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RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:14:18 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		OOOOOOK I had enough of this crapola.

I am starting to think BOB is a joke-nik.

ok, when will the haha begin? Because this is too lame for words. 

Bob, save your drama for PM or mail.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:15:33 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

And who decreed that you should tell the rest of us how to live our lives, and to attack anyone who doesn't do it your way?

Ok time out here. You did exactly the same thing to me in another thread. Talk about pot, kettle and black!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:18:28 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included.  It is unfair ... 



So now we get down to it.

It is not that they don't exist.

It is not that I am despoiling their memory.

It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)

I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well.

But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe.

No one promised me life would be fair.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:21:13 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included.  It is unfair ... 



So now we get down to it.

It is not that they don't exist.

It is not that I am despoiling their memory.

It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)

I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well.

But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe.

No one promised me life would be fair.


No. It's that expecting them to replace your wife and son is unfair, unreasonable, and unhealthy.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:22:40 PM   
PezTres


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		      Your loss is real.
     Healing will take time.  Much time.
     I lost a vanilla wife two years ago.   I know from experience that you must mourn before you go on with your life.
    You are going to find in many places that those who do not share your grief do not want to hear about it.
     Several people have suggested that you would profit from professional help.   I believe I agree with them.
     My prayers are with you.

                                                                        Lord Pez Tres

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:24:04 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included.  It is unfair ... 



So now we get down to it.

It is not that they don't exist.

It is not that I am despoiling their memory.

It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)

I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well.

But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe.

No one promised me life would be fair.


You know what bob...I've buried a son.  Bet you didn't know that. 
Know why you didn't know it?  Because I don't parade that fact about me on this or any site.  It is a private matter and I don't glorify it or use it to get laid.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:24:07 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)


uhhh whatttttttt?

are you saying that your loss is a 'one-up" on others?

yep, that is what you just said.

omygods, you didn't just say that.

edit: g'night, got things to see, people to do. uh no really, Oprah on.  Bob, you make me ILL.


< Message edited by came4U -- 9/7/2007 12:26:33 PM >

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:24:24 PM   
sweetNsmartBBW


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		OOOOOOK I had enough of this crapola.  (Simple solution: stop reading and posting on the subject)

I am starting to think BOB is a joke-nik. (But nobody is attacking Him, right?  This is a completely non-confrontational and constructive critiscism in some way?)  

ok, when will the haha begin? Because this is too lame for words.  (If it's so lame, why do you continue to contribute to it? )

Bob, save your drama for PM or mail. (Ummmm....perhaps a one word best reply to this is best: ditto) 

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:24:30 PM   
GuinevereLost


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		I am not going to read all the posts here.  I have been reading this forum since I started, but I have learned the hard way to steer clear of posting on hot type posts.  This one hits home, and really pisses me off (for lack of a better term).

I lost the only man who ever collared me to death, he was a man and a marine and I loved both.  I would never ever make a post going into details on what I loved about his kinks, sexual abilities, or our life behind closed doors.  This is utter filth and horridly gross IMO.  You loved her but now you drag her through the forums like a trophy, a dead trophty....

HORRID!

< Message edited by GuinevereLost -- 9/7/2007 12:28:02 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:24:46 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U
I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included.  It is unfair ... 

So now we get down to it.
It is not that they don't exist.
It is not that I am despoiling their memory.
It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)
I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well.
But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe.
No one promised me life would be fair.


Well, that reads to me as an admission that the reason for bringing up the dead wife is to stand out and use them to replace them. At least something has been accomplished with this thread.

BTW- the entire quote from Came4U: "It is unfair and pity-mongling." It appears Bob's confirmed this. (O.o) indeed!

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:29:41 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

You even tell us how many nails you used. The title is "on behalf of..". What are you sayng on behalf of her?



Is there a reason I should be ashamed to talk about how awesome a slave she was? Is there a reason why I should not speak of why I consider her so awesome?

There is nothing salacious in what I've said. She was proud of her accomplishments, tho' no one knew about them other than me.

I am sharing her now. She will be remembered by others and not just me.

quote:


Yes you are in pain. I understand that. But we can't help you


I am not asking for help.

quote:


and you telling the details of a sex life that no longer exists isn't going to help you either. BDSM is not something to be ashamed of or hidden away, but if Valyraen died and I were looking for a new dominant, I probably wouldn't talk about how great Valyraen was all the time. Nobody wants to be second best.


