Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy Page: <<   < prev  9 10 [11] 12 13   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 4:50:44 PM   
BreatheinToMe


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		BDsbabygirl,

Although it is hard to discuss tough issues with our partners, it is always easier to discuss, and defend our position to strangers. Even if sometimes that means playing the semantics game.

Although posters here have given you good feedback and advice, you are failing to "hear" the big picture. (seems some have gotten "message board fatigue syndrome"  lol ) Open communication with your Sir is who you need to be open with about your feelings. Otherwise you are trying to control....yourself  and the situation.  Give your Sir the opportunity to ease your mind, take control of the problem. Change things.

I would strongly recommend you just show him this post, all of it. You have divulged a lot of person feelings, very clearly, that are wasted on us. He needs to know these things, many points made in these ten pages ...  He may opt for a different option than you can even think of!

Good luck to everyone....even in the stands ! :)
Breathe

(in reply to BDsbabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 201
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 4:52:48 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Wow, that's not a bad idea. - Susan 

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to BreatheinToMe)
Profile   Post #: 202
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 4:56:03 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

OK...but of course you have played around wearing flippers and a snorkle right? Flippers make a pretty wicked paddle in a pinch and a snorkel works as a great gag.


Okay if Mr. Wonderful put a snorkel on me as a gag, I would choke to death from laughing too hard.

Anyone see Carole Burnett & Tim Conway's sketch about siamese twin elephants, attached at the trunk, who have to sneeze?    Conway's rendition of it ("Snorrrrrkel") had Burnett (and me!) in stitches.....

But I digress...

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 203
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 4:57:39 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

OK...but of course you have played around wearing flippers and a snorkle right? Flippers make a pretty wicked paddle in a pinch and a snorkel works as a great gag.

Okay if Mr. Wonderful put a snorkel on me as a gag, I would choke to death from laughing too hard.


LOL....I guess you would have had to been there....

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 204
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 5:20:15 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I think I am maybe the person who tended to "read into" the OP's original post when she said her partner had mentioned a BDSM encounter with an ex, in reference to something they themselves were planning on doing.

I think maybe that could be due to my INFJ personality (based on the Myers-Briggs personality test) - I can, I think, tend to usually believe there is more going on than "meets the eye" and that ______ could be a symptom of someone doing _____ all the time, and in this case, her just not mentioning it, maybe partly due to wanting to seem "submissive enough", etc. Maybe that is what is happening, and maybe not.

If he has really only done this once (brought up "fond BDSM encounters with his ex-partners", which I happen to think is in poor taste) then, I was probably way too hard on this guy re: Most of what I had to say.

In any case, they need to have a talk about all of this, I think, because it seems to be hindering their relationship. Good luck to the OP.

- Susan


I think you are reading a lot into it. The incident as it was related was this:
quote:

SusanofO, I think it may just be innocent on his part...  
Okay, so we were talking about him ripping off my clothes, throwing me onto his car, and having his way with me (nothing especially 'kinky' in that, but still). Then, he says that we need to do it before winter because he'd done it once before in the winter and it was cold *SPLASH!* There went my dream! Don't even wanna look at a car now, less alone his (though I'm pretty sure it was different car); as we were hot and heavy at this point (until this point, that is), I'm pretty sure it wasn't his aim to "keep me in line" or anything of that sort...yeah, am pretty sure it was just what he thought was a casual comment but it just f---d up my world. 


I don't really see that as "bringing up fond BDSM memories". I saw it is as more of a "Ok, but I did that before once and this is what was bad about it so if you want to do it let's not do it quite that way".

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 205
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 5:49:39 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		mistoferin: I know we see it differently. I saw it that way probably due to my personality. I didn't see her comment as that cut-and-dried, and it seemed like the kind of thing that could have happened many times before, and she just wasn't saying that, maybe.

What she said he said was that he'd brought up "a time he'd done that once before" - which leaves, IMO, an awful lot to the imagination regarding what really happened, and was actually, specifically said between them. 

It kind of surprises me that nobody prompted her for further information about what he actually said. *For some reason, I think the conversation involved more than just those two sentences she says they spoke to eachother - and I admit I could be wrong about that (again, this is probably just my personality s far as interpreting her statements go). 

I also coupled that thought of mine with a belief I have developed that some (not all) submissives can tend to downplay their Dom's responsibilty for holding a relationship together (again that is my own opinion of what can happen to some (not all) female submissives) - and that's how my particuar thought process worked in regard to the OP's original post. I realize it is not everyone's thought process.

