RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST

RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (Full Version)

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Delvin -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/8/2005 9:35:51 AM)
Life and love. Happiness and equality. The dating scene, the singles scene, the....what can I do to get a mate.... Most of the time my question to a slave is, "Why do you seek love in a Master" ? Most of the answers are... "So I can be respected for the gift I am giving"... huh ? excuse me while I feel ill. Your a slave, expect to do whatever... I do mean whatever it is, your Master wishes. Will you like it ? not always. Will you have problems doing it ? Perhaps until you learn the right way your Master wishes. Will you love your Master ?. Yes, IF you see yourself as what you claim to be, a slave there to serve a Master and make his life and needs always come first. Always. What I find interesting most times is the preset notion that to be a slave is to be that kinky lil girl dressed up in silky clothes, laying in bed at that perfect seductive pose and the words just screaming to leave the girls lips, "come to me Big Boy". Think about this....You have been up all day, work was a nightmare and everything that could go wrong did. You left work and as you pull up to the driveway you realize you forget to pick up the laundry. Too late as the Master is outside working on the car and sees you, you compose yourself and greet him. Upon mentioning that you forgot to get the laundry, mind you your Master has not asked "how was your day ?", he tells you to go inside, strip and kneel facing the wall until he comes in. You walk into the house, strip and kneel, feeling all the weight of the days events, your body aches from work, your mind is racing trying to stay focused one what "MAY" come and still not a hug, a kiss or a "how was your day dear?". Your Master walks in, takes you by the hair and pulls you into the room(dungeon, bedroom), and bends you over his knee. You feel the first sting on your ass as he begins to explain your error. Because you failed to get the laundry, he must now wear something else perhaps not appropriate for the meeting in the morning, instead of finishing the car he is sitting here explaining your error and instead of kissing you, he is spanking you. You have managed to take away the very thing you claim to "give". Yourself to your Master for his pleasure. Afterwards, the punishment is over, he tells you to get dressed and start dinner, STILL not asking how your day was, and he goes back outside to finish working on the car before the sun goes down. So tell me, Do you still love him, respect him and want to serve him ? Perhaps asking for this life might require understanding what it is your asking for in the first place. Put romance, long walk in the parks and childish butterfly kisses away. When those things do happen, it makes the experience that much more enjoyable and rewarding. Have a great day A/all D

fyreredsub -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/8/2005 10:34:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirSix72 quote: More's the pity because its just one more wall a man who really is interested in them has to batter down. Sometimes you women put yourselves so high up in ivory towers we just can't reach you no matter how sincere we are. And there are also a lot of women in this lifestyle who don't seem to know what to do with a man who does actually care about them, shows real affection, etc. I see more profiles of women wanting to be treated like objects by sadists who will simply use them than I do women who both want love and know how to accept it. BTW, before someone says it, I'm not saying being a sadist and loving is mutually exclusive, it isn't. But, looking at many of the profiles you get the impression that there are a number of women out there who have this fantasy image of this cruel, uncaring, sadistic dom who doesn't show affection and will simply use them. Not my cup of tea, but to each their own I guess. I thought that so well said about most here placing themselves upon a high unreachable pedstal waiting on the Prince Charming to come to them lmao It's my understanding(another thread here) that if i sit on my pedastal all day,i'll never know or experience anything. i for one would would rather fall occasionally.it beats never knowing.

