quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

Feelings of these type of insecurities do not appear/occur overnight.

I have always been this way. Probably always will be.

That is why I avoid a commitment/relationship thus far (in this realm most likely you will run into men who have had 10 subs and done numerous kinks with them). 

It is similar to finding out your 'real dad' has another family across town.

does he love them more? do those daughters get the cool brand-name Barbies and you get the knock-off cheapos?, Do they get cool clothes and he comes home to you to bring their handmedowns?

You either have to stop that thinking somehow, or tell him it is eating you up.  Because it isn't fair to anyone being half of a trusting/loving sub/girl to any man/Dom.  Give all, or at least try or don't give at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I just have to say that reading this thread has really brought home to me how MUCH many submissives are conditioned, and-or need to believe that whatever goes "wrong" in a relationship is almost always automatically their fault.

quote:

If her Dom just changed doing one little thing (mentioning past BDSM experience with other women, and that would only be a minor inconveniece on his part) - then this entire problem might disappear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDsbabygirl

nor can I see how he could've possibly said that to reassure me; what, was I supposed to be glad he'd save me from frostbite?

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In fact, I am not usually submissive in R/L

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Isn't submitting about giving regardless of how you feel?

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

~FR~
To the OP:
I have read through all the posts here and you have gotten some excellent responses (juliet and ownedgirlie, as always, have been especially helpful).  There are so many great responses to use as a springboard but I think the best I can offer is just to tell you a bit about my own experience with the type of jealousy you are currently dealing with.

My Master has about 11 years experience as a dom while I have none other than with Him (about 15 months).  I have never played or scened with anyone else, never had another dom of any kind.  Though He never went into great specifics with me (He knows I don't really care to know and He doesn't have any great desire to reminisce either), I obviously knew He'd had experience with several other subs.  He never had a slave before - no one that He owned as property - but did have what I would consider a significant amount of experience with several other subs who all were pretty experienced themselves from what I gather. 

Much as you, I didn't want to know about it.  Sure I knew He'd been with them and done lots of things I had never experienced.  That's cool.  But I don't want to know their names or exactly what they did together or any of that.  I just didn't want that in my head, thank you.  But, on the other hand, sometimes my curiosity got the better of me.  We'd be talking about some particular activity and the opportunity would be there for me to ask about His previous experience with it and the conversation would kind of get around to the fact that He'd done this or that with this one or that one.  Then I'd know but later wish I didn't.  It was a real rollercoaster.

For me, the issue wasn't that I wasn't sure that He loved me or that I felt insecure.  Not at all.  The issue was that I had zero experience in the areas where He did.  He and these other subs had done things - together no less - that I had never done at all.  I already felt ill-equipped in a way by not having any prior experience.  Then to know that these other subs did and they had enjoyed those particular activities together....well it just seemed like too much to handle.  How could I ever compete or "catch up?"

Well, the fact is I can't and I don't have to.  Master told me this but it just wouldn't sink in.  Don't get me wrong.  I wasn't a drama queen over it and I didn't even bring it up unless He sensed something was bothering me (this was back when I still thought it should be my decision when to tell Him something...lol....).  Things came to a climax one day when the subject of saline injections came up.  He told me that He had done them before.  Something about that just bothered me so much.  Mind you, I have NO desire to be injected with saline but the thought of Him doing that to a former sub and not me, well I just couldn't handle that.  I began hinting around that we should do that.  He said He hadn't even enjoyed it at all.  It's not something He would want to do again.  It still bothered me - knowing that He didn't even enjoy it - that she'd experienced it with Him and I hadn't.  He said, "I can't believe that you want to do this when you have absolutely no desire for it and I have absolutely no desire to do it again.  Are you willing to go that far just to prove a point.  Are you actually saying you want me to do something I don't enjoy just so you can say you did it?" 

Well, the absurdity of that really hit me.  I knew I was feeling/acting in a ridiculous manner but I felt I couldn't help it.  Anyway, that started off a discussion about how inferior I felt in comparison to the former subs.  I had no experience and they had lots.  He'd done all this stuff with them and not me, blah, blah, blah.  He set me straight that He and I, thank you, had already done lots of things that He had never done with any of them.  And, as far as the things He had done with them, when He'd done them with me, they were even better.  I thought He was just placating me but the more He talked, the more I realized He was speaking from His heart.  As He talked of all the "firsts" that He and I had shared and how much better experiences were with me, it began to finally sink in. 

He then reminded me that they were "former" not current and that He had never wanted to own any of them or anyone else, for that matter, before me.  No other sub had ever lived with Him.  As He ran down the list of all that He and I already shared that they never had, I finally got it  !  If He had wanted them still in His life, they'd be here.  He chose to own me, not them.  We have already shared a lot of "firsts" that they never did.  Eureka - may be I have nothing to compete with or compare myself to.

I can honestly say that, from that conversation forward, I have never again felt like I was competing with the ghosts of subbies past....lol....So, I say all that to say this, OP:  As so many others have already eloquently stated, you are there.  The others are not.  He obviously chose and wants you.  Know that, enjoy that, and revel in that.  You are with him because he wants you to be.  Don't mess it up by getting hung up on his past and refusing to let it go.  Good luck............luci