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RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 11:11:59 AM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

While I can certainly respect a woman's dominant position in her relationship....or in her community....I don't personally see women as being dominant. It just doesn't work for ME. I've known many dominant women. Some of them are great friends of mine. But I have never FELT dominance from a woman....I just don't get that vibe from them....any of them. I see women as peers.

My question is this though, I have noticed that when I am honest about the way I feel about this, many, if not the majority, will view my opinion as a challenge and set out to "prove" their dominance to me. Some will argue the point with me....and some will go so far as to try to dominate me. Why ladies? I don't get it.

Sometimes, it's not so much what you say, but how you say it.

"I don't see a woman as being dominant" comes across a lot differently than saying "I do not feel submissive towards women."

The first statement implies that a woman cannot be dominant, which you know to not be true. You know plenty of dominant women yourself, even if you cannot ever see them being dominant towards you.

In my opinion, sometimes it's best to leave sleeping dogs lie. If there comes a situation where your opinion on the matter is relevant (a woman wants to play with you, or it comes up in conversation) by all means, feel free to share. Otherwise.... is there really a point in arbitrarily bringing it up? Your opinion is fabulous for you, and you are entitled to it, however projecting your opinion onto other people is not likely to be well received.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 10/5/2007 11:12:43 AM >

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 21

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 11:19:05 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I have trouble seeing a female as dominant too.

Whenever I want to try to understand a Domme, I try to put myself into her shoes. "What if I were female? What if I had a vagina and such, assuming that these didn't cause me to develope differently? What if I were the same as I am now, besides this?" And, in brief moments, I almost feel like I can empathize with their plight.. feeling like that, despite the gender difference.

Still, experience clouds it too much. Most of the women I've known in life are submissive. The ones who aren't are bitches. It's infrequently that I've encountered a genuenely dominant woman.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 22

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 11:21:47 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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actually i'm shocking myself in that i partially agree with mistoferin. i too do not view women in general as Dominant, although intellectually i understand and accept that there are indeed some women who are naturally Dominant. still, i view dominance as a masculine trait. however, i do feel submissive towards other women, unless i get the "vibe" from them that they are also submissive or slave. but it's not in a sexual way, it's more like a caste system...i'm in the lowest (least powerful) caste, and view most women as being in a higher (more powerful) caste.

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 23

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 11:30:53 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

"I don't see a woman as being dominant" comes across a lot differently than saying "I do not feel submissive towards women."

The first statement implies that a woman cannot be dominant,

See....I don't get how you made that LEAP. I see her 1st statement for EXACTLY what she SAID....she doesn't see them as dominant....NOWHERE did she say they CAN'T be.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 10/5/2007 11:31:19 AM >

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(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 24

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 11:34:10 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Samantha Bee has your answer:

Check this out.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 10/5/2007 11:43:15 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 25

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 11:51:55 AM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I'm curious as to how these interactions occur. Because going up to a dominant woman and stating "I've never felt any woman give off dominant vibes" is a little rude and I can imagine might elicit rude behavior in return. Why do you feel it necessary to even say this in conversations with dominant women instead of simply stating "I'm totally heterosexual in terms of my D/s, can only feel the vibes with men" should someone else open the topic.

I don't go up to lesbians or bi's and go out of my way to shove in their face the fact that they don't do it for me. If asked, I simply reply something on the order of "Alas I'm hopelessly straight" with a smile.

This is pretty much what went through my mind to when I read the OP.

Why even bring up whether or not you feel a certain vibe from people? What prompts someone to make such statements about others?

It has never occurred to me to make similar claims about groups of people or even individuals unless I was specifically asked my opinion.

I could say that I have never myself felt submissive toward anyone, ever, not even as a child, but that is about me not about other people.

I am right there with Tammyjo and Celeste and Lashra and Iamamachine....in addition I tend to think of other women regardless of the side of the kneel they are on as a "sister" of sorts who I tend to veiw as a whole as sexy, capable and wonderful - course there can be an occasional individual that I do not click with but being a woman or dominant or submissive never enters into the equation.

quote:

I've known quite a few dominant women. They were usually just considered bitches...but yeah. Very confident, always spoke up, demanded their ideas be at least considered if not implemented, and usually very feminist.

If you've never come head to head with one count your blessings xoxi

xoxi - I was blown away with vitrol in that short statement. And I was disappointed. I am a dominant woman who has enjoyed and even seeks out your posts. I have always appreciated your veiws and preferences and have sought to learn from your experience and wisdom. That you would cast such closeminded judgement on how others choose to live, resort to name calling and lump all dominant women into one pile is an unpleasant suprise to me. I would have never thought you'd be that way. You've opened my eyes, and I now do indeed feel on guard and defensive.