fyreredsub -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/8/2005 10:37:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Delvin Life and love. Happiness and equality. The dating scene, the singles scene, the....what can I do to get a mate.... Most of the time my question to a slave is, "Why do you seek love in a Master" ? Most of the answers are... "So I can be respected for the gift I am giving"... huh ? excuse me while I feel ill. Your a slave, expect to do whatever... I do mean whatever it is, your Master wishes. Will you like it ? not always. Will you have problems doing it ? Perhaps until you learn the right way your Master wishes. Will you love your Master ?. Yes, IF you see yourself as what you claim to be, a slave there to serve a Master and make his life and needs always come first. Always. What I find interesting most times is the preset notion that to be a slave is to be that kinky lil girl dressed up in silky clothes, laying in bed at that perfect seductive pose and the words just screaming to leave the girls lips, "come to me Big Boy". Think about this....You have been up all day, work was a nightmare and everything that could go wrong did. You left work and as you pull up to the driveway you realize you forget to pick up the laundry. Too late as the Master is outside working on the car and sees you, you compose yourself and greet him. Upon mentioning that you forgot to get the laundry, mind you your Master has not asked "how was your day ?", he tells you to go inside, strip and kneel facing the wall until he comes in. You walk into the house, strip and kneel, feeling all the weight of the days events, your body aches from work, your mind is racing trying to stay focused one what "MAY" come and still not a hug, a kiss or a "how was your day dear?". Your Master walks in, takes you by the hair and pulls you into the room(dungeon, bedroom), and bends you over his knee. You feel the first sting on your ass as he begins to explain your error. Because you failed to get the laundry, he must now wear something else perhaps not appropriate for the meeting in the morning, instead of finishing the car he is sitting here explaining your error and instead of kissing you, he is spanking you. You have managed to take away the very thing you claim to "give". Yourself to your Master for his pleasure. Afterwards, the punishment is over, he tells you to get dressed and start dinner, STILL not asking how your day was, and he goes back outside to finish working on the car before the sun goes down. So tell me, Do you still love him, respect him and want to serve him ? Perhaps asking for this life might require understanding what it is your asking for in the first place. Put romance, long walk in the parks and childish butterfly kisses away. When those things do happen, it makes the experience that much more enjoyable and rewarding. Have a great day A/all D now this is real life[;)]

pinkpleasures -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/9/2005 4:28:34 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us. Oh? And I though they had us to cook for them too. Kasia Well, i am blessed with many Men friends inside and outside of BDSM, and they treat me well without looking to have sex or dinner served. They are wonderful Men who are not available romantically but nonetheless hold me in Their hearts. i feel very fortunate. i think most Men would find a world devoid of women apart from sex and food a very unattractive proposition; just as women would probably find a world devoid of Men. To say Men would not "have" us unless we were available to f**k misses so much of human interaction and different kinds of love. pinkpleasures

Lordandmaster -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/9/2005 4:54:28 AM)
Yay pink! (I think Kasia was just being sarcastic, but what you wrote is still right-on.)

SirSix72 -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/9/2005 11:17:24 AM)
Guess im gonna get up on the soapbox again and give this my two more cents worth I can understand where alot of subs/slaves come from in the fact that they are looking for more than what most Dominates/Masters are looking for but this gives no reason once again to place yourself upon that high ivory pedstal. There is more to this lifestyle than how good you are in bed or does your kink match mine. This is about building a relationship that has a solid foundation where each knows thier function inside of the relationship "besides sex". I see so many that become disenchated when their partner when the sex becomes mundane and if you based the relationship on merely sex what do you have left? I suppose what im trying to say is there is more to being a Master os sub/slave then how well you take a spanking or if you can get your fist in her. Exciting as it maybe you have to step back and look at the personal integrity of the person or persons that you are "playing with or living the lifestyle with". Without viewing someone's personal integrity we all set ourselves for faliure. When I take on a slave the first thing I view is the integrity of the slave and is she an honorable person. If she cant honor her personal integrity then how can she honor her words to me to become what I desire the most. im off the soapbox again Master Thomas

JustaTop -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/10/2005 8:18:13 AM)
Lil word of advice to the op here. If you dislike players,don't play-at least initially. You want a relationship? Insist on developing that FIRST-those who won't stick around are then weeded out. Simple enough? All it takes is some self-control and the willingness to stay single, until you DO find someone who suits you. BUT,if you find that the need to "play" ovecomes your ability to use common sense,well........... The one common factor in all of your dysfunctional relationships would be YOU!

