Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 4:56:16 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		This topic got to wondering how many so called submissive women that are in debt over their ass, wake up one day and say to themselves.

"I'll go find myself a Man to pay all my bills, take care of me for the rest of my life, and I'll let him use my body however he likes", now where to go?  Now, what's all this talk about BDSM D/s relationships?  Oh yes, I can find some dumb ass Domly Dom there that will do... LOL

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 5:00:29 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Oh, isn't this just fucking wonderful!!!....Way to alert the subs that we are only human and can make mistakes and if they fall prey to our less than honorable advances that they share in part of the responsibility....I can hear the sound of a thousand legs slamming shut as we speak.....Thanks for nothing, LA......Way to go!....No more easy pussy for domiguy.  Thank you, so fucking much!!! Betch.

_____________________________



(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Dom's are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 5:13:27 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		by tradition the male is the care giver even by 50s standards even up to the seventies. it was expected for the head of the house hold to be in charge and run things that is just society and the way it was traditional thinking
Now in todays world views and things have greatly change. we have become a society where the blame is passed down to someone else. what is funny to top it all off are the people who say they want this or that and when things go a muck they go oops my bag how shallow.. this happens a lot of times at the expense of others. my advice to all subs is this take control of you're life. be careful who you hand the reigns to. First see if they are qualified to be a partner in your life.. people almost make this like a job.. most people hate their jobs. why would you want to come to work everyday. so while Dom's Dommes and subs are human it is the roles we play with in the relationship that make it what it is. we can get into dsmv 5 descriptions even research. but you would just get bored  It really is about what each one of us bring to the table. that is pretty much it in a nut shell

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 7/31/2007 5:23:01 PM >

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 5:15:28 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, Aqua

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 5:28:27 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

daddysprop247: I agree with you. But (based on what you write  here at CM, and I've read quite a few of your posts), you've taken responsibility for your decision to give him all of the responsibility for decisions (you definitely seem to me to have done that anyway, I know I don't know you personally, but  you ceertainly seem to have realized what that decision actually meant for you, in your own relationship).

I think there some people (from what I've read, and I know you agree) who honestly don't realize what might (or could) happen if they do that in their life - and then get ticked off at the Dom/me (and maybe even leave the relationship) because they didn't "get" what that might actually end up meaning (and they didn't bother to get to know their Dom/me).

The Dom/me has some repsonsibility to make their expectations crystal clear to the submissive or slave as well (IMO), of course. Some Dom/mes have more "extreme" expectations, some have hardly any.

How can someobody really turn over their entire life to someone, if they've never talked with them about their expectations (I am big on specificity, as far as that goes), or if they have, if they didn't really understand those expectations? 

Or, if  they refuse to try and talk about any problems that might be occurring - and just up and  threaten to leave the relationship if there is a slight problem, instead? If they haven't bothered to try to get to know their "partner", really?

- Susan


Susan,

you are right, i do accept responsibility for choosing this way of life, choosing my Master, and for each and every action i make throughout life...that my Master takes responsibilities for those things as well is just the nature of our dynamic. a while back there was a thread which posed the scenario of a slave being ordered to commit a crime by her Master, then upon being caught claiming total innocence, blaming it solely on Master, because he is the Boss. my response to that was, if i were in the same situation, committing a crime at my Master's command and then being caught, i would never mention my Master's name or the fact that i was ordered to do anything, i would accept the responsibility because that is what you do as an adult.

and i definitely agree with you, there seem to be a great deal of submissives who get in over their heads, who don't take the time and care to fully understand themselves and their own needs and desires, much less understand how to function within a D/s relationship. and when things fall apart, they want to play the "woe is me" game, and blame the evil Dominant. it's a depressingly common scenario.

however i don't think all, or even most, submissives who are dependent, troubled, etc., fall into that category. and the fact is that total dependence and helplessness can be beautiful things for the right people, in the right union.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 5:36:58 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Well, thanks for replying on daddysprop's behalf! As I said in my post to her, I understand the general dynamics of her relationship. I don't question the selflessness; I don't harbour over the TPE. I have no problems whatsoever with her surrender to the man who shares her life. That isn't why I wrote to her.

The reason why I wrote to her is because she has mentioned that he cares for her. I cannot reconcile caring for somebody and making them into a powerless human being, effectively reducing them to nothing in the big fat evil world we live in. I think caring for somebody encompasses selflessness too; I understand how certain people can find happiness in reaping the rewards from the despondency of the creatures that depend upon them. But I don't see how this qualifies as 'caring' for them.

I utterly disagree with you: love isn't a greedy and needy emotion. People are greedy and emotional, but love isn't. Love encompasses far more than what you describe below:

quote:



Her does whatever her Master requires of her is proof of her love,  her master requesting and using her is proof of his love for her.  



