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RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 7:49:46 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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Oh for the sake of everything sensical. Yeah...that's right ALL dominant women hate ALL men. That's perfect...makes more sense than anything I've posted on today. And it especially rings true because the OP heard it on some random radio show and doesn't even have a link to their website to show us the topics of said conversation.

Yeah that's why all we women get involved in domination for scamming, hating, retribution and because without men the world would be perfect. I'm really tired of the blanket statements and the finger pointing at any one segment...as if all segments of the human race don't have said capability to be idiots. No matter where we go, what we do, who we know someone will fit nicely under your blanket, but not every female, not every male, not every femme dominant and not every male dominant, not every male sub/slave nor every female sub/slave.

I am a female dominant and I happen to love all kinds of men, I don't exploit them, I don't harm them physically, mentally or financially. I am quite sure that there are many, many dominant women who feel just as I.

Please consider when you post that you can't presume everyone is the same and that if there is one sects who can do something stupid then so can all of the other sects.

_____________________________

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 21

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 7:50:04 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

I'll just jump in and say I think the money aspect is the difference...

Money is looked at as dirty. And anything connected to money is perceived as dirty as well. And people see dommes charge money for their "services" and I think it becomes very difficult for the vanilla world to view that as any different than a prostitute that charges $20 bucks for a handjob. So basically I think the vanilla world views Dommes as prostitutes. And that is why they have that negative stereotype. Meanwhile, male doms practically never charge money from their submissives, so that is more viewed as just playing around in the bedroom.

Do dommes hate men? Most don't. Some do. Those that get into this lifestyle to just make money or hate on men usually don't last too long. But like I said, those women unfortunately give all dominant women a bad name.

First, I think we need to make a distinction between lifestyle and Pro Dommes here, and lets not worry about the overlapping of the two for now. Some lifestyle Dommes do accept gifts (who doesn't like a sursie?), however generally do not charge for a "service". The d/s exchange is not a consumable product within the confines of this dynamic.

As far as transactional domination is concerned: as long as there is a demand, there will be a supply. I think part of the reason that the public may have the perception it does about Pro Dommes is that there is a fairly high demand for the tough-as-nails "Domme", and this archetype is probably the most well known and publicized. The irony of this, of course, is that the bottom is simply receiving a product tailored to their preferences. No one is coercing anyone to see a Pro, clearly, if the service was unsatisfactory they wouldn't keep coming back, would they? Theres a different flavor for every fetishist.

To the OP:

Clearly, some Dommes (lifestyle or pro) are misandrists, as some Doms may be misogynists. I don't think this is anywhere near the norm, however.

I think in the vanilla world the idea of a strong, dominant woman is still difficult for many to grasp. She may have a very sweet character, but because she doesn't fit the traditional model of being rather delicate and demure, she's often labeled a "bitch" and attributed other characteristics that may or may not be true. A dominant woman may be intimidating to some, and yes some may actaully be shrews, but that does not make all of them villains.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 7/31/2007 7:53:41 PM >

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 22

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 7:54:40 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I agree wholeheartedly...When it comes down to the majority of the folks on this site it is definitely a two way street.

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Post #: 23

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 7:56:20 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I think when most people in the vanilla world refer to dommes, they're talking about the professionals. It's quite safe to assume that the majority of people don't have any idea d/s exists as a relationship type, they only know of d/s as CEOs who have the world at their feet paying man-hating women to beat them for a few hours a month.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 24

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 7:58:42 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

In the vanilla universe in my part of the world, professional domination isn't much of a no no taboo misunderstood taboo ... one Mistress here has addressed a business womens' group, others have written books and myself and others have been interviewed for documentaries, shows, etc ... two ran b&d seminars for vanilla folk ... all and all ... NZ's pretty sweet on the whole pro thing...

Do I hate men ... no ...

Will there be people who do offering professional sessions ... probably ... but they are not me ...so I can't comment on their whys or wherefores

Peace, love & mungbeans

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 25

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 7:58:42 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

They were talking briefly on the radio today about dominatrices and basically said that they are all just radical feminists who hate men and are just looking for an easy way to make a buck.

It seems dommes are viewed in a very negative way by the vanilla world...even more negative than male doms.

What do you think is the basis of these stereotypes and is there any truth to them?

Of course the vanilla world views female dominants as nothing but professional out to make money.

How many other kinds have you seen on television or in movies? Be honest, how many other kinds?

Oh, I supposed there is the psycho who kills men too. Or the comedy bit where it's clear that it's primarily a bit of kinky sex fun or for halloween.

Then ask yourself how often stable, competent, and healthy men are show as dominant in the BDSM sense? Not too many there either, huh?

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to cyberdude611)

Post #: 26

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 8:00:43 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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obis (and tammyjo): I agree. And I think what may be generally spouted on the radio in negative reference to Dommes - could be analogized to the same kinds of comments that, for instance, Evangelical "Christian" ministers can sometimes make about why homosexuality is "un-natural" and a "sin against God", etc. It's just plain ignorant.

