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RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:11:57 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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True I'm sure, but I don't make a habit of having phone sex. In fact, it's something I hardly ever do. So what I list that usually happens doesn't involve any phone sex whatsoever. When a Dom contacts me, one of the first things I tell him is that I'm kinky, not slutty. Apparently some are too stupid to know the difference even when it's explained to them.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 81

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:18:36 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Heh. So true. I really wonder why guys just looking for sex waste their time and ours when we make it very clear we want a relationship. There are plenty of girls who want sex. Go talk to them!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 82

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:20:18 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Heh. So true. I really wonder why guys just looking for sex waste their time and ours when we make it very clear we want a relationship. There are plenty of girls who want sex. Go talk to them!

Probably because there are SO many women who can't enforce their own stated boundaries and these guys have had at least some degree of success in getting women who say "I'm not that kind of girl" to spread their legs and give them a cheap piece.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 83

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:23:47 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

This guy wanted masturbatory material, you gave it to him. It's not necessarily a mistake, yet it also sends a clear signal about the type of relationship you want to indulge in. He's upset because you no longer want to provide masturbatory material. You know better than to do this stuff. Learn from this.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 84

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:24:41 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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To me, sex is a great part of a relationship, not the entire focus of it. Another thing I run into with the ones that do keep talking to me.....by the time I have known them long enough to have sex with them, they are no longer interested because they think of me as a friend.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 85

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:26:29 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

To me, sex is a great part of a relationship, not the entire focus of it. Another thing I run into with the ones that do keep talking to me.....by the time I have known them long enough to have sex with them, they are no longer interested because they think of me as a friend.

Sex by itself bores me.

I like a framework of multiple possibilities and activities together best. But the little sex secrets always spice it up with a lovely tension.

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Post #: 86

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:31:53 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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I've had guys tell me here, on this forum, that if a woman doesn't spread her legs soon after meeting them, they start thinking of her as a friend and lose interest in anything more. At the same time, I've had other guys say that if a woman gives it up too soon, they think of her as an easy lay and aren't interested in persuing a relationship with her. What's a sub to do? How long is not long enough and how long is too long?

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 87

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:42:03 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Two second kiss on the first date. Long goodnight kiss on the second, possible making out. Serious making out on the third date, possible taking off of shirts. Discussion of "where this is going" on the fourth date, taking off shirts and possibly foreplay but still no sex to make sure he isn't just lying to get in your pants. Quick coffee or lunch for fifth date, passionate lusty goodbye kiss torn apart by lack of time and promises to see each other soon. Sex on the sixth date with your newly hooked "boyfriend".

Heh. Or at least that's what Cosmo says. I haven't tried it myself

Edited to add: also pay for the coffee or lunch 5th date. It will make him think "wow this chick is pretty cool and self sufficient" and see you as potential awesome gf material.

< Message edited by xoxi -- 9/15/2007 8:44:19 AM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 88

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:48:02 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Cool, thanks. What about sessions? How soon should a sub start engaging in non-sexual play with a Dom or should she wait for any bdsm play until she's ready to have sex?

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 89

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:50:07 AM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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Um, these are things everyone has to decide for his or herself. There's no magic number.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 90

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:52:17 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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Well, deciding for myself doesn't seem to be working because most guys that continue to talk to me when I don't put out right away think of me as a friend by the time I am ready.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 91

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:52:45 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Hmmm that is a tricky one, there is no Cosmo-for-perverts. Although I would *love* to see Dear Abby handle that one!

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 92

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:53:55 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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If you think of having sex as "putting out", then you may want to work on your self confidence, relationship skills and such before looking for someone.

And I am not being snarky. I mean, perhaps, you are talking with the wrong doms/men. Besides, what's wrong with being friends? Friendship often leads to other things.

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 9/15/2007 8:55:11 AM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 93

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:56:19 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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You are kidding, right? I mean, you don't seriously believe that there is some magic number, do you?

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 94

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:56:47 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

What arouses me most? The sound of a Dominant bringing himself off on the phone, groaning his way to climax and appreciation.

Looks like DBG won't call me, so how about you?

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"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

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Post #: 95

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 8:58:31 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I love sex, as long as it's within a monogamous relationship. Condoms are a great way to prevent STD's but most guys expect unprotected oral. HIV is spread through unprotected oral sex.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 96

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 9:04:02 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

You are kidding, right? I mean, you don't seriously believe that there is some magic number, do you?

Kidding? Moi? Are you mocking the High Protocols of the Ancient House of Cosmopolitan?

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 97

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 9:09:34 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Cool, thanks. What about sessions? How soon should a sub start engaging in non-sexual play with a Dom or should she wait for any bdsm play until she's ready to have sex?

Are you SERIOUSLY asking a bunch of strangers on the internet to define your personal boundaries for you?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 98

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 9:10:31 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Uh huh...and what does loving sex have to do with anything? I just wondered why you referred to it as "putting out". Seems like a rather strange term for someone who loves sex.

Most guys? You've been with most guys? Maybe most guys you've talked with.

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 9/15/2007 9:11:32 AM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 99

RE: I screwed up big time. - 9/15/2007 9:14:58 AM

Invictus754

Posts: 521
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Sunday, I was contacted by a Dom in my small town. He said all the right things, asked if I would wear a collar, and wanted me to mention him on my profile. He also wanted me to talk dirty to him on the phone. I told him I wanted to meet him and he said we could meet sometime this week. He signed briefly the next day but didn't contact me. I had no way to get ahold of him except on here because he blocked his number when he called. After several days of hearing nothing and remembering the phone thing, I assumed he was a wanker. A couple of hours ago, I sent him a message stating I had deleted my mention of him in my journal since I hadn't heard from him and said time to move on. Just my luck he decided to sign in tonight and reply with "I had a busy week, sorry. If that's how you feel, I guess I lose." Now he's all pissed off and refuses to read any of my messages. I know, I jumped to conclusions and was wrong. I never met the guy so I'm not going to cry or lose any sleep over it. Has this happened to anyone else, especially since there are so many wankers out there? How many days should a woman wait before concluding that a man is only after cyber/phone fun? I obviously didn't wait long enough.

Something similar happened to me recently, too (but in reverse). I arranged to have a day off to meet someone for the first time, but the owner of the company I work for suddenly scheduled a meeting (along with a dinner) for that day. I was in constant communication, but when I said that I had to cancel the meet due to work - no reply, no consideration. No further communication.

In your situation, I think that he was a wanker, though...and he just took advantage of your note to turn it around on you. He could have been communicating that he was busy, but he didn't.

_____________________________

You never know your limits, until you push them
If slavery is a gift, the Africans were pretty fucking generous in the 1700 and 1800s, weren't they?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 100

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