quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

As I've often noted- the "wall builders" tend to simply blind themselves.  They are so scared and focus so much on building some walls, that they don't realize that they are actually turning on big blaring neon lights to OTHER loser predators who can see what an obvious sign of insecurity it is- and they simply dig UNDER the walls.  Because wall-builders tend to be the ones who crave and really WANT to open and feel secure more than anyone.

Or decent types/white knights who really DO want to help, but are dealing with such a neurotic wall builder that they self-sabotage the whole thing.

Then, the cycle repeats itself...

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

The downside is that she started to go to therapy, and pulled out from it.  She also was supposed to go to group sessions for her eating disorder was well,  she only went to one.  Basically, she feels it all is a waste of time and she's not gonna do it.

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
I don't know how deep one needs to dig for the truth, but I know it's taxing for me to dig any deeper.   I'm not a therapist.

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile 
I went down through a small list of emotions.  There was one she said she does not feel and that is hurt.  LOL..  Basically, I stumbled upon something in conversation with her at that point.  Had to call bullshit on that one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Both cases, they responded to my profile.  Engaged me first. LOL...  After I'd say a couple of months of IM's, emails and talking voice.  After a couple months, the red flags were clear and obvious lies were revealed.  

Both of these women were good at the Art of bullshit.  My mind likes to explore the reasons why though.  I'm a curious sort of guy, Yes I love to solve a good mystery.  You are right about decent reasons, there are no decent reasons.  However, there is a similar twisted form of reasoning going on.   It's not pretty either.  I actually expressed deep concerned for the last one's future if she keeps it up too.  It was a balanced conversation on my part, to not blow up and be mad.  To express how it affected me, that I'm a human being, and also have and show concern for another person at the same time.

They seem to be caught up in a game, that they can not ever win, and are repeating the process.

Now, I'm not a complete freak magnet... I've actually met some really wonderful people from this site.  I just to have a knack for buying into some of the wonderul bullshit I've heard twice now.  It's a bit of bitch, when two people can tie things up for 6-8 months between them both.  There are few subs I IM and talk with on a regular basis, on a more of a friendship level.  There's not a lot of wierd trust issues or bullshit going on either.

I'm just free of the drama (as LA put it) now, life is a little more peaceful.  thank god. 

Hey there,

I'm pretty sure we've spoken with the same girls

Fortunately, I had a state of the art bullshit detector installed looooooong ago.

I assume everything a girl is telling me in email is a complete lie, until she's overtly earned some measure of trust.  For me, this means a willingness to engage me in two or three email exchanges, leading to no more than a few messenger conversations, before being willing to talk on the phone.  Statements like "I don't have a phone" or "I'm not comfortable calling you" go into the immediate reject bin for me.  I'm sure it's entirely possible, but I don't plan to spend months as 'chat' buddies listening to how important I am to her, in text.  Just isn't my bag, and frankly I have better things to do with my time and attention.

On the phone, it quickly becomes obvious if she's a keeper or not.  Either she'll be interesting, engaging, and obviously interested in more than a phone friend, or she won't.  I actively avoid long distance relationships, so I bring that up in the first conversation.  If we haven't worked out some sort of reasonable timeframe to meet face to face by, roughly, the third conversation, it's obviously not going to go anywhere.

I completely understand several people will think this is too demanding, or too fast.  My experiences have shown me that people who want to spend months to 'get to know you' online or on the phone, really aren't interested in a face to face relationship; more often than not, they already have a mediocre one, which has led them to look for the fantasy of something more compelling online.  Having said that, I have a date to get ready for...(grins.)

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

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ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

I particularly like the way LA put it.

And working on those areas doesn't imply that you did anything wrong.
I feel as though some dominant persons have an over active 'protector instinct' that in some ways, renders them a softer touch. And some submissive persons have a preternatural ability to sense and even exploit that.

I'm going to admit to this one,  the 'protector instinct' was exploited this last time. Now, my mindset is somewhat readjusted.

Edited, to elaborate on this more.  Basically, she lied about a few bad things going on, when reality some other bad thing was going on.   If that makes sense, the 1/2 truth was that yes, she was going through something bad that day.  However, what she was telling me was not what really what was going on.  A kind of twisted 1/2 truth.

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

 Whiplash it is a shame you have been so decieved. The examples you gave are sickening.  It is like WHY?  What could they be thinking?
It is scaring me..   
The recent one, even finally admitted she was not looking for a relationship where communication and honesty were important.  She was just looking to have a relationship without those things. 
 That is bizarre. Forgive me for being judgemental.
 I can't imagine any "relationship" - even if it was one drink at a bar - without any of those elements.

The one before this, she was pretending she had no kids.  Then one day, she let it slip out in conversation.   She actually threw the phone and was mad at herself.  Basically, she had made a personal vow to keep this a secret because... 
How pathetic it is to deny one's own offspring exist. Judgement, yes.. sorry.  While I have no kids, I can't imagine the disregard held for them, you, her self image or sanity/insanity.
For sub/slaves out there, have you ever had any problems in being truthful for the any similar reasons? 

I felt bad saying I lived one town over in a profile. The only things I've ever lied about were online and for privacy. Told anyone soon after meeting real life.
 
Tiny thing, but is a lie a lie? Or may some factor of safety be built in and it be OK?  Yet, those things you related , are to me incomprehensible and are products of very unhealthy minds.
 
I truly wish the best for you and hope you can maintain your own truth and wholeness in spite of other's .. I don't have a word for it. I am sorry.
 
Be well and please do keep true to your own values and honor -
leatherette  
 
 
 

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There are so many fine men on here that try to live with honor and respect, and they do see themselves as the 'knight in shining armour' ready to rescue the damsel in distress...well guess what you get when you rescue her...yep,you're right,you get a 'distressed' damsel with LOTS of baggage...I have no clue what the answer is, but I see it over and over again....

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ORIGINAL: cumulus

You know, I'm actually sensing that none of this really has anything to do with 'being burned a thousand times'. Sounds more like someone's trying to play you.
 
Any conversations about how 'the rent is due and I don't think I'll be able to make it' or any other looming financial hardship come up?

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Drama attracts drama.  People who continue to get involved with unstable relationships, people who continue to find themselves "once again in a bad spot" over and over again throughout several years tend to simply either not know HOW to function any other way, or are too addicted to the attention and excitement that drama causes to change.

YOU my friend simply need to work on your initial filters to spot the trends quicker.  And not make commitments so soon.

L.A.---I am stealing your line!  DRAMA attracts DRAMA

 

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

  Now, come on, are there really this many Game player, Cheaters, Liar type of Dom/Masters online or what?  Are these really what the majority of male doms on this website are like?

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For sub/slaves out there, have you ever had any problems in being truthful for the any similar reasons?  What kind of problems did it cause for you?  Do you feel you did the right thing? 

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ORIGINAL: MzMia

I agree with what many have said here, "Who wants to learn how to deal with liars, manipulators, or people with extensive emotional baggage?"
And WHY would they?