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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:35:29 PM   
SolarAndViolet


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		So based on one man's expectations, you jumped into bed with a different man.. and that's not what he wanted (or, at least, he wanted it enough NOW, but didn't like the long term implications). It's unfortunate that the long term didn't work out, but hopefully it was at least a good night?

There is no set list a guy goes by. Sorting out what one wants has no direct relationship to what another wants. There's a common phrase I'd heard, "you just want a blowjob." I know more than just a couple men who go "hey, those are great, but I can't ever climax off of those, that's just like an intro to the real deal." Others go "that's the best thing ever". So who is right?

If nothing else, try taking things at a pace you're comfortable with, not playing guesswork at what he'll want and be comfortable with. If something happens, fantastic. If not, your life isn't over. And here's the real kicker. You could always ask what they want short-term and long-term. That darn stickler, communication.

-S


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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:35:38 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Chick...Don't you have the slightest ability to read someone?  I have on more than one occassion had a relationship with someone I messed around with upon meeting...it was just that all of the dots miraculously connected....Or maybe it was the Gentleman Jack? Either way things worked out....

Have you considered eharmony?...Might be more your cup o' joe.


Actually, I have a great ability when it comes to reading other women......better than most. The problem is, I have no idea how to read men. I've had this problem for as long as I can remember. Here's an example: I met great guy and we were attracted to each other. He wanted to have sex that same day and I said not till I get to know you better. He said it would be better if we were just friends and completely lost interest. I found out later from his ex gf that they had sex the first day they met and almost got married. Then I met another guy. We were also attracted to each other. Remembering my mistake with the last guy, I was eager to have sex with him. Afterwords, he told me that he didn't want a relationship with any woman that would have sex with a guy on the first meet. Of course I can't read men. I wish I could but they are too damn confusing. I have no interest in eharmony. I don't want a vanilla guy.


Stop being desperate and needy. Not having sex with a man early on because you don't want to ruin your chances for a relationship is trying way too hard to not be desperate and needy. You are adopting strategies to keep a man interested, but deep down, you are still desperate and needy. You won't sleep with a man on the first date, but upon the first online conversation you will change your journal and "talk dirty" at his request?  Then show even .0001% of fret when he vanishes, and start a thread about it?  You are so needy about being in a relationship that you create all kinds of rules and drama and then don't follow through on the simplest things. 

No matter how much you fake it, men can sniff desperation.  They will take you for a ride, sex or no sex, every day of the week until your head spins. It's not until YOU are in charge of your own happiness AND sexual fulfillment (how about using a man for phone sex for your own pleasure, blocking your number, and moving on to find someone who gets you off more effectively?) that you will show some self confidence that men seek.

Therapy! Or, swear off men for 1 year and focus on self esteem.

Akasha


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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:36:34 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Knowing my luck, I'd end up having sex with 20 complete strangers before finding someone. Then what would I tell him when he asked how many men I've been with? Lying is wrong because honesty and trust are the basis for good relationships. If I told the truth he would think I was a tramp.


Actually you would be surprised at how many men are not really interested in the numbers game. They are fully aware that they are not the first so the actual number does not mean much. I just asked Master if he wanted  to know how many men I had slept with before him and he said "No, the most impotant thing is now not the past"

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:37:50 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		If you pick a guy like the guy that this thread is about then yeah....most likely he is a troll and it would end disasterously.  There's really no way to teach someone how to recognize the genuine connection.  It's most likely a learn from your mistakes kind of thing.  It seems that some just never have the ability to learn and just keep repeating the same bad patterns.  I really wish you good luck because it seems that you really do try to find that perfect connection.

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Profile   Post #: 124
RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:38:32 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		How can a woman tell if a guy is looking for one night of fun or if he wants more? Men lie all the time just to get laid so a woman can't go by what he says. I would have no problem having sex with a guy the first time I met him if I knew he was going to stick around for awhile (not saying it would last forever but a relationship that eventually ends is better than a one night stand)

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:40:01 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Look, you don't necessarily have to mention every guy that rammed your ass....There might be an explanation necessary if you have a tattoo that says "Carl's fuck toy" on the small of your back.....

Maybe it's time to go shopping for a better brain.

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:41:56 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How can a woman tell if a guy is looking for one night of fun or if he wants more? Men lie all the time just to get laid so a woman can't go by what he says. I would have no problem having sex with a guy the first time I met him if I knew he was going to stick around for awhile (not saying it would last forever but a relationship that eventually ends is better than a one night stand)


A clue...a guy who tells you that he wants to collar you, wants to have phone sex with you immediately and who wants you to mention him in your journal after one conversation is looking for a quick fuck.

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:44:29 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Carl would never do a thing like that.

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:45:33 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TankII7871

One should always wait at least 5,256,000 seconds before making any important decisions ,such as collars  meetings assfuckings and such.


Eric


if i cyphered right, thats 60.833333333333333333 days......who said this stuff aint educational?

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:46:56 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Look, you don't necessarily have to mention every guy that rammed your ass....There might be an explanation necessary if you have a tattoo that says "Carl's fuck toy" on the small of your back.....

Maybe it's time to go shopping for a better brain.


