quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsWallis

To me this lifestyle is about honesty and trust

Someone who cheats on thier partner defiles the whole meaning of D/s for me, if he can lie to his chose partner in life... you know the one who he has exchanged married vows with probably has children too  he will lie to you too.... basically he is a Liar of the worse kind and certainly not trustworthy.

I feel the same about women too before someone comments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greeting to all

i find that when a married man come to us and wish to have the experience. but no marks it makes me laugh. the one thing i will not do is go to a married man. i have enough sins and i will not go to hell for anyone trust me i believe this yes i am a Christian. plus can anyone of us woman want to hurt another woman? the feeling of hurt i just could not do this to a family. the shock would certainly make her run and hide the shame . this is from my view of a friend who know i am a domme i see her looks at times. she is my Friend but the shock is on her face at times. so i just can not see hurt another in a emotional way

take care

mons

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

I don't have any grand pronouncements. I've lied to some people and told other people the truth about the same thing. I can't see why everyone sees this is a grand impossibility. Some people are immoral and cheat. Some people are immoral and faithful to their relationships. I personally choose to work from a position of open relationships with disclosure because it's what I need and my partners need. I'm not one to throw stones though. I think it's more important to pass information along to people to keep them safe in a non judgemental and non threatening way - shaming people doesn't prevent STD's doesn't prevent SM accidents and doesn't cause them to re-think anything at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

has anyone else noticed that there have been no cheaters here to defend themselves?


I personaly am married, but my wife knows what is going on. She participates in the lifestyle as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

Another way to look at things:  two people in the late 1970s/Early 1980s get married- either in college or just after.  They are in love, and they think that their partner will fit into the life they imagine at 22.   They begin a family and they begin careers.  They have rough times and good times.  Twenty-five years pass. The house is almost paid for. They are closing in on retirement.   The UMs are out of the house or old enough so the parents are simply the wallets on the periphery.  

Then one partner "suddenly decides" they want something more.  Now everyone here knows it's not sudden, it was years of thoughts/desires/cravings.   Perhap they were 30 when the cravings started... so it's been 17-20 years that they have imagined submission or domination as a part of their life.   One partner wants an experience (and one which is inheirently sexual) that is considered inappropriate by most societal standards.   (Bondage? Sodomy? Play that has the word torture in it?  CBT/NT...)   So this person hints at it with their partner, possibly mentioning the most gentle of acts: "how about a blindfold during sex this week honey?"  Then they are chastized, and possibly not get any that week.  Or the next.  Their partner is emotionally invested in their status quo, and feel genuinely hurt by the need for something more.  Why aren't they enough anymore?  Is it because they are growing older?  You can see the partner's point of view.  They married someone under a certain scenarion.  They held up their end of the bargain.  For 25 years they lived the life they agreed to.  They think it's not fair that things change now.  And our egos as we approach 50 can be fragile things.

So now one partner has things they want, things they didn't even know they wanted before they got married, things which aren't possible with their partner.  Now they don't want to leave their partner. They really don't want to hurt their partner.  They love this person.  They want to stay married and preserve those years, those memories.  They don't want to upset the applecart, hurt their children, lose their job, or anything else.  They just want to explore those cravings of bdsm.  They don't want to die and feel like there is something they haven't done.

It doesn't matter what gender the explorer is.   How do you do it without hurting your partnership?  (Unless you have been in a really long marriage, don't tell me that exploring doesn't hurt the relationship.  There comes a time when buying the wrong shampoo hurts the relationship- or at least causes unpleasant friction... because nothing is as fun as spending an evening defending yourself that you still love this person, even though you don't care enough to pay atttention enough to what their needs are- even when it comes to shampoo. Sound trivial- it is, except when one's self esteem is bound to another in that fashion.)

Just put yourself, for a moment, in their shoes- and tell me what you think a solution is.

It's not the dynamic I want in my personal life- but I have toys in my professional life who are married.  Since I don't see them in person, I don't feel I'm going to hell for it. 

Alison

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I have never cheated maybe cause i think it is more honorable to do the right thing  and pride do not have to fallow herds or sheep like fads some think it is sheek to cheat.. cheaters never think of the people they hurt selfish sobs yepyep