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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/11/2005 11:20:26 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ginger reacted, was the mother afraid to ask for fear of a major blowout which she got anyway.


God, had she asked, there wouldn't have been any reason for me to be upset. If you've read everything I've said, you'd know that all I want is for her to ask instead of making the rash judgements and condemnations she has made. She has no reason for to be afraid of me blowing up. I'm not that confrontational when it comes to her. She blows up on me, then shuts down.

quote:

please be kinder to her. fillepink


Thanks fillepink, I do appreciate your sentiments, but you've opened yourself up to "Well, she wanted to know what people thought....dirty laundry...I'm a no bullshitter...blah, blah, blah" and that's true. I wanted to know how people generally felt about the situation, and although I can't be upset that there are opinions here I may not like or agree with, I can be mad b/c some are being outright asses about it.

I appreciate all the sound advice that's been given, and I even appreciate those with dissenting opinions that are posting with civility (*cough* Mercnbeth *cough* ^_^). I feel like there have been attacks on my character that were unwarranted and a little bit too much psycho-analysis goin' on. But hey, I opened myself up to it. It's just a message board, the likelihood of me meeting any of y'all is slim to none and in the long run, what happens at home is gonna come down to my mom and me. She's made her decision, so now the ball is in my court.

BTW, I changed my sig just for you. ^_^

quote:

because having read Ginger's posts she seems to be an individual with impecable taste :)


Holy crap Perverse, you rock. Thank you for your input throughout the thread! You've been kind, respectful and objective... that's all I ask for. ^_^ Don't be surprised if I send you a random PM or two with a *poke* in it...


(in reply to fillepink)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/11/2005 11:32:51 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ginger21

Holy crap Perverse, you rock. Thank you for your input throughout the thread! You've been kind, respectful and objective... that's all I ask for. ^_^ Don't be surprised if I send you a random PM or two with a *poke* in it...




Aww, thanks. I call it as I see it too, honestly. I disagree with some of your choices, but hell, they're -your- choices, no?

:) Best of luck.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/11/2005 11:37:31 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline 		All in all, I agree with Emerald. No one is gonna remember this next week.

So, it's been real!

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/11/2005 7:17:34 PM   
fillepink


Posts: 124
Status: offline 		ginger..sounds as if you have made progress...i know you are upset at your mom for her objections to your Dom's race...but again..Mommy Love wants the best for a child..and it's still difficult -- sometimes dangerous -- for interracial couples here in this country. i hate bigots with all my heart -- and i would also be afraid and resistant if my kid wanted a Man of another race as her boyfriend.

you also need to take into consideration that she has been shocked out of her shoes by her "introduction" to BDSM...and she has no real understanding of it...just fears. and she objects to this Dom's age..which would rouse most mommies..myself incluced.

try to see your mom as wounded, frightened and protective..and give her time..as opportunities present themselves, try to educate her; show her jade's writings on www.castlerealm.com..they are just lovely.

it's okay to be angry at your mom; but beware of judging her too harshly or detaching from her; you will only have one mom; and no one will ever love you as your mom does, ginger. she is not perfect, but she is only human. anything i could do to help, i'd be happy to, dear. my prayers are with you and your parents.




Attachment (1)

< Message edited by fillepink -- 6/11/2005 7:22:23 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/12/2005 12:50:05 AM   
conflicted


Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Ginger,

i understand what you are going through as i went through a similar situation (tho vanilla)when i was 16 with my parents.
i thought i was madly in love and he would love me forever, so when the ultimatum was issued, i left home. i had to leave school, get a job and eventhough i thought i was sooo grown up, i realised pretty quick how hard it is.
What i didnt see and realise then was how my parents saw him. He was 25, employed every now and then, into drugs, drove a hotted up car and had tattoo's and his ears pierced.
i hated my parents for making me choose, i hated them for hating him! i didnt speak to them or my brothers for nearly 2 years nor did they ever try and contact me.
The relationship didnt last of course.
i mended the bridge with my family, and got to know my parents as "an adult" and things were great.
my biggest regret was the time we didnt speak. my dad passed away 18months later (after the bridges were mended) and though i am glad that he knew i loved him and him me, i wasted that time in my life hating them. As a parent to a teenage daughter now, i realise all they were doing was wanting the best for me.

Dont waste time hating your mum, because time runs out too quickly for some. I hope all goes well for you, but know that despite the fact that you may think shes being mean......she is probably really trying to get across "i love you, i want to protect you, i dont want to see you being hurt."

Take Care


n

(in reply to cellogrrlMK)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/12/2005 7:45:23 PM   
subcheryl


Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline 		ginger reacted, was the mother afraid to ask for fear of a major blowout which she got anyway.

