RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST

RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (Full Version)

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luvdragonx -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (7/30/2005 3:34:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures i am just breath-taken by Padriag's post; so beautiful. i think sometimes we women tend to think we are the Keeper of the Flame; that only we really know the most tender of emotions; but it is untrue. Men feel as much as we do. Good men suffer the loss of a lover just as we do...and Padriag is right; once loved, always loved; whether they are in your life or not. i am chagrined at the "feminazi" tone of some of my posts (because i was angry at one man) and apologise. And i wish Padriag all the happiness in the world. pinkpleasures Pink, that was one of the most thoughtful and inspiring things I've read in a long time. I've been on the boards for a little over a month and I did notice the tone of a lot of your messages. After reading what you've observed about yourself, it's clear that anyone with strong opinions and convictions can turn a corner, and people are not always as they seem from first glance. I'll look at your posts in a different way now, and only hope that I can be as objective with myself as I learn and grow. Thank you for sharing that.

wildkytten -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/1/2005 7:33:31 PM)
I also was awestruck by that post... as it summarized so succinctly something I have always felt, known inside, but have NEVER been able to put into words... I know this reply is coming quite late in the day but I JUST saw the posting... I also have loved deeply, and lost... my Lady... my best friend, lover, and well... the other half of my soul, I think... but the love, and the memory, remain

Fidelity -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/1/2005 9:11:49 PM)
Sighs.......... I find it very sad that you feel so,Slavedesires. But at the same time,I am quite aware of this sort of behavior from both sides of the whip. Shallow thrill seekers-almost childlike in how they express connections,connections that never last long......It always puzzled me. But,maybe I don't really WANT to understand it. I have always felt that one began with preparing a solid foundation,and built up. This way,you both had the chance to create something stable-that you could both feel safe and secure living within. And since you both built it together,it was a thing to treasure-it had immense value. It takes very little time to throw together a rickety hovel-but it usually falls down the first time that the wind blows. A Mansion may take years,and incredible effort to construct-but it will weather hurricanes. Everything we as humans create devolve from three main elements. Intent. Desire. Persistence. Everything worthwhile I have had in my life came from hard work, and careful thought and planning. I ordered my priorities,did the work, and good things came to me. And I really don't see any valid way to shortcut this process. You do the work,and reap the benefits.

pinkpleasures -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/2/2005 8:02:43 AM)
it's so easy to be angry at men....but i look back over my life to date and realise i have great men as friends -- i do not mean good men, i mean great men -- and i chose weak men as my lovers and cannot now complain that "men are weak". The "problem" lies with me; i'll trust a friend with my kid -- the ultimate in trust -- but i have not trusted my lovers any further than i could throw them. i knew from the beginning they had bad characters and i did not respect them and nothing would happen between us. i finally just became celibate -- which my body rebels against. i want a Dom or Master i can trust and submit to because i don't believe i can ever experience a romantic love any other way. i must jump from the high board. So many things must change. i find myself defending P/pl here on the boards and try to remember a submissive woman is not a crusader for the weak and outnumbered. It's very confusing....i have rescued ppl all my life....and been rescued in turn. i am trying to find a "submissive headspace" without a Dom or Master to guide me, apart from my dear friends. i feel lost...but i also feel more alive. Laying down my sword is not easy for me...and i am trying to do it...but it's like forgetting how to read and write and re-learning these skills. The transformation is so hard. i think i will restrict myself to emailing P/pl who seem to need help, and keeping things private. i hope P/pl will understand if i slip up. pinkpleasures

Fidelity -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/2/2005 8:34:54 AM)
I do believe that too many who frequent D/s DO take far too much of an objectification view of PEOPLE pink. And it is very harmful to so deeply invest yourself into one who you later realize...............only sees you as a casual toy.One that is all to easy to discard when it becomes inconvenient. I find this sort of callous immaturity to be very distasteful. All I can say is be very careful of who you get involved with. There ARE decent adults out there who will value one as a person-but there seem to be so many more "users". But at the same time,boards like this are excellent places where they are outed,each and every day. And the tricks that they use seem to be few and easily spotted,once you know. If one dislikes being used as a toy-simply remove yourself from the toy store. How one does it is by patience,and making people EARN things of value from you. Users will soon tire of the effort,much like small children. So really,the filtering process begins by knowing what you do NOT want-and eliminating it.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/2/2005 10:22:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures i find myself defending P/pl here on the boards Why do you think other people need defending on a CYBER board, and why do you think you're the person to do the defending for them? quote: and try to remember a submissive woman is not a crusader for the weak and outnumbered. Well, theres no reason a submissive person couldn't be a crusader for the weak and outnumbered, but it seems a bit weird to make your stand on a cyber board. If people need defending HERE, how on earth can they function in the real world? My guess is that people with computers and time to post on online boards aren't that terribly bad off compared to the weak and outnumbered you could be crusading for. quote: Laying down my sword is not easy for me...and i am trying to do it...but it's like forgetting how to read and write and re-learning these skills. The transformation is so hard. i think i will restrict myself to emailing P/pl who seem to need help, and keeping things private. i hope P/pl will understand if i slip up. pinkpleasures As long as you're happy and doing what fulfills you. I really think you need to stop boxing things into "what dominant men do/are" and "what submissive women do/are" There's a lot more variety out there than you are yet aware.

