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RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 8:14:33 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Oh come on, it's not like they would be selling their soul to the devil or anything.


Of course not.

quote:


Call me the devils advocate for the day. 


That's my job. Have you cleared this with the union?


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 8:17:01 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I dunno, just seems we got ourselves an influx of clueless newbies who happily leap into relationships with doms, clueless, idealistic- and then when it all crashes down to earth and reality, instead of saying "Wow I was stupid, shouldn't do that again" they say "Why do doms suck when us subs are so beautiful and wonderful?"

I know, I know, nothing new, nothing different- clueless newbies are everywhere all the time.  But felt like I should do something bold to hopefully help them out.

Doms are people- you are an adult.  Act like an adult who knows how to get involved with other adults using good sense.  Getting into Ds relationships is NOT different from getting into vanilla relationships.  Same issues need to be dealt with.  If you get burned, take responsibility for what YOU did, face reality, and move on.

/cheers very loudly

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 8:29:06 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Edit: Post was redundant, so I nixed it.


< Message edited by Aswad -- 7/31/2007 8:44:57 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 7/31/2007 11:31:12 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Using fast reply ...

LA, I agree with you.  However, the opposite is also true.  Submissive people are human too and they also have their own idiosyncrasies and foibles as much as the next person.  Inasmuch as submissives should not expect dominants to be perfect people, neither should dominants expect submissives to be perfect either.



_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 12:06:56 AM   
Rockwell


Posts: 63
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie
Using fast reply ...
LA, I agree with you.  However, the opposite is also true.  Submissive people are human too and they also have their own idiosyncrasies and foibles as much as the next person.  Inasmuch as submissives should not expect dominants to be perfect people, neither should dominants expect submissives to be perfect either.


Thank you feastie.  Surely Lucky Albatross would agree with you, but this fact is staring us in the face.

Responsible adults.

(Please don't kick the subs - unless they beg)

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 1:31:13 AM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

LA is right, submissives often come into this thinking us dominants are the answer to their own dysfunction and they need to grow the fuck up and become mature responsible adults and deal with whatever issues they have first. The more we demand that of people, the more healthy our dysfunctional little community will become.


This right here is sooooooo true. I didnt come into this lifestyle so much expecting a dom to fix my problems but I was very needy , going through a black spot in my life and wonder if that in part is what drew me in. Now I have sorted my life out I am a much better person and far happier and my relationship with Master is better than it ever was (I am damn lucky he is understanding and patient ).

But I would agree there is no point expecting another person, whether they be Dom vanilla whatever to fix you, You need to be strong within yourself or you are dooming yourself to failure before you begin

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 4:11:37 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Yup.  But, as you pointed out, there's this myth running rampant about the teacher dom, the trainer, the mentor.  No wonder some subs have these unrealistic expectations.  And, oftentimes it's the doms that perpetuate this myth.  Look at some of the dominant profiles.  "Let me guide you", etc.

Sorry, but you've got it backwards -- the myth is being perpetuated by the subs who say that's what they want,  and the doms are merely practicing marketing by targeting that niche of fluffy headed subs in pursuit of a fantasy. This stuff is just an extension of male stereotypes perpetuated by Harlequin Romance novels that some chicks love, but  guys know it is complete horseshit and won't read it.

Doms would be far happier if subs said they just want to suck cock and fetch beers while the dom watches football;  then the dom profiles would have a lot more truth in advertising and not much fantasy peddling. Instead, we're left with the bait and switch where they advertise the fantasy but it morphs to football and blowjobs  . . . and then whining about dashed dreams on a message board. PT Barnum would be proud!


< Message edited by happypervert -- 8/1/2007 4:16:09 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 4:16:46 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Using fast reply ...

LA, I agree with you.  However, the opposite is also true.  Submissive people are human too and they also have their own idiosyncrasies and foibles as much as the next person.  Inasmuch as submissives should not expect dominants to be perfect people, neither should dominants expect submissives to be perfect either.




Well, that's just taking things too damn far!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 4:18:40 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Yup.  But, as you pointed out, there's this myth running rampant about the teacher dom, the trainer, the mentor.  No wonder some subs have these unrealistic expectations.  And, oftentimes it's the doms that perpetuate this myth.  Look at some of the dominant profiles.  "Let me guide you", etc.

Sorry, but you've got it backwards -- the myth is being perpetuated by the subs who say that's what they want,  and the doms are merely practicing marketing by targeting that niche of fluffy headed subs in pursuit of a fantasy. This stuff is just an extension of male stereotypes perpetuated by Harlequin Romance novels that some chicks love, but  guys know it is complete horseshit and won't read it.

Doms would be far happier if subs said they just want to suck cock and fetch beers while the dom watches football;  then the dom profiles would have a lot more truth in advertising and not much fantasy peddling. Instead, we're left with the bait and switch where they advertise the fantasy but it morphs to football and blowjobs  . . . and then whining about dashed dreams on a message board. PT Barnum would be proud!



lol  happy
 
I'd say you and bandit are both right. Both things exist.
 
"Blowjobs and beer"....... hell of a campaign slogan.