And indeed, you make that clear later:

quote:



Hell, you don't have to have Love as most people know it, for an extreme D/s or M/s relationship to work.   For some people Love is a four letter word that can mess an extreme D/s relationship up, for others it does not.



Which isn't surprising at all. What I was, and still am, curious about is: why doesn't surrender involve him as well? I am trying to understand what's in it for him (apart from the obvious). On an emotional and human level, what's in it for a man who makes a young woman utterly dependent upon him? Love isn't part of the equation, but since daddysprop has mentioned it before, 'he cares for her'.

What about her humanity? You mention the word yourself, so I'll daringly quote you in part: what about her soul?

Finally: are you her official public speaker :-) ?

_____________________________



(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:03:25 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

But daddysprop, you didn't answer your own question: since you have grown into a state of utter despondency upon him, what on earth will you do if something happens to him? Die?

I am curious about why the man you are with would wish for you to be so vulnerable: how does it go with caring for you? I would love it if you took the time to explain it to me. For whilst I understand the principles behind an extreme D/s relationship, I still try to reconcile it with the idea I have of love: and what you describe on these boards is a lot of things... but not love. I don't presume that love is what ever motivated either of you: but caring is a mild form of love.  



kittin, what my Master and i share is indeed love. we have a very deep, consuming mutual love which is the reason we have been able to stick together for so long. it is also not a one-sided relationship...He has the power, yes, but we both reap the benefits.

what does wishing to keep me dependent and vulnerable have to do with loving me? well, that's an easy one. He fell in love with me because of who and what i am, and that included my inquisitive nature, my unconscious submissiveness, my shyness, my big brown eyes, and yes, my tendency for dependence and my vulnerability (side effect of the submissiveness). He viewed it as a precious, rare quality that he wanted to nourish and enhance, not wash away. then of course there are the practical reasons for a Master having a completely dependent slave...i'm sure you are aware of those. but also know that he is the sort of Man who has no desire to own someone he does not care for, and no desire to own someone long-term that he does not deeply love. so love pervades every aspect of our dynamic.

it is because of love that he puts such great effort in protecting me, because he knows just how vulnerable he has made me, and rather than change me, the person he loves, he would rather work harder to control all the outside stuff. if the absolute worst happened, and he was no longer here? He has made arrangements for someone else to take care of me in the practical ways. not that such things matter to me at all, as the last thing i would care about if Daddy were gone would be how to get by.

(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:14:17 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
LA is right, submissives often come into this thinking us dominants are the answer to their own dysfunction and they need to grow the fuck up and become mature responsible adults and deal with whatever issues they have first.   The more we demand that of people, the more healthy our dysfunctional little community will become.
  I refer to this as the "rose colored glasses" syndrome.  I've been amazed at the submissives I've seen go through this in the last 14 years. Doesn't matter what venue you're in: If you behave like a one night stand, you'll most likely get treated like a one stand. I can't believe how many times I've heard whining about that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

everyone has a freaking phd in mental health
:looking at the degree on my wall: Yeah, and?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:17:11 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		The more I read from you, the more I am mesmerized. I understand, but I can't comprehend. We are that different that to me, my child matters above all else. I cannot ever consider giving away my freedom so completely, because love for my son prohibits me from doing so... and my free will too.

Were I a slave, I would only pretend to do as was asked of me; because free will, to me, is what makes us human.

Thanks for answering.

_____________________________



(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:18:58 PM   
Rockwell


Posts: 63
Status: offline 		Dear daddysprop:

Good to know he has made arrangements for someone else to take care of you if the worst happened.
You are brave and explain your self well.

Best regards to your daddy    He must be proud.

Z.

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:22:39 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I'm understand what daddysprop247 means. I really think I do. Whatever works for other people is fine, as they're the ones living it, as far as I am concerned. I care not what most other people do.

I think sometimes that when  people post about the more intimate aspects of their relationships, people sometimes think that is being held up as some kind of "standard" for other people to apsire to. It's not (necessarily). Or doesn't have to be construed that way, anyway. 

A lot of  the time, I think what they're doing is simply relating how they live their own particular life, is all. There are still some things I read that I cannot imagine ever doing. Fine with me. 

I am not trying to be rude in saying this, and I don't think kitten was being rude (above) either, and hope it won't be misconstrued, and am not trying to argue (truly, I know people might just be struggling to comprehend, and-or trying to clarify what someone means) - but I do see this happen frequently on the CM boards.

People say: "Well, I'd never do_______that way ..." Yeah. And so? - what does that mean, really? It just means you'd never do ________. Okay, well. Okay, then.

Sorry to sound like a Nag (if I did). In some cases, I think a lot of such commentary is just people learning about new stuff, too (or that it exists anyway, even if they might not envision trying it themselves).

