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Reality is... - 7/6/2007 9:38:12 AM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		It troubles me that  for a site that is a PERSONALS site, most everyone is anti online relationships.  People get talked down to and disrespected because they have an issue to bring to the boards, but they haven't met the Dom/sub, that is the subject or reason for their post, in person...

I think its positively absurd that as a society, we're not very accepting of online relationships unless we're in one. 

First of all, a relationship isn't any more or less of anything just because you haven't met in person yet. I am unwilling to spend the gas that EVERYONE (Dom or sub) asks me to spend to go meet them for the first time, without knowing if we're compatable on any levels.  Especially within the  two week time frame that seems to be the only tolerable length of an online relationship. 

It seems silly to drive to someone and waste that time and money to discover things you could have easily found out if you had put a little more time into online conversation before you met in person. 

BUT here's the thing...

Problems... or questions... arise in person and online just the same... And even questions that would seem to stem from the beginning of a relationship still get groans of frustration or gasps of surprise from some of you out there... like it can't be possibly worth answering a question for someone who hasn't met their partner in person... or like its unrealistic to think that questions could arise that way to begin with because the relationship isn't anything serious.  

Every relationship has to start somewhere... a Dom or sub doesn't just appear out of nowhere perfectly made for you, without some time and effort put into it.

It just feels like an intolerance to me... and considering theres a lot of the world that isn't very tolerant of us as a whole... it would be nice if we could be kind, and help eachother without the "are you kidding me? they haven't met in person yet? let me post about how they should meet, or how stupid i think it is that they haven't, because in person contact is the only way to a real relationship" because thats unkind...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 9:41:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I decided a few years ago that unless they could come get me in a rainstorm at 3 am on the side of the road when I was broken down...unless I could call them and have them come get me at a hospital if an accident happened, I didn't want to call it a serious relationship.

I'm not against internet relationships, I just know better than to compare it to offline relationships.  They are completely different dynamics with completely different sets of expectations and workings.  One is better for me than the other.

And the fact is that a majority of people who DO get into online relationships DO build false and unjustified expectations and DO end up having to go back and make up the steps they skipped if/when they ever go offline.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 9:49:11 AM   
laineyjade


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline 		greetings,

my master and I are living real life 24/7 and I agree with Albatross if I can't trust someone to be there when I really need him, then at least in some respects I could say that I am actually on my own.

we also have some very loving, wonderful and meaningful online relationships that we're not planning to move to real life, and we are perfectly happy with them too. They serve different roles.

I get to thinking that whenever I hear people putting a lot of energy into putting others down, for whatever reason, they're the ones I need to take the least seriously. Angry, hostile, disagreeable people are not going to help me in any way in my life so I try to take that into account when giving them any amount of attention.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:11:36 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Online blows.  I live in Chicago there are a zillion fucking people who live here....If I want fantasy then I'll seek my relationships online....Since I don't...I see no point.

I meet immediately....However, If I were to live in Bumblefuck, Alaska maybe online would be a good distraction and hold some appeal....Of course when we finally meet and my 6'3" frame has been whittled down to 5'4" don't be dissapointed...It's all part of the game.

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:25:20 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28
Problems... or questions... arise in person and online just the same...


No, they don't.

quote:


Every relationship has to start somewhere...


Relationships of any depth start the moment the two people actually meet in person.  Before that, you are pen-pals.

quote:


help eachother without the "are you kidding me? they haven't met in person yet? let me post about how they should meet, or how stupid i think it is that they haven't, because in person contact is the only way to a real relationship"


In person contact is the only way to a real relationship.  Unkind or not, it is the truth.  If you are having trouble with your pen-pal, find a new pen-pal or meet that pen-pal in person to see if there is anything more there.  Anything else is just more pen-pal tom-foolery.


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:38:34 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Let me give you a little advice....If you are driving to meet these schmos then you are making a mistake. (Domiguy looks over both shoulders to make sure there are no "guy police" present)  If you haven't noticed you are the commodity out here....What is the ratio of men to women?....If you make some lame excuse to why you are unable to travel they will some how miraculously appear at the coffee shop of your choosing.

Lastly, Katie Holmes, who said anything about waiting two weeks?....I will have, at most,a couple of conversations then it's off to the coffee shop, bar ..etc.  I can understand things in ten minutes of a face to face meeting that I may not be able to glean in months of online.

At the meeting there are no expectations....Just two people meeting for a drink or a cup o' joe.

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:51:58 AM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Let me give you a little advice....If you are driving to meet these schmos then you are making a mistake. (Domiguy looks over both shoulders to make sure there are no "guy police" present)  If you haven't noticed you are the commodity out here....What is the ratio of men to women?....If you make some lame excuse to why you are unable to travel they will some how miraculously appear at the coffee shop of your choosing.

Lastly, Katie Holmes, who said anything about waiting two weeks?....I will have, at most,a couple of conversations then it's off to the coffee shop, bar ..etc.  I can understand things in ten minutes of a face to face meeting that I may not be able to glean in months of online.

