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RE: Breaking Free - 8/8/2007 4:28:40 PM

MellowSir

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Distance is no great barrier, so long as one has the time and capabilities, aside from wanting to attend the renfest(I love them too, go to the KC one), have you thoroughly exhausted the possibilities locally to find the one? Doesn't it make it harder to maintain control and discipline due to distance, as you likely well know, never mind if you also happen to both love sex lol. Good luck in that. I maintained a relationship with a 6 hr distance for some time(over a year), and frankly got tired of inaccessibility, say, when something fun and interesting came up locally, with only a moment's notice, or disobedience from afar that lacked instant punishment, or even something as simple as just grabbing lunch on a spontaneous whim....perhaps even a spot-check on a given task lol, you know the rest....one must change inwardly by will as much as outwardly by circumstance.....

< Message edited by MellowSir -- 8/8/2007 4:31:47 PM >

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RE: Breaking Free - 8/8/2007 5:33:55 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I AM concered with the rebound issue. I thought your last relationship went way too fast in all aspects and I get the same feeling here.

Is it a rebound issue... or just repeating the same mistakes again. Hopefully not...

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RE: Breaking Free - 8/8/2007 5:49:09 PM

earthycouple

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I AM concered with the rebound issue. I thought your last relationship went way too fast in all aspects and I get the same feeling here.

Is it a rebound issue... or just repeating the same mistakes again. Hopefully not...

Knight...I wish there had been mistakes in the relationship with Robert and me. That would have been easier to overcome. Mistakes mean that we weren't compatable; that there were problems. That wasn't it at all. Actually we had no issues. I don't mean to be elusive but why he left is not my business to discuss. So I can't try to explain. It just has to be trusted neither of us wanted things to end.

I don't want to replace him...I couldn't if I did want to. I don't want to settle. I don't want to hurt anyone and I surely don't hide what's going on with me.The other person knows completely where I am in this potential relationship or lack thereof. I don't see meeting someone as seriously as others, I suppose because for me a meeting is just that...meet, greet, hope we like each other and see what happens. I can't tell you the number of people I've met over the years and walked away saying "no thank you" and the same for me. I can recall the man who walked away telling me I wasn't a real dominant. *S* It was a meeting. Not a life altering experience. There is as much chance that he won't like me as he will and that goes for me as well. I don't have expecations of long time loves and ownership.

What Robert and I had was amazing. It defied everything I've ever hoped for and I simply can't expect to walk into that again in the same way he and I did. I'm not deluded and jumping back into meetings does not mean I'm jumping into a long term slave/dominant relationship.

The person I'm meeting doesn't post here, so I can't presume anyone will believe what I say, but while he claims to care for me, he also states very pointedly that until we meet we don't know what will happen and that he is simply happy as a diversion if that's what this is. It is, in his words, a diversion for him as well.

*S* my powers of seduction aren't that damn good *S*

Can't we just do things without expectations sometimes?

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RE: Breaking Free - 8/8/2007 5:54:40 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple
*Major snippage:
The person I'm meeting doesn't post here, so I can't presume anyone will believe what I say, but while he claims to care for me, he also states very pointedly that until we meet we don't know what will happen and that he is simply happy as a diversion if that's what this is. It is, in his words, a diversion for him as well.

Can't we just do things without expectations sometimes?

Have fun! I hope it is a relaxing and fun trip for you. A repeat on the long distance safety for driving stuff but other than that I hope you just get the chance to kick back and enjoy some time 'off'.
Maybe (doubtfully) I've misread everything you've typed, cuz I do not see where you declared this to be a serious change in your life. There is no moving across the country, you're going to a RenFaire and meeting a friend/possible play person.. end of story for me.

I love just taking off and going somewhere, I just as much love meeting people I've chatted with. The first time I met R, I travelled from Detroit to Atlanta & a guy friend from England just spent two weeks at my house on holiday. So.... I hope you have fun.

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RE: Breaking Free - 8/9/2007 6:32:01 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

I have noticed that Dominants are rarely judged as harshly as submissives online.
Dominants are rarely accused of behavior that is questionable, especially Female Dominants.