God, had she asked, there wouldn't have been any reason for me to be upset. If you've read everything I've said, you'd know that all I want is for her to ask instead of making the rash judgements and condemnations she has made. She has no reason for to be afraid of me blowing up. I'm not that confrontational when it comes to her. She blows up on me, then shuts down.

Ginger, I wrote this before the rest was written and yes sometimes it would be nice if they would ask, but she didn't, still doesn't make it right for her to poke into your personal stuff, as a mother I must say that was one thing I tried to teach my boys by example, I don't go into your things you don't go into mine and we did manage that, LOL.


also, I tried to cut and paste fillepink's statement but it wouldn't so will type it in.

"try to see your mom as a wounded, frightened, and protective......."


Not just in this matter, but do you know what happened in your moms childhood and in her adult life? I was a wife, mom and trying to be my own person, I had very little time to be the mom I wanted to be. I worked a fulltime job, my husband didn't work the whole 16 yrs we were married, I was in scouts for my boys, went to parent teacher meetings, worked anywhere from 8-10 hr days, came home, cooked, did laundry, bathed the kids when they were little, but still controled bedtime activities when they were older, helped with school work, then when I tried to take a half hr for myself in a nice hot bath, one of them would be outside the door crying, so out of the tub I would get only to see their dad sleeping at the table when he knew I was trying to relax, So do you see there just wasn't time for me to play with my kids or take them to the zoo, or any of the things I would have loved to do, yes some of this was happening due to some wrong choices I made, and I hope that my boys didn't suffer because of it, but as much as I wanted to be the stay at home mom it wasn't possible, and when the weekends came I was just too damn tired to do much more, also that was time to tend the garden and animals I raised to make the money go a bit farther, I don't think my boys ever doubted my love. Guess what I am saying is yes your mom did wrong, but every story has two sides, try to see some things from your moms eyes, ask her why she is like she is, or even better yet when she does talk listen to her, because sometimes things are said that aren't ment to. By that I mean she may say, "when I was your age....", or "when I was a kid.....", just saying you might get an idea as to what is going on in her head. and yes your mom could have gotten up before 9:30 p.m. to be with you, but then she probably would have cleaned, went to pay bills, do grocery shopping, the many errands that need doing, perhaps she didn't think it would have been enough to just take you along and talk with you, perhaps she in her own way was depressed and overwhelmed, many things figure in, and yes she has to decide to help herself just as you have to decide to do what you need to do and perhaps seek professional help also, for fear that these learned things will and can transfer into your relationship with your children, just some thoughts not meant to slam, just another way to look at your relationship with your mom, ok.

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/13/2005 4:33:25 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules

Hiya Lily and BLkTall

I've read some of this post and like Lily suggested (and somehow this all got glossed over). . . .If this young woman has a master that she is collared to that is *51*. . . why can't he "man up" . . .step up to the plate and pay for his "property" to better herself? Then the whole fucked up mom/daughter relationship thing would be a non sequitur. Isn't that what it is all about? The **MAN** of the relationship stepping up to the plate and doing what needs to be done? For fuck sakes. . .if someone wants the TITLE and the ROLE of being da man. . . .then fucking be da man instead of having his property airing out dirty laundry all over the net.

'nuff said.


Jules

Jules! Always coming in with the right wisdom at the right moment.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 107
Brats on ice.... - 6/13/2005 10:19:27 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

How the hell else am I supposed to respond to your attack?

I never said I wasn't spoiled. As a matter of fact, I know I am. It's the result of me getting almost anything I asked for- material things, and not getting the emotional support I needed.

My point is, I don't feel like this is exclusively about money issues, as it seems many do. I want her to trust my decisions, I want her to know I'm safe, I want to know that she cares about me being happy, and I want her to know that I'm not doing what I'm doing to hurt her. You know, money and financial support doesn't equate to love to me. It never will.

And thank you for not explaining what you meant in your post... it helps prove my point. You show your true colors, too. *eye roll*

You sure you don't wanna change that screen name to AntagonistLily? It seems MUCH more fitting, especially here.


Ginger dear, some of us actually have lives and do not spend all of our free time fighting with what are essentially ghosts on the information super-highway. Since you've been so patient with your continuing diatribe and have felt the need to flame me beyond what anyone would consider respectful, I'll answer your questions. However, I trust that you won't hear a word nor understand anything that I'm about to say.

As far as the issue of money, I'm not exactly sure what you are talking about. The fact that you have been wholly disrespectful to your mother, and have naively expected everyone to pile on the sympathy proves your point: that you are spoiled. Now, is that a flame? I don't see how it could be when you have admitted this unabashedly. Now, is that something to be proud of? Only you can answer that.

