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when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 2:42:32 AM

bustysubmissive

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

My current master has taught me well and promised to end his current relationship, but after 6 months im still waiting and have realised it will never change. I have grown and become strong and my submissive side has even suprised me, my need to submit has gone beyond being satisfied from a few snatched hours when master can sneak away. I told him the only reason ive hung around waiting for him is that he promised he would end his relationship early on as there was nothing left, but hes still there!
I cannot go on deceiving myself and his partner, this isnt what being submissive is about for me im looking for a ltr which he promised, but reality has hit me and i need to decide if its time to move on? any genuine advice woukld be good as this is so difficult as i love him dearly which ive told him , he says he loves me but im struggling to cope with this situation.

Post #: 1

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 2:47:32 AM

Daddysjezzy

Posts: 54
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

Only you can make the decision about whether to walk away or not. From what you are saying you are not happy with the current situation and you dont seem to think its going to change any time soon. I think you have already made your decision. Good luck.

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 2

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 2:57:53 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

I had a (vanilla) relationship with a married man before I met Master. He lived 4 hours drive away, we would meet for a few days every couple of months. He told me he intended to leave his wife....this was 5 years ago and as far as I know he is still with her

He did at least have the gumption to call it off, but then I found out he had met someone else in his home town. He's a serial cheater

I think you know what you have to do. Yes it will hurt and you will be very sad and miss him a lot. But you deserve someone who can share their whole self with you, not just a few snatched hours here and there. I thought I loved this man, and I did at the time. But it pales in comparison to what Master and I share.

Good luck to you

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 3

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 3:02:16 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I have an un popular view about ~love~.
I do not see it as multi dementional. It's something you give, it can be accepted, but it can not be taken.
If it is not returned or returned in the fashion you want it to be, the love you give is still there. It doesnt go away because you've made a poor choice, or because you want it to.

Now with that said......... it seems you've gone and gotten yourself involved with someone who in some way is attached. I'm not going to lecture you about the wisdom of your choice. It happens. But I feel your mistake was believing more could come from this relationship. You chose to believe ~words~.

Walk away? You can distance yourself physically. But there is no switch for emotion. You can not un-do yesterday. All you can do is build and better yourself. Take the knowledge you've gained from this experiance and keep it in the forefront as you travel the path your on so you dont make the same mistake over and over again. And hold precious the fact that you ~loved~ and wanted to give even if it didnt turn out the way you wanted it to.

.................. Hugs

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 4

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 3:03:10 AM

bustysubmissive

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

yes i was married for 15 yrs before this. it was a joint decision to split but i know he sees others behind my back and i just find it so hard to admit to myself im being used.How do you find a genuine master who wants just you ? I thought id found him after 6 months but what a fool ive been eh??

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 5

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 3:24:35 AM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I am sure you will get a lot of supportive comments, and in some way, I hope you realize this is one too, but not in a way you are probably capable of recognizing. However, you opened this up on a public forum and here are my two cents for you, and I will preface this by saying that there are very few situations where I do not find sympathy and/or empathy for an individual.... this is one of them.

Why are you willing to trust a man who you know is lying to and cheating on a woman whom he made a vow (or several) to? What makes you think YOU are the only woman he will not be or is not lying to and cheating on? He obviously is wired to allow himself to justify his behavior no matter who he hurts or what damage he leaves in his wake. I doubt anyone is as important to him as he is, or that anyone gets the whole truth from this guy....That’s his part in this mess.

Here is yours. You, knowingly and willingly got involved in a man who was going to cheat on his wife (and probably family as well) to fuck you and supply you with your 'subbie needs'. At some point, you too rationalized that what you want is more important and more deserving than even the truth to an unknowing partner. You made the choice to participate in cheating on this mans wife. You KNOW she was sitting at home, clueless and you involved yourself in a relationship with this man...not only that, you are encouraging him to leave the only person in this demented triangle who has NOT done anything wrong. So that tells me that you too are wired to rationalize any poor behavior and moral iniquities to get what you want and think you deserve.... very Machiavellian... and I suggest you are getting no better than you deserve right about now.

Before you try to rationalize that what you and this man did was right because it was the unknowing wife's fault, sit back and think. No person is wholly wrong in the failure of a relationship, but if they are not told that their partner is at a point where they will seek elsewhere if the relationship is not actively worked on.... it GREATLY mitigates her portion of blame. This woman is the only one, in my opinion, who at this point has the right to ask for any sympathy from a group of strangers on a message board.

You need to stop feeling bad that this guy is not leaving his partner (whom I would very very greatly suspect he is not nearly as dissatisfied with as he lays out in his sob-story/pussy lure) for you. YOU were wrong to enter into a relationship that victimized an unwilling and unknowing person. You have absolutely no rights to this man... and that you would want them from someone so fickle and selfish is beyond my understanding...except that the two of you really don't give a shit about anyone.. not the wife, not each other.. only yourselves and getting your 'needs' met, whatever the cost.

So, though I know you came here for tissues and hugs..."shame on you" is all that I can offer you, and is all I think you deserve.

Karma is a bitch.