I find these comments so... --first of all, Dominants here get trashed constantly for their decisions--male and female---and as far as Females rarely being accused of questionable behavior?? Excuse Me??

Did you miss the posts about us being whores because some of us charge for our time ? Did you miss the fact that if we ask for a gift, we are gold digging bitches? Or that we hate men because we are what we are? Geesus Ohh yeah we never get accused--

And I am so in awe that you have never done anything out of the ordinary, never been driven by emotion, passion, loneliness, heartache, fear,--- the holier than though smugness shines through---more like a jilted lover than one providing advice.

quote:

If nothing else, this is a great case of a Dominants behavior that could be considered off-base and possibly
out of control.
It is a good example that Dominants often don't make the best decisions, and for submissives to be very
careful in choosing the person that they are willing to submit to.

Oh gawd, let's lash a Dominant for being human--find a tree! Grab a whip! Line them all up, beat them all for having wants, needs, desires---Thank you for being the voice of reason, I am sure we never realized how misguided we have been all this time. pffftttt

brightspot:

I hope this was meant as constructive because at the end of your post, it seems pretty unfeeling:

quote:

P.S. When you get close to Mpls. don't go on 35W to get into the city, the bridge is out.

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RE: Breaking Free - 8/9/2007 9:07:45 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

Let's see, You broke up with Robert 3 weeks ago and you are now thinking of travaling 8 hours to meet a possible new person to bring into your life.
So, you must of had to have some time to get to know this person a little bit before setting up your plans correct?
If so then you must have started looking for this new person shortly after what you have described as a heartbreaking break-up to you, even though on good terms and you can't stand being in your house because everything reminds you of Robert.

Going to Minneapolis for the Ren Faire to get out and clear your head is one thing and maybe even a good thing. But going to meet a possible new person to take into your life and Ren Faire is just an added bonus is where I start to think WTF?

For myself, if I loved as hard as you have described and this person still means so much to me that I have to leave my home because thoughts of them are haunting me, would be a HUGE red flag warning me that I am so self involved around my pain that I would be willing to bring an innocent person with desires to maybe find and have a healthy relationship, into my life for my selfish reasons and to entertain me to forget thoughts about another.

I just don't see it as a responsible, well thought out, adult decision and not giving a smidget of a thought of what I am going to put this other person through as I try to forget "Robert".

I also find it suspicious for you to come here for opinions about "your plans" when Robert comes here and reads the forums and here you are going on about his personal business. I find it somewhat tacky and thoughtless, especially how you claim to still hold him dear.

To be honest I think Robert made a good healthy choice in finding the door and taking leave.

Missy.

P.S. When you get close to Mpls. don't go on 35W to get into the city, the bridge is out.

Brightspot we are two of the few here, that think this is very odd behavior.
I have noticed that Dominants are rarely judged as harshly as submissives online.
Dominants are rarely accused of behavior that is questionable, especially Female Dominants.
If nothing else, this is a great case of a Dominants behavior that could be considered off-base and possibly
out of control.
It is a good example that Dominants often don't make the best decisions, and for submissives to be very
careful in choosing the person that they are willing to submit to.
I would encourage any submissive to get to know their Dominant very well before making any serious committment,
especially moving.
This situation may save or spare many.

Pulease......we subs can engage in odd behavior, make poor choices, make bad desicions also. All one has to do is look through the threads, current and past to see how Doms get so fed up with the questuionable behavior of subs and the same goes with threads from subs complaining about questionable behavior of Doms. The fact is WE are all human, prone to making mistakes, prone to not being perfect.
As a sub, I find it is great to see a Dom who is willing to show a part of herself to us, a part that many Doms usually don't show to anyone other they the people who are close to them. This goes to prove that dominants aren't the "cold hearted, unemotional beings" which many subs/slaves tend to believe.
Even if we (generalizing this) think Donna's choice is inappropiate, it is not for any of us to judge. Seems to me in her original post, she simply stated she's meeting this person. Nowhere had she said this is serious, this is a replacement, or anything of that nature. Meeting could simply be going for coffee to talk nothing more and nothing less.

