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RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 5:59:31 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Many submissives, bottoms, slaves *want* or *require* intercourse in their relationships because they like the physical sensations of intercourse, because they find intercourse emotionally or mentally pleasing, and/or because sex and BDSM are linked up for them.

Not everyone requires intercourse with their BDSM--you just happen to be running into a lot of people who do. (Admittedly, maybe that's a quality of het female submissives--I don't know, not spending a lot of time negotiating with het submissive women.) Sex (including receiving and giving oral, vaginal, and anal sex, where applicable) is absolutely not "on the table" as a default for me. Some sex acts are "off the table" permanently, with everybody, and most sex acts are "off the table" with submissive men. I am not bereft of play partners, or partners in general for that matter, thus there are people who are okay with relationships that don't include sex and do include BDSM.

I expect people who enter into relationships with me to be okay with my conditions for entering a relationship,not because they identify as submissives, bottoms, or slaves, but because they've agreed to enter a relationship with me while fully aware of my expectations. As I seem to be writing a lot lately, you get to set the conditions you want for relationships, and so does everyone else. Setting expectations for what you want in your relationships doesn't, however, mean that anyone has the responsibility to fulfill your desires. I've been incompatible with people for a number of reasons, among them, the fact that they wanted more sexual contact with me than I was willing to provide--it's sometimes disappointing, and occasionally a surprise in particular cases, but the notion that I would be incompatible with some people is hardly shocking.

I've just reread your message, and I'm hardly Gorean, so, again, see the above your-demographic-may-differ disclaimer. Of course, if you find that your circles aren't working for you, maybe you're in the wrong circles.

(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 21

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:01:23 PM

Teachme59

Posts: 47
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline

Most seem to agree that intercourse it is a humane right to need and expect in a sharing relationship but the OP’s way of thinking is not unusual in my local community.
In my area there are more than a few that want someone to clean the house…pay the bills…kiss the feet…massage on request… all with total obedience. In return they will provide discipline and no sexual contact whatsoever, let alone intercourse.
There are more than a few and they must be finding people or there would not be so many.
Butch

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 22

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:04:10 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

It's really annoying that all these subbie-slaves demand sex every time. Can't they respect me for my mind and emotions? Please, I'm not just a piece of meat.

You know they see you as simply a life support system for a flogger.

Sinergy

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 23

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:08:55 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHelios

Now that was cool but now I am finding that subbies or slaves demand full sex as part of it. So typical vanilla, and so unlike a true slave that dictates or demands.

we do? wow, now that was such a blatant assumption if i've ever heard one. i love being generalized like the other submissives.

what is a twue slave? have we defined what's twue yet or did i miss the community bulletin again? just because you played with a few slaves/submissives who expected sex, it doesn't mean all expect that especially if the "dom" is married.

oh to answer your question - no i wouldn't expect sex from married doms ...and i don't play with them either

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

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(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 24

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:16:29 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

Why do subbies-slaves expect sex?

not all subs/slaves expect sex...i'm not in it for that, myself.

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 25

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:16:35 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I was in two relationships where sex hardly existed, and by damn if I will go back to living that way, slave or not. If M couldn't have intercourse, I love him...so we would work it out. I won't however be in a dynamic again where I don't have fulfillment in this part of my life. There are some that don't need it in their lives and are happy with "play", I just don't happen to be a slave that chooses to live that way.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 26

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:22:56 PM

burningdesires47

Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

Hmm, let's see. THIS subbie expects sex because that's how I got into BDSM--thru the avenue of kinky sex. I'm not a child who can't live her life without the rules and guidance of someone else, I am my own adult person and one of my needs is sexual satisfaction. The aspects of BDSM that attract and appeal to me are mostly the sexual parts, and if it gets me in the mood for sex, then that's part of the deal. I'm not saying I don't advocate orgasm control and denial, that's all in good fun, but I don't get turned on and want to fuck some random cock, I want to fuck the cock that turned me on. The fact that I'm going home to my fiance afterward means nothing to my libido.

Then again, I know my limits, I know my needs, I communicate them like an adult, and I'm not going to enter into a D/s relationship with a Dom who isn't accepting of the fact that I'm polyamorous--he will have to share me, and I will happily share him. If he can't handle that, then we won't even get to negotiating sex acts.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:24:07 PM

HornyToadsMI

Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

As an avid reader of "bodice ripper" books (you know, the ones with Fabio on the cover), most books that approach this lifestyle romanticize it. Whip your slave into a frenzy so she begs for it, then give it to her hard....

Look at the "Marketplace Series" for some examples.

For some of us, our exposure was that way....work us up...then.....

Boy, I need a cold shower after that one......

toadette

p.s. I am a switch, submissive to my Toad. Not a slave, except to my children....lol.

(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 28

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:25:37 PM

HornyToadsMI

Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

burningdesires47 -

Good for you to be so liberated! You go girl!

