Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:06:41 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		For the purpose of this post BDSM is defined as bondage, discipline and sadomasochism (actually that's the way I always define it, but I digress). If you want to define it as something else, more power to you, but this is my OP and I'm speaking on this subject as it pertains to my viewpoints. I absolutely refuse to argue semantics on this one, but do feel free to argue amongst yourselves.  I don't even have any questions.. I'm just putting a bit of myself and my views out there because I feel like doing so.

BDSM isn't and shouldn't be the big umbrella. It's too narrow in focus but for some reason it has become almost a catch all for anything that's not vanilla. Well, we already have a catch all for anything that's not vanilla.. and that's 'alternative'. BDSM is a subset of that, just as is M/s, D/s, leather, gay, goth, cross-dressing, spankos, vamp etc. If it's not vanilla, it's alternative to vanilla.. but that does not equal BDSM. 

I totally get why Goreans don't want to be lumped into the BDSM category.  Most Goreans talk about being Gorean based on their philosophy not on the number of scantily clad kajira running around their homestones. There are hundreds of different ways to live life based on a philosophy but we don't differentiate them from vanilla, so why should Gor be any different? If I live by the philosophy of, say, Taoism, that doesn't mean that I'm into BDSM. I certainly wouldn't say that Taoism is something alternative though by no means is it a philosophy which is lived by the vast majority. Or, perhaps I live by an objectivist philosophy. Does that make me BDSM? Not just no, but hell no. It's rather ridiculous to suppose such a thing. Some Goreans own slaves. Some objectivists own slaves. Some Taoists own slaves.. all pure coincidence. Nothing more, nothing less.

Cross-dressers are cross-dressers. Some of them are into BDSM, some aren't. Goth girls are goth girls and there are times when they may appear to be into BDSM based on their clothing choices, but such does not make them BDSM.. it just makes them snazzy dressers. ::chuckles::

I partake of all the elements of BDSM. I adore bondage, really get off on s/m, discipline is good for my character and I embrace is as a means of growth but the life I live is M/s under the umbrella of alternative. I identify with old school leather, under the umbrella of alternative. It's how I was introduced to my true nature, so I retain a fondness and familial comfort with leather. One of these days when my bones are too brittle for impact, my mind can't wrap around a good mindfuck, my wrists are too weak to hold a flogger.. I'll give up the kinky parts and live as a Taoist, objectivist, humanist or whatever philosophy I deem to be fitting for me.. and I'll still identify with leather and I will still live M/s under the umbrella of alternative as the style of life which speaks to me the most..

.. unless of course it all changes.

Happy Friday, everyone.

Celeste











_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:20:16 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hi Celeste,

While you're spot on, 'Alternative' lifestyles have come to be synonomous with BDSM.  If I want a kinky girlfriend, that doesn't mean my relationship with her is a BDSM one; it could be very vanilla indeed.  I'd still expect to find a girl like that, on a BDSM site.

I guess what I'm really asking, is what does the distinction have to do with the price of milk?  What practical use is there in this particular semantic?

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:25:52 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I soooo agree with you Celeste. It really drives me kinda batty when people use it as a catch-all phrase. Most often it is the inclusion of M/s or D/s, but yeah....it seems that more and more often it is expanded to include everything but the kitchen sink.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:31:03 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Celeste, nice to see your beautiful face hanging out here again.

I love what you wrote and it clearly defines what has already been in my own head.

It can be frustrating to see so much that gets lumped together when there can be some vast differences in individual interests and preferences. All to often we know what we want, what interests us, yet get upset when others don't agree or see things our way. Not having stopped to realize how vast an array of things have been shoved under the same umbrella.

It can take time and patience to distinguish and explain to others how we, as individuals differ, and to find the similarities that are shared. I think the key is to remember the facts of what you have written. Especially when communicating with others who's interests may be shoved under that same umbrella as ours and do not realize that they do not necessarily have to be together. That not sharing an interest does not make one wrong or right, just different.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:33:01 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		So what does this have to do with the price of a flogger in France?

_____________________________



(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:34:51 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Hi Stephann,

Basically it comes down to inclusive vs exclusive. Somehow BDSM became something it's not and attracts those who don't really want to be here. I think that's a shame because it's going to draw in a lot of folks who would be better served looking elsewhere to find their fulfillment.

Celeste

edited for typo

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 7/27/2007 11:42:08 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:38:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yup. I use "kink" most of the time and "alternative" otherwise.

I'm all about the inclusive.  When I use bdsm, it means I'm discussing bdsm- and that's actually a fairly narrow list of things compared to everything in the "kink" pile.

I love the title of the thread, too.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:41:04 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Mist and LaT.. that's it exactly. :) I have no problem with anyone who wants to come on down to the dungeon, get a thrill on or splash around in the kink vats or anything else, but when someone wanders down there looking for a chat on Gardening, they are going to be sadly disappointed.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:42:35 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I disagree.  I don't think making a community larger causes finding fulfillment within it more difficult.  If anythign, it adds a weight of social legitimacy and power to groups that, on their own, would likely be neither heard, nor seen.

