Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
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Yes and no...
quote:
ORIGINAL: Perplex
In my travels I've seen too many dom's who only growl away other dom's...
Certainly there are many who like to talk the talk, but don't know the first thing about walking the walk. So on this I agree with you. Where you will find frequent disagreement is exactly what constitutes that "walk." The arguments are endless.
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Once you label yourself a Dom, it doesn't mean haveing to act like a king lion macho-lord of all you survey, but it does mean you gotta stand up like a man when it is needed.
Provided the dominant is a man... what if the dominant is a woman? What if the submissive is a man? I point this out only to make the point that your paradigm and its attendant expectations only really work on a chilvalrous male dominant/female submissive scenario. Beyond that it begins to break down. So while some of us male dominants might personally identify with that chilvalrous dynamic... its hardly universal.
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Mr. Trendy just sat there watching.
I'll start by saying that I agree that in all probability, Mr Trendy is most likely someone I'd have liked to have punched in the nose. However... that's not absolutely certain.
It is possible (if seemingly unlikely) that Mr Trendy was watching to see how she handled the situation and remaining out of it until such a point as it got out of hand. Perhaps it was an object lesson. While I personally doubt that was the case, without knowing all the facts its hard to say with any certainty and the possibility does exist.
Going a step further, I'll offer a personal ancedote that illustrates the fact that submissives don't always need a dominant to protect them... in fact, sometimes its the guy who needs it.
A number of years ago I was working the front door at a strip club. I got along well with most of the dancers and as part of my job I escorted them out of the club each night to their cars... for their safety. I was also dating one of the dancers at the time. One night I was out with her, a friend of mine and a friend of hers (whom we were trying to set up with my friend) at a bar. Danielle was bouncing around the club being the social butterfly she was and I was sitting with my friend and the other girl, Keisha. A guy comes over, drunk, and announces to me for no particular reason that his friend (sitting at the bar and also drunk), thinks I'm an asshole. I have no idea who these people are or why he thinks I'm an asshole. However, noting its two guys apparently alone and I'm there with a friend and two very attractive women... I'm pretty unimpressed. My response, "So?" He got very perplexed and wandered off, apparently not the response he was expecting.
Keisha, not having heard what was said but being sharp enough to realize something had occured insisted on knowing what was said, so I told her. This is where things start to get funny folks. Keisha marches over and begins to chew the guys ass for saying such a thing about me, going on about how I was the nicest guy she knew and a good person... you get the idea. As if that weren't enough, Danielle comes back about then and wants to know what's up. I tell her and she joins Keisha in chewing the guy's ass. It gets better. Did I mention the bartender, a woman, was also a friend of ours? Yeah, she gets in on it too... cuts the guy off and joins the group ass chewing going on. Now at this point I've gone beyond being amused to actually feeling a lil sorry for the guy. But it gets better, or worse depending on your perspective. Turns out he had a girlfriend who just about now returns from the bathroom. She finds out from Keisha and company what is going on and SHE joins in on chewing the guys ass and how they can't go anywhere without him causing trouble... you get the idea. That's four women verbally shredding this guys ego into tiny tatters of its former self. At this point I intervened... not to protect my girlfriend or any of the other ladies... I bailed him out. I mean nobody deserves that! I don't care what he called me. They actually made him appologize to me and I kid you not, there were tears in his eyes. He left with his girlfriend... she was still chewing his ass... poor guy.
Sometimes the dominnt has to protect the world from the submissive!
I agree, dominants need to accept and take responsibility seriously. They need to be aware of the potential harm they can do, the trust they are given, and the simple truth that they are still only human. Had you left the statement there you'd have probably gotten 100% agreement.
But submissives have responsibility too... not to throw themselves at the feet of just anyone who proclaims themself "Mr Domly", to accept that they still have to deal with life and can't reasonably expect the dominant to do it all for them, not to put the dominant in situations that may get him shot, and to accept that they also are human with all that means and implies.
D/s relationships aren't an escape from responsibility for anyone. Anyone using it as a dodge for their own human responsibilities is probably not someone you want for a partner.
Just my 2 bit.
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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RE: Also part of the game: Dom responsability - 
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