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RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 11:58:36 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

My definition of the phrase “taken advantage of” in the negative sense is to be used without regard my well-being and the risk of harm is immediate and certain.  Yes, if a master is intentionally using the slave in a way that they know is harmful to them, they are taking advantage of them in a negative way.  In my opinion, the phrase used this way reflects abuse occurring within the relationship.
 
However, I do not see using a slave without regard to their pleasure as taking advantage of them in a negative context.  I serve at his pleasure and not at mine.  If the way he wants to use me is not fulfilling for me, then it is time to evaluate if I can be a slave to him. 
 
I also think that there is a difference between being fulfilled in the moment and being fulfilled within the relationship.  From moment to moment I may not feel fulfilled, but when viewing the relationship as a whole I am fulfilled.
 
What you express in your subsequent posts does not lead me to think that he is taking advantage of  you in a negative sense.  From what you express he is using you at his pleasure and that is not fulfilling to you in this moment.  The question is does this moment (or moments) outweigh your fulfillment in the relationship? 
 
The phrase does not have to have a negative connotation either.  My Lord regularly takes advantage of my skills, my intelligence, my body, etc.  He benefits by using them but it is not harmful to my well-being.  In fact, I find it highly fulfilling overall that he uses me to his benefit.
 
Knight’s Kyra


As always very well put, And yes I am comeing to the point where the unfullfilment of the moment is outweighing my fulfillment in the relationship. I feel like a glorified maid minus the pay check. The point is this is becomeing a very unhealthy situation for me emotionaly. I am feeling taken advantage of because Im feeling used and used to the point that Im used up. I have often described it as a bank acount. yeah you can keep withdrawing without ever makeing a deposite, but if you do that eventualy there will be no money there to draw on and you will be in debt. A debt in a bank account is a much easier fix then an emotional debt of a slave. And right now as a slave Im feeling over drawn, Master hasnt made a deposit in months I have had nothing to replenish the funds from wich he draws. if that makes any sence.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/29/2007 11:59:43 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:01:15 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

No I dont even think that is takeing advantage that is just a Master haveing his slave do a chore. Im talking about when servises like that arent just part of the dynamic anymore but they ARE the dynamic.


If what the dynamic has developed into means doing chores with no "play time or scening" and it's been 7 months, seem to me that things are not going to improve unless you tell him you are unhappy about the situation and ask him to what can be done about it.  Either he will see fit to change it or he won't, at which time you need to decide if you can be the "chore slave with no play" or not - if not you need to find someone who will fulfill your needs better.

quote:


Ok here is how it is. When me and Master first got together he never had me do any sort of service at all I asked for some to be added because I had that need to serve. It was to become a small part of the dynamic, however as time past my chores grew and grew and play time shrunk and shrunk to the point we only ever did anything when I had some sort of punishment comeing.

It then got to the point where I really learned to be a good obedient slave that I was beeing so well behaved I had no punishment comeing at all it has been like that for seven months and in those seven months we have played i think a total of 2 times the last time we played was my birthday all the way back in april. And I mean we have done NOTHING but me cleaning and playing taxi to his friends... In fact the only time we really spend together any more is when Im working for him.


His engaging in some play time with you because it was your birthday tells me he has the attitude like he is doing you some kind of special favor playing with you.  He needs to know that this is what you need on more of a daily/weekly basis, not as some kind of reward or special event.  If he is not using you in that way i would venture to say it's because he's lost interest in that type of dynamic and he has found another use for you - chores and chauffering.  As long as you perform these and appear happy he's probably not going to up and change overnight. He is not going to have some epiphany and say, "ohhh my slave needs (xyz), i have been neglectful let me start doing those things again".  Sounds to me like he has changed. Maybe like someone earlier posted, he is more focused on being the submissive rather then the dominant. 


quote:


Now I dont mind doing these things I want to help I mean I did ask for it after all, however I never wanted it to be the entire relationship, there is nothing fullfilling about the one sidedness that has been going on. It is getting to the point now that I am acting out, I dont even mean to but I cant help it it is the only way he acts domanent to me at all and I hate it, I want to be a good slave I want him proud of me, as he has been, but it seems I cant have him proud of me and physicaly domanating of me at the same time. We have begun to talk and try and work this out.. I just wasnt sure if I was insane for feeling taken advantage of after all I am a slave right... I guess I have just been really doubting myself and my slavery because of it.

