RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST

RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (Full Version)

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Faramir -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/27/2005 5:49:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Niran Maybe I am just in a piss-poor mood, but I cannot think of one man I know that would, if forced to choose, would choose love over sex. I don't think you've ever met a man who was in love then. A man in love would choose love over living.

junkyard -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/27/2005 6:06:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir A man in love would choose love over living. Awwwwww... =) Actually, that's not quite right I think. But love can be very, very, very important. That much I agree to.

MstrHellsFury -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/27/2005 6:34:45 PM)
since it's all about what we think about this topic...to be as honest as I can about this...I don't really care what anyone thinks or feel about how I approach any relationship...what it boils down to is...all the elements that come into play at that moment...it's for me and my consumption...I could throw in the I'm so poly etc..and I'm so nice..and I look for this or that first....BS....every encounter will trigger something different about each individual and what we feel or seek from them...different strokes for every foke... Fury

IronBear -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/27/2005 7:00:25 PM)
Relationships are important and in reality we all get into them in one form or another. If any two or more of you spend regular time together on line or not, you are actually in a relationship with those people. What differentiates the relationships is the way we agree it should be.. A casual friendship, a work relationship, causal acquaintances, a vanilla long term (including marriage) relationship, a M/s, D/s and/or BDSM relationship. If you look at a D/s and M/s relationship, I’d have to say that the initial relationship may be not with marriage in mind, but its surprising how many Masters marry their submissives or slaves. What makes a good relationship? My views only ~ Friendship. Respect. Trust. Love. Why did I place love last? Simply because you can love the person some of the time and hate them at others. Love is inconsistent but if you have the other three (Friendship, Respect and Trust) most of the time then in my view you have a jolly good relationship. My thoughts on Love ~ I love deeply a number of people and I can say that if I have a trik in my collar I do love her. Yep I also love a number of guys too.. The love that a man has for his friend, buddy or comrade (especially in a combat team). In Australia its referred to as Mateship, which has been one of the hallmarks with out culture and is most seen in the history of the Anzacs. Having digressed there, loving someone is different than being in love and I may love others but I am In Love with my wife.

Niran -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/27/2005 7:15:48 PM)
quote: I don't think you've ever met a man who was in love then. You are pretty much right, and junkyard, so are you. smiles wryly N

lovingmaster45 -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 3:59:01 AM)
The truth of the matter is; life changes. It changes us. It changes our partners. It changes the way we relate to each other. I found my "love" when I was 15. She was my HS typing teacher. I still love Mistress Cathy. But life would not allow that love. We were discovered. My mother was on the school board that fired my Mistress. That is life interfeering. Later on I found another "love". I married her. We had a child. We built a home. Two careers. Lots of friends. She found Jesus. She lost interest in sex. I said so long. Then I found the one I was detined to be with. I found Barbie, aka "Head Bitch Barbie". (Emerald knows just what I mean...lol.) Over the years in the lifestyle, I have found many "loves". Some I found in public dungeons and our play led to a relationship. Some I have met in the vanilla world and our relationships led to play. Some I have formed lifelong bonds with and am still very involved in their life and the life of their other "significant others". Currently I have two subs and one slut-in-training. I love them all; and the love is returned. I refuse to limit my love by limiting either my life or my play. Does that make any sense? My subs lives are along the lines of Emerald's. They are encouraged to find others. I am always kept up to date on who they want to play with and am always asked. It is a sign of respect and it is an acceptance of the notion that no other relationship can harm the love we already have for each other. I guess some call that self confidence; others call it conceit...who cares. It all works for us; and THAT is what is important. My response to the question posed is...it can happen many ways. Why try to pigeonhole your life and your opportunities?

zaynab -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 4:08:18 AM)
Why choose at all? I like everything. A relationship before sex is nice, romance before sex is nice, but just sex from the start is nice too.

