WhiplashSmile
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Joined: 6/8/2004
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ORIGINAL: knightschild
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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
For sub/slaves out there, have you ever had any problems in being truthful for the any similar reasons? What kind of problems did it cause for you? Do you feel you did the right thing?
im speaking as a sub and thou i dont lie, i are finding it harder to be truthful in this lifestyle (wanting to lie at times), which NEVER happened when i had a vanilla lifestyle.
This is exactly one of the things I wanted to bring up in this thread. Because for me, if anything a lifestyle relationship, should involve more honestly and clarity to it compared to a vanilla lifestyle. If this had only happened to me once, I would have dimissed this, however twice now this has been or become the case.
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There are a couple of reasons for this 1/ i've been played by so called "Doms" in this lifestyle who i met online. (something which has NEVER happened to me in vanilla. i struggle to trust anyone online now).
Since you've been burned and I've been burned, this is perhaps an issue with people online, and not limited to Doms or sub/slaves. I myself have never been burned this bad in the real time, nor vanilla world. However, I've read some things about people doing the same crap on vanilla dating sites online.
I decided to start this thread up because, both these women felt justified to a point of playing games since they have been burned by Dom/Masters online. The mindset of thinking or believing the majority of people online are not serious seems to be a common theme.
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2/ There are many "Doms" who are just into manipulation and manipulate anything and everything and hence ive developed some fear of handing out "cards" about myself, i guess one could say. i want to be controlled some but not manipulated. i detest manipulation.
(weirdly thou several mths back, someone pointed out to me i was trying to manipulate my Dom. i hadnt even realized at the time i was doing that).
The last sub/slave, I actually accused her trying to do a lot of topping from the bottom at times. It was centered around her trying to manipulate things for her own advantage. Hell, she was manipulating the truth. She even tried to power card manipulate things between her and I with a couple of threats to Call it off between her and I. One night, I called her bluff, I said OK if that is how you honestly feel about it, then fine. I said, your choice, your decision not mine. Ending things is not be choice, it will be yours. If somebody wants to play relationship powerball with me, it's a rather rude awakening. Sure, I might play along a couple of times. They might think they are pressing my buttons, when really all they are doing is showing more of their trueself to me. Just because I might play along a couple of times by no means, does this mean I'm gonna allow it to continue on and on. Besides there is good manipulation and bad manipulation, and also one needs to understand the reasoning behind this to know what they are dealing with. Hahaha So, yes.. When somebody attempts to manipulate me, I might play along, however I am studying them, thier moves and intentions. I'll only allow this to happen a few times, and then make it clear that I don't like it, and confront them with what is going on.
I'll even point out if it was bad manipulation, letting them know that this kind of shit behavior will only damage a relationship in the end. like I said, I want to get down to the bottom of things. Get to know the reasoning behind manipulation, generally there's an insecurity there somewhere. However, for somebody to press one of my own insecurity buttons, this is trouble. Sure, I have buttons, but if you press them too many times or try to, I'll catch onto things. Hell, I just might kick back and watch somebody press the buttons and see what happens. Like I said, I don't allow this to go on for too long, when it happens.
So Doms are not the only ones that like to Manipulate, the sub/slave types can do it too. Some try to invoke that White Knight as well with a mere button as well. LOL
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Wishing i could lie at times is a protective thing, im wanting to put up walls due to a couple of my experiences of this scene. i can see how easy it would be for many here to lie.
For me, I actually find being more open with people, and seeing if they press my buttons or work at manipulating me.. actually makes me a little more smarter in the end. I begin to see or spot a pattern. While if I was to try and hide behind walls, sooner or later somebody will get past the walls. I think getting used to having somebody try to manipulate, press buttons and experience dealing with it gives me a little more strength to deal with it the next time around. Makes me a stronger person in the end.
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On the other hand i see openness and honesty as a necessity if one wants a successful D/s relationship. So hence, fears or not, i need to always be truthful.
I hold the same view here on this as well.
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It can also be harder to be truthful out of the need to please our Dom or Doms one likes. Sometimes one wants to say what will please the other, rather than the truth, just cause one wants the other to be pleased with one.
My last experience, I told her a number of times to tell me the truth. That I did not want her to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear. I wanted her to tell me what I needed to hear. I'd never find fault or punish anybody for being truthful with me, I respect the truth. I look at it as such, I'm a big boy, if something does not sit right with me, I need to emotionally and logically deal with it. If it's a problem between me and another person to be able to either make adjustments, talk about it some more.
For instance, if my own actions are troubling somebody and continue to do. I can not do a damn thing different, if I don't know about it. While I can and will take responsibility for myself, there is a limit. If somebody is not being honest with me, they are just as much if not more at fault than I am. After all, they are the ones that have been keeping me in the dark.
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Also acting out of obedience can force one to lie. eg ive been told to repeat something my Dom said which to myself was in fact a lie. Obediently i did it but as i didnt believe what i was saying.. at such point it then becomes not real, so more like a game.
Not certain about this one. Basically, I would view this as a DOM forcing a sub/slave to keep up or maintain a lie without fixing a problem. Do you have any Specific Examples of what you are talking about here?
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****wonders if Doms have ever thought how making a sub repeat what is untrue for that one.. is bascially like making one okay with lies**** ones mind struggles to be okay with what is being asked of one, so one ends up needing to make it okay or wanting to rebell against the order.
Again, I would say there's a problem in doing this. Not certain what would be some great examples of this. Something to touch more upon in this thread.
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My Dom has told me He enjoys "playing" with someone who IS "playing" Him (which has happened to Him at this site), that then becomes a game to Him (with the other who started it, unaware). (i myself cant stand that kind of thing, i cant be bothered wasting my time with anyone who lies!! It's always been a pet hate of mine).
Well, I have mixed feelings about this one. Because, it's obvious I have played into this type of drama myself. It's a bit like a mystery trying to figure out what the other person is up to. Somebody has to do a good job at getting me involved with them first, then after a few months when the red flags are flying to get me to play along to a point. This is not something I go looking for, and if I see it right away, I run like hell from them. Not something I go looking for actively. There is a limit to how far I will go with it too.. Basically, I want to try to find understanding and compassion, and figure out why they are fucking things up for both themself and me in the end. LOL... At least part with knowledge and understanding and be able to part giving them some advice. Make them confront themselves and their own crappy issues, with the hope they will wake up and smell the coffee. Perhaps, it will spare some other innocent victim in the end, or make the person stop and take a hard look at themselves and their life. Call this the end goal, I have in mind when working through to the End of the game. Before I move along in life.
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So i guess whether someone "playing" one, will bother one or not, is dependant on whether Y/you allowed Y/yourself to get emotionally involved in their game or not and whether You managed to "see" what was going on and stay in Your own power or not.
Take time to get to know people well before getting emotionally involved (lol, i still havent learnt that).
The down side is that we human are emotional creatures, when you spend and invest a lot of time with somebody. Emotional attachments do and will happen. So far, I think or believe in 6-8 weeks of dealing with somebody, you should at least seen a couple of red flags or not. For some you can see the Flag within the first day, week or hour even. Before you make any great time or emotional investments, or have entertained a lot of serious thoughts or what if's.
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RE: Submissives burned by lies and games. - 
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). <giggles> LA is a very intuitive girl........(meant as a complement only) 
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