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RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:03:59 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

In many circumstances the 'cliques' are the bullies

I don't think the OP has become a bully simply because
she asked for constructive ideas on how to possibly get those that Do indeed
speak about "oh the drama" yet then, themselves keep that drama alive.

Thank you swtnsparkling, it's good to know oter's see my point even through all the bs generated around it.

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Post #: 101

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:06:43 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

In many circumstances the 'cliques' are the bullies

I don't think the OP has become a bully simply because
she asked for constructive ideas on how to possibly get those that Do indeed
speak about "oh the drama" yet then, themselves keep that drama alive.

Thank you swtnsparkling, it's good to know oter's see my point even through all the bs generated around it.

And to create that glowing example you have now created another clique to show everyone how special your clique is and how terrible theirs is.

cool

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 102

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:07:45 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

In many circumstances the 'cliques' are the bullies

I don't think the OP has become a bully simply because
she asked for constructive ideas on how to possibly get those that Do indeed
speak about "oh the drama" yet then, themselves keep that drama alive.

So, how is this thread and the OP and the supporters of it any different, except in topic and style?

Who specifically are we targeting and following around relentlessly LaT? i could have decided to follw the clique and haranged them, like they do the drama threads. Instead i tried to take a more contructive apporach.

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Post #: 103

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:10:47 PM

Marc2b

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If by "initiated as a means to carry out drama or get attention..." you mean people who post about personal problems (usually involving abuse of one form or another) my policy is to give them the benefit of the doubt. I look at it this way, which makes me look worse – being duped into giving unwarranted sympathy, or being nasty to someone who is in emotional pain?

As for any exchange that is getting heated, one that is leading me to get nasty (usually because I am getting frustrated), my policy is to back off and lighten up a bit – and issue any apologies I feel may be necessary. If the other person(s) respond likewise, they earn my respect (even if I do think their views are idiotic). If they continue to be nasty, then I back out altogether – life is too short to keep banging your head against brick walls.

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Post #: 104

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:11:05 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Velvet, I do understand your concept, I just do not believe it works, nor that is any different from what the witch hunts are doing.

I agree with Dauric and lead by example.
There isn't a need to bring awareness to any given situation because people can see bullies for themselves. Being a part of a clique or following bullies around and agreeing with them isn't the only form of bullying. Picking out someone specifically, or cliques is a form of witch hunt in itself - just by another individual or clique. That makes one no better than that which you are trying to make others aware of. Respect and trust that others are open and aware regardless.
Humans are violent and animalistic.
They are also beautiful and sentient.
And in general, they can see past hate.
Trust others, as you can trust yourself.

Peace and Rapture

Only through awareness can you possibly hope for change. Once you understand that others are well aware and irregardless carry on, then you go from there.

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Post #: 105

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:12:47 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

In many circumstances the 'cliques' are the bullies

I don't think the OP has become a bully simply because
she asked for constructive ideas on how to possibly get those that Do indeed
speak about "oh the drama" yet then, themselves keep that drama alive.

Thank you swtnsparkling, it's good to know oter's see my point even through all the bs generated around it.

And to create that glowing example you have now created another clique to show everyone how special your clique is and how terrible theirs is.

cool

i simply call it as i see it LaT - take it for what it's worth - or not.

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Post #: 106

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:14:24 PM

Dauric

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The point here is not to make a clique, it is to have a conversaion about dealing with what we all know will be inevitable. Discussing what we find works when we encounter these groups of people, so that we and those we interact with, all can enjoy the forums.

But that's just my own $0.02 about what this thread is here for.

Dauric.

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Post #: 107

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:16:22 PM

darkinshadows

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

In many circumstances the 'cliques' are the bullies

I don't think the OP has become a bully simply because
she asked for constructive ideas on how to possibly get those that Do indeed
speak about "oh the drama" yet then, themselves keep that drama alive.

The OP did ask a genuine question of course(IMO). And although the intention is not to become a bully - the bullying does occur. Other cliques form who then attack the cliques they do not agree with and the cycle is perpetuated.

TOS explains that naming names thread is not allowed - agreed?

A thread like this is naming names, without naming them specifically. There is no difference.

(Obviously, that was not the OPs original intention as I believe the motive behind it was pure and genuine)

But it happens. People fall out. People lose perspective. Feel cornered. And some begin to herd.

Defense mechanics.

When I mentioned the mods, I did so because it is their site and it is up to them. If a person feels so strongly - offer to become a moderator - not part of the problem.

Peace and Rapture

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Post #: 108

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:17:03 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just because you don't find someone else's behaviour appealing or right for YOU does not mean the rest of the world must conform or that they are evil sinners because they don't agree with you or conform. Nor does it mean they are less a person for it. It just means they are their own unique person. I know it is nigh on impossible for those that only see such a narrow concept of how to behave, to accept that they are not better than those that are not the same, but your really not any better a person......just different. You do not have to like it, agree with it, or even acknowledge it. One thing you should do, for your own well being, is accept that no matter how much you harp, harrange, whine, get on your high horse and preach.......your not going to change it. You will only continue to give the sharp stick pokers a target and make them damned glad they are not you.

Just in case you missed this particular thought the first time............

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 109

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:17:22 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marc2b

If by "initiated as a means to carry out drama or get attention..." you mean people who post about personal problems (usually involving abuse of one form or another) my policy is to give them the benefit of the doubt. I look at it this way, which makes me look worse – being duped into giving unwarranted sympathy, or being nasty to someone who is in emotional pain?

As for any exchange that is getting heated, one that is leading me to get nasty (usually because I am getting frustrated), my policy is to back off and lighten up a bit – and issue any apologies I feel may be necessary. If the other person(s) respond likewise, they earn my respect (even if I do think their views are idiotic). If they continue to be nasty, then I back out altogether – life is too short to keep banging your head against brick walls.