I just find that kind of interesting that nobody prompted her further re: That conversation (and I realize I didn't ask her, and I am truly Not slamming anyone else by saying this).

It's just kind of interesting how these threads evolve sometimes, IMO.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2007 6:00:37 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 206
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 5:55:27 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		But Susan, she has already said that he doesn't bring up anything about ex's with any frequency and that in that regard she knows very little about his past. I don't understand how you can base advice on "maybe's" and "what if's" or anything else that is not related. If you truly view situations as always having more to the story or reading things between the lines that there is no evidence of, I would say that is a bit paranoid.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 207
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 6:03:40 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		mistoferin: I don't care if you think my opinion is paranoid, or necessarily "weird". I am not the one who asked the original OP, and my opinion isn't really up for evaluation by anyone other than by the OP, since she was the person I was trying to answer. I don't mean to sound "harsh" by saying this - but I do think that already stated (twice) that my opinion is probably a result of my own  personality. If you find any other person having an opinion different than your is threatening, then I simply don't know what to say. I have a right to my opinion, and you have a right to yours. I am not changing mine.

I guess I just have a predjudice about people bringing up past relationships. I consider it kind of crass, and I don't think there is much wrong with expecting other people to not do that (with me). If he only did it once, then it's no big deal, IMO. I realize that she may gave some definite "sensitivity issues" (I think she probababy does. She admitted as much by writing, and in her own original post in the first place, in my opinion). Which I think is actually to her own credit. 

In any case, I think she should discuss this with her Dom (or Master, as the case may be).

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2007 6:22:32 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 208
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 6:13:31 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Wow Susan....I really wasn't attempting to piss in your Cheerios. When you put your opinion in print, it really does kind of open it up for discussion. Regardless....have a nice night.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 209
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 6:28:35 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I apologize if I sounded harsh. Calling someone who has a different opinion than your own "paranoid" simply because they feel differently than you do, or evaluated the situation differently, based on differnet criteria, is invalidating (to me). If you want to believe my response means I have "issues" then you are free to do that, I suppose. But I am pretty happy with my own life in general, so if even if I have a few (doesn't everyone?) they are not apparently debilitating.

I think we should just drop it, because it's not worth making a big deal over, and I usually do respect your opinion (I really do). In this case, maybe I have a different opinion than you do - but so what? I think everyone has their own personaity, and eveyrone has a right to their own opinion. I apologize if I hurt your feelings. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2007 6:36:13 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 210
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 6:41:28 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Susan, just to clarify, I didn't call you paranoid. What I said was that viewing things in such a way as to always believe that there is something more going on than the facts presented or reading more into a situation than the evidence validates is a bit paranoid.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 211
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 6:52:42 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well in some cases, that could be true I suppose, But, IMO it can also be an indication of someone who doesn't always take things and face value, and who has a good imagination. Which, depending on the circumstances isn't always a bad thing, IMO.

People like us can actually sometimes make great detectives (I think this really is true, so it does make me still wonder why I didn't ask the OP more questions, LOL. I think it is strange how some threads evolve. )

I am honestly sorry if I sounded like I was yelling at you, mistoferin. I over-reacted. I hope we can still be friends. I meant you no offense, I really did not. I apologize for my harsh tone.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2007 6:57:02 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 212
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 7:09:06 PM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		If it is a new experience for you... why does it matter how many times he has done it before? for that matter,  perhaps the experience that was possibly gained from all those other "times" makes him better at it, , in turn making it better for you....  as far as the jealousy...  i can offer little there since i do not seem to have that bug... maybe fake it till you make it?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 213
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 7:15:24 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		No worries

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 214
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 7:21:00 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		mistoferin: Well, good, glad to hear that, thanks.  - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 215
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 7:30:51 PM   
SoftKajira


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline 		wow... I couldn't read ALL of this post.. I'll just say I agree with what I've seen from bandit and juliet, I won't bother to restate it. really sounds to me like a little therapy may do you good.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 216
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 9:07:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
I think maybe that could be due to my INFJ personality (based on the Myers-Briggs personality test)

Well what do you know, I also happen to be an INFJ.  And yet we think, act, socialize, and make very different choices from eachother.