As to the feminist remark...once again wow, usually you are smarter than that....

Wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism
Feminism comprises a number of social, cultural and political movements, theories and moral philosophies concerned with gender inequalities and discrimination against women. Feminism is also described as an ideology focusing on equality of the sexes.[1] Feminist political activists have been concerned with issues such as a woman's right of contract and property, a woman's right to bodily integrity and autonomy (especially on matters such as reproductive rights, including the right to contraception and quality prenatal care); for protection from domestic violence; against sexual harassment and rape;[8] for workplace rights, including maternity leave and equal pay; and against other forms of discrimination

Feminism is not about dominance its about equal rights.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 10/5/2007 12:17:37 PM >

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Ocilla

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(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 26

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 12:12:28 PM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Samantha Bee has your answer:

Check this out.

That is hysterical! viva la difference!

Points out once again that reguardless of gender a dominant is not the same thing as a domineering asswhole. And being a domineering, bitchy, asswhole has nothing to do with being a male or female or D/s *shrugs and adds* well, in my opinion.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 27

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 1:44:14 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings all,

it's not so much the "i don't personally view women as dominant" statement that bothers me.

it's the fact that it's then PROJECTED onto dominant women and THEY have to be drawn into it when really, it's not about them...it's about the op's personal feelings about the situation. i am sure there are women who do not view other women as submissive...and that is great for them, but for them to then come up to me and project that belief onto me and make me responsible for their issues surrounding that belief is what i would have a problem with.

respectfully,
annabelle.

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i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 28

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 3:07:44 PM

AttackWomb

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline

The problem I see with this whole idea is that many dominant women I know have encountered overt challenging to their identity as dominants. When I went to a munch for the first time I was asked what I was, and when I said I was dominant I received a lot of negativity and denial of my nature. I don't know how you are "honest" about the way you feel. Telling someone that you don't feel they are dominant is probably challenging. How do you phrase it? I've only met one man in my life that I felt totally submissive towards all the time. I would never tell an out dominant male that I didn't think most men could be dominant even though this is my opinion. Usually, I tell them they don't make me feel submissive and so I won't react as such. This typically gets responses from men trying to prove their dominance to me almost to the point of getting physical. Telling someone you don't think they are what they choose to be is personal. Perhaps you should work on a tactful approach when discussing the subject?

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 29

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 3:15:32 PM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

No one can dominate everyone. I don't feel at all submissive to Dominant males.
I am not seeking to submit to a Dominant man.
The Many Dominant males that attempt to seduce me or get me to submit get nowhere.
It is just a non-issue for me.
Also, I don't expect all submissive males or females to submit to me.
People submit to those they want to submit to.

Do all submissive women submit to all Dominant men?
Do all submissive men submit to all Dominant women?
No big deal in my world.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 30

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 3:20:27 PM

Tristan

Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

My reading of the OP is that mistoferin is questioning why some dominant women want her to feel their dominance. And I think she was questioning their motives for doing so. She was saying that by pushing the issue of their dominance, she felt even more alienated from their views.

Tristan

(in reply to AttackWomb)

Post #: 31

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 3:29:21 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

To the OP:
You view other women as I view Dominant men. Equal, simply becasue you do not have it in you to be submissive to a woman. And you get much the same reaction I do from many Dominant men, they want to prove to me that are Dominant. Depending on how you state it, you probably ruffle feathers. Many Dominants dont like being considered equal by a submissive, especially if it is strictly by their gender.
My question would be, why bring it up if you consistantly get this negative reaction? Is it something they are bringing up, or do you start the conversation? Id say avoidance would be your best tactic. You arent interested in subbing to them, so let them think what they will.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 32

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 3:35:52 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

mist,
you haven't met this slave's Mom...

seriously, though, the first Dominant/submissive relationship this slave can remember "feeling" was that from Mom. because she was this slave's ultimate authority.

Mom submitted to her relationship with Dad, not Dad, and they did things together as a cohesive Dominant unit---it was them first and in charge, everyone else came after that...but the vibe she always puts off to this slave is Dominant...and she still does, at 80.

as for the pushy folks...they are on both sides of the slash, don't let it get ya' down!!!

