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CaringandReal -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 5:50:52 AM)
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I don't think there are any generic good ways to approach people (I am not going to limit this to sub women--it implies these precious little princesses should never get off their lazy butts and email anyone else and I find that assumption rather sckening). Yes I suppose there are some very general things that most people don't like that you can advise others not to do. But some of the things here that people in this thread have complained so vociferously about are things that I, personally, really like, and if someone did them to me, they'd be more likely, not less, to get a response. You're on dangerous ground with generalities and methods (as that put forth in Stephan's post, linked earlier), because while they "work" with the majority, or the lowest common denominator some would say, and thus are statistically successful, it may be they do not and never can work for some who really interests you personally. What good is it attracting a ton of bad-personality or uninteresting people around you when you cannot catch the attention of the few who seem special to you?
Attracting the individuals who matter to you isn't something you're going to accomplish with nice-guy or bad-guy methods or gimmicks. Because I tend to be attracted to very intelligent people, the only approach that has a chance of working, in my experience, is to approach them in a completely individualistic fashion, to respond to what and who they seem to be while at the same time being myself as completely as I can and not worrying if the email is long, short, has pic, has not pic, has cock pic, or follows any other generic rule. I'm speaking now from my experience with approaching others, not with being approached. If you're really grasped what they've said about themselves on their profile and thought about what it means, and then styled your approach based on your sense of who they are and where you think you meet them with your personality (as well as where you might not), you've done your best. It's the only approach I use, and it also has a dismal success rate, but more often than I would expect I do connect with people. I say or demonstrate something to them that tells them I was paying close attention and either able to understand or was at least trying to understand. Nothing is more flattering than an email that does this, but it needs to be sincere. Someone worth your time and effort will likely be able to see through false flattery in an instant.
Not everybody likes to put this sort of effort into an email. I find it quite rewarding, however, to save my efforts for those few who seem really worth it, rather than spreading about hundreds of boring lukewarm messages about the personals, like someone spraying flu virus germs across a room when they sneeze.
My biggest pet peeve when recieving email doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I am horrified and I really have to literally sit on my hands to prevent myself from writing a scathing response. I hate the copycat/clone approach. Some men (I haven't had a woman do this to me yet) appear to decide that the best way to convince you that they are perfect for you is a form of trickery. A very obvious form of trickery, but I suppose someone wouldn't go to all this trouble to do it if they didn't imagine it was fiendishly clever (sigh). They rewrite their entire profile so that it is a close mirror/clone of your own. And they make sure their emails to you also only mention your interests, and contain nothing about who they really are, particularly if it differs in any way from you. I think the whole point of this pathetic deception is to convince you that they are perfect for you because see! They like everything that YOU do! They are just like YOU! Only, they seem to forget one essential fact about bdsm relationships: what attracts the most is the unknown, the other, the difference, the contrast. And they offer absolutely nothing of that. What submissive in her right mind would want herself as a dominant? Maybe it's not so noticable that someone is doing this if your profile is middle length. But if yours is very short or else very long, this blatent mimickery really stands out in all its stomach-turning "beauty."
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