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Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:11:46 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		The concept of maintaining a vanilla relationship is already complex enough without adding bdsm.  Would you sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for the possibility of "real" love or shouldn't the one who loves you accept the "dominant or submissive" side of you.  The reason I have put this topic out is because I have recently had to deal or actually I am still dealing with this issue.  I would love to hear the opinions of others on this matter.  I have always felt that love should be unconditional to Extent (oxymoron isn't it of sorts?) but really I can not be with someone and truly be myself if they are not either accepting of the lifestyle or in the lifestyle.  I have always been dominant and can not see myself supressing my true self even for love.

< Message edited by MistressPurpleFL -- 10/2/2007 5:12:40 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me
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RE: Would Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:15:07 PM   
PsychoticWolf


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		Being one who experienced 'real' love back in the day, and not being able to find something similar during this day & age, I'm going to have to go with no.

Even if you want to, you'll continue to be you, through and through. . You can bottle it up, but eventually you're going to get to a point where it's going to drive you crazy because you can't do/be what you want to do/be.

Unless you can magically change your brain, and the way you feel about certain things, it's not going to last very long because the person you're with won't know who you truely are.

_____________________________

"If what you seek in Reality, turns out to be Fantasy, but your Fantasy becomes Reality. . . In which can you put hope into, to find *the* person."

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:17:38 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		Everyone must find their own answers to this.  For me... no.  I have not settled, will not settle for anything less than what I know is true for me and being true to myself.  If not true to myself, how can I be true to anyone else?  I am who I am and waiting for one who fits who I am was well worth it!

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:18:50 PM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think I would. Because I know in my heart I would grow to resent my partner and our lifestyle.  I have to admit I don't give people (that I want a relationship with) a chance if they aren't into bdsm.)  maybe narrow minded of me, but oh well

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
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RE: Would Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:20:45 PM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		I think things are only as complicated as people make them.  There are alot more Drama Queens out there then you think!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to LadyLynx)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:21:11 PM   
kirii


Posts: 79
Status: offline
I would; without question. Love wins out every time.

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:27:29 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Love is sacrifice, Then there better be a hell of a love to make me sacrifice this coding that is a part of who I am, for it is far easier to lose a
limb, part of your body, life than it would be to change who you are, really are, right down to the core. I'm not saying I couldn't, but That kind
of sacrifice is a fairy tale. If I were to fall in love so deep, yes, the change could happen, if it were what she wanted. I do not feel I could fall for
someone who Didn't want my darkside.

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to HottLicks)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:29:18 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		In a hot second.  Without even looking back.  I can always be sub, even nilla.  It takes little to cater to your mate.  It takes little to give of yourself.  If someone is in your life and they love you, more than likely they know you are the type to cater to them.  Being submissive to your mate is personality.  Being masochistic.. that is play.
I would give up play for love in a heartbeat.
And would have, if he had asked.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:29:21 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to be attracted to alpha personalities so it is less of an issue for me. The sort of person who is in charge, even if it isn't offical. That was the sort of relationship Valyraen and I had for awhile. As long as they were alpha, were in charge, and he fulfilled my kinky side, I'm pretty good. I prefer a nice, offical d/s relationship but you can't have everything in life and I'd be willing to cut my losses on not having an "offical" d/s relationship as long as there was an unoffical power dynamic going on.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:30:06 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Yes it is true I must love myself and be true to myself before I can truly have someone love me; the real me and that is why I had to end things.  I never thought I would consider giving up the Dominant side of me; it is innately in me; yet I did.  Letting go was one of the hardest things to do but when I did it I was relieved.  I felt free.  I truly know that I would never be happy not being me with who I loved; being the WHOLE person I am.

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to kirii)
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RE: Would Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:30:29 PM   
PsychoticWolf


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx

I think things are only as complicated as people make them.  There are alot more Drama Queens out there then you think!


Without Drama Queen's, more people might be sane. . And who wants that?!

_____________________________

"If what you seek in Reality, turns out to be Fantasy, but your Fantasy becomes Reality. . . In which can you put hope into, to find *the* person."