Respect is earned. You are asking your mother to respect your decisions and I wonder how you can expect another person's respect when clearly you have difficulty respecting others. There is no free lunch darling; we are judged by our actions. Can you honestly say that you have acted in a fashion that should garner anyone's respect and trust? Seriuosly, be honest here; would you respect the decisions of a friend who was acting like you are describing yourself as? I know I wouldn't.

Sorry to disappoint you dear, but again, I had a very productive, fun filled weekend and thought of this topic not at all, so I will explain what I meant, clearly much to your dismay.

And maybe you aren't getting the emotional support you need becaues you've already decided what that is? Perhaps if you calmed down and actually listened to people rather than lock and load on everyone, you'd get a better perspective.

My true colors are calling people's bullshit...and that's exactly what I have done here. My comment about your true colors was relative to the continual brat-tantrum you are having here, instead of removing yourself from this insanity and taking some well needed stock in what you are really doing, which is harming your relationship with your mother.

Well, I doubt highly that I'll be changing my name simply because you've had a cute turn of phrase. One wonders why you continue to fight the majority of us who have offered you clear, concise and adult advice. If you want to be treated as an adult, you might want to start to act like one. I've seen no evidence of any adult behavior from you yet.

Lily (who had an incredible weekend, and expects to have many more)

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/13/2005 10:21:41 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Hiya Lily and BLkTall

I've read some of this post and like Lily suggested (and somehow this all got glossed over). . . .If this young woman has a master that she is collared to that is *51*. . . why can't he "man up" . . .step up to the plate and pay for his "property" to better herself? Then the whole fucked up mom/daughter relationship thing would be a non sequitur. Isn't that what it is all about? The **MAN** of the relationship stepping up to the plate and doing what needs to be done? For fuck sakes. . .if someone wants the TITLE and the ROLE of being da man. . . .then fucking be da man instead of having his property airing out dirty laundry all over the net.

'nuff said.
Jules


My good Lord woman it's good to see you back!!!! Don't be such a stranger.

I've missed you dearly my friend.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/13/2005 10:22:56 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Perhaps to some. I certainly didn't know you were a ***(flames edited out by ModOne)*** until this thread brought it to my attention, however.


I wonder if that was fucking bitch? ~grin~

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Raphael)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/13/2005 10:42:46 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, clearly there was a whole lot of shakin going on on this thread over the weekend. I replied before I read the subsequent posts.

Ginger, it's pretty clear that you have some legitimate issues concerning your mom, relative to her working nights, etc, and being unable to give you the time that you need now or needed while growing up. Those are hurt feelings and are absolutely legitimate.

It seems to me that you've struggled with your relationship with her for some time now, and that your newly formed D/s relationship situation has exacerbated the old pain and has combined with the new insults you feel with regard to new relationship.

Familial relationships, like D/s, need good communication. However, communication is a two way street and if what you've described is true relative to your feelings that your mother was never really involved with raising you, then you probably have some legitimate gripes here. I can imagine that having her expect a level of control all of a sudden after years of what I would consider to some degree to be emotional neglect would certainly piss me off as well.

Unfortunately, you may never get what you want from your mother. And although you have every right to your level of anger and your vehement expression of it, it's probably not going to make things better either. As a young woman approaching adult-hood, you are probably facing one of the most important decisions you ever had, and it has the capacity to shape your adulthood to some degree; and that is, what the hell to do about this situation with your Mom.

My only word of advice is to proceed with caution. In that, I mean that today you may feel you don't need her, that she's earned this anger from you...but down the line, who knows? But you certainly deserve some relief for the hurt that you feel.

I may be a bitch, but I'm a human bitch; I apologize for judging you more harshly than I should have and I hope that you can resolve what is clearly a painful issue for you.

I hope this all works out for you,

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/14/2005 12:32:44 AM   
Raphael


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

Perhaps to some. I certainly didn't know you were a ***(flames edited out by ModOne)*** until this thread brought it to my attention, however.


I wonder if that was fucking bitch? ~grin~

Lily


No, it wasn't, and frankly I don't see how ModOne could possibly justify editing it out. When I saw it I also noticed the distinct and unsettling possibility that this would allow readers to come along later and imagine I really had flamed you.

It was an entirely accurate characterisation of the impression you made in the posts I had just read, and one I'd have no problem saying in front of anyones mother.

You may know who to whine to and how to get your way here, but you still look like a pretty rotten excuse for a human being to me. And karma does have a way of taking care of that type in the long run.

