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RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:46:20 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you. And when it comes to "dangerous" toys. People are far too affraid of hurting another person to go all out. They act carefully and cautiously until they find their bearing. Practicing on an inanimate object is nothing campared to the reaction of human flesh. And when working with a human being one has the reaction to read. "Ow goddamnit don't do that again"...or "you hit a little high there" are great examples. 

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:48:29 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin


I would have to agree with CelticLord. I certainly wouldn't recommend to anyone to try urethral sounds, an anal fisting or even a single tail for their first scene without having some prior instruction on the mechanics of doing such. You did say extreme, but went on to talk about flogging. I haven't seen many floggings that I would consider extreme....but even someone wishing to try a flogging should have a bit of information before using one on someone.


I picked up my first singletail...I threw it once into the air...then I turned around and hti someone with it. Less than five minutes after picking it up. That bottom is still alive and well and played with me several times afterwards. I guess I'm missing the point here.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:48:43 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Thank you. And when it comes to "dangerous" toys. People are far too affraid of hurting another person to go all out. They act carefully and cautiously until they find their bearing.


I have a scar on my back that contradicts your statement. Some people act carefully. Others don't. Fortunately, I've learned a great deal since receiving that wound.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/6/2007 7:52:01 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:51:13 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin


I would have to agree with CelticLord. I certainly wouldn't recommend to anyone to try urethral sounds, an anal fisting or even a single tail for their first scene without having some prior instruction on the mechanics of doing such. You did say extreme, but went on to talk about flogging. I haven't seen many floggings that I would consider extreme....but even someone wishing to try a flogging should have a bit of information before using one on someone.


I picked up my first singletail...I threw it once into the air...then I turned around and hti someone with it. Less than five minutes after picking it up. That bottom is still alive and well and played with me several times afterwards. I guess I'm missing the point here.



Well, I'm glad that worked out well for you. There are, however, people that it wouldn't (and hasn't) work(ed) out so well with. Do we just tell them "them's the breaks, better luck next time"?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to BoiJen)
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RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:51:18 AM   
SolarAndViolet


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		I may be just 26 and have not lived as long as some other people, but this much I have already learned.
Age is not shown by a number in a birth certificate or ID. The age is determined by the person's behavior, whether its in real life or online.

Both online and real life I met many different people, from young but intelligent "i got to learn more" types to young and arrogant "I know it all already!" . But guess what, I've also met numerous older folks that fit in the same categories. "I've lived my life thus I know all and more" as well as "We never stop learning no matter how many years we had on this earth."

I've even had one older man tell me, "If you haven't lived at a time where remote control for the TV wasn't available and you had to get up from the computer and turn a knob to change a channel, you don't know life" Made me laugh that one... really hard. In fact, I lived in Russia during the first 13 years of my life and we had the TV which was turned on/off and channeled by a knob. And computer? I only had it in my wildest dreams. (Though a richer friend of mine had it... still with those huge thin black diskettes) But people make all kind of assumptions... and it's just part of life.

I try (and that'll be the key word here) not to make assumptions. If I see a person's age I don't automatically assume that they are wise or that they are inexperienced. I give it a moment and talk to them (or read their posts on forums) and then try to see how they behave/communicate. I've seen 40+ year old people behave like absolute adolescents and I've seen 20-year-olds post the most sensible and wise comments.

So folks, both young and old. Number is just a number. Some people learn fast and live fast, others live their whole lives and don't learn anything. Talk to a person first and then decide, but for that, you need to know how to listen with an open mind.

That's just my 2 cents.... or more like 20 cents... Ok Ok..2 dollars. :)

'violet'

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Happy to be owned by Sir (V) (violetaelf)

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RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:53:14 AM   
mistoferin


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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Thank you. And when it comes to "dangerous" toys. People are far too affraid of hurting another person to go all out. They act carefully and cautiously until they find their bearing.


I have a scar on my back on contradicts your statement. Some people act carefully. Others don't. Fortunately, I've learned a great deal since receiving that wound.