So you are telling me to stop talking about my family so as not to make anyone else feel second best should they come into my life?

I don't see that anyone needs to feel second best here.

Consider this is the only footnote in 'history' my wife will get that credits her for her accomplishments in bdsm.

That otherwise all she was and all she achieved would perish with me ... as if she never existed at all.

I would hope there are at least a few people who would recognize that by sharing her I am honouring who she was in my life, respecting her accomplishments and making sure she doesn't just disappear when I am gone.

Perhaps not everyone would want that. But I don't recall anyone else being in the hospital room when she and I discussed this, so those who think they can speak on behalf of my wife and that I should not really need to consider what they see at stake here.





_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:33:10 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Though this is most probably a woefully futile attempt as you only seem to read what you want to read Bob, for some masochistic reason i still feel obliged to make the attempt. As many others have mentioned you are not unique in that life has been painful for you or that you have experienced loss, lots of us humans have had similar experiences, myself included.

However, while i was still in the place in my life that i was talking about those experiences more often than not, i was not in a place where i was ready for another relationship because pain, the pain of that loss was all i could see, all i could process and even though i THOUGHT i had moved past the worst of it, casual acquantainces could tell how much pain i was still in. And any relationship that i might have made at that point in the healing process would have been doomed from the outset as i would have been using that relationship to heal a wound in me and to try to replace the person that i had loss. That is not fair to expect from a person, and as much as another person might love and care for me, they can NOT heal me or fill a wounded place left by the loss of another.

i don't know if you will actually hear any of this, but i hope for the sake of any potential submissive/slave that you eventually find that you will hear it and put any attempt of finding another submissive/slave on hold until you are further along in the healing process, because unless and until you heal further, you are setting them up for failure and causing the death of the relationship before it ever has a chance to start.

heartfelt


_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:33:48 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Did I mention my last beautiful sub was torn asunder by a pack of  vicious wolverines?  seems that wolverines kind of have the market cornered in the vicious department...You rarely hear of any other kind....Anywhoooo all that was left of her was her big toe....Some folks call it the grand toe, I have always called it the "big toe." I am preferential to "big toes" and slender women....How odd is that shit? Anywhoooo, I had her big toe made into a locket that I wear around my neck...Sometimes when I stroll through a carnival or shelter I will spy a toe almost as striking as that of my lost love's....."My, what a  becoming big toe you have." I might say to the stranger....Often she might smile or stop to wiggle it a bit...Other times she dashes off looking for the authorities.

Replacing the dead is tough work....Sure I could have come out here sooner and paid tribute to my dead sub and her toe....It was just to private...I was afraid that too many of you would believe that your big toe would never match up to the one around my neck...It's hard to match up to the dead....They no longer yell and complain, in death they become immortalized as perfect....Not a single chip in the red paint that adorns her toe nail.  I will drag her toe through every fucking thread if that is what it takes for me to get some Goddam subbie action off of this site.  Somewhere, someone will feel my pain and come a runnin.' It just takes a couple of idiots to make a happy home.

_____________________________



(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:34:18 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

So now we get down to it.

It is not that they don't exist.

It is not that I am despoiling their memory.

It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)

I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well.

But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe.

No one promised me life would be fair.


I doubt that anyone here sees that they are at a disadvantage because of your loss. You fail to see that most people would be put off having any sort of relationship with you becuase you constantly bring up your wife and child at every turn.

If my Master brought up his wife half the number of times you do I would no longer be with him. He has enough respect for my feelings to not constantly bring up his past. Whilst I am very aware that he loved her very much, I have never ever been put in a position where I felt that he was thinking about her. At the point that he decided to start a new relationship he made the decision to focus on that and not his previous life. Even at times when I have asked him if he did something with his wife that he does with me he will not discuss it. In his words "this is my life now here with you".

Of course he continues to have feelings for her and I know he still loves her but he would never make me feel as though I was taking her place.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:34:26 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		oKKKKKKKKKK this is too sick to read LOL.

mg, omg, ooo

Jim Carey: 'somebody stop meeee'

(nite, nite, for reals this time)

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:39:28 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

And Bob, long ago you spoke of your son being autisitc, yet you always refer to him as quite emotional and loving.  How can he be both???  Autism implies the inability to show or read emotions. 