Have a good one,
-R

< Message edited by Raphael -- 6/14/2005 12:39:17 AM >

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/14/2005 2:59:00 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

Ok, clearly there was a whole lot of shakin going on on this thread over the weekend. I replied before I read the subsequent posts.

Ginger, it's pretty clear that you have some legitimate issues concerning your mom, relative to her working nights, etc, and being unable to give you the time that you need now or needed while growing up. Those are hurt feelings and are absolutely legitimate.

It seems to me that you've struggled with your relationship with her for some time now, and that your newly formed D/s relationship situation has exacerbated the old pain and has combined with the new insults you feel with regard to new relationship.

Familial relationships, like D/s, need good communication. However, communication is a two way street and if what you've described is true relative to your feelings that your mother was never really involved with raising you, then you probably have some legitimate gripes here. I can imagine that having her expect a level of control all of a sudden after years of what I would consider to some degree to be emotional neglect would certainly piss me off as well.

Unfortunately, you may never get what you want from your mother. And although you have every right to your level of anger and your vehement expression of it, it's probably not going to make things better either. As a young woman approaching adult-hood, you are probably facing one of the most important decisions you ever had, and it has the capacity to shape your adulthood to some degree; and that is, what the hell to do about this situation with your Mom.

My only word of advice is to proceed with caution. In that, I mean that today you may feel you don't need her, that she's earned this anger from you...but down the line, who knows? But you certainly deserve some relief for the hurt that you feel.

I may be a bitch, but I'm a human bitch; I apologize for judging you more harshly than I should have and I hope that you can resolve what is clearly a painful issue for you.

I hope this all works out for you,

Lily


It kinda stings to read what you wrote above. Congrats on having a good weekend. Oddly enough, I had a really good weekend, too (I stuffed my face with many a cannolli...yes, it was a good weekend indeed ^_^).

Apology accepted. ^_^

And just an update- my mother and I are getting along amazingly well... it makes me a tad bit suspicious, but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. *nod

_____________________________

My Xanga!
What?
"I looked up,
and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

(in reply to Raphael)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/14/2005 5:30:40 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		What's the status on the summer job? We're approaching 3rd week of June and you had commenced your job search weeks ago.

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/14/2005 8:19:41 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

You may know who to whine to and how to get your way here, but you still look like a pretty rotten excuse for a human being to me. And karma does have a way of taking care of that type in the long run.


Paranoid much?

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Raphael)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/14/2005 10:02:06 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

What's the status on the summer job? We're approaching 3rd week of June and you had commenced your job search weeks ago.


I had an interview last Thursday and I'm expecting a call this afternoon to let me know if I go tthe job or not. The only problem the owner of the company had is that I can only work for 8 weeks and this job is like a long term thing. He said he would do all he could though to get me hired, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

If it's a "no", I'll be heading off to Old Navy and HEB today to drop off some applications. ^_^

_____________________________

My Xanga!
What?
"I looked up,
and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/14/2005 10:19:55 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		Good luck with the job, girl!!!

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/17/2005 6:59:08 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I had an interview last Thursday and I'm expecting a call this afternoon to let me know if I go tthe job or not. The only problem the owner of the company had is that I can only work for 8 weeks and this job is like a long term thing. He said he would do all he could though to get me hired, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

If it's a "no", I'll be heading off to Old Navy and HEB today to drop off some applications. ^_^


Sooo....did'ya get it? ~wink~ Enquiring minds want to know....

BTW, what's HEB??

L

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/18/2005 5:08:36 PM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline 		Alas, I didn't get the job. ;_;

The manager REALLY wanted to hire me, but it seems that because I'm only gonna be in town for the summer, I can't get the job. It's more a long term thing, with awesome benefits. Plus, they'd have to train me for 4 weeks and what's the point of that if I'm moving away in August? >_<

HEB is a grovery store chain that started in San Antonio, but is now in Texas, Louisana, and even Mexico! I worked for them for 3 years, but got fired because of some..erm...miscommunication with a customer a few years back. ^_~

If you wanna check 'em out----> www.heb.com

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/18/2005 5:54:05 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ginger21

Alas, I didn't get the job. ;_;

The manager REALLY wanted to hire me, but it seems that because I'm only gonna be in town for the summer, I can't get the job. It's more a long term thing, with awesome benefits. Plus, they'd have to train me for 4 weeks and what's the point of that if I'm moving away in August? >_<

HEB is a grovery store chain that started in San Antonio, but is now in Texas, Louisana, and even Mexico! I worked for them for 3 years, but got fired because of some..erm...miscommunication with a customer a few years back. ^_~

If you wanna check 'em out----> www.heb.com



So, sweets, did you have any luck at the HEB place or Old Navy, smiles?

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 120
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