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New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 6:27:52 PM   
frustratinggirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		I was wondering , as a new sub, wanted to extract from all those experiences of initially meeting a new possible dominant partner.  What were warning signs to you that you initaially found or ended up finding out, that indicated that the person was unfit for you , as in wrongly malicious, or that they were  in the lifestyle for the wrong reason, or even that it was just a passing kink to them and it really wasnt a natural part of them.
stuff that if your new and you arent tremendously educated about the scene you might dismiss as being "part of the scene" and overlook.


< Message edited by frustratinggirl -- 6/14/2007 6:29:51 PM >
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:12:18 PM   
Tristan


Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		I think the warning signs in a D/s relationship are pretty much the same in a vanilla relationship.  You should meet in a public place until you get to know each other.  As you get to know each other, look for inconsistancies and inapproparate responses that might indicate your potential partner has issues.  Don't be in a hurry.  Give the relationship time for these things to be obvious.

Then just look for the chemistry.  If it feels right, it probably is right.

Tristan

(in reply to frustratinggirl)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:16:42 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl
stuff that if your new and you arent tremendously educated about the scene you might dismiss as being "part of the scene" and overlook.


That's exactly the point! Nothing should happen that would make you uncomfortable in vanilla life. If it feels bad, it is bad, and it has nothing to do with BDSM

:))
LH

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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:21:46 PM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		I always try to listen to my gut.  I can think back to those times I've gotten into hairy situations with people and if I really get honest usually pretty early on there were red flags of one type or another.  The bottom line though, even if i didnt understand or know what the red flags meant at the time.. my gut did.  When it feels icky, listen to that.

(in reply to LadyHeart)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:21:52 PM   
kitchendisco


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/1/2007
Status: offline 		You allready have the answers to your question. Your 'gut instinct' will baulk when offended.
What you need to do, is learnt to listen to your inner voice.
Its absolutely, no different to the vanilla world. People are nice, or not so nice. You decide who you allow in.
Personal red flags, are just that, one subs meat, is another's poison.
Lack of honesty. That's my red flag. Demonstrated in they are seeking you behind someones back.
Someone wanting a second relationship, to their primary. I think when you are just beginning, handling things will be difficult enough, without the poly factor. But i will read to see what those who did just this, felt. Would they of gone mono first, in hindsight?
Im on a different path of my personal journey, and i learned so much from my first relationship. I adore that man for sharing that with me. But we must end. Its time is over. Im 'resting' at the moment. Pulling my shit together.
I wish you luck
kitchendisco

(in reply to Tristan)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:31:40 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl

I was wondering , as a new sub, wanted to extract from all those experiences of initially meeting a new possible dominant partner.  What were warning signs to you that you initaially found or ended up finding out, that indicated that the person was unfit for you , as in wrongly malicious, or that they were  in the lifestyle for the wrong reason, or even that it was just a passing kink to them and it really wasnt a natural part of them.
stuff that if your new and you arent tremendously educated about the scene you might dismiss as being "part of the scene" and overlook.



Allright...this is between you and me...but....they ("them") wanted to know if I was married...and they actually ASKED me while I was still on the phone, talking to my wife...about my kids school schedule....and the Nun that watched over my children was in the same room as my wife, while she had me on speaker phone!!!!!!

(Some things just piss me off).

(in reply to frustratinggirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:35:20 PM   
Masternslave07


Posts: 203
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		You aren't going to get the answers to all those questions on your first meeting, unless you are planning on a week long meeting. Many of those questions should be asked and answered before meeting, and the others will become clear if you continue to see this person. Most people are on their best behavior during the initial meeting, so it is hard to make a complete assessment on a first meeting. Of course if their best doesn't do it for you, or isn't really that good anyway, move on. If there is an attraction, then meet again. Just like you would do if you were vanilla. 

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(in reply to frustratinggirl)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:44:29 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		pay attention.....how does he treat the wait staff? would you want to be treated that way?

how does he treat his mom and sister? could be a wealth of information in a tiny glimpse of that part of his life if you are lucky enough to see it

how do your animals like him?...

and this is most important: who are you when you are with him??

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Masternslave07)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 7:48:49 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I would think that if you are meeting a Dom and he shows up wearing cheesy shoes that in lieu of laces there is velcro....It might be a sign to get the Hell out of there.

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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:01:54 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Awww...I love velcro.
It's not usually a good sign if he stirs his coffee with his dick.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:08:12 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		If he is all morose, and never once cracks a smile...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:10:42 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		It might have already been said but I'll say it again just in case. If anyone pressures you to go further than you are comfortable with. If anyone tells you that you aren't a "real submissive" unless you do x, y, and z and do it now(!). If anyone encourages you to become his property or take his collar without much or any discussion or consideration. If someone puts down other people, the community at large, or discourages you from having outside contact because he thinks he is the greatest and knows all the answers and you shouldn't need anything but him. Those are the biggest red flags I've encountered and yes, you're gut feeling should serve you well, as others have said.

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“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to frustratinggirl)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:11:05 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Awww...I love velcro.
It's not usually a good sign if he stirs his coffee with his dick.


What about if the cup of coffe is on the floor and he is standing?

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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:12:17 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:



What about if the cup of coffe is on the floor and he is standing?


He's probably a midget.

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:18:37 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		You know I haven't seen the lil' people represented out here in CM land......

I love chimps....I have always thought that if there was a way to combine midgets and monkeys you would have gold.  Nothing to do with the topic at hand, just a random thought

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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:22:21 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

quote:



What about if the cup of coffe is on the floor and he is standing?


He's probably a midget.


If his screen name is TripoDom, why did you go for coffee with him?

Sinergy

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to angelic)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:29:23 PM   
ExtremeMP


Posts: 44
Joined: 8/16/2004
From: New Orleans area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

combine midgets and monkeys


Now that's a visual I didn't need!

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:30:52 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		You know... interestingly enough, before i typed that one liner, i wondered if there was one or two who  might be offended by it...

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/14/2007 8:32:31 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		If he pisses me off, i can step on him?|

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Sinergy)
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RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant - 6/15/2007 3:07:09 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Mmmmm...midget monkey doms who like coffee.  Now that's a hell of a way to start a Friday.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 20
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