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 8:59:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury since it's all about what we think about this topic...to be as honest as I can about this...I don't really care what anyone thinks or feel about how I approach any relationship...what it boils down to is...all the elements that come into play at that moment...it's for me and my consumption...I could throw in the I'm so poly etc..and I'm so nice..and I look for this or that first....BS....every encounter will trigger something different about each individual and what we feel or seek from them...different strokes for every foke... Fury Sounds like something D would say. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 9:01:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Ouch... do I detect a note of bitterness? *smiles...............oh hell no Padraig...you miss read altogether. just asking a question i think about. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 9:03:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176 Play is irrelevant and so is sex. IMHO tis true if a true TPE exists within a relationship. So how does one get to that relationship of TPE? By just freindship, mutual interest? ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 9:05:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CollaredClaireUK for U/us personally we had play first and the love came as trust and honesty was proven on both sides, it just grew. I could not submit heart, body, soul and mind to a man i didnt think loved me.... It is not like vanilla love that I have previously experienced though it is much stronger. If he desires to take make during or after a scene yes it is more lustful but the love is also there if that makes any sense LOL Also now and again i glimpse a very deep romantic streak within Him but would never tell Him ...... yesssssssssssss! Thank you Claire. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 9:07:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir Thank God for the madness of infatuation that let's us each take the wild leap of faith it takes to get to the center. yessssssssssss ! A true statement. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 9:12:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkVoyeur I NEED to know that we are compatible in these areas (sex and play), AND many others for a relationship. This is the exact point the Dom was trying to make when he said ..DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST..THAT IS WHY WE ARE DOMS...WE WANNA PLAY.....lol and if we find the right play partner we will have a relationship. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 9:17:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Relationships are important and in reality we all get into them in one form or another. If any two or more of you spend regular time together on line or not, you are actually in a relationship with those people. What differentiates the relationships is the way we agree it should be.. A casual friendship, a work relationship, causal acquaintances, a vanilla long term (including marriage) relationship, a M/s, D/s and/or BDSM relationship. If you look at a D/s and M/s relationship, I’d have to say that the initial relationship may be not with marriage in mind, but its surprising how many Masters marry their submissives or slaves. What makes a good relationship? My views only ~ Friendship. Respect. Trust. Love. Why did I place love last? Simply because you can love the person some of the time and hate them at others. Love is inconsistent but if you have the other three (Friendship, Respect and Trust) most of the time then in my view you have a jolly good relationship. My thoughts on Love ~ I love deeply a number of people and I can say that if I have a trik in my collar I do love her. Yep I also love a number of guys too.. The love that a man has for his friend, buddy or comrade (especially in a combat team). In Australia its referred to as Mateship, which has been one of the hallmarks with out culture and is most seen in the history of the Anzacs. Having digressed there, loving someone is different than being in love and I may love others but I am In Love with my wife. Love is blind, fragile, a bitch, a flower.... but elusive. Love will bite you in the ass, squeeze the life out of you..... now you can call me "bittersweet" Padriag [:)] I would rather BELIEVE in someone than be IN LOVE with them. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 9:20:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45 The truth of the matter is; life changes. It changes us. It changes our partners. It changes the way we relate to each other. My response to the question posed is...it can happen many ways. Why try to pigeonhole your life and your opportunities? Very nice perspective ... thank you ~~shy

pinkpleasures -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 10:29:34 AM)
gee. i feel so out of my league. i could not "play" or be sexual with a Man i did not trust and respect quite deeply...in real life. Not because of any morality but because i need that to feel safe. So, if He cannot provide that; cannot wait; so be it, i guess. pinkpleasures

punnishme -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/28/2005 11:45:25 AM)
The relationship should come first but that doesn't mean that it always does. i know many Doms who just want the sex, the experience, the play and dont care about the relationship part at all, infact as long as they have the good kinky fun in their life they dont even pretend to want a relationship. I swear to God, the next time I get involved with someone, it's going to be a relationship, I swear I'll drop the lifestyle dead in it's tracks before I will go through all the crap again. I'm not saying the people I've been with are bad people at all, i'm saying they just aren't compatible with me as everyone in the "partnership" wants different things which makes us uncompatible. Great post shy

domtimothy46176 -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/29/2005 10:54:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires quote: ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176 Play is irrelevant and so is sex. IMHO tis true if a true TPE exists within a relationship. So how does one get to that relationship of TPE? By just freindship, mutual interest? ~~shy For us it was by conscious decision, followed by evolution. We chatted and then spoke on the phone about who and what we are and what we believe and desire and found that we complimented one another as dominant and submissive. The trial period went well enough that we both desired a permanent arrangement. From the early stages I understood that at some point I would own her, heart and soul and eventually she realized she had become owned. She's very different from other females I've known, however. While she enjoys sex, she doesn't require intimacy, physical or emotional, to feel fulfilled. She was looking to serve in a poly household in order to avoid the "love of a lifetime" scenerio so often found in monogamous D/s. She's exceptionally well suited to living as a servant so, in retrospect, it's not surprising things worked out as well as they have. I was offering precisely what she was looking for and her make-up allows her to perform to my standards in ways that I find extremely rewarding. I think our meeting was divine providence, but you can call it dumb luck, if you prefer. Timothy

Padriag -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/29/2005 11:53:50 PM)
quote: Love is blind, fragile, a bitch, a flower.... but elusive. Love will bite you in the ass, squeeze the life out of you..... now you can call me "bittersweet" Padriag I would rather BELIEVE in someone than be IN LOVE with them. ~~shy Perhaps we simply have opposite perspectives. I would not characterize love that way at all. For me it would be something like this. Love magnifies the senses and opens them to new things, loves sees you for what you are all the masks stripped away and still accepts you; Love is strength and empowering, love is understanding and compassionate; Love is the pillow beneath your head and the rock beneath your feet... love engulfs you until you cannot escape it. Love will comfort you, breath life into you; And even with the last breath of life has gone... love endures... above else, love endures. I loved her, because she believed in me; Though only the memories remain, love endures And I should know, I loved greatly, and lost everything... except the love that still endures.

pinkpleasures -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/30/2005 5:30:20 AM)
i am just breath-taken by Padriag's post; so beautiful. i think sometimes we women tend to think we are the Keeper of the Flame; that only we really know the most tender of emotions; but it is untrue. Men feel as much as we do. Good men suffer the loss of a lover just as we do...and Padriag is right; once loved, always loved; whether they are in your life or not. i am chagrined at the "feminazi" tone of some of my posts (because i was angry at one man) and apologise. And i wish Padriag all the happiness in the world. pinkpleasures

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