RE: Submissives burned by lies and games.

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RE: Submissives burned by lies and games. - 8/20/2007 1:06:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
Is this some Domly flaw that most Doms have? They beat themselves up when a sub/slave does not behave? When a sub/slave does what ever the hell they want regardless? Mmmmmmmmmm... strange that she would think or thought she had had this type of effect upon me though. Felt like she was kind fishing around a little in terms of my mindset.

I don't consider it a flaw at all :) I know when I've made the time to get to know someone, form a relationship with them, have them clearly say that they understand, agree and WANT to follow my expectations and standards, that I have carefully decided which expectations and standards I find important and am really horribly spoiling in terms of giving extensions and leeway is asked for appropriately- and then they STILL don't behave...yeah I beat myself up about it. I reflect on where I went wrong in communication, if perhaps my standards were unreasonable, if I had bad judgement in how much they could handle.

But that's only if it's a serious relationship and I'm really invested in it. When it's someone who obviously can't be trusted enough to make phone calls on time, there's really no point in spending any further time or energy on the matter.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

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RE: Submissives burned by lies and games. - 8/20/2007 2:24:35 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
Is this some Domly flaw that most Doms have? They beat themselves up when a sub/slave does not behave? When a sub/slave does what ever the hell they want regardless? Mmmmmmmmmm... strange that she would think or thought she had had this type of effect upon me though. Felt like she was kind fishing around a little in terms of my mindset.

I don't consider it a flaw at all :) I know when I've made the time to get to know someone, form a relationship with them, have them clearly say that they understand, agree and WANT to follow my expectations and standards, that I have carefully decided which expectations and standards I find important and am really horribly spoiling in terms of giving extensions and leeway is asked for appropriately- and then they STILL don't behave...yeah I beat myself up about it. I reflect on where I went wrong in communication, if perhaps my standards were unreasonable, if I had bad judgement in how much they could handle.

But that's only if it's a serious relationship and I'm really invested in it. When it's someone who obviously can't be trusted enough to make phone calls on time, there's really no point in spending any further time or energy on the matter.

During the course of time in dealing with her, I was going through the process of reflecting upon what was going wrong and what adjustments I could make to improve things. Down to tossing the rules out, and even asking questions. Outright letting it be known that I wanted to know the truth regardless of how ugly it might seem or feel. To even passing out the get out of Jail for free cards. Meaning, that I made it know that I had an open door to hear the truth, even if it was something she lied about. I did everything humanly reasonable. There were points in times when I was pissed off. Yes, I actually told her I saw too many red flags going off. I said, I wanted to understand what was really going on. Instead of making some false conclusion or assumption. I in short shit canned all the BDSM D/s protocals and high level expecations, figuring that might be a contributing factor to her fear. I did the sit around and wait for her to come to me with the truth kind of thing as well. Tried Logic and reasoning, tried having her step inside my shoes, I tried stepping inside her shoes even... Hell, I give up. I'm not a therapist.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Submissives burned by lies and games. - 8/20/2007 6:48:24 PM

trustingsubHF

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/19/2007
From: VA
Status: offline

playing 'games' with people online seems to be very common... i have been through many,many of these situations. it seems that once You grow close to a person and everything feels so right, they vanish!
as far as lying about her children... i can not see any excuse in that! what sort of woman would deny her own children? i think that would be a very important thing to share with a potential Dom/Master, unless she was planning on showing up with these kids out of the blue? if she has lied about her children, God only knows what else she had lied about...

good luck to You!

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Post #: 83