RE: baggage

RE: baggage (Full Version)

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KatyLied -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:02:27 AM)
Everyone has baggage. It's not the baggage that is the problem, it's how you deal with the baggage. Have you processed it? Learned from it? Let go of it?

RCdc -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:05:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Why is it that so many people bash anyone on here that tries to help submissives look for red flags? I have seen such threads several times and always with the same reaction. Submissives need to learn from their own mistakes. Getting their heart broken a few times will teach them common sense. The problem with this reasoning is that although they may learn from these bad experiences, what good does it do them if because of these lessons everybody thinks they need to learn, nobody wants them? That's right, I'm talking about baggage. The favorite reason of so many men to refuse to get to know a woman. If a woman treated a man badly and made him suffer for the actions of other men before him, I could understand. But many times, men don't get to know a woman long enough to find out whether or not she will take anything out on them. They find out she has had a few failed relationships, ASSUME she will do this, and run. If a woman has a mentor, she's weak and incapable of making her own decisions. If she learns from experience, she has baggage. Learning from one's own mistakes might have been the best way for women years ago, but now it's a double edge sword. Why is it always the submissive types that have the baggage in posts like this? Why is it always the big ole bad male dominants that are the ones that are picked on? Why does this post come across as personalised, sexist, and anti-a-particular-orientation? I have baggage and it rocks having it. Mean I have a past. It means I have something to learn from. The only time baggage is negative is when its stuffed with nastiness that someone shoves on another and tries to get them to cross the borders/limits with it - without prior warning. Peace the.dark.

Bobkgin -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:18:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance A few posts does not a universal truth make. Out of curiousity, how many does it take? If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat? When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round? Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth". Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:26:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance A few posts does not a universal truth make. Out of curiousity, how many does it take? If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat? When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round? Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth". Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented. I don't get this logic. My stating a few posts won't make a universal truth, does not translate into the converse being true. Never implied it did. The point wasn't about popularity making something true, it was about generalizing. What in the world does that have to do with the point at hand?

Bobkgin -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:33:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance A few posts does not a universal truth make. Out of curiousity, how many does it take? If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat? When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round? Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth". Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented. I don't get this logic. My stating a few posts won't make a universal truth, does not translate into the converse being true. Never implied it did. The point wasn't about popularity making something true, it was about generalizing. What in the world does that have to do with the point at hand? Your statement (the first quote) is a generalization.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:36:15 AM)
As you wish.

Alumbrado -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:37:30 AM)
[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

KatyLied -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:49:07 AM)
She doesn't want to get blocked, so she's granting his wishes....

MstrSkyWoIf -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 10:54:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance A few posts does not a universal truth make. Out of curiousity, how many does it take? If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat? When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round? Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth". Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented. you Sir in my opinion and it is only my opinion (that dose not mean it is fact everyone so don't jump me here) are a very wise man.....

MstrSkyWoIf -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:01:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyes opened Just this past weekend i had an interesting airplane trip where we actually had to circle around and return to the gate immediately after take-off. In the process of being transferred to another flight in what we hoped was an airplane that was capable of flight i noticed many things. First... the alternate carrier told me only one of my two checked bags had been transferred. i don't take carry-on luggage. i hate to have to lug it around. now one of the two bags is "missing"... but ya know what? i really felt that not being referred to as "the remains" was way more important than the inconvenience of having to perhaps buy some replacement items. i watched people lug their bags to the plane and desperately try to shove them in the overhead compartments because gods forbid that bag get "lost" like mine did. The size of the bag obviously never has fit in the overhead but the people insist on trying to take it with them because they are so afraid it could get lost. We use the term "baggage" because the comparison to a traveler's luggage fits so well. Why are some people so afraid to let go of those bags? They lug them around the airport they are a major inconvenience, they slow down the security line, they block the aisles on the plane, they cause delays in getting off the plane. So it is with emotional baggage.... how much you decide to carry is proportionate to the inconvenience you will cause yourself and others. Let it go... check it at the gate. What's the worst that can happen? That you actually lose some of it? Compared to the possibility of my plane falling like a boulder in the sky, walking to the lost luggage room at the airport seemed like a small thing, not worth getting upset about. The bag was there... i had a fabulous time and all is right with the world. Perception is reality and if you can't change your reality you can always change your perception. Now that is what I call summing up the situation in a nutshell. I just checked a few bags myself.

Bobkgin -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:02:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrSkyWoIf you Sir in my opinion and it is only my opinion (that dose not mean it is fact everyone so don't jump me here) are a very wise man..... Thank you SkyWolf. I do the best I can with what I have.

