RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (Full Version)

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AquaticSub -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 10:12:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

film at 11. watch your cmail.


lol, will do [:)]



Acer49 -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 11:27:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tatsuchan18

That’s what I'm trying to help male Doms figure out. I know a lot of female subs are sick and tired of receiving pages and pages of messages that gross them out or just don’t appeal to them. I know that there are real Doms out there searching for real female subs, there just seems to be a great communication error on how to correctly approach these particular girls and have them actually respond to your messages.

I know there are many other pairings besides a M/f D/s couple, but that’s the type that is predominantly on CM so I'm starting with it as my main focus. No offence to female Doms or male subs or any others in-between.

As of right now, I'm compiling information. Half of which is the messages I'm receiving from a multitude of guys (most of which are those bad types of emails that girls do not wish to receive) and the other half is me asking girls how they would like a guy to message them.

If you would like to discuss this or help me out by telling me how you would like to receive messages, it would be a great help to me. Thanks in advance for reading all of this!

-tatsuchan ^^





It is truly sad that these type of posts are needed. I'd like to believe that people would have the common sense and common courtsey to speak to one another in an adult manner. As noble an idea as this is, I am afraid the OP will find that it is a futile attempt to teach individuals who have no interest in being taught.



mnottertail -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 11:30:23 AM)

how about something on the order of:

Hey, if you want to blow me, get back to me soon, I aint got all day to fuck around with this, ok?



daintydimples -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 11:44:47 AM)

There has been some good advice here...certainly in terms of showing your sense of humor, reading and studying the profile, constructing a careful message.

I get lots of messages. I read all of them, I respond to very few. I really only respond to those who make it clear they are interested in me as a person.

As an aside to this, I would say 50% of those conversations fizzle out early on, b/c of lack of mutual interests.

So, number one, show some serious interest. Number two, be interesting. Number one is relatively easy. Number two, not so much.





MasterNyteStar -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 12:12:08 PM)

I've read through these posts only to become thoroughly disgusted. So many opinions and no facts.

The subs here give the lists of what they think a man should or should not do when emailing them. They say not to get upset if they don't respond right away, to remember they have other things going on in their lives like family and work. They want proper spelling and grammar. No one line things like "hi".

So are you saying that your time is any more important than my time? If I spend 15 to 20 minutes to compose a message commenting on all you seem to want to hear, then how do you expect me to feel when you don't bother to respond or you delete the message unread? I have other obligations in my life as well and if I take the time out of my day to respond to you when I am interested then yes, you do owe me the courtesy of a reply. I don't care if its just to say that you are not interested. I have had some so-called subs write back using all kinds of profamity and name calling because I sent them a message without first getting their permission. ( How exactly does one get permission, if one can't speak? )

On proper spelling and grammar. I have read countless profiles from subs who can't spell and have no concept of grammar. Yet they demand it from the Dom. For those of you who claim that bad spelling and grammar are major issues and say that the men should use spell check before writing. What a load of b/s. If its that important to you, then in the event that you do connect with the spell checker you are still going to be getting a Dom who can't spell or use grammar. So many claim to want honesty from the Doms, but then you demand that they be something they are not which encourages dishonesty. Judge a man for his character not his spelling.

I am a man who says what is on his mind. My mood changes from day to day as does yours. That is called being honest and if you have a problem dealing with it then go hide in your happy place and look for Prince Charming there. If you can't be impressed with honesty and strength of character then you will never find a real man.

I am not going to coddle any sub and try to meet her list of demands. A WARNING SIGN........SUBS WHO HAVE A LONG LISTS OF DO'S AND DON'TS ARE NOT SUBMISSIVE!



RedMagic1 -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 12:28:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNyteStar
So many opinions and no facts.


Which facts have you provided?  All I saw was a rant.

Stefann's "how to meet a woman on here" thread, which is one of the best threads ever written, was written be a guy who met a lot of women off CM.  I've dated several women off CM too.  I have no idea of your results, but I get at least an 80% response rate to emails I send out... though I haven't been writing much since I took myself off the market.  Your own post reads like someone who is unsatisfied with the results he's getting.  If that's true, you might decide to learn a thing or two from submissive women.

I frikkin love kinky internet dating.  If you can't say the same, you might want to examine your approach, and learn from people who are better at it than you.  That's what I do when I'm not very good at something.



AquaticSub -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 12:38:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNyteStar

I've read through these posts only to become thoroughly disgusted. So many opinions and no facts.

