes towards the toilet, almost making it, and violently pukes.)

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 4:08:44 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
As always very well put, And yes I am comeing to the point where the unfullfilment of the moment is outweighing my fulfillment in the relationship. I feel like a glorified maid minus the pay check. The point is this is becomeing a very unhealthy situation for me emotionaly. I am feeling taken advantage of because Im feeling used and used to the point that Im used up. I have often described it as a bank acount. yeah you can keep withdrawing without ever makeing a deposite, but if you do that eventualy there will be no money there to draw on and you will be in debt. A debt in a bank account is a much easier fix then an emotional debt of a slave. And right now as a slave Im feeling over drawn, Master hasnt made a deposit in months I have had nothing to replenish the funds from wich he draws. if that makes any sence.

Magik's slave


We have mentioned this before but it is our opinion that a slave/submissive needs to have a balance between the things that bring them pleasure, the things they are indifferent to and the things that challenge them.  I also think that in general people need to have a good balance between the things that feed them and the things that drain them. 

Several months ago, my Lord received a promotion at work.  He now is on call 24/7 and it took away a lot of quality time that we got to spend together.  There seemed to be one crisis after another and I was not getting what I needed in those moments.  I was very unhappy for a period of time and focused on a lot of other things that I know feed me so that I would have the energy to give to him when it was needed. 

There wasn't an option to end the relationship because the relationship fulfills me beyond my imagination.  However, I needed to find a way to make it through these moments.  It took many conversations and a lot of work on my part, a little better understanding on what fulfills me as a slave for both of us and now I am more content than ever.  With just a few changes on his part and a shift in perspective on mine I am much more at peace. 

I know that things are going to work out for the best.  We have the rest of our lives to enjoy each other.  Right now we may struggle with not getting the things that make this relationship so much fun, but spending a lifetime without him would be so much worse.

Only you know whether spending life without him would be better than a life with him...

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 4:49:39 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

But I have to say the thought that has been put in my head of his disinterest or him trying to get me to leave is scareing the hell out of me and I dont think it is something I can deal with!!

 
Every relationship we form is an intersection. A choice to be made. And we make them because stopping dead in our tracks is not an option. Even if we don't feel as if we have made choices, we have. By not choosing we choose - by default. And a decision made pro-actively is always better than one made by default.
 
I'm not sure a slave can be taken advantage of in the traditional sense - but this is the way you feel.  I don't believe in negating feelings - whether anyone thinks they are valid is unimportant.
 
quote:

Well I think it was perhaps 2 weeks ago they were mutually singing each other praises in another thread.  In the positive experiences.  That makes me surprised that all of this is out in the open so soon after all of that. 
 
As someone who pubicly announced they had lost their submission - i think you can understand, Katy, that sometimes, what is important  one day isn't so important the next.  Or vise versa.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 5:40:45 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		((sighs)) OK as for the clueless thing... well I think its funny that she picked that one sentence takeing it out of context did make it sound bad... Then again anything taken out of context can look bad, there was no malise intended in what I said, Master even admits he is clueless at times, but Im really not shocked given who it was who posted that she seem to get a thrill from kicking people when they are down.

As for us singing eachothers praises a few weeks ago... well those things arent obsolete. Master is proud of me becuase I am takeing on these extra burdens thus the reason for the thread he started. Nothing said in that thread is untrue or played up. I still have those feelings but at the moment they are beeing over shadowed becuase this emotion is so much stronger right now.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/29/2007 5:42:51 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to tricia)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 6:28:50 PM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		Hey M.S.

considering many people fall into different catagories here meaning not everyone lives the lifestyle the same way it's really hard to tell.

Before i became collared yes i felt taken advantaged of, i felt like Doms were only using me to get a piece and that was it, they didn't care who you were, what your interests were, but instead only cared about their desires and needs. 
It's a sticky subject being a sub and not knowing the honest intent of the person your with.

Once I became collared things changed, i felt of use suddenly, and only at my most depressed times(gotta hate meds sometimes or even a lack thereof) did I find myself thinking those negative things again in which depending on your scenereo could be seen as disrespectful and could mean discipline or punnishment or whatever you two personally call it.

There are still times to this day where i feel that way but it's mainly due to fears that i have placed inside myself, it's mainly due to the fact that sometimes i just refuse to communicate, and honestly when it happens, i usually only make things worse on myself.  My advice if your having problems which you never said that you were would be to just communicate the issues with your Master in a respectful way and just go from there.

Best of luck M.S.
~meticulous~

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 6:37:39 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know that this will help anyone out here, but if you think you are being taken advantage of, used or cheap or depraved or debauched in some way that has rent your soul, you are just out here fuckin' around, unless you have popped over to my house, so be thankful and bless your upright walking god-------


hope this helps,
Ron


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(in reply to meticulousgirl)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 6:56:43 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Ok I have a question

Does it even make sence (sense) for a slave to feel taken advantage of by her Master? Can a Master even take advantage of his slave??

Magik's slave


Of course.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 8:46:29 PM   
Tristan


Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Does it even make sence for a slave to feel taken advantage of by her Master? Can a Master even take advantage of his slave??