(in reply to burningdesires47)

Post #: 29

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:34:01 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Teachme59

Most seem to agree that intercourse it is a humane right to need and expect in a sharing relationship but the OP’s way of thinking is not unusual in my local community.
In my area there are more than a few that want someone to clean the house…pay the bills…kiss the feet…massage on request… all with total obedience. In return they will provide discipline and no sexual contact whatsoever, let alone intercourse.
There are more than a few and they must be finding people or there would not be so many.
Butch

I don't think anyone is doubting these people exists (well, maybe the OP is

). I've seen plenty of threads bemouning dominants who want sex and such. Got to say, I'm much more interested in the OP's notion that those who will not submit to a sexless relationship are not "true" subs and slaves. Once owned, the duty is to obey. While free, however, the duty is to find the owner that is best for you. This does include someone with whom you would be happy with. Including a sex life you will be happy with, if that is what is important to you, regardless of if that life features the inclusion or exclusion of sexual activity.

I guess this pushes a button for me because it's so damn hypocritical. Either way you roll the dice, the population of "dominants" you aren't suited for will call you fake.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Teachme59)

Post #: 30

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:44:28 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

If you find out, while getting to know a perspective slave, that one of the things she desires in a relationship is intercourse, then you know your not compatable and you move on. There are a lot of masters out there that want to have intercourse with their slaves. This doesn't make them a bad slave or sub, it just means they are not the one for you.

(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 31

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:55:10 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHelios

Now I am married and faithful in that relationship but it does not mean I can't be a Master. My wife is a D/s submissive but she lets Me when I can play. she even helps Me by handing Me My toys, wipes the sweat off the slave, asks if she is ok, rubs the ice in, dries her and brings her off the X frame or Cross.

Why can't you be "a Master" to your wife and call those you bring into your relatonship play partners. The term "but she let's me" tells me who's really in charge in your house - seems to me you need to take up this issue with your wife first and foremost.

Now that was cool but now I am finding that subbies or slaves demand full sex as part of it. So typical vanilla, and so unlike a true slave that dictates or demands.

So in your estimation any woman who wants sex cannot be a sub or slave because to expect or want anything makes you vanilla. All subs and slaves should be sexless following sheep?

Yes it is true W/we are to discuss what W/we expect, want and seek in a BDSM relationship but a slave if a Master allows to dictate then loses that aspect os their role. In many circles a slave gives up all rights to sex, or anything but to be totally submissive in every way shape or form.

A slave also get's to pick the Master she wants to be with and has every right to pick one who she feels will meet her needs as well - yes they do
have needs and sex can be one of them, why should they go without sex if it is important to them - like others have said, find one who doesn't want sex or be happy with the wife/sub/slave you already have.

Yet so many I speak to demand this or that so that tells Me they are more subbie then true slave as I am Gorean and Y/you all know a total slave gives up most all rights if not all. Yes some will argue that the Norman books are just a lifestyle suggestion and not to be followed to the letter but then again it gives U/us a great perspective of how it can be lived which I tend to follow closely.

i find this paragraph condecending, especially the use of the term "subbie". Have you actually read any of the gor books? i have read parts of many of them and what i find being said is salves are sexual animals who should be used often. Define true slave. Do you actually expect all women, just because they call themselves slaves, and meet you, to automatically say they will give up sex to please you when you are married and chain themsleves to a person so selfish as to deny them something you can avail yourself to at any time you want - or don't you care at all about a slaves needs at all?

One said she couldn't go vanilla. Yes true once you get a taste it is hard to go back. It is a driving force for so many that want to pain or to give the pain depending on their childhood, or lifestyle that caused the initial change in their self.

No comment as it makes no sense to me.

Yet back to My original complaint why if one wishes to be a slave must they expect full intercourse? Why can't one be satisfied to be gotten off by manipulation, fingering pinching the nipples, clit etc? I also have diabetes so that makes for another problem to be honest here. So why can't a slave accept getting off without intercourse?
Master Helios

Here lies the real issue - you can't get it up any more because of the diabetes and are frustrated that in the pool of slaves perhaps your inability to satisfy them puts you at the bottom of many lists.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 32

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 6:56:13 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

First let me say hindsight is wonderful.

If you had asked the right questions before makeing this person your slave, you would have known that intercourse was important to her. If it was not a part of what you wanted then you could have continued your search and both of you would be happier.

I do not think it is a matter of all Dominants or all sub/slaves insist on sex...just that people dont ask the right questions to find those that are of like minds ..

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to orfunboi)

Post #: 33

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 7:16:51 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHelios
One said she couldn't go vanilla. Yes true once you get a taste it is hard to go back. It is a driving force for so many that want to pain or to give the pain depending on their childhood, or lifestyle that caused the initial change in their self.
quote:

absolutely. once you open that door, you cannot un-open it.

quote:

Yet back to My original complaint why if one wishes to be a slave must they expect full intercourse? Why can't one be satisfied to be gotten off by manipulation, fingering pinching the nipples, clit etc? I also have diabetes so that makes for another problem to be honest here. So why can't a slave accept getting off without intercourse?
Master Helios

i was with my master james for 4 years. we NEVER had intercourse. he was fully impotent. HE worried about that and i never did.

negotiate for what you wish. if you are unable to have intercourse/unwilling/dont feel the sub deserves your attentions in that way, make that part of the deal. she has the right to say no before any scening begins, and you have the comfort of knowing that isnt going to be brought to discussion at all.

there are plenty of subs/slaves out there who dont wish sexual intercourse, concentrate your search for one of those.

kitten, whose Sir is quite enough for her.