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 10/5/2007 3:45:22 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 33

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 3:38:43 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen,

Speaking for myself only, as a Dominant lady, I do not find myself upset or ready to have a sword fight per se over the lack of finding a lady as a Dominant and or possessing a dominant energy and or presence. But, I speak as a seasoned woman who identifies as a Dominant. I am not on my first steps and first five years into my journey as a Dominant woman who had a less thick skin as I do now. I do remember how hurtful and painful it was to have people make a blanket statement that women are never worthy, capable and or excel in the arts, skills and mastery as a Dominant. Not only did this come from men but from women as well.

Speaking for myself only, as a Dominant lady; I do have total awareness that submission as well as domination in the modern BDSM and or D/s society is going to contain everybody with their own prejudices, cynical views, bias, preferences and or any number of human emotions, feelings, rational thought processes and or expressions and I do have my own as well. To own up to it in a self awakening about myself I know where I am weak and where I am strong and balance it all as to make sure that all have the right to be human.

Being that all humans are not made the same way, with tastes and or preferences different--I prefer to say that in any situation that I may not personally agree with; that I do not agree without becoming disagreeable or behave in a manner that shows that I do have to be domineering or crude to make a point. I prefer to be as kind to friend and or foe alike.

That said, not every soul will match up with others. It is ok. It really does not need to be defended. I will say, as a personal observation though--which deserves some comments; I feel that those who feel 'pushed' due to a direct and or indirect comment which challenges their position, choice of role and or their desire to become into that role will feel threatened. I feel women particularly respond sharply to such challenges/threats--be it direct and or indirectly due to being put in a lower state and or status by a male dominated society the assumed and or hope that other women would understand that some women do not wish to stay in and or under male influence and or dominance by any degree and or suggestion. This is why I do empathize with women who are in the process of coming to their role as a Dominant who are still in evolution to be 'touchy' as it remains extremely challenging to be a Dominant lady to this very day.

The main thing is being true to yourself and your nature mistoferin. All of us must. Some come to it in different stages in the experiences in D/s but, it is a process that all must go through--regardless if man or woman, dominant or submissive. Not a sermon--just my thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 10/5/2007 3:49:22 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 34

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 3:42:10 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure what you're asking about the challenging part, there's really not enough information. However, as a switch, I have personally often pondered myself why I could submit to a woman but have no interest in dominating one. The conclusion I've reached is, what is is, everyone's different. I wouldn't go as far to say I don't ever view women as submissive however, then again, I guess my view is different being a switch.
l

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 35

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 4:43:27 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Why even bring up whether or not you feel a certain vibe from people? What prompts someone to make such statements about others?

I'm glad she raised the topic.

My wife has an inherent dislike (or vibe) for dominant women and she hates "whipped" men. (So do I.) In our marriage I am the lead dog, but in my secondary relationship I'm a sub to a Domme.

Anyway, my wife's feelings contribute to the tension between her and my Mistress. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of two women from different planets. I'd love to discover some formula or logic that would make these two appreciate each other more.

Yes, there are other issues too, but this inner orientation difference between them: the intra female sub v. domme divide almost, for some odd reason, makes them natural enemies of one another even though we're all on the same BDSM bus. (My wife sees a TOP.)

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 36

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 5:12:08 PM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
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This is one of the stupidest threads I have ever seen on CollarMe.
I am surprised it was started by someone that has been here for a while.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 37

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 5:46:22 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tristan

is that mistoferin is questioning why some dominant women want her to feel their dominance. And I think she was questioning their motives for doing so. She was saying that by pushing the issue of their dominance, she felt even more alienated from their views.

Knowing Erin i would say you are probably correct. I for one do not understand any dominant feeling the need to prove or enforce their dominance on an unwilling participant to such.

When i see this type of behavior i think perhaps they are simply insecure.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 10/5/2007 5:53:04 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 5:50:44 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe

This is one of the stupidest threads I have ever seen on CollarMe.
I am surprised it was started by someone that has been here for a while.

It happens to be very legitimate.
She sees it more as a sub female, but even as a Domme, I have other Domme females who seem to want to prove themselves. Part of why I stopped involving myself in the community was the constant pissing contests, im more domme than you are and I'll prove it.

It ruffled your feathers, but the rest of us have been enjoying the conversation. If you have a problem there are HUNDREDS of other threads I am sure you'll find more constructive.
Have at it.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 39

RE: Dominant women - 10/5/2007 5:57:47 PM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

I am having at it.
I post where I want to post.
: )
We all pretty much post what we want.
That is what I can do, and so can you.
Also, nothing in this topic "ruffled my feathers".
Please, I just found it stupid.
Have a great night, I am!

< Message edited by MistressDoMe -- 10/5/2007 5:59:29 PM >

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 40

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