< Message edited by puella -- 5/24/2007 3:26:36 AM >

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(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 6

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 3:33:09 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I agree...it seems like you know what to do, what you want to do, so just do it. It's gonna hurt but you'll get over it. I doubt that he's going to leave...they usually don't.

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 7

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:00:22 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

oops nevermind

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 5/24/2007 4:05:05 AM >

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Walk in Peace

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(in reply to puella)

Post #: 8

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:03:58 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

If you are feeling less than fulfilled now, time spent in the same manner will only make you feel more so. Is the proper time now? I don't know. You don't know. Just do what you need to do, be gentle with yourself, and strive for clarity. Good luck.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 9

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:04:46 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

Puella, you couldn't have said it better.
No sympathies or hugs go to the OP from me..

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 10

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:17:28 AM

CDOM3

Posts: 15
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

To a very great extent, I agree with puella. He lied regarding the possibility of a LTR but then you knew he was married.
Leave now. But not to worry. He will be back and this will test just how strong you have grown.
As you begin your new search, who you choose to surrender to is YOUR choice. Just as it was your choice to submit to a married Dom.
I wish you well, but alas fear your 'love' will blind you to what is best for you.

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 11

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:36:47 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

........well......puella just really said it all

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 12

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:52:12 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

He has his cake and is eating it too. Obviously he has no plans on changing the situation. Since you are unhappy its time to move on and chalk it up to a learning experience. It sounds like he doesn't respect you nor keep his word and if that is indeed the case, how much of a Master is he?

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 13

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:56:37 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I'm on board with Puella

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 14

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 6:03:57 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bustysubmissive

yes i was married for 15 yrs before this. it was a joint decision to split but i know he sees others behind my back and i just find it so hard to admit to myself im being used.How do you find a genuine master who wants just you ? I thought id found him after 6 months but what a fool ive been eh??

He is obviously capable of lying to a woman that he promised to love, honor & respect... & with this 2nd proves he is capable of lying to all of these other woman as well.

Do you honestly think that this man would be honest with you even if he did dump his wife & come to be with you?

You're right... his deception is not what this is about. The trust that builds between partners is more what this is about. You already know him to be an accomplished lier. Knowing this, how are you going to be able to find the comfort & security to grow in your submission? This is all determined by trust & trust is promoted by partners being honest with one another.

You already have the answer & I feel you are simply looking for confirmation of your own gut feeling.

Trust your gut.

At the same time... don't open yourself up to any more trickery with this man. I bet you dollars to donuts he will feed you some BS line in order to keep you around. or worse, he might dump some load of shit like you won't do any better than him & you're a fool if you let him go.

This whole "I'll leave my wife for you" scenario is classic & very predictable.

Oh & by the way.... you are not a fool. It looks like you simply were a victim of your own frenzy & now that you soothed that a bit, you've become very aware of reality.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 5/24/2007 6:06:31 AM >

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MstrssPassion

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Post #: 15

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 6:21:22 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

He is more than likely telling you what you want to hear to keep you. If you have to ask when it is time to end the relationship you more than likely already have your answer. If this isn't the type of relationship you want then you have the right to do what is best for you.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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Post #: 16

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 6:48:54 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Yep... karma's a bitch.

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 17

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 7:26:57 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

my first Master (who helped me discover my submissive side) was like that ...all the promises made and special gifts gave was his way of keeping me on a "leash" whenever i threatened to leave to him. one day it finally smacked me in the head that he would never leave her because he was having too much fun deceiving her and playing around with me. when he told me our time would be limited because of problems at home, it was the perfect opportune time for me to ditch him though he was dumping me.

only you know when it's time to away - it seems to me he will never end that relationship.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 18

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 7:39:13 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

1) You don't feel you are getting what you need to be happy from the relationship.

2) He has not followed through on expectations that were set early on.

You may love him but, is that love enough to keep you happy all the time he's not around? and will trust issues start to develop because he has not carried through on a promise made about a very serious issue? Give him a serious talk about it, after all leaving a spouse is a serious and often difficult process maybe he's having trouble as well. Go with your instincts though, if you're not happy and doubt that will change, go find someone who can fulfill your needs.

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 5/24/2007 7:40:51 AM >

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 8:14:56 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

This is what I call a Bread Crumb relationship! Somebody else gets the sandwich meal and you are left with the crumbs.

Basically you are nothing more than an occasional play partner or toy. This is the reality. You actually don't have a deep meaningful realationship going on. Sure, It might feel meaningful when you are together. However, this is just one big warm and fuzzy illusion you're holding onto.

I keep seeing a number of posts on the message board from people stuck in Bread Crumb relationships. The truth is they are just regular occasional play partners, regardless of how wonderful the other person makes them feel. Bread Crumbs can taste really great when you are starved to death. Amazing how hungry people can eat up nearly anything including bullshit at times. Many people try/tend to pass off breadcumbs as being a Super Sized Extra Value Meal.

A couple of lines from a famous Styx song come to my mind...

You're foolin' yourself if you don't believe it
You're kidding yourself if you don't believe it

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 5/24/2007 8:23:37 AM >

(in reply to bustysubmissive)

Post #: 20

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