As in: "Really? You do ________? How can you Doooo that!! Eww". Hmmm (tell me more, tell me more...even If I'd never do it. I'm curious). 

-Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/31/2007 6:58:07 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:39:32 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Some of the things I am trying to touch on are collective responsibility, the nature of love, and the outcomes of good and not-so-good (I don't really believe in evil, just in wrongdoing). I am trying to get my head around the things that you describe along these threads.

While I find it very difficult to accept the things you say, I have no problems appreciating your honesty and laidbackness.

Perhaps it is, actually, because you are so laidback that I have managed to keep on reading the things you say. No offence meant: your experiences are way beyond anything I could ever imagine, yet in a strange way, I am glad you are sharing them.

All knowledge is good knowledge.

< Message edited by kittinSol -- 7/31/2007 6:43:58 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:43:17 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I wasn't aiming that remark at you in particular kittensol. I think you're polite. What I just mentioned is just a general phenomenon I've recognized occurs on the CM boards. And I think for some new people, especially, reading about some kinds of BDSM activity and the way some people relate, can be a little mind-blowing. That's where I think a lot of this kind of commentary can come from, sometimes. I see that a lot (at least it's what I think I see). But, as they say, "Perception is "Reality". Whatever "Reality" is...hehe. I will stop commenting on noticing that now - (I am starting to sound obnoxious to myself).

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/31/2007 6:58:29 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 6:57:22 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		Did the Stupid Sub Tricks.
Mouthed idiotic catch phrases.
Stopped and picked up a few clues.
Got slammed with the death curse……….
………you are not submissive enough!
Learned that laughter deflects the curse.
Picked up a few more clues.
Honest enough to admit it.
Take heart, LA, some of us do reclaim our sanity!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 7:35:21 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I will confess that daddyprops memorizes me at times also. I have great respect for her honest laidback answers as well.  Frankly, I would be in complete awe of anybody submitting to me on the same level she has with her daddy.

In my heart I want to protect, and this would mean for me, making certain they are not so vulnerable.  I realize any day, I could drop dead from some off the wall illness, or get killed in an accident or whatnot.  I would not want it on my consious in my last breaths that I left somebody unprepared and helpless.  

What if I were to become hospitalized? So many thoughts right now.   Yes, I would value such a level of submission, but I would not want to keep them in a vulnerable state.   In my mind a slave is a reflection of a master.  If the Master is gone for whatever reason, the slave should be able to function without their master.  Then again, this is my line of thinking and what I'm comfortable with.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 7:45:13 PM   
jennifer819


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/27/2007
Status: offline 		well said whiplash

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 7:48:09 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I dig daddysprop.

_____________________________



(in reply to jennifer819)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 7:58:52 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

I will confess that daddyprops memorizes me at times also. I have great respect for her honest laidback answers as well.  Frankly, I would be in complete awe of anybody submitting to me on the same level she has with her daddy.

In my heart I want to protect, and this would mean for me, making certain they are not so vulnerable.  I realize any day, I could drop dead from some off the wall illness, or get killed in an accident or whatnot.  I would not want it on my consious in my last breaths that I left somebody unprepared and helpless.  

What if I were to become hospitalized? So many thoughts right now.   Yes, I would value such a level of submission, but I would not want to keep them in a vulnerable state.   In my mind a slave is a reflection of a master.  If the Master is gone for whatever reason, the slave should be able to function without their master.  Then again, this is my line of thinking and what I'm comfortable with.


I am not her defender, in fact I don't think I've replied to any of her posts, BUT she's made it abundantly clear, as did someone else, that her Master has made provisions for her.  That's about three times now that the information has been given.  And let's not kid ourselves, if daddy'sprop as a human being were left without that provision (god forbid) the human spirit is amazing!!!!! she would do what she had to do because she had to do it.  Do you notice the coherent manner in which she phrases her arguments? she thinks and thinks well.  I fail to believe that Wwe would read about her being found weeks later, starving to death on the remnants of what her Master left in the refridgerator.  This thread was about moving away from romanticized ideas. 

And love is simply how Wwe feel about Oourselves when Wwe are with a particular person.  If she feels glorious, don't IMHO negate what she feels or what her Master feels because it doesn't look like what gets your love juices (no pun here) flowing. 

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 8:02:51 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		And by the way what in heck is a "laidback" answer?  Her replies are more coherent than most..  Spelling is good and punctuation where it belongs.  Says what is material for her situation without the judgment calls.  Frankly,  I think she rocks.  I can't do micromanagement at this time so TPE as done by their relationship would drive Me crazy, but if I had the time and the inclination, hell I'd want one with an attitude like hers.  Certainly pleasant to come home to. 

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 8:10:19 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		hmmm....love juices.....sounds yummy.

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 100
Page:   <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094