Thank you, my point exactly. Not everyone possesses the common sense to proceed with caution and it only takes one such person/experience for someone to end up with an injury.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:53:27 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy
Extreme and technically difficult are not synonymous. How about face slapping?


Let's go back to the part about "dangerous".  Any blow to the head is decidedly more dangerous than to most other parts of the body, even just from a physical perspective.




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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:55:33 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Thank you. And when it comes to "dangerous" toys. People are far too affraid of hurting another person to go all out. They act carefully and cautiously until they find their bearing.


I have a scar on my back that contradicts your statement. Some people act carefully. Others don't. Fortunately, I've learned a great deal since receiving that wound.


It's not lack of care, that's malicious and overdone.

Because I remember thinking about it long and hard. I asked a friend, whose skill with the singletail is heavily respected, probably the only dude I'd let whip me - hey...how WOULD I slice someone open really bad, so I know how not to do that?

He thought about it for a moment. He said "well, you'd really have to go at it pretty Indiana Jones, and you'd have to crack it exactly ON them."

So yes, you can open someone up bad.

But you have to be either trying really hard or really unlucky, and the latter has the odds against.



(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:57:15 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you know i always hear this age does not matter thing. But it does. Again what would someone of 50 have with someone that is 21 or 20 or 25O I doubt anything. None of them have kids that have gone through collage. or paid off their mortgage or even a degree in certain areas.. Let alone face serious illness or done other things.. it is about right of passage it is a natural order of things.

When I listen to them talk I feel like i am some antique object on display. lol when we talk about Historic most of us remember what we were doing at that time. Most of them had not even been born yet. Anyone can have text book educated knowledge. But It is common sense that binds it all together and goes a long way..

It may be self point of view about the age agp thing. For it is commonalties that build a web of good things between two people.. a good example i listen to two people talk about ww2 one person was a history professor. The other was their on d day. It is like seeing things in two d and three d. One is very flat like watching TV one makes you feel like you were their. It is the same way with age. I do not want to go back in time. I want to move forward to greater and bigger things. I do not want to go where i have been
but explore the destiny that is before me, I have already tasted what they have went

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:58:32 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy


It's not lack of care, that's malicious and overdone.


It was not malicious but an accident of inexperience with a specific toy, what it does and not being careful.

While I would love to use the word malicious in reference to the person who left that scar, it simply does not apply. He was being careless and showing off. And I was too inexperienced to realize what was going on. Lesson learned, for me anyway.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 7:59:05 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy
Extreme and technically difficult are not synonymous. How about face slapping?


Let's go back to the part about "dangerous".  Any blow to the head is decidedly more dangerous than to most other parts of the body, even just from a physical perspective.





OK.

So what would one do to learn faceslapping?

Bitchslap canteloupe? Or talk to a submissive who likes it or wants it and then, paying reasonable amounts of attention and being aware of the risks and having a game plan in mind if various eventualities go down, DO it?


(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:00:16 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

you know i always hear this age does not matter thing. But it does. Again what would someone of 50 have with someone that is 21 or 20 or 25O I doubt anything. None of them have kids that have gone through collage. or paid off their mortgage or even a degree in certain areas.. Let alone face serious illness or done other things.. it is about right of passage it is a natural order of things.


Yes. Because when your kid graduates from college or you pay off your mortgage, life hands you a book called "Everything you need to know about BDSM".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:04:12 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy


It's not lack of care, that's malicious and overdone.


It was not malicious but an accident of inexperience with a specific toy, what it does and not being careful.

While I would love to use the word malicious in reference to the person who left that scar, it simply does not apply. He was being careless and showing off. And I was too inexperienced to realize what was going on. Lesson learned, for me anyway.


You are right, that was probably not the right word. But showing off on a human target is more than a casual "oops" - I'm saying that people WITH common sense and caution as their foundation are suitable to actually try some of the things they want to try, and should not be discouraged. And I think we tend to discourage more than encourage.


