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ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

Using quick reply:

I belong to a very experienced man. We joke only half kiddingly that I am the 1 billionth being served. He gets around and always has. He doesn't compare me to other women. He doesn't compare them to me or if he does he doesn't tell me. I love his experience level, he knows women, knows how we think, finds most of what I do, say and think predictable and lets me know it.

Things are "new" the first time we do them because he has never done them with me, it is *me* he is focused on in those moments, not the other women he has done similiar with.

I think you need to take some time to see how this really is a benefit to you not a drawback.

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ORIGINAL: MasterMataeo

what has happened in the past is just that  the PAST leave it there and be happy that you have what you have ,, and embrace the moment  for that is all that you have at the moment,,
don't worry about what your Master has done before,, be glad that he has the Exp and is willing to teach and share his EXP with you ,, for that helps build strong bond,,
and think about ow you would feel if he didn't tell you and you found out after the fact,,,

most of all remember the cornerstones,,, Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

MasterMataeo

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ORIGINAL: caught4u
how can she leave it in the past, when he keeps bringing it up?  she wants him to stop bringing it up so that she can be in the present with him.

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ORIGINAL: EatMeDrinkMe

SexyRed, you look really stupid when you give an opinion on the wrong subject. Read again and get back to us.

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ORIGINAL: SexyRed


What on earth are you talking about? My opinion, is MY opinion on this topic, therefore it is the right subject.  How fucking stupid of you to question that.

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: SexyRed
Those of you who are submissive, should be ashamed of yourselves for advising the OP to NOT care about her feelings, to get help, to examine her issues, blah blah blah.

While I didn't tell the OP to NOT care about her feelings (nor did I see anyone else do that) I am not going to feel ashamed of myself for telling someone who has obvious issues to examine her issues and get help.

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Guess what guys? At a certain age, we all have baggage if we have lived at all. In BDSM as well as vanilla, we all have had lots of partners. No matter how confident and accomplished and fabulous we are, we all have insecurities and jealousies. It is normal.

Yup, you're right, if we have ever lived a life we have baggage, sometimes that baggage is insecurity and jealousy. What is NOT normal is when that insecurity and jealousy is at a level that is so far out of control that it threatens to undermine our current relationships or stops us from entering into them.

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What is not normal, is to shove experience or other women down someone's throat, especially when it comes to sexual behavior. The most secure men and women in the world will still experience some sort of sexual jealousy when they are really into someone. It is not a sign that the OP or anyone else is damaged or needs help.

Where did the OP say anything about her Dom shoving his experience of other women down her throat? What she actually said was that he actually does not mention exes that much. I've heard very little of his past. In regards to the incident that led to the OP, he said that he had done that before and they shouldn't do it in the winter because when he did it, it was too cold. That isn't exactly shoving it down someone's throat.

And no, not everyone experiences sexual jealousy. I know that I certainly don't.

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It is unseemly to share every freaking detail of who you fucked, beat, gotten beaten by, etc. I don't care what you say, that type of honesty is not the type of positive communication honesty one needs in a budding relationship; that is the type of sharing that can only hurt the other person.

Not only is it not viewed as "unseemly" by some....it is desired. The type of sharing that can ONLY hurt the other person? I think not, I know in my own experience that type of sharing has created new, amazing and wonderfully fulfilling opportunities and fondly remembered moments.

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But to bludgeon someone every time they discuss a fantasy with, Oh I did that already with my hot ex, is not very productive, is it?

I didn't see where any such thing was said to have been done.

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Another point: everyone you are with is going to be a first, with them. So with that said, give the OP a break and acknowledge that perhaps her Dom is a moron who has no finesse of the sublte psyche of a woman and who wants to manipulate her into feeling less worthy so she appreciates him more.

A "Dom is a moron who has no finesse of the sublte psyche of a woman and who wants to manipulate her into feeling less worthy so she appreciates him more" ??? Would this be the same Dom that she said "constantly tells me about how he'd given up on ever finding anyone who truly melds with him, has told me that his other subs claimed to know it all and have so much experience but I beat them all hands down even though I am new -- asked me tonite if I was sure I hadn't done this before! *LOL*, tells me that he has never met anyone who anywhere near approaches my uniqueness and specialness, tells me he loves me unlike he has ever loved before and in fact thought possible...so, he does build me up a lot. I believe every word he says and it brings great joy to my heart." The one she is completely in sync with? The one she has been talking about like he is the greatest thing since sliced white bread....other than the fact that he didn't live his life in a bubble prior to meeting her?

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You know, I read this entire thread

Did you, I mean really?

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and I am sick of the bullshit replies that the OP got.

Actually, I think that she got some very good, constructive, from the heart advice.

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You people crack me up, truly.

Well, glad we could bring you a bit of humor.

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ORIGINAL: EatMeDrinkMe

Your opinion is misinformed and the only one looking fucking stupid is you.

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ORIGINAL: caught4u


how can she leave it in the past, when he keeps bringing it up?  she wants him to stop bringing it up so that she can be in the present with him.

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: SexyRed


What on earth are you talking about? My opinion, is MY opinion on this topic, therefore it is the right subject.  How fucking stupid of you to question that.

You spoke about a dom shoving every detail of his past down his submissive's throat, which is a different subject than what happened here. 

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ORIGINAL: EatMeDrinkMe

Then you stated her Dom was a moron and did not know a woman's psyche. The op defends Him on that subject, go read for yourself.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well I'm coming into this mucho late (what's with the ultra high posting on a Sunday morning deal?).

To the OP- your feelings are completely understandable, AND completely irrational.

You need to talk about them with him.  It would not be completely odd for you to ask that when you are in "fantasy sharing mode" that he not bring up anything in the past and just go with what's there.

However, you have let this one instance go way too far in your mind and way overreacted, which shows an insecurity within you and a weakness of communication in your relationship which you both must work on.  It sounds to me as if he were simply being practical, in fact reassuring you that he knows the right way to go about this fantasy because he's learned from past mistakes.

Work on it together and keep things reasonable.

To Susan:
You're the ONLY switch I ever met who keeps using their orientation as an excuse for their perspective/behavior.  I'm a switch, and you and I think completely differently on a lot of things.  So it makes no sense for you to use that as some justification for why/how you say the things you do.  And you do it a lot. 

To Susan/Dominic:
I'll just go tell my partner what a classless person he is for cherishing the nearly decade relationship he had with his ex-wife.  I'll have to let him know that by remaining friends and a caring person in her life and allowing that to be shared with me that he's really just being very wrong and cruel and immature and classless.  How horrible that they took their relationship seriously and that ending it was no reason for them to forget and dislike what they had.  And since I insisted we have their pictures hanging in our apartment, I'm not really sure what that makes me?  An enabler for classless behavior?  We must be so fucked up.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
We must be so fucked up.

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ORIGINAL: CutieMouse

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ORIGINAL: caught4u


how can she leave it in the past, when he keeps bringing it up?  she wants him to stop bringing it up so that she can be in the present with him.

That would also kind of require her taking responsibility, and actually telling her partner that mentioning his past experiences bothers her... in the thread she's talked about working harder at looking upset when he mentions it, but avoiding actually discussing the issue like mature adults.