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RE: Breaking Free - 8/9/2007 1:39:27 PM

brightspot

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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

So, here I am, today, Donna. A bit broken a bit sad still but alive and not masochistic enough to deny who I am for too long. I am meeting someone new over Labor Day weekend. No big deal, right? I've been doing this oh 13 years now and I've met more than my fair share of people for the first time. I'm not a nervous individual. I don't get scared or worried or even over the top excited usually and in this case remain pat in that.

As a rule I refuse to even drive outside of my home town to meet someone unless it is a trip to the airport and I've confirmed his flight in. I hate wasting time, money and energy on those darned "no show's" we have all encountered. This time I am breaking free of what I typically do and expect. I am going to meet him. Not only am I going to meet him, I'm going to drive 8 hours to do it.

Now as you laugh yourself stupid over this, I'm also going because I am a Ren Faire geek and I understand Minneapolis has one of the best in the Midwest. 1) I am also going because I feel like I need to do something drastic to regain my center again. It was pretty skewed when Robert left and still is to some degree. I believe getting out of this house for a weekend may be just the ticket.

Now, don't get me wrong. (2)My initiaitve for taking this trip is indeed this person the other things are fringe benefits. I know the risks in taking this trip. (3)I may go all that way to find out:

he doesn't show at the resturant in which we are to meet

he is a psycho

he isn't psycho but still creeps me out

he smells funny

he lives with his mom

he tries to kill me, rape me, steal from me

he's really needy or boring or any number of things that I don't like personality wise

he doesn't pay his portion of the trip he has agreed to pay

I could go on all day. Of course I will and do take precautions and don't need to hear the idioms on how to stay safe (13 years and still alive...I feel pretty competent and smart).

I'd love to hear your opinions about driving such a distance, why you might do it; why you might not do it and if you have ever felt the need just to begin anew.

Because someone will ask....you all have such enquiring minds; I plan to go there vs his coming here because I wanna. No big nefarious reasons. Nothing like he's not capable, etc. It is just what I chose to do in one of my moments of "Just do it and reap the benefit or pay the consquence mode" (I really love that about me *S*)

I highlighted in red what things stood out for me in the OP and gave my opinons as I was invited to.

#1) This part I find very self-absorbed because ~D needs to do something drastic to regain her center, "break free" of the haunting memories. It's all about her, doesn't mention how these drastic decisions will effect; her UMS, her husband, even her robert dearest or the "take my pain and memories away" submissive on the other end. I also find hard to believe this person to be totally open and okay with meeting a prospective Domina with husband and ums attached, along with a recent devastating break-up, being willing to give his all in complete understanding, and if he is, he just may fall under her own list of character possibities as in #3.

#2) Donna denotes that driving 8 hrs. to meet this person is the main objective of this trip and the Ren Fair is just a finge benefit.
I find this odd because of the instant jump into seeking another, which I don't find responsible behavior of a Domina and really bad decision making for all involved.
It wouldn't be to casually meet a person and make a friend, I don't believe most people would take such a drive without any expectations on both parts.

From reading her journal, there has been deep feelings developed in a short span of time and it just seems to me that she is running, which is moot because no matter how fast she runs she takes herself right along with her. It doesn't seem to me that she has given any tought to the bigger picture and the consequences of others getting hurt i.e. her family and this person she is to meet.
I also don't think it is the best way to work though feelings and better ones mental health and I hope the submissive she will meet has made his own list of dangerous possibities about her.

Being from Minneapolis, I can only hope I don't know this person she is about to try an entrench into the drama of her life.

This thread to me has also shown the integrity and morals of some of the Domina's that have responded and I only hope other submissives are taking notes.

Missy.

Edited to add; yes, some subs engage in odd behavior too but does many wrongs make it right??

< Message edited by brightspot -- 8/9/2007 1:41:58 PM >

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RE: Breaking Free - 8/9/2007 2:03:19 PM

mmb1

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I would not go for those reasons!! Doing something drastic to regain my center again?? etc...... I would only go, if I knew it was absolutely because I chose to go, and left all the other BS behind! Or i wouldn't go at all!

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