These people have a right to their opinion. Too bad they don't base it on much research, or experience with actual people in the BDSM world, instead of archaic, un-thinking belief systems (sorry to sound prejudiced).

I think what people "want" in reference to BDSM activity as far as being mostly Dom or submissive (or both), is based on their biologically-ingrained leanings, and maybe a bit of their early life experience. Or at least liking it (BDSM actvity) is maybe based in those things, when many people realize the possibility exists for a relationship as either of those.

*That, plus possibly just plain old exposure. I bet if the person on that talk show had been raised around a bunch of various kinds of Dommes (to the exclusion of other relational influences), lived with them, ate dinner with them, etc. for at least, say, 5-15 years, (and their experience had been mostly positive, I emaphasize the word "positive" because I am pretty sure "evil wackos" can exist among both Dommes/Doms and submissives alike) but anyway - they might well end up just loving being around, and "wanting" Dommes (pro or non-Pro).

I could be wrong, BUT in any case-

I'd bet my bottom dollar that radio talk show guest has zero life experience with meeting, and-or talking to a real Pro Domme, let alone a non-Pro Domme (or several). Even if they have, I'll be they let one maybe bad experience color and slant their entire viewpoint of all Dommes, everywhere. Not fair.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/31/2007 8:54:53 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 27

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 8:30:04 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

They were talking briefly on the radio today about dominatrices and basically said that they are all just radical feminists who hate men and are just looking for an easy way to make a buck.

What do you think is the basis of these stereotypes and is there any truth to them?

I think that when you are talking about only the "Pros" that there is some truth to the above statement....I should have clarified...Sorry.

If Pros hated men they would only take on women.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 28

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 8:32:46 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

They were talking briefly on the radio today about dominatrices and basically said that they are all just radical feminists who hate men and are just looking for an easy way to make a buck.

What do you think is the basis of these stereotypes and is there any truth to them?

I think that when you are talking about only the "Pros" that there is some truth to the above statement....I should have clarified...Sorry.

If Pros hated men they would only take on women.

That's what I call....Using the ol' noodle.

_____________________________

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 29

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 8:52:35 PM

cyberdude611

Posts: 2596
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

They were talking briefly on the radio today about dominatrices and basically said that they are all just radical feminists who hate men and are just looking for an easy way to make a buck.

What do you think is the basis of these stereotypes and is there any truth to them?

I think that when you are talking about only the "Pros" that there is some truth to the above statement....I should have clarified...Sorry.

If Pros hated men they would only take on women.

That logic is a bit flawed...

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 30

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 9:03:09 PM

cyberdude611

Posts: 2596
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

Oh for the sake of everything sensical. Yeah...that's right ALL dominant women hate ALL men. That's perfect...makes more sense than anything I've posted on today. And it especially rings true because the OP heard it on some random radio show and doesn't even have a link to their website to show us the topics of said conversation.

Yeah that's why all we women get involved in domination for scamming, hating, retribution and because without men the world would be perfect. I'm really tired of the blanket statements and the finger pointing at any one segment...as if all segments of the human race don't have said capability to be idiots. No matter where we go, what we do, who we know someone will fit nicely under your blanket, but not every female, not every male, not every femme dominant and not every male dominant, not every male sub/slave nor every female sub/slave.

I am a female dominant and I happen to love all kinds of men, I don't exploit them, I don't harm them physically, mentally or financially. I am quite sure that there are many, many dominant women who feel just as I.

Please consider when you post that you can't presume everyone is the same and that if there is one sects who can do something stupid then so can all of the other sects.

I stated clearly in my post that it is a stereotype which means it doen't apply to all.... People just group everyone under that blanket.

If you find one bad egg, you automatically start to think the whole carton is bad....or maybe even every egg in the store is bad. That's just how people think.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 31

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 9:05:16 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

It seems dommes are viewed in a very negative way by the vanilla world...even more negative than male doms.

What do you think is the basis of these stereotypes and is there any truth to them?

The key word in your OP is vanilla. Most vanillas are completely clueless when it comes to BDSM and D/s and are wrong on just about every single aspect of it so why should this aspect be any different? If you're actually looking for a debate on the pro's and con's of pro dommes, there are already tons of threads to be found, so I'm not, personally, going to address that issue. I'm only speaking to the actual title and opening post as it's written.

To answer the title of the thread, no, most dommes don't hate men. To answer whether or not vanillas view dommes in a negative light, yeah, they probably do but I don't give a rat's ass what vanillas think about anything.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to cyberdude611)

Post #: 32

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 9:32:29 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

I can honestly call bullshit on this one. In fact I have a number of Domme friends from this site, known a few wonderful Dommes in real time, and was in a relationship with one once. This is just some distorted stereotypical propaganda being pumped out some radio show.

(in reply to cyberdude611)

Post #: 33

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 9:36:43 PM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

They were talking briefly on the radio today about dominatrices and basically said that they are all just radical feminists who hate men and are just looking for an easy way to make a buck.