< Message edited by Level -- 8/1/2007 4:19:06 AM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 4:32:34 AM   
tawney1


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tawney1

My view is that you, ( Dom or sub),  have to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of another.  True of all relationships whether they be vanilla, kinky or some thing else. There maybe varying degrees of power exchange in a relationship but it still takes at least two to make one.

tawney
property of Odin


quote:

Now, what about a slave that has been released from her Master for whatever reason.  What if she was not permitted to have a job, has no car, has no license, has no credit, does not have much in the way of family, and not much of anything else?  Are you saying she needs to take care of all these needs first herself before she can enter into another relationship?
--------------------
Good question Sir.  Hopefully when negotiating the relationship at the beginning she made sure there was a provision in there in case it ended that would help her start out again on her own. But if not than she damn well better know how to get a job, manage money etc in order to survive.
Another relationship is not likely to immediately drop out of the blue unless she is looking to be "rescued" from having to take care of things on her own and grabs the first Dom that shows interest. Definiately not a good reason to hook up with another.

tawney
property of Odin

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 4:48:38 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Yeah, well what about the way people just naturally defer to me and ask my opinion? I am a natural, charismatic leader who people want to be around. I am a natural Dominant man and I’m really smart, too. When I walk in a place, people look at me, stop moving and wait for me to tell them what to do. It is particularly embarrassing in large crowds. This happens around pretty women a lot. I went in Wal-mart the other day and the pretty old lady greeter smiled at me for no reason and I understood why. It is just me. I made her push the cart to me to show her my control. What can I say? She looked at me contentedly. It is just me. (Littlesarbonn, will you write me a profile?)

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to tawney1)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 6:51:00 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		agreed in totem, LA

must be that full moon phase again


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 8:02:02 AM   
simplyangelic1


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		I couldn't agree more.  To expect a Dominant to be perfect 100% of the time is unrealistic.  Now granted there are "snakes" on both sides of the coin and there are those who's actions don't match their words.  That being said, as one of the newbies that made some wrong choices, I personally used those bad experiences to learn about me and help redefine what I was looking for.  There were a few times when those damn rose colored glasses kept trying to find a home and sometimes they did, cause I allowed it and sometimes they didn't.  To sit and whine about those bad experiences is a waste of energy because we only have ourselves to blame if we ignore warning signs or rush into something that turns out to be everything we didn't want. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 8:10:12 AM   
simplyangelic1


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tawney1



quote:

Now, what about a slave that has been released from her Master for whatever reason.  What if she was not permitted to have a job, has no car, has no license, has no credit, does not have much in the way of family, and not much of anything else?  Are you saying she needs to take care of all these needs first herself before she can enter into another relationship?
--------------------

tawney
property of Odin



YES!!!!  A sub or slave whether male or female should be able to care for themselves before entering into a relationship.  There is no guarentee that any relationship will last forever and when you don't know how to handle things yourself, you are lost.  Even if a Dominant doesn't want a sub/slave to work, they should still know how to look for a job and keep one.  Same goes for all aspects of living on your own.  Just because you are sub or slave doesn't mean you should give up knowing how to handle life situtaions.

Can you imagine all whining from all the released slaves out there if they didn't know how to pick up the pieces and move on.

(in reply to tawney1)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 8:16:14 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rockwell

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie
Using fast reply ...
LA, I agree with you.  However, the opposite is also true.  Submissive people are human too and they also have their own idiosyncrasies and foibles as much as the next person.  Inasmuch as submissives should not expect dominants to be perfect people, neither should dominants expect submissives to be perfect either.


Thank you feastie.  Surely Lucky Albatross would agree with you, but this fact is staring us in the face.

Responsible adults.

(Please don't kick the subs - unless they beg)


Yeah, right.  You just go on believing that.  Meanwhile, I'll continue to deal with the truth.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Rockwell)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 8:34:16 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		Geeez, stay away from the forums for a day and i come back to find
that it's all been a myth. Dominants aren't the divine, all encompassing
glorious entities of absolute power and perfection i thought they were!

Damn, now i'll have to dismantle that popsicle stick pedestal i've
been erecting in Their honor. What a frigging disappointment.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 8:40:47 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		fast reply~ to Daddysprop247
 
I admit when I came to the boards I didn't quite understand Daddysprop.  I felt like she always seemed so unhappy, so just accepting of her place that she couldn't see how wrong it was.  I can now see after over a year of being here than I was the wrong one.
 
I have always since that time read what she has written with interest, even if I didn't always understand it.  I am sorry I judged you so harshly (in my head, not on here).  What you and your Daddy have seems to work well for you both.  I don't always agree with his methods, but I respect that it brings you both happiness.  I do think you are happy, something I didn't think at first, but have come to see.  You may not be happy in the same ways, but I can read how content you are and I admire that.
 
I am not sure I could live in the same way, though it has appealed to me on occasion.  If I am ever on the search again (which I better not be), it is something I might consider looking into more.  I can say not having a father around left me wanting that guidance, that protection, that person to lean on and take care of things.  I have had to come above that part of myself and learn to do things I honestly would rather not.  While I am quite happy in my relationship, there are parts of yours that I do admire.  I see love there, where most see you being used and abused.  I can see love on both sides, where you both bring to each other what you need. 
 
I don't feel sorry for you as I once did.  I am happy that you are living your life the way that you desire and you have found someone that will live it with you.  You are very well spoken, very intelligent, and I am sure you make him proud every single day. 
 
It's not for me to understand everything, it's more for me to keep my mind open and realize there are millions of different types of happiness out there.  I have mine, and see no call to take away from someone elses.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 9:04:22 AM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		I'd like to say I prefer the latter two....

Harlequin romance novels are a hard limit. I like football and..... the other... is yet higher on my list.

<ducking>

leatherette

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 9:08:14 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings LA,
you have certainly recieved enough kudus on this thread that another probably doesn't matter but i will add it anyway. If this thread had been posted when i first came to CM, i would have approached my experiences with greater rationality instead of the "sub-frenzy" manner that i chose. i certainly hope that the newbies are reading the info in this thread and taking it to heart~
Excellent thread

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Doms are people, too. Wise up already subs. - 8/1/2007 10:25:39 AM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		oops    I forgot the beer



(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 120
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