Consider the gay rights movement.  If gay men refused didn't associate with lesbians, and neither associated with bisexual women, who wouldn't associate with transgenders, we'd be back to 1950.  It is their unified voice that lent them strength, and became a real factor for social change.

When they're done with their marches and meetings, they're still free to splinter off into their own sub-groups.  I believe that there are certain groups that, as a specific subset of alternative lifestyles, would not likely thrive without their association to the larger Alt Lif community (under the heading BDSM.)  Cross dressing, for example, is almost exclusively a male activity, with the focus being on being found attractive to females.  Females new to Alt Lif's aren't likely to seek out cross dressers specifically; I believe it's an acquired taste, one that wouldn't likely to be acquired so easily if everyone was expected to segregate to their own respective spaces and play party.

I think the AL community benefits from their greater numbers, in terms of organization and social voice.  Once within the fold, it's not too difficult to learn the ropes (so to speak) and identify what specific interests we have.

My two cents, of course.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:43:28 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		::chuckles:: Thanks LA. I do use the terms the same way.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:48:53 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		What if the chat is about making his sub do the gardening as punishment?  Then does gardening become relevant....Probably not.  Why would a dungeon need to be a part of bdsm? Why even mention it?  You can cut out all of the idle shit till you get down to the core components....And then I actually wonder if there really is a dynamic that is there at all? Exhibitionism doesn't really have anything to do with bdsm....Either does the sense of community.....Where are you willing to draw the line?

< Message edited by domiguy -- 7/27/2007 11:50:53 AM >

_____________________________



(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:50:11 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Now now Domi, not everyone does rosebush torture.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 11:52:06 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I disagree.  I don't think making a community larger causes finding fulfillment within it more difficult.  If anythign, it adds a weight of social legitimacy and power to groups that, on their own, would likely be neither heard, nor seen.


::snipped for brevity's sake::

 
I have no problem with agreeing to disagree. I'm not talking about AL being exclusive, I'm talking about BDSM being labeled as 'the' alternative to all things so that when a cross-dresser comes into BDSM looking for all the other cross-dressers, their pool is going to be very narrow to find like-minded partners. Gay guys don't go hang out at the Savvoy because they won't find any gay guys there. Lesbians will go hang out at the Savvoy because it's chalk full of other lesbians. Gay guys and lesbians are under the umbrella of homosexual, but when they seek out others to share their lives, they are better served to go to where those others are and not try to find pencils in an ink shop. No doubt, you'll find a very small selection of pencils in an ink shop.. but you'd find a hell of a lot more if you go to a pencil shop.
 
Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 12:02:10 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Now now Domi, not everyone does rosebush torture.

lol....I understand....Dungeons have their place.  Just don't understand the driving force behind the op....the end all beat all is so what?

_____________________________



(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 12:12:05 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Go Celeste!  I'm with ya...

I have nothing poetic to add, but damn I'm on board this train!

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 12:28:33 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I disagree.  I don't think making a community larger causes finding fulfillment within it more difficult.  If anythign, it adds a weight of social legitimacy and power to groups that, on their own, would likely be neither heard, nor seen.


::snipped for brevity's sake::

 
I have no problem with agreeing to disagree. I'm not talking about AL being exclusive, I'm talking about BDSM being labeled as 'the' alternative to all things so that when a cross-dresser comes into BDSM looking for all the other cross-dressers, their pool is going to be very narrow to find like-minded partners. Gay guys don't go hang out at the Savvoy because they won't find any gay guys there. Lesbians will go hang out at the Savvoy because it's chalk full of other lesbians. Gay guys and lesbians are under the umbrella of homosexual, but when they seek out others to share their lives, they are better served to go to where those others are and not try to find pencils in an ink shop. No doubt, you'll find a very small selection of pencils in an ink shop.. but you'd find a hell of a lot more if you go to a pencil shop.
 
Celeste


If I may throw my 2 cents in, I can generally agree though also I see this being an area of confusion in using the label of Alternative Lifestyle. This label is also used to denote homosexuals, swingers, cross dressers, poloy relationships, etc. Alternative lifestyle has commonly been applied to relationships which fall out of society's conception of what they define as standard, eg- straight heterosexual couples.

footnote: here in Canada, lesbians hang out at Canadian Tire and gay men are found at Home depot!  *grins*

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 12:38:19 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Now now Domi, not everyone does rosebush torture.

lol....I understand....Dungeons have their place.  Just don't understand the driving force behind the op....the end all beat all is so what?


Okay DG, let me put it in terms you might get.

Lets say there is this girl with this really hot ass, you walk up to her and say "are you into banging ass" She turns and, much to your surprise, says "hell yeah!! In fact there is this party I am going to tonight, you wanna come along and bang my ass?"