(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 34

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 7:24:49 PM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHelios

Yet back to My original complaint why if one wishes to be a slave must they expect full intercourse? Why can't one be satisfied to be gotten off by manipulation, fingering pinching the nipples, clit etc? I also have diabetes so that makes for another problem to be honest here. So why can't a slave accept getting off without intercourse?
Master Helios

Well, just look at yourself! So big and viral and what a hunka man! It must be torture for them to have you withold your manliness.

Ergo, they are probably masochists just topping from the bottom.

Vital, virile, or do we call for some Valtrex?

thornhappy, who spent too long proofreading docs today

oooooooooooops!! (blush!) Viral! I meant VIRAL!

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to thornhappy)

Post #: 35

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 7:32:04 PM

LadybugBlue

Posts: 56
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHelios

Yet back to My original complaint why if one wishes to be a slave must they expect full intercourse? Why can't one be satisfied to be gotten off by manipulation, fingering pinching the nipples, clit etc? I also have diabetes so that makes for another problem to be honest here. So why can't a slave accept getting off without intercourse?
Master Helios

Well, just look at yourself! So big and viral and what a hunka man! It must be torture for them to have you withold your manliness.

Ergo, they are probably masochists just topping from the bottom.

Vital, virile, or do we call for some Valtrex?

thornhappy, who spent too long proofreading docs today

oooooooooooops!! (blush!) Viral! I meant VIRAL!

Color me confused.....

(in reply to LightHeartedMaam)

Post #: 36

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 7:39:07 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

First off I resent the fact that you feel than any sub/slave is not, based on the criteria that they would wish for sex in their life..This is their choice to make up until collared or in a D/s relationship formally..IMO because you are unable to generally have intercourse,then you resent the fact that this may lessen your pool of sub/slaves to choose from.I am sure however that if you were able, this would then no longer be a bone of contention, and hence this particular thread would not exist.We all have issues in our lives that we wish would not be issues to others, but there you go...accept and go on..look for those who do not wish for intercourse, then you will have found the perfect sub/slave for YOU.....But do not go off on the whole sub/slave population as a general encompassing factor, when it is your issue and not theirs. The only true sub/slaves are the ones who identify as such within their own heart, mind,body and soul....not within your idea or criteria...Tempting

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(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 37

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 7:41:23 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Are these "slaves" also Gorean? I would think that might make some difference. I also can't see how you could take on a slave to be your property without knowing them well enough to see that this will be a problem at the end of the session... Unless perhaps they are just random play partners....but even then shouldn't you discuss SOME expectations before playing?

I really don't get people who are willing to give themselves over to another person they DON'T KNOW. Seriously. Just don't get it. From either side.

(in reply to LadybugBlue)

Post #: 38

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 7:43:14 PM

sublimelysensual

Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

As most others have said, the key to finding the right match for anyone is communication at the beginning of what You expect out of a relationship and vice-versa. That being said..what struck me immediately about Your post is You mentioning that You're married..so let's see..You're having sex pretty much anytime You like with Your wife, which is fine, but goodness forbid that a slave feel a need for it as well? So if she feels that is a need, she can't reeeeeeeally be slave. I don't think I'm going there...

-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to LadybugBlue)

Post #: 39

RE: Why do subbies-slaves expect sex? - 5/30/2007 7:44:36 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHelios
Yet back to My original complaint why if one wishes to be a slave must they expect full intercourse? Why can't one be satisfied to be gotten off by manipulation, fingering pinching the nipples, clit etc? I also have diabetes so that makes for another problem to be honest here. So why can't a slave accept getting off without intercourse?
Master Helios

Greetings MasterHelios,

This rant sounds like someone, who after spending a year here at CM searching for the impossible, is getting a bit frustrated with the lack of interest he is recieving. i have read your profile...you are a heavyset 57 year old man looking for a petite, nubile young woman with no interest in sex and wanting to be slave to you and your wife. i don't know of too many beautiful young women in their prime that would choose this. You ask why they can't be satified with "being satisfied to be gotten off by manipulation, fingering pinching the nipples, clit etc?"

To me, the question is Why should they?

i know i don't fit the type you find "satisfactory" but even if i did you are not what i would seek for myself - does that make me less than what i say i am? There is nothing wrong with a slave or submisssive wanting a "fulfilling" life and for many of us that includes an active sex life complete with intercourse. That is why slaves look so hard for compatible Masters. Many slaves are only slaves to the right Master, the one who meets their search crteria, does that make them less? And why throw diabeties in the mix - it doesn't even compute...

i am just a bit tired of the Master who doesn't physically take care of his own body but is expecting a slave Barbie with "32-34 b breasts with puffy nipples, or large nipples. No clithood, or inner lips just lovely small pouty. I love dark, or red hair with blue eyes" walking nude around his house and serving him and his wife without any gratification but a quick handjob, and whining because she doesn't exist so therefore none of us are real...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to MasterHelios)

Post #: 40

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