These are all opinions. However, if you want a submissive to respond to you, you'd better make sure she has a good opinion of you. We don't have to respond till we submit to you.
quote:


The subs here give the lists of what they think a man should or should not do when emailing them. They say not to get upset if they don't respond right away, to remember they have other things going on in their lives like family and work. They want proper spelling and grammar. No one line things like "hi".

So are you saying that your time is any more important than my time?

Nope, just that yours isn't more important than ours and we won't respond unless you show you are actually messaging us and not using the shotgun approach.
quote:


If I spend 15 to 20 minutes to compose a message commenting on all you seem to want to hear, then how do you expect me to feel when you don't bother to respond or you delete the message unread? I have other obligations in my life as well and if I take the time out of my day to respond to you when I am interested then yes, you do owe me the courtesy of a reply. I don't care if its just to say that you are not interested. I have had some so-called subs write back using all kinds of profamity and name calling because I sent them a message without first getting their permission. ( How exactly does one get permission, if one can't speak? )

One reads their profile for one. Those who have rules regarding how to contact them, usually list them there. Those are don't... well... there are assholes everyone on both sides.
quote:


On proper spelling and grammar. I have read countless profiles from subs who can't spell and have no concept of grammar. Yet they demand it from the Dom. For those of you who claim that bad spelling and grammar are major issues and say that the men should use spell check before writing. What a load of b/s. If its that important to you, then in the event that you do connect with the spell checker you are still going to be getting a Dom who can't spell or use grammar. So many claim to want honesty from the Doms, but then you demand that they be something they are not which encourages dishonesty. Judge a man for his character not his spelling.

So *gasp* don't message the ones with bad spelling and bad gramamr. I'm betting if you check the profiles of the submissives who have posted here about how grammar and spelling are important to them, you'll find a well-written profile with few mistakes. I work to make my profile correct, I expect the same from anyone who wants to me involved with me.
quote:


I am a man who says what is on his mind. My mood changes from day to day as does yours. That is called being honest and if you have a problem dealing with it then go hide in your happy place and look for Prince Charming there. If you can't be impressed with honesty and strength of character then you will never find a real man.

Someone is cranky...
quote:


I am not going to coddle any sub and try to meet her list of demands. A WARNING SIGN........SUBS WHO HAVE A LONG LISTS OF DO'S AND DON'TS ARE NOT SUBMISSIVE!

And if you can't handle the fact that submissive don't have to be submissive to you right off the bat, maybe you should take a time out and think about it. We are allowed to have standards and the things said here are not a long list. Basically it's: Treat us like we're people. Don't use a shotgun approach, come to us because we interest you for who we are. Don't jump gun the gun and start shouting orders. Be respectful.

In a phrase: Don't an idiot. If you picking up a girl in coffee shot, you'd do your best to be polite and make sure you presented yourself well. Give us that much respect.



MasterNyteStar -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 12:57:36 PM)

First of all I am not hear "looking" for anyone. I come here to visit with friends. I already have a sub and am not looking for anyone else. 98% of the time when I do write to someone its in response to something that they have written asking people opinions. I read profiles because they are amusing and entertaining. The things I mentioned in here are things I read on numerous profiles. Personally I feel no need to impress anyone on here.

The facts are simple, the majority of people on here LIE, men and women alike.

I do not now, nor have I ever expected any one to submit to me if they are not mine. I do however expect courtesy. No matter what any person says there is always a reason to be respectful and courteous.



Missokyst -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 1:04:33 PM)

My question is simple.  Did they contact you?  Your post seems to indicate that these subs emailed you and you take out 20 mins of your day to respond to them. 
To those people I would say WTF? and then dismiss them from my thoughts.
But if they did not write you first, and it was YOU that took that time out of your day to contact them, perhaps they are just not interested.  Not everyone here is looking.  And if you are not looking than opening mail is almost like reading spam.


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNyteStar
If I spend 15 to 20 minutes to compose a message commenting on all you seem to want to hear, then how do you expect me to feel when you don't bother to respond or you delete the message unread? I have other obligations in my life as well and if I take the time out of my day to respond to you when I am interested then yes, you do owe me the courtesy of a reply.



AnnaOfAramis -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 1:04:42 PM)

quote:

If I spend 15 to 20 minutes to compose a message commenting on all you seem to want to hear, then how do you expect me to feel when you don't bother to respond or you delete the message unread? I have other obligations in my life as well and if I take the time out of my day to respond to you when I am interested then yes, you do owe me the courtesy of a reply.