IrishMist -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:13:15 AM)
quote: Why is it that so many people bash anyone on here that tries to help submissives look for red flags? Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick. quote: Submissives need to learn from their own mistakes They do. quote: That's right, I'm talking about baggage. The favorite reason of so many men to refuse to get to know a woman. Sounds to me that the issue does lie with YOU. If you are attracting men of this kind, then obviously you are attracting them for a reason. Perhaps, if you stopped calling all men fuck ups, and started taking some responsibility yourself; things just might turn around for you. /shrugs Not that I really care one way or another; but your poor me attitude does start to grate on the nerves after a time

Perplex -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:20:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Why is it always the submissive types that have the baggage in posts like this? Why is it always the big ole bad male dominants that are the ones that are picked on? Why does this post come across as personalised, sexist, and anti-a-particular-orientation? Yeah, I gotta agree with dark here....this is nothing against the original poster and those subsequent cuz I think they are expressing real concerns to them...but dom's have thier own baggage, prejudices and bad-habits, why even people as cool as me grin every once and while have to learn something new..and actually learn it not just pay lip service to the idea of it. In various roles...I have...um..thinking of a word that is least likely to offend the most amount of people helped people who were hurt by Doms (think genericlly here please, not only in the lifestyle meaning of the word) who either were going by a doctrine of a book, or were not in touch with the current decade or simply too stupid/selfish/self-involved to understand how they were dealing with those 'under' (again a generic term this time) them. There is a difference in being uncompriming and unable to comprimise. John Wayne, the classic character he played was uncomprimising, right was right and wrong meant an ass whipping...but was able to let others stand the best they could....again from movies the classic "foolish police captain" on a crime scene (best example the first die hard) would fold his tent at the first hard wind, but his way was the only way no matter how strongly he was proven wrong. I use movies since most of us have seen movies, it lets us use a shared expierence to illustrate a point, not as a way of trivializing the topic, and when you are choosing, working with a dom, or after reflection of your treatment by a dom, (again in a lot of cases dom is a broad term that can mean teacher, preacher, parent, cop or anyone in authroity, including the way it means in the lifestyle) you have to look at your actions and decide if you performed up to snuff against his/her unhappiness with you and decide if you're really not doing it right or if his/her history is interfereing with the ability to see how you are truely doing...and balance this all against the fact you may not know every damned thing and they might be trying to teach you something that you don't yet understand the good ones will show the patience to let you work it out in your own time, the others shrug* well that's why so many dog owners have dogs that bite cuz they didn't teach as well as they shoudla.

amiciaN -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:25:11 AM)
I wholeheartedly agree with the others who have said that we all have baggage. Every time we 'move on' we pack things up. I think the real issue isn't that we have baggage, but what kind of baggage do we have? Is it one backpack neatly filled with the essential lessons we have learned in life or is it a few dozen plastic trash bags with everything thrown in together? Are the lessons neatly folded or is the silk evening dress wadded up in a ball with the dirty socks and underwear? I would think a Dominant would have less trouble dealing with a submissive who had 80 lbs of baggage neatly stored in a rolling trunk than one with 30 pounds stuffed into 2 ripped plastic bags. As always this is just my opinion, based on my own experience. And for the record, I personally have a nicely matched set of luggage and NChaka is ready and willing to make me keep it neat and organized. edited to correct a spelling error*

MstrSkyWoIf -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:25:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Irish Mist quote: Why is it that so many people bash anyone on here that tries to help submissives look for red flags? Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick. quote: Submissives need to learn from their own mistakes They do. quote: That's right, I'm talking about baggage. The favorite reason of so many men to refuse to get to know a woman. Sounds to me that the issue does lie with YOU. If you are attracting men of this kind, then obviously you are attracting them for a reason. Perhaps, if you stopped calling all men fuck ups, and started taking some responsibility yourself; things just might turn around for you. /shrugs Not that I really care one way or another; but your poor me attitude does start to grate on the nerves after a time Interesting your post in little more then bashing of not only the OP but obviously of anyone who posts to the board that dose not share your opinion on life. I agree this poster has a self esteem problem but bashing her will not help the matter... Then your statement "Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick" Makes the accusation that anyone who post a question you do not agree with is little more then a talking Dick... Sounds to me like maybe you have a little baggage of your own to deal with......

IrishMist -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:43:34 AM)
quote: Then your statement "Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick" Makes the accusation that anyone who post a question you do not agree with is little more then a talking Dick Honey...if it fits; than by all means...wear it [8\|] As for the rest...DBG is more than capable of holding her own against me...she does not need you to ride to her defense

SimplyMichael -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:44:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl No, a woman who takes out her pain from past relationships on a new man innocent of any wrong doing should most definitely NOT be enabled. What I'm saying is.that many men ASSUME women will do this and refuse to get to know them. Not all women do this, but they aren't given a chance to prove otherwise. That's why I say forget the school of hard knocks and go for a mentor instead. That way you can't be accused of having "baggage" just because you have been in relationships that didn't work out. There is not a guy that I have ever met....And I mean "EVER" met who feels the way that you think they do. My opinion and experience mirror his experience. I can't think of anyone who cares what a woman USED to do, just that she doesn't KEEP doing it.

Alumbrado -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:44:45 AM)
quote: ...she does not need you to ride to her defense That's for him to say, isn't it? [sm=biggrin.gif]

IrishMist -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:46:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alumbrado quote: ...she does not need you to ride to her defense That's for him to say, isn't it? [sm=biggrin.gif] /smacks forehead duh [:o]

SimplyMichael -> RE: baggage (8/29/2007 11:49:24 AM)
Wolf, What you are saying is EXACTLY what victimizers do. Take someone who is vulnerable, who continues to make bad choices in men and rather than teach her to make better choices, takes her side and says nothing is her fault, just come into your arms and everything will be fine. I am not saying YOU are a victimizer but the relationship style you speak of is the same as a victimizer or at best an enabler. You of course will see this as a personal attack but having seen your type operate, I really don't care how you take it.

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