Domiguy gets allllllll excited and jumps up and down, frothing at the mouth, pitching a tent in his drawers and barely manages to squeak out...."y y y yes"

Domiguy follows Ms Hotass to said party. In his excitement he totally misses all the whips and chains and ass beating going on around him because his domieyes are focused on hotass and his pants tent is throbbing in anticipation. Ms Hotass gets to a nice little padded bench, bends over and says "show me what you've got big boy!!"

Domiguy drops his drawers, squirts on the lube and dives right into banging Ms Hotass. Who in turn screams bloody murder, turns around and drops poor Domiguy to the floor with one well placed left hook all the while bellowing "you god damned PERVERT!! What the hell do you think you are doing?" while pointing to a vast array of ass "banging" implements (paddles, floggers, canes, etc ) hanging on the wall. " I said you could BANG on my ass, not fuck my ass, you disgusting mofo!!"

Poor Domiguy never saw it coming. I forgot to mention how disappointed........and deflated.........domidong was.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/27/2007 12:56:50 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 12:50:12 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
I agree with LA...I identify myself as a kinkster...and while I do enjoy ALL the bondage, discipline, sado-masochism...I enjoy other things as well...that is why the 'lifestyle' group I belong to and am most actively involved in is a "Hedonist" group that while it is exclusive in that the founders have to meet and invite new members...it doesn't exclude people because they have more 'diversified' kinks than one who identifies solely with bdsm...


_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 1:06:10 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Now now Domi, not everyone does rosebush torture.

lol....I understand....Dungeons have their place.  Just don't understand the driving force behind the op....the end all beat all is so what?


Okay DG, let me put it in terms you might get.

Lets say there is this girl with this really hot ass, you walk up to her and say "are you into banging ass" She turns and, much to your surprise, says "hell yeah!! In fact there is this party I am going to tonight, you wanna come along and bang my ass?"

Domiguy gets allllllll excited and jumps up and down, frothing at the mouth, pitching a tent in his drawers and barely manages to squeak out...."y y y yes"

Domiguy follows Ms Hotass to said party. In his excitement he totally misses all the whips and chains and ass beating going on around him because his domieyes are focused on hotass and his pants tent is throbbing in anticipation. Ms Hotass gets to a nice little padded bench, bends over and says "show me what you've got big boy!!"

Domiguy drops his drawers, squirts on the lube and dives right into banging Ms Hotass. Who in turn screams bloody murder, turns around and drops poor Domiguy to the floor with one well placed left hook all the while bellowing "you god damned PERVERT!! What the hell do you think you are doing?" while pointing to a vast array of ass "banging" implements (paddles, floggers, canes, etc ) hanging on the wall. " I said you could BANG on my ass, not fuck my ass, you disgusting mofo!!"

Poor Domiguy never saw it coming.



It could happen that way....Distinct possiblity....Or....Pauline pooper says, "Hey domiguy, how would you like to tap this?"...While lifting up the back of her tight, plaid skirt....Domiguy staring at those beautiful cheeks, thinks about all the obligations he has made that night...looks back at that tight ass and says....."Damn straight. Where To?"

She continues by saying,  "In fact there is this party I am going to tonight, you wanna come along and bang my ass?"

So we go to the party the Domidong is in full salute of her pristine pooper....I walk in.....I say to Pauline Pooper, "What in the fuck is going on here?....Man, I've been to the Wisconsin State Fair, but at least those motherfuckers had enough sense not to dress up in black leather....for Pete's cock sucking sake, they look like black bratwurst about to errupt form their natural black leather casings....I don't know about you, but let's get the fuck outta here!...These motherfuckers are wacked!!!!"

So Pauline Pooper and Domiguy hail a cab and head back towards the Domicile.....Of course me with a fist full of Pauline's hair and her with a throat full of angry Domidong.

She enters...I strip off her clothes....Ball gag, spreader bars, nipple clamps, butt plug in place and flogger in hand...After a ten minutes of flogging....I quickly remove the plug and insert the Domidong.....She screams, "you god damned PERVERT!! What the hell do you think you are doing?" while pointing to a vast array of ass "banging" implements (paddles, floggers, canes, etc ) hanging on the wall. " I said you could BANG on my ass, not fuck my ass, you disgusting mofo!!"  She then turns to deliver a left hook, when I squeal out, (and by "squealing" I mean this in only the way a Dom could do such a thing and still be viewed by all as one Hell of a Dom) "Rutabaga!!!"  Which everyone know is the universal "safeword" and she immediately stops her swing and apologizes for trying to kick my ass and let's me resume my plundering of her ass and then finishes me off with a blow job and then gets me a beer and a massage.

We depart she tells me she loves me, I say I'll call her soon....Four days later she hasn't heard from me and posts on CM what she should do about my absence.


In reality why would flogging be considered an aspect of bdsm where ass play would not?

_____________________________



(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 1:14:51 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		After much laughter and coughing from laughter.....wiping tears from cheeks.

To SOME people it is, but to lump it together and ASS-U-ME it is for everyone........danger danger.

I had to change the assume just because it really seemed more fitting in this particular context.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/27/2007 1:15:44 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094