At the meeting there are no expectations....Just two people meeting for a drink or a cup o' joe.
 The current ratio planet wide is men (49.6%) women (50.4%) and everyone does things their own.  I have moved from online to real time as my default relationship model for over ten years. It works well since I look for companions and not just a quick fuck, getting to know all their personal interests and how their mind works is definately easier when the girl doesn't have sex on the mind. Personally, I support online relationships as a primer for the couple, it would lead to a lot less purely physical enounters imho. Just my 3 cents.

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:53:51 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Let me give you a little advice....If you are driving to meet these schmos then you are making a mistake. (Domiguy looks over both shoulders to make sure there are no "guy police" present)  If you haven't noticed you are the commodity out here....What is the ratio of men to women?....If you make some lame excuse to why you are unable to travel they will some how miraculously appear at the coffee shop of your choosing.

Lastly, Katie Holmes, who said anything about waiting two weeks?....I will have, at most,a couple of conversations then it's off to the coffee shop, bar ..etc.  I can understand things in ten minutes of a face to face meeting that I may not be able to glean in months of online.

At the meeting there are no expectations....Just two people meeting for a drink or a cup o' joe.


unless one you meet happens to think that having coffee and nice conversation equals starting a relationship......but thats a whole nuther can of worms.......

fact is, no matter how much you talk on here....chemistry is felt in person only.....i have chatted with quite a few on here-and after meeting, some have become friends....some have become nothing.....one became a summer of paradise for me last year.....after a few words and a pic exchange, if both are still interested in meeting im with Domiguy...meet and be done with it.....

all that said, if you are capable of feeling chemistry and giving emotion to a font on a screen or a voice on the phone, id bet the farm youre gonna have a whole lot more heartache and drama in your life......more times hurt....left with no reason....etc etc....

just my opinions of course


_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:58:22 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Every relationship has to start somewhere...

Relationships of any depth start the moment the two people actually meet in person.  Before that, you are pen-pals.


that's one arrogant and ill-informed opinion if i've ever saw it.  personally you must have a serious problem with those like myself who are in a ldr D/s dynamic - just because i cannot easily meet Daddy or pick up and move (especially when i have 2 UMs and i have to consider what's best for them - not for me) to where Daddy lives doesn't mean we're solely pen pals. my online relationship with Him works perfectly for us because both of us don't need to live the lifestyle 24/7 for all to see.  plus - i'm happy ...i don't have the "i'm missing my Daddy" separation anxiety either. we have other interests and activities outside BDSM ...also we have a strong line of communication every single day.  i would like a r/t D/s dynamic ...perhaps later i will have it with the person i'm currently chatting now yet for now i'm enjoying my independent submissive lifestyle in a ldr with Daddy.


_____________________________

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...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:58:54 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Online is just another way to get to know a bit about someone.  No one implies you have to run out and spend gas on everyone just to see if you are compatible.  Simple chatting should be able to give you clues as to whether someone is compatible with your style or not.

For instance I have chatted with a ton of guys here.  But I garauntee you I wouldnt meet more than 1 in 10 if it came down to it.  There are some styles that do not appeal to me.  Master's would not be my choice.  Marginally literate would not be my choice.  40 yr old men who can drop their life at a moments notice and relocate to come live with me would not be my choice.

That eliminates the need for gallons of gas, already

I can talk with someone here and determine if they would fit with my personality.  And if it comes down to it, meet them, as friends.  Not as dom sub.  Not as someone who says he owns me.  Just a simple meeting as friends.  Why would I want to invest my time falling in lust with text and phones without finding out if there could be more... or little, between us?

The bottom line is I do not want to fall in love with "my own fantasy" of what I want.  And for me, that is what it would be if I were to become an online possession.  I need meatspace, up close and personal for me to see OUR fantasy grow. 

Some people can do that online stuff.  It both puzzles and amazes me.  But what ever works.
Kyst


quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28
First of all, a relationship isn't any more or less of anything just because you haven't met in person yet. I am unwilling to spend the gas that EVERYONE (Dom or sub) asks me to spend to go meet them for the first time, without knowing if we're compatable on any levels.  Especially within the  two week time frame that seems to be the only tolerable length of an online relationship. 

It seems silly to drive to someone and waste that time and money to discover things you could have easily found out if you had put a little more time into online conversation before you met in person. 



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 10:59:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Welcome back to CM TDAW :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:00:57 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28
People get talked down to and disrespected because they have an issue to bring to the boards, but they haven't met the Dom/sub, that is the subject or reason for their post, in person...


No they don't; many people on the boards are single, either by fate or by choice. I don't see people talked down too because they are single. Peopel get 'disrespected' as you call it becuase they complain and the bitch about it or they try to put up an ISO on the boards, this is NOT the place for ISOs, the other side is. Askign for advice on HOW you can change your profielt o be more appealing, thats one thing, thats asking for advice and for help.

quote:


I think its positively absurd that as a society, we're not very accepting of online relationships unless we're in one. 


I'm not accepting of online relationships for a good reason, once the computer turns off, the relationship is off until the computer is back on and those concerned are there. I don't consider the computer reality, its a tool, not a place for a relationship of this nature.

quote:


It seems silly to drive to someone and waste that time and money to discover things you could have easily found out if you had put a little more time into online conversation before you met in person. 


