Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 8:04:59 PM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		It may be impractical or even unwise for a submissive who is experiencing sub drop to rely entirely on a Dominant with whom she has played. The Dominant may not always be available, even if he has the submissive's best interests at heart; and for some people sub drop can involve highly charged emotional issues that the submissive may wish to process before deciding whether and how much to share her feelings with the Dominant. I am interested in the idea of creating a support network for those who suffer from sub drop. It could be as simple as being able to email others in the network for support during this vulnerable time or having someone to call and speak with on the phone. If you would like to belong to such a network, please send me an email to my CM address providing whatever contact information you are comfortable with sharing. If enough people respond, we could consider setting up a listserv. In the meantime, I am happy to keep a list of people who have volunteered contact information and to share it with those who need support during sub drop.

For some people, sub drop can be a devastating experience that can undermine their relationship with their partner because it uncovers emotional vulnerabilities that may be expressed as hostility or angry gestures aimed at the Dominant. Having a support network of course is not a substitute for getting professional help if the submissive is truly and deeply depressed. The support network can serve as a safety net, by linking the submissive to caring people who can listen and provide support during sub drop that may occur within the 72 hour period after playing.

eva


< Message edited by EvaLass -- 6/27/2007 8:06:40 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 8:18:51 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, but I just have the hardest time envisioning a submissive/bottom/slave meeting real time to scene with a flesh and blood Dominant/Top, only to run home and seek comfort from the electronic box sitting on their desk.
 
It reminds me of the Dominant/Top that coaxes a submissive/slave/bottom to their home, leaves them bound and gagged, and then gets on the internet to brag to their online friends.
 
Yeah, the net is great.  So is some semblance of reason.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 8:30:06 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		It's not that bad of an idea, as long as it was reality based and not just wanking material for some guy.  Sometimes our Dominants are not always there when it hits.  And it can hit a day or two later. 

Now am sure some people will say, well your Dominant is not a decent Dominant, for not being there for you a day or two later...but the reality of things are such, that people have careers, business trips go along with it, some people have kids and other things going on in their lives that they cannot drop every second.

Though I am not sure I would ever use such a service, because if it does stir cause really intimate and intense thoughts, even insecurities, to surface later, I would not want everyone to be aware of them.  My feelings and thoughts are at times highly private and deeply personal.  And I need to think about keeping them that way at times.  It's not just about me, it's about him as well.  So for me anyway, if he is not there at the exact moment it hits, I just need to learn to be able to deal with my emotions as a well functioning adult.  At the very least I can strive to do that, even if I am not always successful.  I know that he gave me great aftercare anyway, and that I will be seeing him again soon.  Let alone talking with him even sooner.

But it really is not such a bad idea for some people, if they can pull something like this off.

(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 9:36:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I can agree that OCCASIONALLY a sub may endure sub drop in which the dom or other regular social support people may not be available.  Even then- a sub isn't going to die from subdrop and will get out of it just fine, unless they choose to wallow in it.

However, there already are places to just talk and chat and find people to talk to at all hours- it's called internet chat rooms. 

And really, if a dom can't take care of the post scene issues in a positive way on a regular basis, they shouldn't be playing at all.  Not to mention- what about dom drop?  Do we get a support network too?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 9:41:10 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Let's all just hold each other.
I think we need unions!


_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 9:46:57 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I really see some big problems with this idea.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 9:47:38 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		I once comforted a friend,( who was just a friend, had no interest in being more.) who was going thru really bad subdrop.  Well nothing physical happened, both of us felt a very strong surge of sexual need.  Considering our friendship, we could deal with it.  Someone who I don't really know, from a subdrop network?  ehhh not sure

_____________________________

I want to step ALL over you!

Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 10:11:23 PM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		I can see why this could be a good idea yet like others I can see that it is full of problems ... some of the issues involved in sub drop are extreemely sensitive and personal and it may not be appropriate or wise to be sharring these with virtual strangers.

For me it was my Dominant who sat me down and pointed out that what I was feeling was sub drop ... I personally had no idea why I was feeeling so vunerable and "bad", and I continued to have problems with sub drop but at least was now aware of what the hell it was. Again for me and not necessarillly true for others sub drop was closely associated with past issues that I had not faced or dealt with and dfinately not something I could go into with anyone who was not close to me. Part of my journey at the moment is facing and dealling with my past in order to move on in a positive way and reduce the power of the past over my present. I also hope that doing this may reduce both the intensity and frequency of sub drop for me personally.

I also think that the point that relying on internet for support is less than desirable for something like sub drop as it can be to impersonal and too removed from reality.

However these are only my thoughts.

_____________________________

..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 11:27:35 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Let's all just hold each other.
I think we need unions!



i was all of a sudden racking my brain for the homeopathic uses of onions...then i read it again and the thought has dropped in intensity, but i think i must go look it up anyway

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 11:38:14 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		i experienced this sub drop once (it SUCKED balls) and my Master was not available so i can see how having someone to talk to would be nice ...but i'm not sure a total stranger is such a good idea.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/27/2007 11:45:59 PM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		I found these responses interesting, since it was through CM that I met someone who has become one of my best friends and who also serves as my support network for sub drop. She contacted me after reading my CM profile to offer her friendship and entry into the local community. I was experiencing severe sub drop at that time from having been thrown into a play event by someone who felt little responsiblity for how I felt afterwards. I had no idea what was going on or why I felt so bad. This woman sent me her telephone number, spent time on the phone counseling me, and invited me to meet her and friends at a local dungeon. She gave me support then, when I was clueless;  and when I start dropping now after playing, she is usually the first person to recognize and point out what is happening. It has taken me a couple of months to figure out that I have to educate the Dominant with whom I play about what happens to me during sub drop. Yes, he knows about sub drop, but he still doesn't recognize when I am experiencing it. I am sure that as his awareness rises, he will provide support. In the meantime, the submissive I met on this web site plays an integral role in helping me understand and cope with what is going on. So, I can see why there may be a tendency to think of the Internet as an impersonal place, but CM is where my own support network started.