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 1:57:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Lil word of advice to the op here. If you dislike players,don't play-at least initially. You want a relationship? Insist on developing that FIRST-those who won't stick around are then weeded out. Simple enough? All it takes is some self-control and the willingness to stay single, until you DO find someone who suits you. BUT,if you find that the need to "play" ovecomes your ability to use common sense,well........... The one common factor in all of your dysfunctional relationships would be YOU! i dont mean to be rude but i am happily content with who i am, who He is and how we got this way.... foundation first. You didnt read the whole thread i assume...or my profile? tis ok.... Your advice tho would stand for many of the girls we have "interviewd." BUT i do thank you for you opinion. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 2:03:15 AM)
a HUGE BRAVO for Delvin !! [:)] shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 2:25:53 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us. Oh? And I though they had us to cook for them too. Kassia i dont know about yours, but mine does a nice job on the grill.....His choice!! And prefers to brew His own coffee. quote: quote: The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us. A bit harsh and certainly not true! You have a serious problem if you actually believe that. Of course we want to fuck, but after the heads hit the pillows many of us would rather have someone we shared common interests, goals, passions, lying next to us. As for "love" , Not a good emotion to begin a relationship on. Sartoris Well Sartoris...if you at all read the whole thread you would know who made that statement...it wasnt the op....so i DONT have a serious problem...but then neither does the one who DID say it to me. You are POSITIVELY right.... love is a back biting bitch and no relationship is based entirely on love...like some want to romanticize. quote: quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires So my question, i guess is, what comes first...the relationship or the play (yes after some trust and respect is established) because is it not basic (foundational) to this lifestyle to find out if the play part is even compatible with the relationship?? For me? The power dynamic comes first chronologically, though not in priority. In order my priorities are... Structure. Power Dynamic. Relationship. I will not sacrafice my structure to keep power, nor to keep a relationship. i just told a friend today...give me structure, control, direction, guidelines, make demands and know how to take me and use me...then i will consider a relationship......sorry but i dont see "love" in that until after a relationship is established.... He will not sacrifice structure, control and obedience to Him to keep power, nor to keep a relationhip...but that is Him and what i need.

JustaTop -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 9:08:08 AM)
It wasn't meant specifically in refference to you. But it could be useful to people,in whatever sort of relationship they seek-re: sex and kicks.

Kasia -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 10:12:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures Well, i am blessed with many Men friends inside and outside of BDSM, and they treat me well without looking to have sex or dinner served. They are wonderful Men..... I believe you are blessed with many friends, too bad you are not equally blessed with ability to recognise sarcastic remark when you see one. I was too blessed in my life - with two marriages (or should I say "blessed"..... please do notice the quotation mark) and trust me - I know quite a lot about men and cooking. I am pretty dominant, wicked, sarcastic, egocentric and 42 but I am anything but stupid. Your taking my remark for anything but deep sarcasm is offending me, for serious remark like that can only be made by some retarted child of 5. So I would say that you either seriously lack sense of houmor, or are deprived of some other blessings. And why do you write "Men" with capitals? That is a form of English language I havent yet seen.

pinkpleasures -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 12:01:12 PM)
quote: I can understand where alot of subs/slaves come from in the fact that they are looking for more than what most Dominates/Masters are looking for but this gives no reason once again to place yourself upon that high ivory pedstal. SirSix72 i'm confused...i am seeking a Dom or Master with Character and Honor; is this what You are complaining about? pinkpleasures

JustaTop -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 12:25:48 PM)
quote: I can understand where alot of subs/slaves come from in the fact that they are looking for more than what most Dominates/Masters are looking for but this gives no reason once again to place yourself upon that high ivory pedstal. SirSix72 From my perpsective,it is about holding standards so abstract and unnatainable that no one can cross the bar. It's often called emotional masochism.[;)]