Magik's slave


Just because you take on the title slave doesn't mean you can be treated any which way he likes. He and you, i am sure, negotiated in the beginning so he's fully aware of what kid of a person you are, what your needs and wants are, what the limits are, etc. For him to all of a sudden neglect them tells me yes, he is taking advantage of you, and taking advantage of the fact that you are his "slave" which for many means - "do as i say, deal with it, you have no say, my way or the highway, you don't like things as they are, there's the door." This is what i dislike about being a "slave" - too much room for neglect, abuse and the slave having no voice whatsoever in the relationship. If thats your kink great ,  live well and prosper, but it's not for everyone. Sounds to me ms that you really need to search your soul and figure out what's going on with him, discuss things with him, and if you don't get the answers that satisfy you - leave or decide you can deal with these new changes. Good luck.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 6/29/2007 12:13:31 PM >

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:01:38 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Basically, SirDominic hit the nail on the head. That is why I believe very strongly in the practice of contracting - whether formally or informally. And by that I mean whether you write every little expectation, rule, protocol down or simply have a discussion, there has to be an agreement that the two enter into. Otherwise, there is a lack of clarity going on which leads to frustration and confusion and puts the power-exchange in jeopardy. The two of you need to seriously nail down what the "contract" is and you need to set up some system of regular evaluation or check-ins.

I hope it works out for you.


MNN

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:10:42 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Some of you have shed some light on things I didnt think about or want to think about, Some said he may have lost interest in playing with me and is now just useing me as a maid for as long as Ill stick around or untill I say somthing. If that is the case then I guess the relationship is already over. I do not want him to start doing pitty scenes just so that his maid will stick around. I want him to want to scene with me... I guess Im kinda feeling like the ugly undesirable duckling now as well. I dont like it but it has given me food for thought.

I do really care about him and the last thing I want is to end the relationship, but if he is no longer interested then I am indeed just beeing used and I dont want that eather...

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:27:02 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It doesn't matter whether you put things in writing or not.  Relationships evolve...some in a positive direction others in the opposite...What if someone gets bored? Or no longer feels the attraction they once held for someone?....All of the written documents will not change this fact or make it any easier for one to personally deal with.

If you feel you are nothing more than a convenience then why do you think he would want to change the dynamic?  You are convenient, you do what he wants, you offer some assistance and why would he care if your needs are being met or not? 

By not addressing your concerns they will go unanswered....Few people I know enjoy this type of existance...They will always look back on the time that was wasted and wonder why they did not take a proactive stance sooner....The choice is ultimately yours...Do you continue to exist unfullfilled?....Or do you take a stand to find a place,whether in your current relationship or elsewhere, that can meets your expectations? (As long as they are realistic)

_____________________________



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:30:13 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear MagiksSlave, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see -- people need to be fed in many ways, when in service or being served.  It is too easy to become in a rut and get so distracted as to tolerate what is eating at the dynamic.  Yes, it is a form of being taken advantage of but, I see in my mind's eyes that is more neglect than advantage.
 
A giving spirit can give but so much until they become empty and their bank of giving, energy, compassion, patience, service/serving and all other realms of spiritual, physical, mental and emotional--and most of all 'sense of self' are bankrupted. 
 
As a Master, I would want to have that communication where a slave can come to me and say--"I need" [a good session, a good caning, a good hug, more time with just you, a long break from being a maid, driver for others and go-for; and what ever is causing upset].  I am not a mind reader and I am also human.  I depend on my slave to tell me what they need as much as I tell a slave what I need from them.
Roles aside -- we come together to form a union--the union will divide if one party is not able to feel that they are just as important and are heard like the other.
 
Master or slave, neither should create a problem for the other to fix alone.  It is human to have needs and wants.  Cravings to have what was the enticement to the relationship should be met.
 
I for one, sweet lass -- hope that you will bring your sufferings to your Master and he will scoop you up with love, affection and admire you for who and what you are.  Neglecting the source of 'self' in time will 'kill' the spirit of 'self.'  I call it 'slave maintainence--just as cars need oil checked, so do slaves--and Masters/Mistresses also]
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:34:59 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		OK just lemme clear this up, I dont think Master is doing this out of malise(sp) for the most part the poor man is clueless... No really he is and he has admitted to needing things hitting him in the face at times to see them. I really dont think he knows or understands the magnitude of the situation at hand. I didnt even realise it till resently. Like I said we are talking hopefully he hasnt become uninterested in me as a slave hopefully he does still see me as more then a maid. But I have to say the thought that has been put in my head of his disinterest or him trying to get me to leave is scareing the hell out of me and I dont think it is something I can deal with!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:41:39 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

But I have to say the thought that has been put in my head of his disinterest or him trying to get me to leave is scareing the hell out of me and I dont think it is something I can deal with!!