It seems dommes are viewed in a very negative way by the vanilla world...even more negative than male doms.

What do you think is the basis of these stereotypes and is there any truth to them?

Uneducated, ignorant, ill-informed, and un-enlightened.

hahaha Truth. Not

(in reply to cyberdude611)

Post #: 34

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 7/31/2007 10:23:20 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

No, no truth to it. I certainly do not hate men, my sub is a man and I love him. Most of the Dommes that I know have no problem with men. But I do know some vanilla women who loathe men. So I'd say this is one of those bullshit generalizations.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to cyberdude611)

Post #: 35

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 8/1/2007 2:43:07 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I have met more men that dislike women than the other way around.
A lot of women still need to rely on men for financial support in one way or another.
That is their reality. Some men want to be kept that's up to them why should I have a problem with it. If I could afford to and he was worth it I would.
Lifestyle Dom/mes are not as open about who they are as pro Dommes so the common misconception is that Dommes are greedy selfish bitches.
That's what some men think they want. It maybe true it maybe a fantasy.
I think what most people want is honesty. To know where they stand.
It took me ages to pluck up the courage to say actually I'm not a greedy selfish bitch lol.
I just deal with realities regarding financial situations as with everything else.We live in the real world. We don't have to like it. A lot of men want to perpetuate sexism because it suits them. They would rather pay for a prostitute or a Domme because it's easier and maybe cheaper in the long run. Depends what their needs are.
Maybe I'll save up and buy myself a submissive gigolo. But then maybe not because I like relationships.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 36

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 8/1/2007 3:24:10 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Well since most male Doms are not demanding cash from their subs there is a obviously a smaller chance that this would be the driving force in seeking out this type of relationship.......It seems that you couldn't understand what the op was alluding to. Which is really a shame.

A small faction of female dominants take money for services. And what's to say that taking a money for a service rendered requires someone to HATE the other person? From my experience, that is "image" that's perpetuated by fantasy and by uneducated outsiders.

There's a larger faction of the lifestyle where femdoms don't demand cash from their subs, and seek personal relationships.

To the OP -- rather than starting a war here, do a search on the hundreds of posts about pro doms if you desire information on the opinions of collarme users about pay-for-play BDSM. Really, this topic's been beaten into the ground on more than one occasion.

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 8/1/2007 3:26:27 AM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 37

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 8/1/2007 3:30:43 AM

ColdIron

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

I've been dealing with Dom/Dommes for years and my first encounter with a"Pro Domme" was about two years ago. She wanted to purchace some gear and I was floored when I found out that she took cash for services. Either the other hundreds of Dommes held that as a secret or this was unusual.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 38

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 8/1/2007 3:38:53 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: obis

I think when most people in the vanilla world refer to dommes, they're talking about the professionals. It's quite safe to assume that the majority of people don't have any idea d/s exists as a relationship type, they only know of d/s as CEOs who have the world at their feet paying man-hating women to beat them for a few hours a month.

I'm sorry, but THIS is the exact thing that perpetuates this nonsensical thinking.

You yourself carry a stereotype around. Look at what you said:

"CEOs who have the world at their feet paying man-hating women to beat them for a few hours a month"

Presuming, are we? From the outside, it might appear that the woman being paid who is harsh, cruel and uncaring is "a man-hater" but I'm willing to go out on a limb that objects viewed in this mirror are NOT as they appear.

For a woman to make money and to retain clients, she must care about what she's doing and invest time, energy and interest in her subjects. There are always anomalies in all walks of life, so that's where you might get a real manhater from -- but she's not going to stay in the business for long because guys are ok with that as a fantasy, but they expect something else in her reality.

I see this nonsense propagated here on these boards because so many here have disdain for pros. Go to a board that is more friendly to pros (maxfisch.com) or maybe take the time to educate yourselves and get to know a prodom-- you'll realize that this skewed view is really hogwash.

And no, I'm not a pro. I just happen to be involved in a community here on the east coast where we're blessed to have some great pro doms who are ethical, and who teach and educate.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 39

RE: So do Dommes hate men? - 8/1/2007 4:00:09 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

They were talking briefly on the radio today about dominatrices and basically said that they are all just radical feminists who hate men and are just looking for an easy way to make a buck.

What do you think is the basis of these stereotypes and is there any truth to them?

I think that when you are talking about only the "Pros" that there is some truth to the above statement....I should have clarified...Sorry.

If Pros hated men they would only take on women.

That logic is a bit flawed...

That thinking is no more flawed than some of the thoughts professed here before ---we will never settle the issue of Pros and their reasoning and the general discomfort of men with how they ply their trade---I have researched the Constitution thoroughly and I do not see where any man or woman is by law forced to go to a Pro---so why is this always such an issue---and though I do not hate men some of the flawed anti Pro thinking here--is a good reason why I don't tolerate a heck of a lot of them.

So gentlemen if prostitution were made leagal tomorrow, would you be bitching as much? Me thinks not.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to cyberdude611)

Post #: 40

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