There are many degrees to autism. It is called a "spectrum disorder" because it is a catch-all for a number of symptoms that do not always combine to form the worst cases of autism.

My son suffered from Delayed Language Syndrome. He was highly functional in many ways, but he did not speak. Not speaking is one of the symptoms of autism. He was also behind in some other aspects, but it was difficult to assess whether these were disabilities or the result of him not understanding the words used to instruct him.

He required extensive coaching on my part to overcome the difficulty, and he was progressing well once we knew how to help him.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:42:18 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I am sharing her now. She will be remembered by others and not just me.



Bob, if you want people to remember her write it down and make a book. I do not want to be cruel but this is not a way to pay tribute. At the very least this thread will be deleted when 365 days have passed without anyone posting.

quote:



I am not asking for help.

What are you asking for? You asked for thoughts but you see anyone who doesn't agree with you that this is the place for tributes of this kind as attacking you.

quote:

quote:



and you telling the details of a sex life that no longer exists isn't going to help you either. BDSM is not something to be ashamed of or hidden away, but if Valyraen died and I were looking for a new dominant, I probably wouldn't talk about how great Valyraen was all the time. Nobody wants to be second best.


I don't see that anyone needs to feel second best here.



Bob, the people who are going to feel second best are the people who would like to be your slave. Not me.

I don't know how much experience you have with dating and relationships (hey, some people marry their first love) but nobody wants to be the new girlfriend/wife/slave when the all the person can talk about is the one who is gone.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/7/2007 12:43:04 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:44:50 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

But Bob talks about his loss in most of his posts ... He also does scene reports what they used to do.



Excuse me, but neither of those statements are true.


What do you think your OP was? You are talking the sexual acts that your deceased wife and you used to do. Just because you didn't get into every detail doesn't make any less of a scene report.


This is the first time I've discussed the intimacies between my wife and I.

I have briefly mentioned the first woman with whom I engaged in bdsm, in a thread intended for the purpose of discussing first bdsm experiences.

She was not my wife.



Then why mention it? If the post was about not being able to speak about your wife, what was the point of taking so much time to talk about it?


You sound confused.

The woman I am speaking of in the OP of this thread was my wife.

The only other time I've discussed intimate details involving anyone was in a thread intended to discuss first-time bdsm experiences. The woman I discussed there was not my wife, but someone I'd met long before meeting my wife.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:52:59 PM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

....Anywhoooo all that was left of her was her big toe....Some folks call it the grand toe, I have always called it the "big toe." I am preferential to "big toes" and slender women....How odd is that shit? Anywhoooo, I had her big toe made into a locket that I wear around my neck...Sometimes when I stroll through a carnival or shelter I will spy a toe almost as striking as that of my lost love's....."My, what a  becoming big toe you have." I might say to the stranger....Often she might smile or stop to wiggle it a bit...Other times she dashes off looking for the authorities.



Are you sure you weren't admiring camel toes and not big toes?

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... - 9/7/2007 12:54:05 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I am a strong believer in not asking for opinions when you are not accepting of them. If Bob needs a safe space to talk about his loss, there are many options. The collarme forums are simply not a safe space nor should every place be a safe space.

Bob, if you want BDSM-friendly safe space areas where you can talk about this sort of thing and ask for thoughts, there are plenty of communities on LJ and I'm sure other forums exists where the moderators actively try to make it a safe space.


I think I've made it clear since I got here that not only do I not see this as a "safe space" but I don't consider -any- bdsm fourm to be a "safe space".

Truth is I carry my own safe space with me wherever I go.

That I could post this after, what, a month of heckling from a minority of posters whenever I mention my wife (and just about any other time I say something) would make rather clear I not only know this isn't a safe space, but I don't need it to be.

Nonetheless, they have made it an issue for about a month now, hijacking one thread after another over this, getting threads locked left and right.

So here we are, in a thread where they can be heard, and everyone else can be heard, and we can all hear each other.

Will anything good come from this? Who knows?

But at least when this minority heckles another thread this issue will be well understood.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 100
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