Magik's slave


Then consider yourself fucked.....I'm sorry...It is a tad bit harsh....But honest.

_____________________________



(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:43:56 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

But I have to say the thought that has been put in my head of his disinterest or him trying to get me to leave is scareing the hell out of me and I dont think it is something I can deal with!!

Magik's slave


Then consider yourself fucked.....I'm sorry...It is a tad bit harsh....But honest.


quite possably so!!!

Magik's slave?

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:44:37 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		OK, I have to ask...why is it "taking advantage" of a slave is a master tells her to clean his motorbike?  Not as a punishment, just as "You're going to do this because I own you."

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

Master hates cleaning his motorbike. If he can find a way to off load the chore on to someone else, he'll do it. It's not for my own good, or to put me in my place, but because he's avoiding a chore he hates. I know the difference between a punishment I deserve, and when he sets me up, so I'll have to clean his bike. That's taking advantage, and yes, Masters do it. Is that what you mean?

(in reply to LadyHeart)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:48:45 PM   
MsPleasure


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline 		Of course Sweetie,  If you feel taken advantage of ....then you are.    I take my hat off to subs because you put yourselfs in compromising situations at the mercy of your Dom/Domme.  That's why I interview all subs.  We talk about each others expectations and I take that information and incorporate it into my play.  Knowing I still have the control to do as I please. 

Apparently you didnt have such a beginning.  If you submitted without question then you left the door wide open for his whims.

< Message edited by MsPleasure -- 6/29/2007 12:49:58 PM >

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:54:45 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear MagiksSlave, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Malice is far from my thoughts dear lass.  It is more like neglect.  How many times do people put off checking the oil in their engine? Often.
In this case your Engine light is on saying -- "Check Oil!"
 
Those mechanics out there will say, if you don't put oil in the engine, it will seize up and you ruin a fine engine.
 
So--be bold and be that "Check Engine Light" and 'ding' a lot as a warning.  You need oil -- or you'll quit.  And, that engine light is saying I don't wanna quit but....you gotta put some oil in.
 
Keep on communicating lass-- good luck to you!
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration and a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs
[Who does check her engine's oil!  --Even know where the dip stick is and doesn't need an 'idiot light' to tell me when oil is low...[Chuckles]]
 

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 6/29/2007 12:56:41 PM >

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 12:56:17 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

for the most part the poor man is clueless...


Wow, this is how you talk about your master.  On a public forum no less.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:00:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I think the clueless thing is a lot less of a deal than talking about choosing to leave him or not before having a serious discussion with him.  Most people are clueless in at least some ways.

They both obviously need to sit down and make a plan of attack on exactly what they want, what they need, what they expect and what they will commit to.  My guess is that they've gone over the edge of the new relationship energy fun part of things and the initial burst has died down- now the actual relationship foundation needs to come in and cover the rest.  If it's not there, then it needs to be built together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:03:01 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Well I think it was perhaps 2 weeks ago they were mutually singing each other praises in another thread.  In the positive experiences.  That makes me surprised that all of this is out in the open so soon after all of that.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:04:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I've seen it often enough I'm not surprised- there's a lot of pressure to "look good" online and it's only when it gets to the breaking point that it all comes out.  And usually the more it was pronounced how great things are, the worse it is when it comes out (or reference my old sig line).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:05:42 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		What was your old sig line?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And usually the more it was pronounced how great things are, the worse it is when it comes out (or reference my old sig line).

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:06:34 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

for the most part the poor man is clueless...


Wow, this is how you talk about your master.  On a public forum no less.



Taken in context to the entirety of how it was intended it wasn't a big insult - taken out of context like you did above here it could be construed that way. At any rate, why not focus on the op's dilemma instead of trying to make her feel bad about how others interpret her talking about her master - much more constructive no?

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:08:16 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Ahhh Yes.  It reminds of how just last weekend we, Katylied and Domiguy, were on top of our respected rooftops singing "Somewhere out There" in unison to each other....But alas, here it is Friday and I have now had to post the question....."Why has KatyLied turned into such a Cunt?"

You have broken my heart.....You betch.

_____________________________



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: feeling taken advantage of - 6/29/2007 1:08:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
What was your old sig line?

Something like "The likelihood of a relationship lasting long term is inversly proportional to how much it is proclaimed about publicly"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 60
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