(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 12:15:36 AM   
Rastimmipitwax


Posts: 69
Joined: 6/25/2007
Status: offline 		Ignore what I posted before, I hadn't read your most recent post well enough.

I think this has potential, because there are Doms out there who just don't realise the state they can leave a sub in (and they really NEED to learn this, and how to prevent it); however, it has to be done very carefully, because for every one good friend there are a thousand mindfuckers running around on the net (and out in the real world).



< Message edited by Rastimmipitwax -- 6/28/2007 12:23:53 AM >

(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 12:27:15 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Eva...i hear you on that ...i too have meet 1 woman on here i would be comfortable talking with ...as a matter of fact i did give her my number and she suprized the hell out of me by actullay calling me one day...LOL...it was a very pleasent surprize. so i DO see your point.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Rastimmipitwax)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 1:46:58 AM   
flowered


Posts: 42
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		One question- what is sub drop?
Something I should know about?

_____________________________

I love life.
I love to laugh.
I love to be loved.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 2:01:50 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry I dont want comfert or anything from anyone other then Master when I am haveing sub drop talking to someone els just wont do period.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to flowered)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 2:02:35 AM   
Rastimmipitwax


Posts: 69
Joined: 6/25/2007
Status: offline 		It is when a submissive falls so completely into submission that s/he can feel nothing but the overwhelming need for direction. It can lead to despondence and utter helplessness, depression and many other negative feelings. It is as if an endless void exists inside you and nothing will fill it. It often happens when a scene is not "closed" properly by a Dom/me with proper aftercare. The sub walks around seemingly to be in a completely normal state, but anything can happen. A parent scoldling a child nearby, a loud noise, virtually anything can trigger the drop. Of course, I do not speak from personal experience, but I do have the experience of having a sub I know, even one I am Dom to, go through this, because it is altogether too easy to be unaware of it from the Dominant's perspective. It takes care and practice to know how to deal with it, and any Dom/me should be *very* concerned that S/He learns how to recognize and deal with this in hir submissive(s).

/me returns to wiping drool from His bottom lip and thinking "fresh meat!"  (absolutely kidding! )


(in reply to flowered)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 3:47:24 AM   
flowered


Posts: 42
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you


_____________________________

I love life.
I love to laugh.
I love to be loved.

(in reply to Rastimmipitwax)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 3:58:25 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rastimmipitwax

It is when a submissive falls so completely into submission that s/he can feel nothing but the overwhelming need for direction. It can lead to despondence and utter helplessness, depression and many other negative feelings. It is as if an endless void exists inside you and nothing will fill it. It often happens when a scene is not "closed" properly by a Dom/me with proper aftercare. The sub walks around seemingly to be in a completely normal state, but anything can happen. A parent scoldling a child nearby, a loud noise, virtually anything can trigger the drop. Of course, I do not speak from personal experience, but I do have the experience of having a sub I know, even one I am Dom to, go through this, because it is altogether too easy to be unaware of it from the Dominant's perspective. It takes care and practice to know how to deal with it, and any Dom/me should be *very* concerned that S/He learns how to recognize and deal with this in hir submissive(s).

/me returns to wiping drool from His bottom lip and thinking "fresh meat!"  (absolutely kidding! )




This is not a definition that I have ever heard or experienced before. We have a LOT of threads on sub drop here in the forums but most of those describe sub drop as the reaction that occurs a day or two after scening, not about "falling into submission" whatever that means. Maybe I'm reading it wrong?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Rastimmipitwax)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 4:32:55 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I've seen all kinds of submissive "support groups" form. Most of them fail miserably because they turn into Dom bashing fests. "You're Dom isn't a "real" Dom"....."You're Dom is abusive"....that kind of shit. I can foresee the same thing happening with this. I think the more important message to get out to submissives is that they shouldn't get "thrown into play situations" with Dominants who don't give a shit about them and that they should take the time to make wise decisions as to who they play with. How sub drop will be handled between the two is something that should be discussed BEFORE play.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 5:43:09 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		flowered
 
sub drop can be like Rastimmipitwax described, but I have never personally experienced it that way and I definately would not describe it as something that happens 'if a dominant does not close a scene properly' - that is just bull, quite frankly.  Sub drop can happen and often does happen at the end of a scene whether it was good or badly handled - it can happen within minutes and sometimes it can take two, three, even more days to kick in, depending on the situation and the person it happens to.  Sub drop can be anything from extreme mood swings and depression, to a chemical rush causing your body to react in a way you are not used to.  Some people need comfort, some people just want to be left alone.  It effects everyone differently and as erin said.... search the threads for subdrop and you will read many threads on it.
 
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to flowered)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109