Belladonna82 -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/11/2005 7:54:37 PM)
CLIMBES INTO Master's Soapbox Well since Master is away i figured it was my duty to clear up the fact that....Master did not mean Masters/Doms would be in any way unhonorable....its just many submissives are looking for Prince Charming with a riding crop to adore them and worship them because of their submissiveness......we,as slaves,have a duty to themselves to look for a Master whom will treat them with the attitude they deserve...either neg. or pos. really its up to the slave....if you do as your told and submit....normaly the punishment will not be punishment but a good ole reward of not geting a red rear. Forever in servitude, bella Proud slave of SirSix72

CelticPrince -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/12/2005 6:33:47 AM)
shy, in reading your replies, it is as I thought it would be! you stirred up the old hornets nest. Ever hear of the mind? Yes there are horndogs in this lifestyle that as you say just want to fuck you, that part is nature and is found on our path as well as vanilla. However, the experienced Dom/Domme will akways go for the mind first and if there is a fit there, then the body will enjoy the pleasures of that "D" A pussy is a pussy a thousand times over but the mind that controles that pussy is what is to be dominated. CP

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (10/12/2005 9:56:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CelticPrince shy, in reading your replies, it is as I thought it would be! you stirred up the old hornets nest. Ever hear of the mind? Yes there are horndogs in this lifestyle that as you say just want to fuck you, that part is nature and is found on our path as well as vanilla. However, the experienced Dom/Domme will akways go for the mind first and if there is a fit there, then the body will enjoy the pleasures of that "D" A pussy is a pussy a thousand times over but the mind that controles that pussy is what is to be dominated. CP Many post here to whine... complain...be sarcastic...give opinions as if they have the one true take on issues...i post topics becsue i am interested in other opinions...this is a very good thing to do...for it generates things stuck in closets and very heated hearts vs minds...and just plain good discussion.... i have done so... yes many thought the 2 from this website i quoted, but leaving them anonymous, was my opinions put in stone. One of those anonymous people opened herself up and admitted it was she who said that to me.... so if i can generate a thoughtful forum i will do so...but it seems that others have assumed all this time i REALLY believe what i said in the original post...men just want to fuck and woman romaticize the lifestyle........... My ultimate question was...and in getting to it...i stirred the pot alot, i admit, not realizing how it would be received.... "So my question, i guess is, what comes first...the relationship or the play (yes after some trust and respect is established) because is it not basic (foundational) to this lifestyle to find out if the play part is even compatible with the relationship??" It seems that the question was over looked and heavy opinions based on the other parts were given.... Shall i finally state what i REALLY believe? On a website such as this... when looking for a relationship....the D and s over come odds by fumbling through emails and sifting over messages received. They sort, they pick, they choose who to respond to. If it goes to messenger chat off this website, D's and s's find some sort of compatable ground and want to meet. One will NOT tell a starnger they have never met, deep motives, desires or even open themselves up further without seeing someone eyeball to eyeball....they relationship slowly builds based only on those two individuals. For me and Him...He took my mind..slowly but calculatingly. Then he took my body. Then i gave Him myself. i totally submitted...within time He began making of me the slave He desired of this submissive becasue i wanted to be His slave. Ups and downs..damn so many of them.... am i "in love" with Him? Love is a bitch. But i belong to Him. Period. Our relationship is ours and not open to public debate or judgemnts or opinions of others. Now on the other hand... i do have another profile for just one purpose...to bottom. i dont want a relationship with another dom. i am His slave and the pofile is for my obedience to Him. In contacting others...all sorts of issues come up...hence the beginning of my origianl post. Its called back ground leading to an question i just had some interest in. I can tolerate others judegments or opinons about what they believe my person and relationships are all about...go ahead...but until someone meets me in person do they know what lays behind my eyes and has the chance to meet the me i give only to those i trust. i post, i ask, i play devils advocate, i give opinions..i truly try NOT to judge but i react as others do and judge...shame on all of us....but we are human. My intention was NOT to stir the hornets nest but to simply garner others thots on why and how relationships start...not on how to bottom safely. 2 months later...the reason for my post. ~~shy

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