It sounds like you are looking for an emotional relationship, which is what I think most of us are looking for. 

quote:

It then got to the point where I really learned to be a good obedient slave that I was beeing so well behaved I had no punishment comeing at all it has been like that for seven months and in those seven months we have played i think a total of 2 times the last time we played was my birthday all the way back in april. And I mean we have done NOTHING but me cleaning and playing taxi to his friends... In fact the only time we really spend together any more is when Im working for him.


It sounds like your master is just not into you or being dominant.  I think that he would be playing with you more than 2 times in the last 7 months if he was into you.  I know from personal experience that when I lose interest in someone, the first thing that goes is the intimacy. 

Tristan

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 10:17:32 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		H Magik, i read the thread that is referred to here.  If i recall the thread correctly, he started out in the first sentence saying something along the lines of what a great service slave you were.   i know it is painful, but i think that you are exactly what he wants and nothing more... a service slave.  i do not say this out of mean spiritedness (not even sure that's a word).  If that is not what wish you to be, communicating openly with him might be a place to start.

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/30/2007 11:13:52 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

H Magik, i read the thread that is referred to here.  If i recall the thread correctly, he started out in the first sentence saying something along the lines of what a great service slave you were.   i know it is painful, but i think that you are exactly what he wants and nothing more... a service slave.  i do not say this out of mean spiritedness (not even sure that's a word).  If that is not what wish you to be, communicating openly with him might be a place to start.


I know what you are talking about and he was just refering to the fact that because of all the stress I had been takeing on more service then usual. I am not a service slave and he knew that when he collared me. I think he just got his wording wrong, he isnt up on all the terminology... We had a long talk last night, which wasnt all that easy considering we were both spikeing fevers him hacking up a long and my head pounding, but we did it. Even though he didnt feel good it was importent enough to him to spend nearly 3 hours on the phone talking about it. He really had no idea!!! We had started talking about it befor he went away he just got back last sunday, we talked about it again on tuesday, but he was sick and then he got me sick so there hasnt been time to change things really and I understand that.. Some of the things I had to say I know hurt him, one thing I know the cut him through was when I said that at this point I didnt even feel we had much of our friendship left. I know that took him back and hurt him, but I had to tell him everything I felt.

I am takeing my share of the blaim here as well as I wasnt communicating my feelings soon enough to prevent this problem. Master isnt a mind reader. I told Master all of my conserns last night and he swore to me that I was way more to him then a maid and that that was really only a small part of our relationship that had balooned up do to stress and demands that where beeing made on both of us from all around. he told me he had not realised what an effect all of this was haveing on me. And that he had been planning something as a reward for all the extra work I had picked up....

I now know through communication with Master that this was only temperery (Master had a LOT to do prepareing to be best man at his best friends wedding some of which includeing spending 2 weeks driveing cross country and back) and that now my servise will slow down a lot and the other stuff will pick up again. Now that he is aware of my feelings he will be trying harder. And I now feel safe knowing he is interested in me for more then just the chores I do.. which should now go back to the little things such as folding loundry and that Im fine with and more then happy to do.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/30/2007 11:15:51 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/30/2007 12:21:57 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Majiksslave..I am glad things are starting to resolve within your mind and his.Always remember my favorite two words...COMMUNICATION,open, honest, hard,sometimes cruel communication.BALANCE,he let the balance go and you bit your tongue, I am sure ,for far too long...thus going back to that communication thing..be well..Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/30/2007 12:27:36 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Thanks for the replies... I guess what Im really getting at is more in the lines of service.. takeing advantage that way. I know a slaves job is to serve but what about when thats all she ever does.. what about when all other aspects of the dynamic are not beeing done yet she is expected to still clean and such.. I mean feeling taken advantage of that way.

Magik's slave


That's why I left a previous relationship. The important thing is to recognize that's what's happening, and then to decide if this is what makes you feel comfortable. The tact I always suggest, and people have suggested to me, is to begin communicating that you sense a problem. I took that tact in that last relationship and was told, "it's my way or the highway" and she showed me the door, if I had the guts to walk through it. So I got on the on ramp, drove down the highway, and I ended up in a truck stop where I bought a strawberry slushy, which was really good, causing me to also buy a few packages of sweet tarts and a diet Dr Pepper, and I would have continued on down the highway, but there was a drive-in movie theater playing a bunch of Jackie Chan movies, so I went there and started watching, right before I ran into this really strange guy that was selling oranges out of the back of his truck and then...wait, I seem to have gotten off track somewhere.


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(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/30/2007 12:32:38 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Dear Majiksslave..I am glad things are starting to resolve within your mind and his.Always remember my favorite two words...COMMUNICATION,open, honest, hard,sometimes cruel communication.BALANCE,he let the balance go and you bit your tongue, I am sure ,for far too long...thus going back to that communication thing..be well..Tempting


That is exactly it!!! We are both to blame a bit here, him for letting the balance go and me for not speaking up sooner. Things woudlnt have gotten SOO off balance if I had said something BEFOR I started to go crazy!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 80
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