Greetings Sir,

Actually, I agree with this part of your post. I make it a point to always reply to people who have obviously taken the time to write me a real email. I used to respond to everyone, but my Master wants my time too and He gave me some guidelines to follow. I do not answer the cut and paste emails (ones who have obviously not read my profile because they don't even know I'm owned and it's the fist thing on my profile... emails like " hi, I'm a successful business man, I own this that and the other, I like blah blah blah, I am looking for a good sub who is..... the email goes on and on and I'm like "you're telling me this why?"), or the ones that are one liners "hi," "nice tits," etc. But if someone sends me something they have taken time over "Hi, I really liked your profile, I find the lifestyle you live interesting, does your Master allow you to discuss it?" Then, I always reply and I think it would be rude not to.

Of course, rudeness goes two ways too. I once had an email requesting that I chat and I politely wrote back explaining that I am not allowed to chat but would be happy to exchange c-mail and I got the reply "beat it anna"- the block button comes in handy:)

Well wishes,
anna



thishereboi -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 1:41:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNyteStar

I've read through these posts only to become thoroughly disgusted. So many opinions and no facts.

The subs here give the lists of what they think a man should or should not do when emailing them. They say not to get upset if they don't respond right away, to remember they have other things going on in their lives like family and work. They want proper spelling and grammar. No one line things like "hi".

So are you saying that your time is any more important than my time? If I spend 15 to 20 minutes to compose a message commenting on all you seem to want to hear, then how do you expect me to feel when you don't bother to respond or you delete the message unread? I have other obligations in my life as well and if I take the time out of my day to respond to you when I am interested then yes, you do owe me the courtesy of a reply. I don't care if its just to say that you are not interested. I have had some so-called subs write back using all kinds of profamity and name calling because I sent them a message without first getting their permission. ( How exactly does one get permission, if one can't speak? )

On proper spelling and grammar. I have read countless profiles from subs who can't spell and have no concept of grammar. Yet they demand it from the Dom. For those of you who claim that bad spelling and grammar are major issues and say that the men should use spell check before writing. What a load of b/s. If its that important to you, then in the event that you do connect with the spell checker you are still going to be getting a Dom who can't spell or use grammar. So many claim to want honesty from the Doms, but then you demand that they be something they are not which encourages dishonesty. Judge a man for his character not his spelling.

I am a man who says what is on his mind. My mood changes from day to day as does yours. That is called being honest and if you have a problem dealing with it then go hide in your happy place and look for Prince Charming there. If you can't be impressed with honesty and strength of character then you will never find a real man.

I am not going to coddle any sub and try to meet her list of demands. A WARNING SIGN........SUBS WHO HAVE A LONG LISTS OF DO'S AND DON'TS ARE NOT SUBMISSIVE!


So where are the facts?



Falkenstein -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 5:20:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex


But having said that, no matter how witty, clever, polite the first message is, no matter how long and fascinating it might be, all unsolicited first messages are only saying one thing:
I am interested in getting to know you; would you like to know more about me?

In this regard, it is more like sending a note to the girl in the third row in high school than anything. And since it is unsolicited, the sender has to accept that it is a high toned version of spam; and even the best spam has a pretty dismal success rate.


Spam! This is an excellent description of the situation, and there is no amount of wit, care etc. that will change it.

Nevertheless, and despite the "dismal success rate", each blind mail had to be crafted with care and attention to the receiver. Personnally, I take the time of writing each as if its success rate were 100%.

As William of Oranje once said:
Hope is not necessary to endeavour, nor is success required to persevere.
(or something approaching)

What really annoys me is when I see that the mail was not even read. But then, is this not what happen to most spam in the world?

I will anyhow quit this silly game since I was just informed that I won the Bill Gates Lottery and the million dollar comes with a submissive nymphomaniac Miss World

Be seeing you

Henry



HisSweetElysium -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 5:35:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNyteStar

I've read through these posts only to become thoroughly disgusted. So many opinions and no facts.

The subs here give the lists of what they think a man should or should not do when emailing them. They say not to get upset if they don't respond right away, to remember they have other things going on in their lives like family and work. They want proper spelling and grammar. No one line things like "hi".

So are you saying that your time is any more important than my time? If I spend 15 to 20 minutes to compose a message commenting on all you seem to want to hear, then how do you expect me to feel when you don't bother to respond or you delete the message unread? I have other obligations in my life as well and if I take the time out of my day to respond to you when I am interested then yes, you do owe me the courtesy of a reply. I don't care if its just to say that you are not interested. I have had some so-called subs write back using all kinds of profamity and name calling because I sent them a message without first getting their permission. ( How exactly does one get permission, if one can't speak? )

On proper spelling and grammar. I have read countless profiles from subs who can't spell and have no concept of grammar. Yet they demand it from the Dom. For those of you who claim that bad spelling and grammar are major issues and say that the men should use spell check before writing. What a load of b/s. If its that important to you, then in the event that you do connect with the spell checker you are still going to be getting a Dom who can't spell or use grammar. So many claim to want honesty from the Doms, but then you demand that they be something they are not which encourages dishonesty. Judge a man for his character not his spelling.

