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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

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ORIGINAL: came4U

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Or is there only one way to handle this?

Yes!

There is one way,

Your way.

And who decreed that you should tell the rest of us how to live our lives, and to attack anyone who doesn't do it your way?

Nobody is attacking you.

You asked for our thoughts. You have them now.

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ORIGINAL: missturbation



And who decreed that you should tell the rest of us how to live our lives, and to attack anyone who doesn't do it your way?

Ok time out here. You did exactly the same thing to me in another thread. Talk about pot, kettle and black!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I am speaking of many other threads where attacks en masse have occurred.

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

This is the first time I've discussed the intimacies between my wife and I.

I have briefly mentioned the first woman with whom I engaged in bdsm, in a thread intended for the purpose of discussing first bdsm experiences.

She was not my wife.

Then why mention it? If the post was about not being able to speak about your wife, what was the point of taking so much time to talk about it?

You sound confused.

The woman I am speaking of in the OP of this thread was my wife.

The only other time I've discussed intimate details involving anyone was in a thread intended to discuss first-time bdsm experiences. The woman I discussed there was not my wife, but someone I'd met long before meeting my wife.

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I am a strong believer in not asking for opinions when you are not accepting of them. If Bob needs a safe space to talk about his loss, there are many options. The collarme forums are simply not a safe space nor should every place be a safe space.

Bob, if you want BDSM-friendly safe space areas where you can talk about this sort of thing and ask for thoughts, there are plenty of communities on LJ and I'm sure other forums exists where the moderators actively try to make it a safe space.

I think I've made it clear since I got here that not only do I not see this as a "safe space" but I don't consider -any- bdsm fourm to be a "safe space".

Truth is I carry my own safe space with me wherever I go.

That I could post this after, what, a month of heckling from a minority of posters whenever I mention my wife (and just about any other time I say something) would make rather clear I not only know this isn't a safe space, but I don't need it to be.

Nonetheless, they have made it an issue for about a month now, hijacking one thread after another over this, getting threads locked left and right.

So here we are, in a thread where they can be heard, and everyone else can be heard, and we can all hear each other.

Will anything good come from this? Who knows?

But at least when this minority heckles another thread this issue will be well understood.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

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ORIGINAL: came4U

I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included.  It is unfair ... 

So now we get down to it.

It is not that they don't exist.

It is not that I am despoiling their memory.

It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)

I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well.

But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe.

No one promised me life would be fair.

No. It's that expecting them to replace your wife and son is unfair, unreasonable, and unhealthy.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

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ORIGINAL: came4U

I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included.  It is unfair ... 

So now we get down to it.

It is not that they don't exist.

It is not that I am despoiling their memory.

It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)

I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well.

But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe.

No one promised me life would be fair.

You know what bob...I've buried a son.  Bet you didn't know that. 
Know why you didn't know it?  Because I don't parade that fact about me on this or any site.  It is a private matter and I don't glorify it or use it to get laid.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Though this is most probably a woefully futile attempt as you only seem to read what you want to read Bob, for some masochistic reason i still feel obliged to make the attempt. As many others have mentioned you are not unique in that life has been painful for you or that you have experienced loss, lots of us humans have had similar experiences, myself included.

However, while i was still in the place in my life that i was talking about those experiences more often than not, i was not in a place where i was ready for another relationship because pain, the pain of that loss was all i could see, all i could process and even though i THOUGHT i had moved past the worst of it, casual acquantainces could tell how much pain i was still in. And any relationship that i might have made at that point in the healing process would have been doomed from the outset as i would have been using that relationship to heal a wound in me and to try to replace the person that i had loss. That is not fair to expect from a person, and as much as another person might love and care for me, they can NOT heal me or fill a wounded place left by the loss of another.

i don't know if you will actually hear any of this, but i hope for the sake of any potential submissive/slave that you eventually find that you will hear it and put any attempt of finding another submissive/slave on hold until you are further along in the healing process, because unless and until you heal further, you are setting them up for failure and causing the death of the relationship before it ever has a chance to start.

heartfelt

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You even tell us how many nails you used. The title is "on behalf of..". What are you sayng on behalf of her?

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Consider this is the only footnote in 'history' my wife will get that credits her for her accomplishments in bdsm.

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What kind of perverse imagination would consider it a tactic to get laid?

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It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O)
No one promised me life would be fair.

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ORIGINAL: substephen59

Robert,first let me say i am soooooooo sorry for the loss of your wife.i think it it healthy to write out your memories.i have one question,is your son still alive and are you raising him ? i am sorry to i have to ask but the phrased you feelings made me think that something had happened to him also.thx and take care,substephen59

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Though this is most probably a woefully futile attempt as you only seem to read what you want to read Bob, for some masochistic reason i still feel obliged to make the attempt. As many others have mentioned you are not unique in that life has been painful for you or that you have experienced loss, lots of us humans have had similar experiences, myself included.

However, while i was still in the place in my life that i was talking about those experiences more often than not, i was not in a place where i was ready for another relationship because pain, the pain of that loss was all i could see, all i could process and even though i THOUGHT i had moved past the worst of it, casual acquantainces could tell how much pain i was still in. And any relationship that i might have made at that point in the healing process would have been doomed from the outset as i would have been using that relationship to heal a wound in me and to try to replace the person that i had loss. That is not fair to expect from a person, and as much as another person might love and care for me, they can NOT heal me or fill a wounded place left by the loss of another.

i don't know if you will actually hear any of this, but i hope for the sake of any potential submissive/slave that you eventually find that you will hear it and put any attempt of finding another submissive/slave on hold until you are further along in the healing process, because unless and until you heal further, you are setting them up for failure and causing the death of the relationship before it ever has a chance to start.

heartfelt

I am confused why so many insist their way is the only way in which to handle death, and that as it was for them, it must be so for me.

I'd have thought those exposed to all the variations of lifestyle and relationship such as exists under the BDSM umbrella would see the dangers in declaring "One True Way" for dealing with death.

It would seem there are actually very few who understand that.

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ORIGINAL: susie

You fail to see that most people would be put off having any sort of relationship with you becuase you constantly bring up your wife and child at every turn.

If my Master brought up his wife half the number of times you do I would no longer be with him.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

One would think that Bob is the only person that has lost a loved one. That is is some wonderful thing that should be given a medal of honour.

I would venture to say that most of the people on these forums have lost someone they loved dearly. Guess what, it's called LIFE!! People are born, people get sick, people die. Not much we can do to stop it. Slow it down a tad maybe, but we are not going to stop it.

And no, it's not something wonderful. It sucks. It is painful. But to drag it out and use it as a trophy, look at me, aren't I just something special because someone I loved died.......... sick and twisted.