And some people's bliss is risk. I think that we also lose sight of that, or it's OK for people over a certain age but that's dismissed as youthful ignoance if a younger person chooses a level of risk. Some people NEED risk or they may as well not do SM. I don't think that's respected.

I doubly don't think it's respected when the person's under 30.


I really don't want to monopolize, being over the age cutoff here. But I see things that younger people in the scene are up against, far more clearly than when I was up against them - it's a few years of hindsight.



< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 9/6/2007 8:09:00 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:04:29 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

When speaking of the relationship piece...

EVERYONE comes from a different place. What works for them in dicipline might not work for others. For instance... many consider the need for punishment in tasks and what not. I don't need punishment. MsK has never had to worry about it because as She fundly tells people who ask...I'm hard enough on myself when things go wrong. Which makes the need for Her to assigne something practically unessecary. All She has to do is point it out if I haven't seen it. Others need strong guidance. So from the bottom end of things yeah we can tell you what works for us and what others have told us but what ends up working for you may ahve no bearing or relation to what works for us...make sense?



I disagree with the bolded statements.  Every person has their own unique personality and mix of personality traits--that much is beyond dispute.  However, within that amalgam of personality traits are traits shared by at least a few other people--in fact, while an individual personality is undeniably unique, an individual personality trait is arguably never unique. 

Extending this through your chain of reasoning , what works for you and yours almost certainly has some bearing on what works for me...even if just to illuminate how different personality traits might be activated by various external forces.


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RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:06:29 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I'm quite confident that there are many younger folks out here that have used whips and such and have mastered their techniques....It simply takes time and interest to develop such skills...I look for what someone has twix their ears...Even if I become fluent in every aspect of bdsm from shibari to whips...I would still probably have to speak at some point to the sub involved....It's such a shame that such discussions have to take place.  The killers of otherwise perfect relationships.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:09:35 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy
So what would one do to learn faceslapping?

Bitchslap canteloupe? Or talk to a submissive who likes it or wants it and then, paying reasonable amounts of attention and being aware of the risks and having a game plan in mind if various eventualities go down, DO it?


Personally, I would recommend some study of the martial arts.  By definition, those are a study of HOW to strike the body.



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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:10:32 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I'm quite confident that there are many younger folks out here that have used whips and such and have mastered their techniques....It simply takes time and interest to develop such skills...I look for what someone has twix their ears...Even if I become fluent in every aspect of bdsm from shibari to whips...I would still probably have to speak at some point to the sub involved....It's such a shame that such discussions have to take place.  The killers of otherwise perfect relationships.


That's why people who have gags as a hard limit are off my list. :)

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:10:50 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Yes. Because when your kid graduates from college or you pay off your mortgage, life hands you a book called "Everything you need to know about BDSM".


Hey, I paid off my mortgage.  Where's my copy?



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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:11:01 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

You are right, that was probably not the right word. But showing off on a human target is more than a casual "oops" - I'm saying that people WITH common sense and caution as their foundation are suitable to actually try some of the things they want to try, and should not be discouraged. And I think we tend to discourage more than encourage.



I believe you are right that people tend to be discouraged rather than encouraged. But I think it's a good idea to remember that enough people without common sense and without caution are in the lifestyle as well that you don't want to encourage everyone blindly. Even those with experience in other areas can make mistakes.

Before encouraging someone to try something beyond the "basics" I encourage them to talk to someone more experienced and gain what knowledge they can. Learn as much as the safety as you can and then go for it. Don't flog pillows for months, but do make sure you can hit what you are aiming at before you start going to town on someone's face.

Hope that makes sense.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd - 9/6/2007 8:12:15 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Yes. Because when your kid graduates from college or you pay off your mortgage, life hands you a book called "Everything you need to know about BDSM".


Hey, I paid off my mortgage.  Where's my copy?




Probably still in the mailroom. You know how long it takes those big businesses to ship something.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 60
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