By clique i mean a group that consistently shows up on certain posters threads, and drama threads in general, just to insult, degrade, denegrate, humiliate, harass, be cruel to, and upset purposefully the OP, simply becasue they feel they are judge and jury on what should and shouldn't be tolerated - meaning they hate drama... BUT they don't see the hypocricy in doing this as they are so much a part of the drama and in reality they relish it as it gives them a forum to be bullies.

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RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:21:24 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just because you don't find someone else's behaviour appealing or right for YOU does not mean the rest of the world must conform or that they are evil sinners because they don't agree with you or conform. Nor does it mean they are less a person for it. It just means they are their own unique person. I know it is nigh on impossible for those that only see such a narrow concept of how to behave, to accept that they are not better than those that are not the same, but your really not any better a person......just different. You do not have to like it, agree with it, or even acknowledge it. One thing you should do, for your own well being, is accept that no matter how much you harp, harrange, whine, get on your high horse and preach.......your not going to change it. You will only continue to give the sharp stick pokers a target and make them damned glad they are not you.

Just in case you missed this particular thought the first time............

If only the clique could read that and apply it to their own lives in regards to harassing the ops in the drama threads. i asume you mean this applies to everyone not just me LaT?

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RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:24:23 PM

darkinshadows

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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Only through awareness can you possibly hope for change. Once you understand that others are well aware and irregardless carry on, then you go from there.

But are you then assuming that the awareness is not already there?

Change is within you only. You cannot possibly hope to change other people.

You are just true to yourself. The rest is indeed - history.

Unfortunately people hate. I know not everyone cares for me, but that doesn't matter. I still care for them.

I wouldnt hate them. Or feel sorry.

I believe the most wonderous thing is disagreeing with someone, yet loving them unconditionally.

And when I fail, I am reminded that I am imperfect.

And even imperfect, Darcy still loves me.

How groovy is that?

Peace

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Post #: 112

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:25:49 PM

FatDomDaddy

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Some people have no life.

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RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:26:15 PM

LaTigresse

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Right now what I am seeing, based upon what I have read, is someone that is spinning in circles. Probably stinging from a slight or two, in some thread or other, from whomever is perceived as being a "clique", feeling left out, so is now striking out at shadows and chasing their own words.

The whole thing is hypocritical as several have pointed out but because of the defensive stance, there is a serious inability to see it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 114

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:29:26 PM

Dauric

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FatDomDaddy

Some people have no life.

Vat is dis "Life" of vich you speak?

$0.02,

Dauric.

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Post #: 115

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:30:18 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

TOS explains that naming names thread is not allowed - agreed?

Well i am glad you brought that up. In one of the clique following threads 4 specific names were mentioned in a post, and those were not even a part of the drama thread being presented. They were just used as a sounding board for someone to throw a snarky comment about. They didn't even have the opportunity to defend themselves. i guess the mods missed it - like Dauric said they can't be everywhere. So much for leaving it up to the mods to handle.

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RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:31:59 PM

swtnsparkling

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quote:

And to create that glowing example you have now created another clique to show everyone how special your clique is and how terrible theirs is.

Excuse me?
Please don't place me in some clique- I am not. I do not go from thread to thread with op or ANYone else for that matter.
I agree with her on this topic, I am not agreeing with op because I want to be liked / popular/ one of the gang.

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 5/14/2007 1:39:47 PM >

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RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:32:34 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Right now what I am seeing, based upon what I have read, is someone that is spinning in circles. Probably stinging from a slight or two, in some thread or other, from whomever is perceived as being a "clique", feeling left out, so is now striking out at shadows and chasing their own words.

The whole thing is hypocritical as several have pointed out but because of the defensive stance, there is a serious inability to see it.

You are entitled to your opinion and thanks for the contribution - have a happy and productive week

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Post #: 118

RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:36:27 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

quote:

And to create that glowing example you have now created another clique to show everyone how special your clique is and how terrible theirs is.

Excuse me?
Please don't place me in some clique- I am not. I do not go from thread to thread with her or ANYone else for that matter.
I agree with her on this topic, I am not agreeing with her because I want to be liked / popular/ one of the gang.

It's a weak defense swt, and a ridiculous one at that. Just because people agree doesn't make them a "clique" People who have no way to explain why they do the things they do use this tactic - put the other on the defense by lobbing back at them what they say.... i would rather have constructive ideas but oh well - guess they can't engender any of their own.

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RE: Constructive Ideas Needed - 5/14/2007 1:38:32 PM

darkinshadows

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quote:

Well i am glad you brought that up. In one of the clique following threads 4 specific names were mentioned in a post, and those were not even a part of the drama thread being presented. They were just used as a sounding board for someone to throw a snarky comment about. They didn't even have the opportunity to defend themselves. i guess the mods missed it - like Dauric said they can't be everywhere. So much for leaving it up to the mods to handle.

Then assist the moderators and help them. Show them the post.

Your not being a snitch, or a baby or running to 'tell' - and this isnt a school ground. Youre assisting some very busy people, who hold down jobs as well as moderating a forum that is restricted to certain laws and has to be careful on copyright issues.

Don't become part of the problem - be the solution.

(Geez I sound like a politician)

Like I suggested - offer your time to become a moderator if you feel that strongly and not perpetuate the hate. But be aware you must be unbiased and unaffected by drama yourself. And if the moderators disappoint you that much, why come here when there are boards elsewhere that may be more in tune with what you want? I know I certainly do not hang around when a group/munch/club is not to my taste.

Peace and Rapture

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