I agree with what LA said about not considering it a serious relationship unless the person could or would be able to show up at 3am.

MJ lives in Los Angeles, a 3 hrs drive from me, even when we were just friends an I had surgery last year, He had other things going on in His life, family, etc, yet, He called and checked on me. Are He an I in a 'serious relationship' we are in our relationship, one that is LDR, yet, when the computer turns off, we are still in a relationship, we have spent time together in the flesh and we are planning the next time we can do that for a longer period of time.

quote:
Every relationship has to start somewhere... a Dom or sub doesn't just appear out of nowhere perfectly made for you, without some time and effort put into it.


Of course every relationship has to start somewhere, yet o/l relationships are just that, 'ONLINE' NOT 'REAL TIME.' Just because you get to know someone online or you meet them online doesnt' mean that is an o/l relationship, it just means its o/l, it also means that you are still getting to know that person.

Effort generally means r/t eventually, if you 'live' your 'relationship' online, then its not really living, its going through the motions and saying you are in a 'relationship.'

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"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:02:02 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Reality.

There are online relationships. There are offline relationships. They are not the same things.

If you're fine with online only, great. If one person wants offline too, but the other wants to remain online only, problem.

There is no way to compare online-only to offline relationsihps. I do not have a problem saying that online communication can constitute a relationship of sorts, but there is a lot of necessary reality missing to call it much more than a pleasant diversion.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:02:59 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I think its positively absurd that as a society, we're not very accepting of online relationships unless we're in one.


Some people prefer real time relationships.  How odd.    




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- Albert Einstein

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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:05:05 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Bottom line???  A virtual dicksucking holds no fascination for me whatsoever.
You may infer what you wish.


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:14:10 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Bottom line???  A virtual dicksucking holds no fascination for me whatsoever.
You may infer what you wish.



hahahahaha id imagine for the sub the metallic taste would be a bitch too.....

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:16:26 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		satyrs nymph,
You can experience everything on-line except one thing - reality.
quote:

I am unwilling to spend the gas that EVERYONE (Dom or sub) asks me to spend to go meet them for the first time, without knowing if we're compatible on any levels. 

Until or unless you value a relationship, or the potential of one, more than you are willing to spend on gas perhaps its better for you and anyone else that you remain on-line.

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:18:14 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		in concert with that, you can't hug a tank of gas.....

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:23:07 AM   
toughmaster007


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		How much can you know about someone from a simple profile or an email or two? I think it only makes sense to start off with someone online and then move to offline. Of course, it will require the maturity to understand that online and offline relationships are not the same. Online is more an attempt to understand the person and making sure that the initial effort to take the relationship offline is worth it. Unless of course someone likes to meet in person over a cup of coffee and then decide no it is not worthing moving forward - and doing this many times before finding the right match. Not to say when moving offline from online definitely assures things will fall in place when moving offline but it definitely is a better chance

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Reality is... - 7/6/2007 11:23:15 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

  It seems silly to drive to someone and waste that time and money to discover things you could have easily found out if you had put a little more time into online conversation before you met in person. 


This would be true only if people behaved online exactly as they behave in person, if people were as truthful online as they are in person, if you could pick up nuances of body language and voice tone and all those other ways we communicate other than words on a screen.  Fact:  a large percentage of people online are full of shit, and the skilled ones are can be hard to detect until you meet face to face and see what their life is REALY like (not that they'll ever meet you)....which segues into:

The phenomenon that most people who've used online to meet someone face to face have experienced - the fact that a lot of people when it comes the point to meet will completely chicken out, and either flat out stand you up or "disappear" when it's time to finalize plans to meet.  It happens.  Regularly.  After talking online for two weeks, the annoyance level at this is far less than having spent six months talking online.

quote:

Problems... or questions... arise in person and online just the same...


Did you really think that through before you asserted this?

Basic relationship issues you won't see online:  disagreements about what restaurant to go to for dinner, whose turn it is to take out the garbage, the fact that one person keeps leaving their dirty clothes everywhere, whose family to visit during the holidays, what happens when one works late AGAIN and misses the plans you made....

Online relationships:  never need to learn skills involved with safe SM play, bondage play, etc. 

I could go on and on. 

Frankly I think part of the appeal of online relationships to some people is that you DON'T have to deal with a lot of the day to day relationship issues that real time relationships face.

quote:

  Every relationship has to start somewhere... a Dom or sub doesn't just appear out of nowhere perfectly made for you, without some time and effort put into it.


I agree, but I don't think you ever really get to know someone unless you spend time with them face to face and see what they are like for yourself, rather than relying on the other person to accurately describe themselves to you. Getting to know someone online really well would require an ability level to communicate via that forum AND a level of honesty AND the ability to see themselves clearly that few people possess.  The chances that BOTH people are that skilled?  Hmm.  Well you be the judge.


If people want to engage in online relationships, go for it.  Engage in them with others who also want a relationship on that level, know that you probably will never know if that person is being truthful with you, don't give anyone any money, and don't think it's exactly the same as a real time relationship.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 7/6/2007 11:33:43 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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