Why do you keep trying to find external rationalizations for having your opinions instead of just owning them for yourself and saying "This is who I am and this is what I think"?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 217
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 9:23:20 PM   
exogenous


Posts: 57
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BreatheinToMe

BDsbabygirl,

Although posters here have given you good feedback and advice, you are failing to "hear" the big picture. (seems some have gotten "message board fatigue syndrome"  lol ) Open communication with your Sir is who you need to be open with about your feelings. Otherwise you are trying to control....yourself  and the situation.  Give your Sir the opportunity to ease your mind, take control of the problem. Change things.

I would strongly recommend you just show him this post, all of it. You have divulged a lot of person feelings, very clearly, that are wasted on us. He needs to know these things, many points made in these ten pages ...  He may opt for a different option than you can even think of!

Good luck to everyone....even in the stands ! :)
Breathe


Interesting thread you started. I certainly can understand the let down of revealing a fantasy that you created and is unique to you, and unconsciously thought or hoped it would be unique for him, as well. I understand that “oh, you’ve done it, well, that blows that idea out of the water” because you wanted to share something that only belonged to the two of you.

Yet, it plays into an ego “thing”, and I do not mean that in a negative way. We all want to give and inspire something new and fresh to a relationship. But as you (OP) have noted, he’s done other things with other partners (he’s done it all) that he’s done with you and those things didn’t bother you, didn’t make you feel jealous or hurt.

We all have issues, so what. We deal with them the best way that we can. However, I would ask that you might consider merely trying to expand your way of thinking. We have all had the same basic experiences on a physical, not an emotional, basis. We have all done the same actions with other partners (kissing, hugging, cuddling, intercourse, spanking, and other types of wonderful interactions, etc.).

As unique individuals what do each of us get out of it, with different partners? In the end it’s the response and reaction of whatever action is taken. So, kissing is completely different with different people (the way it’s done as well as the response and reaction). Even telling a joke…how many times has the same joke been told, but depending on how it’s presented, gets a different reaction/response, and each time it’s new to the teller of the joke, because in the end, it’s the reaction/response that is what is most important, not the joke itself. Although, that may be a moot point if you (OP) cannot feel the same awe in the reaction of your first born to a certain experience, compared to your third born having that same experience and you didn’t find it just as fun and awesome as you did with your first born. (That acutally says a lot about you, that you cannot find goodness and happiness in the reactions of each individual...then you will never believe another one can find that in you, as an individual.)

The action of your fantasy may not be new to him. It’s your reaction/response to it is what is uniquely new to him, and he will love you for it. He has never experienced that action in the same exact way that only you could provide, because you are "new" to him. Try not to focus on the actual event, but more on how he will react to your response…that is what makes it new for him.

(in reply to BreatheinToMe)
Profile   Post #: 218
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/29/2007 9:45:46 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		LA: You're right. I thought that's basically what I said. Other people's opinions rarely intimidate me - as evidenced by the fact (at least I think so) that I've had a different opinion from a majority of the respondents on this thread since this entire thread began. I think that's fine. I simply don't care, although I do think it's been interesting reading everyone's opinions.

I realize everyone's personality, and how they might interpret a set of circumstances and-or what they read, is different. I also don't care if anyone changes their opinion so it closely matches mine. Who cares? - as long as they don't care if I express my opinion as well, I'm certainly cool with it.

exogenous: Nice post above, IMO.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2007 9:49:27 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to exogenous)
Profile   Post #: 219
RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy - 7/30/2007 1:10:16 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BDsbabygirl

Mercnbeth, I think everyone is blowing this out of proportion; I am neither jealous nor insecure about his past relationships or about what he did with them, GENERALLY SPEAKING. Nor was I with anyone else before this, so it's not about insecurity or that I think I'm being compared...and if I am, I know it's favorably. It's SIMPLY - for the billionth time! - about not being able to share something special I'd wanted to do with the one I'm with because part of the fantasy was in the newness in the activity for both of us. THAT's IT! ...is this really such a difficult concept to understand? Geez!
 
And as for the "he's lucky to have me" comment, it's not about him; I've always thought that about whoever I was with, because I know the good thing they had. In his case, have.


This is a far cry for the OP where you were jealous of his past, that there would be nothing new to experience and you were jealous and ready to leave him.

~Big

(in reply to BDsbabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 220
Page:   <<   < prev  9 10 [11] 12 13   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: May Not Be Cut Out For This, After All...Jealousy Page: <<   < prev  9 10 [11] 12 13   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109