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ElanSubdued -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (7/17/2007 12:06:49 AM)
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lovingsteel07,
quote:
What does it matter if a Mistress asks for tribute or not? A true submissive takes joy in service. And a good Mistress is worthy of tribute, whether it is requested of you or not. A good Mistress is worthy of all that you can give: respect, caring, devotion, and anything else that comes to mind. Too many people look to Mistresses as "playmates", or people who exist to serve THEIR needs. A lot of so-called submissives find it convenient to forget that Mistress is a title... there are people beneath that title who have their own drives, and their own needs.
Oh Lord. Okay. I'll try to do this nicely. Lets debunk the myths here.
There is no such thing as a "true submissive" nor are there "true dommes" (true mistresses or whatever you want to label them). Each coupling is unique and it is up to those people to negotiate as they see fit. As for tributes, I'm a submissive and I have never paid tributes. And you know what? I probably never will pay tributes simply because I don't want to. I figure I bring as much to the table as my partners do so I see no reason to pay extra. This is how I choose to negotiate and yes, it means I don't involve myself with dommes who require tributes. But whatever. Someone else may choose to pay tributes because that's what they want to do. Neither approach is better or worse, more true or more un-true.
About the whole "a good mistress is worthy of all that you can give" bit. I've met a some mistresses who were not worth a dime of my respect just as I've met submissives who fall into this same category. I involve myself with people I like. This is my style. If I choose to do something nice for a domme, it is because I want to show affection, not because this is expected. Again, this is my approach and it may work differently for others. The whole "put the domme up on a pedestal thing" does work for some - I'll give you that. However, for most people I've met, this isn't a viable approach for a long lasting relationship.
Here's one that may surprise you. I do look to a mistress to serve my needs. Because you know what? If she isn't addressing my needs, I'm not going to stick around. This works reciprocally too. If I'm not serving my domme's needs, she probably won't stick around. A casual and/or short-term relationship may survive only one partner getting their needs met, but in any more committed relationship, partners share, compromise, and meet each other's needs.
There isn't any magic here lovingsteel07. BDSM relationships (even those where the partners are domme and sub) are still relationships. While the way BDSM partners interact may have a slight twist when compared to vanilla folk, most of the rules regarding human relationships still apply. Thus, if you treat your mistress poorly, she may dismiss you and if a mistress continually treats her submissives poorly, any self respecting submissives I know will walk out the door.
When I'm considering a dominant partner, tributes, female superiority, and "worthiness" never enter my mind. What enters my mind is whether I like the person or not, and whether I'm attracted to them and feel safe in their care. Now don't get me wrong here. Perhaps tributes and other such things do enter your mind when negotiating with a mistress. But this is my point. If these things are on the table, it is because *you* have chosen to negotiate your relationships this way. There isn't a single, "true" way to do this.
ElanSubdued.
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