(in reply to LadyLynx)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:30:55 PM   
ladyleopard945


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		NO in no possible way...
why you ask because once you are out in the "real  world" the expectations are different and in no way of accepting a Dominate Woman.  You will not be accepted in the social circles.  There will be always built in expectations of those around you of behavior.... you will not be comfortable and in the end you will NOT BE HAPPY......
Been there DONE that.... Of my 46 years of life the Vanillia world has made me uncomfortable for  more that 36 years and  it will not change .  Expecially in the US because of our Puritan upbringing.  Reality a Female Domme has a very difficult life in  this world as we see it.

LOVE IS BLIND BETTER WHEN YOU TAKE A SECOND LOOK!

You realize that it is better off in the life style.....

BITTER no just realistic!

Leopard


< Message edited by ladyleopard945 -- 10/2/2007 5:33:36 PM >

(in reply to kirii)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:32:11 PM   
PsychoticWolf


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPurpleFL

Yes it is true I must love myself and be true to myself before I can truly have someone love me; the real me and that is why I had to end things.  I never thought I would consider giving up the Dominant side of me; it is innately in me; yet I did.  Letting go was one of the hardest things to do but when I did it I was relieved.  I felt free.  I truly know that I would never be happy not being me with who I loved; being the WHOLE person I am.


Good you found your answer on your own. This is the truth in your life, we have to deal with it even if we're not accepted by others.

_____________________________

"If what you seek in Reality, turns out to be Fantasy, but your Fantasy becomes Reality. . . In which can you put hope into, to find *the* person."

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 5:40:02 PM   
subinsouth


Posts: 55
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPurpleFL

Would you sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for the possibility of "real" love or shouldn't the one who loves you accept the "dominant or submissive" side of you. 


Uhm, no. 

I am not comfortable with 'trade offs', so to speak.  I can't imagine sacrificing who I am for love ~ what kind of love would that be for me and seriously, what kind of future would that bring as a couple?


_____________________________

may it be for me as You will

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:03:36 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Turn it around. You fall in love with a nonkinky person who does not like at all an inequal power relationship. Why aren't you willing to sacrifice what you need, a BDSM relationship, to make them happy?

Nonkinky people have as much right to their hard limits as kinky types do. And if that includes no power relationships, no s & m, no kinkiness, then so be it.

You can love someone without the relationship having any chance at long term success. And sometimes, no matter how much love there may be, you just aren't compatible.

(in reply to subinsouth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:13:04 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Upon making the decision to let go I realized that I truly did love myself.  I also loved him enough to know that we would not be right for one another even though it seemed to him that we were perfect.  ONE should never feel ashamed for being in the lifestyle; no one has the right to say what is normal; normal is subjective. 

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to subinsouth)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:14:59 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		UNFORTUNATELY love is sometimes NOT enough. 

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:18:35 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Aqua...I was in D/s type relationships before I even heard of the term.  I wouldn't be able to fall in love with a man who wasn't the lion to my lioness, so to speak.   And I can very easily live without SM, kink, floggers, whips and chains.

D/s to me is not a lifestyle.  It's an aspect of my sexuality and also one dynamic that shapes my relationships.  When I hear the term 'BDSM lifestyle' I think of those people who sit on the boards of kink groups, who run munches, and who spend at least 50% of their social life with other kinky people or doing kink related stuff. That's not me and never will be.

So I guess it's a total non issue for me.  The real question is would I be willing to *join* the BDSM lifestyle for love...and the answer to *that* one is possibly...but it would have to be some seriously strong love!

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:31:46 PM   
probablyknowme


Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		I have recently ended an eleven year vanilla relationship, having tried to introduce this side of my personality into it for six out of eleven. I know that I will from now on look only to people who are Dominant to even think about trying to establish a relationship with from now on. I am a submissive, and while I have always responded to alpha types as some of the others have mentioned, I don't think that I could ever be happy again without an established D/s aspect to my relations. While love is important, I don't view it as being as important as being true to my inner submissive.

kat

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/


(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:35:45 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPurpleFL

The concept of maintaining a vanilla relationship is already complex enough without adding bdsm. 



mmmmmmmm I don't get this....

I don't see my relationship anymore or less complex just because I happen to engage in BDSM.

The fundamentals of a good relationship work in any lifestyle a person happens to engage in.  Each lifestyle has it's own unique issues... some will be complex and some will be rather simple.   Of course, it does a person's ego good if they can rationalize that their specific lifestyle is harder, better, stronger, more complex etc etc than another lifestyle.  for myself... I my ego doesn't need to be inflated at the expense of others.............. and I can deflate it pretty damn good too.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
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