I am a man who says what is on his mind. My mood changes from day to day as does yours. That is called being honest and if you have a problem dealing with it then go hide in your happy place and look for Prince Charming there. If you can't be impressed with honesty and strength of character then you will never find a real man.

I am not going to coddle any sub and try to meet her list of demands. A WARNING SIGN........SUBS WHO HAVE A LONG LISTS OF DO'S AND DON'TS ARE NOT SUBMISSIVE!


Fact: I am a sub, I am offering my opinion and suggestions based on MANY interactions on this site with potential suitors. Never claimed to be the expert.
Fact: NO ONE is going to be OFFENDED by proper use of grammar and spelling. 
Fact: Honesty/strength of character are not incompatible with being polite and mature enough to take a moment to consider the image you put forth.
Fact: I looked at every profile of those who responded that spelling and grammar are important to them, and did not find a profile awash with bloody red squiggles. Aside from that, you miss the point, using spell check or at least my god, reading it over, shows you give a damn about the interaction.  Respect goes both ways.

And an opinion for the road since yours are so acceptable.  A woman with a list of dos and don'ts, wow, she might actually know who she is and what she wants, and gosh, have a mind and opinion of her own, to the point where her submission to you actually means something.  Why on EARTH would anyone settle for a woman with anything less?  I have my theories, but well, I said one opinion so I'll leave it at that. 



subbisherri -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 6:02:00 PM)

Um, how about treating it like you were trying to meet me or pick me up in person? Not like simply a club since this is a fetish site, but maybe as if we met at a scene or munch? Like, maybe:

1. Would you show me your dick at a munch? Then don't send me a pic.
2. Would you ask me to go outside and see your Harley? Then maybe your profile pic shouldn't show you standing behind your bike.
3. Would you keep your sunglasses on? Then maybe take them off in your pic.
4. Would your opening line be, "hello bitch?" Then maybe it shouldn't be in an email either.
5. Would your opening line be, "you need to be punished so bend over my chair and...?" See #4 above.
6. If your profile pic is a self-portrait, that is a bit of a red flag.
7. I might identify as a sexual submissive, but that doesn't mean I'm YOUR submissive. Don't act like I am until I agree to be.
8. Spend the time to write a decent profile (okay, I'm totally guilty of failing to meet this one too!) because before I reply, you know damn well I'm going to look at it.
9. Read my profile (well, when I get around to fixing it!) so if it says things like "no relocating," well then don't ask me if I want to relocate.
10. INTRODUCE YOURSELF!!! You'd do that in a bar, why not here? Tell me who you are, what you are, where you are!

Bottom line, at least to me, is to act the exact same way as if it was RT. After all, isn't RT what we want? If you're misrepresenting yourself online, how long can you hide that if we meet? So be yourself, act yourself, be confident and be real.

ss




NihilusZero -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 6:27:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbisherri

6. If your profile pic is a self-portrait, that is a bit of a red flag.

Oh?



DarkSteven -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 6:42:49 PM)

I have two rules:

1. I contact someone if and only if they seem like someone I'd like to spend time with.
2. If they don't reply, I'm not surprised or upset.





AnnaOfAramis -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 6:50:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbisherri

6. If your profile pic is a self-portrait, that is a bit of a red flag.

Oh?


Well shoot *kicks ground*, 2/3 of my profile pics were self-portraits [:-]



NihilusZero -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 7:15:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnnaOfAramis

Well shoot *kicks ground*, 2/3 of my profile pics were self-portraits [:-]

Wait, wait! I've got it!

If we hand each other our own cameras and then take a picture with a camera that's not ours and then use those pics as our avatars, then we can de-red-flaggify ourselves!



sunshinemiss -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 7:20:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

how about something on the order of:

Hey, if you want to blow me, get back to me soon, I aint got all day to fuck around with this, ok?



Now Ron, I thought you only said that to me!



subbisherri -> RE: How to correctly email a female sub on CM (11/12/2009 7:23:41 PM)

NihilusZero (et al), maybe I should clarify:

If your pic shows clearly that you're taking it OF yourself, BY yourself (eg, the flash shows in the bathroom mirror), then I have to wonder why you can't find someone to take a photo of you. Maybe there's a good reason, but it still raises a flag in my mind.

ss



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