Blimey if I had everyones name tattoo'd on my back I would need to be 8ft tall. Actually that is a lie, there are quite a few that I can't even remember their names and a few that I don't think I ever knew their name anyway!

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Profile   Post #: 130
RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:54:33 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		That's why I take the "Memento" approach to dating...I have every fucktoys name tattooed onto my body...It can sometimes be a little embarrassing when out at dinner and I have to remove my shoes and socks and look at the bottom of my feet to remember "ol' what's her fucks" name.

The only reason I would ever ask about "Carl" is to see if he is still in the picture? If he is bigger than me? or does he own a gun?

Then I would say shit like..."I bet Carl never flogged and fucked your ass like this...Did he?... You Carl fucking whore."

< Message edited by domiguy -- 9/15/2007 12:56:49 PM >

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 12:56:57 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

If you did all that with him that soon, how were you able to tell he wanted more than one night of fun?


defiantbadgirl,
i have read many many of your posts and my gut says you have the tendancy to write entire screenplays over simple events, a word, a look, an email, etc. 

Please, imagine for one moment you are the director of a play.  You have all the actors on the stage but you and only you have the script to that play.  The actors don't even know for sure what the premise of the play is.. just that they are assembled to act in your play.  How well would the actors do?  How well would they follow the script?  Well of course it would be a disaster!  You could even provide a little stage direction but that wouldn't help. 

Have you tried NOT having such a structured and limited view of yourself, others, your environment?  Most people when confronted with an obstacle in their path will either go around it, jump over it, or dig under it,  but i feel you let it completely stop you and then you have no idea where to go next.

i'm going to stop now before i get into a spiral of more metaphors

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 1:03:33 PM   
ITGirl68


Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

you are BOTH wankers

***

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

True, I'm ashamed to admit.
 

The word has so many differing meanings that the accusation applies to us all, at least at times. It is easy to get excited - especially when someone seems to be trying to sweep you off your feet. Take care of yourself, yes, but would anyone (sane) really prefer a life in which nothing stirs the imagination?

- Angel

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Profile   Post #: 133
RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 1:09:40 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		very well said ITGirl.

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Profile   Post #: 134
RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 1:13:44 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SolarAndViolet

mnottertail, I have no idea what you're talking about. I've taken a stab at reading it twice now. Can anyone translate?

-Solar



No one does.

Just nod, laugh, and say "Thats nice, Ron..." like the rest of us.




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Profile   Post #: 135
RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 1:35:18 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: SolarAndViolet

mnottertail, I have no idea what you're talking about. I've taken a stab at reading it twice now. Can anyone translate?

-Solar



No one does.

Just nod, laugh, and say "Thats nice, Ron..." like the rest of us.





*laughs* it usually translates into something about a blow job.....

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 3:04:12 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

If you did all that with him that soon, how were you able to tell he wanted more than one night of fun?


Who cared if He wanted more???

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 7:06:52 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		dbg,

You allowed more then perhaps you normally would because you thought that this guy lived in your town and he'd be a great match if things worked out for the both of you, so you gave him more leeway and unfortunately he hung himself with the extra rope you gave him.  

One suggestion for you, instead of worrying about being able to read men, or how many dates before you have sex, etc..., just be yourself with them.  Do what YOU want to do, don't try to figure out what they are wanting or thinking of your actions because you are looking long term before even having a reason to.   Focus on being yourself and opening up to these men and letting them get a glimpse of who you are, if you are so preoccupied in going by rules, or setting some standard that others go by, things won't flow naturally and so much of the spontenaeity and fun will be lost.  i am not saying not to have standards or to stick to them, just allow for some flexibility.  Sorry it didn't work out better for you, but this guy did appear to be not totally sincere, and it's so easy to overlook that when we want and need something very badly.

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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 9:48:46 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Jesus fuck.

"How can I tell if a guy wants me to put out on the first date or the third or the fifth?"

OK sweetie, what would you do if you met a guy and he said no sex until marriage at all. You would probably be like "ummm....at ALL??" because you have some preference of your own, right?

I do not want to have sex on the first date.  It just doesn't do it for me, and it's not so much a "rule" as a preference.  I will tell any guy who expects that "no" and if he IS the kind of guy who expects it on the first date...well he's not for me.

You have every right to judge guys for when they want to 'put out' as they do to judge you.  Stop worrying what they 'expect' or 'approve' of and start figuring out what you are comfortable with.  Then stick to it.  Let me tell you this much, a guy will be far more impressed if you say no (or say yes) simply because its what YOU want rather than because you want to meet his approved standards for female sexual behavior.  Seriously.

As for the numbers game...lie. Seriously.  Most women have.  I have.  I will continue to. Don't turn 20 into 5 but you can turn 9 into 6...just flip it upside down.  It's kind of a nine and it is a far nicer way to say 'none of your business'

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Profile   Post #: 139
RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 10:18:14 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
As for the numbers game...lie. Seriously.  Most women have.  I have.  I will continue to. Don't turn 20 into 5 but you can turn 9 into 6...just flip it upside down.  It's kind of a nine and it is a far nicer way to say 'none of your business'


Huh??? Why? Who in their right mind would want to start off a possible relationship with a lie?



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Profile   Post #: 140
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