Lordandmaster -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/2/2005 10:43:39 AM)
I've come to this thread late, but I think this is a pretty useless generalization. I don't like to play. And there are plenty of women I don't want to fuck. Edited to add: Besides, is this thread about doms or about men? What about dommes? Everyone seems to be turning this into a gender issue. quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires But many women carry the notion, right or wrong doesnt matter: The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us. Someone told me recently: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST..THAT IS WHY WE ARE DOMS...WE WANNA PLAY.....lol and if we find the right play partner we will have a relationship

domtimothy46176 -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/2/2005 10:18:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures it's so easy to be angry at men....but i look back over my life to date and realise i have great men as friends -- i do not mean good men, i mean great men -- and i chose weak men as my lovers and cannot now complain that "men are weak". The "problem" lies with me; i'll trust a friend with my kid -- the ultimate in trust -- but i have not trusted my lovers any further than i could throw them. i knew from the beginning they had bad characters and i did not respect them and nothing would happen between us. i finally just became celibate -- which my body rebels against. i want a Dom or Master i can trust and submit to because i don't believe i can ever experience a romantic love any other way. i must jump from the high board. So many things must change. i find myself defending P/pl here on the boards and try to remember a submissive woman is not a crusader for the weak and outnumbered. It's very confusing....i have rescued ppl all my life....and been rescued in turn. i am trying to find a "submissive headspace" without a Dom or Master to guide me, apart from my dear friends. i feel lost...but i also feel more alive. Laying down my sword is not easy for me...and i am trying to do it...but it's like forgetting how to read and write and re-learning these skills. The transformation is so hard. i think i will restrict myself to emailing P/pl who seem to need help, and keeping things private. i hope P/pl will understand if i slip up. pinkpleasures I'm glad you posted this, pink. It opens the door for a question that bears asking. How is it that a woman as educated as you obviously are would fall into the trap of "...be(ing) angry at men...), rather than at just those specific offenders? I'm using your post as a jumping off point, so please understand I'm not picking on you for malicious reasons. I've seen it before in other women and I've never understood it. I've had the displeasure of dealing with cretins and morons but I don't tend to assign my disgust or anger to entire classes of folks. While in rare cases I can carry a grudge for years, it's always against the specific offender. Timothy

Dragonzbane -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/3/2005 1:21:03 PM)
I heard it said once that "Women give sex for love and men give love for sex". I know this is not always the case. But can't the same be said of Doms and subs ?

Faramir -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/3/2005 3:10:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures it's so easy to be angry at men.... pinkpleasures Uhhh, only if you are a sick, emotionally warped person. I mean - that's fucking nuts. I sure as hell don't feel "it's so easy to be angry at women..." or any other group of humans. If you feel anger towards any group: men, latinos, children, Asians, etc etc - you are one fucked up person.

Lordandmaster -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/3/2005 3:51:40 PM)
Did you read the REST of her post? I think you get a perverse thrill out of insulting strangers on the internet. And THAT'S sick.

pinkpleasures -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 8:37:42 PM)
ty Lam pinkpleasures

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 9:22:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I've come to this thread late, but I think this is a pretty useless generalization. I don't like to play. And there are plenty of women I don't want to fuck. Edited to add: Besides, is this thread about doms or about men? What about dommes? Everyone seems to be turning this into a gender issue. quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires But many women carry the notion, right or wrong doesnt matter: The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us. Someone told me recently: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST..THAT IS WHY WE ARE DOMS...WE WANNA PLAY.....lol and if we find the right play partner we will have a relationship When i originally made this post...... 1. i had been chatting with different folk and began to ask myself some questions. 2. i had been in the process of reading dozens of profiles 3. i had been in the process of looking up the profiles of posters on the message boards 4. i was trying to peice together what peeps really wanted according to their profiles 5. i was discouraged with so many disengenuine (did i just make up a word?) folk....i really dont like to call people "real" or "true" or "wannabe" 6. i was questioning so many things...... some questions related to me, some friends...some just questions about "stuff".... i had no idea of what words to use when i made the post. I just wanted to know in general how people went about finding their lifestyle partner....if they spent weeks, months...chatting (IM, phone, email) or whether they jumped right into some sort of play before going deeper in the relationship to know if they were compatible with play as well as persoanlity and other forms of compatability. Whether falling in love was paramount or was style of play just as important to people in BDSM. I dont usually read men's profiles, i have one, but i do read women's profiles. There seemed to be women looking for the extremes.... from one time play sessions either sexul or nonsexual...dungeons or private to long term, 24/7 romantic type soulmate bonds without "playing" until they "fell in love." That is a vast extreme of polarity. LnM....the two quotes you just used in the reply i initially made ..... were actual quotes from OTHERS, in private chat or email, who are also on this website. i did need to say who made them....for any number of men and women could have made them. Yes they may be useless generalizations to you...but they WERE sometimes truth when they were stated. i cannot....i refuse to think of doms as not men or dommes as women. Dom and Domme are labels, not human flesh and blood that breath and have emotions, that care and dont care..... human beings, not labels. *sigh ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 9:25:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures it's so easy to be angry at men.... pinkpleasures Uhhh, only if you are a sick, emotionally warped person. I mean - that's fucking nuts. I sure as hell don't feel "it's so easy to be angry at women..." or any other group of humans. If you feel anger towards any group: men, latinos, children, Asians, etc etc - you are one fucked up person. Faramir...that was so unfair to say that. *sigh ~~shy

Lordandmaster -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 9:26:30 PM)
I think you totally missed the point of what I said. Is this about whether DOMS don't do relationships or whether MEN don't do relationships? Because most of the responses are about men, not doms. What about dommes? Or submissive men? Edited to add: Or vanillas?

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 11:25:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I think you totally missed the point of what I said. Is this about whether DOMS don't do relationships or whether MEN don't do relationships? Because most of the responses are about men, not doms. What about dommes? Or submissive men? Edited to add: Or vanillas? *giggles..... but Sir, doms ARE men and dommes ARE women or did I not realize something along the way wait a minute...then i left out submissives...which are male and female. lol...now i might really be confused

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 11:30:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fidelity Sighs.......... I find it very sad that you feel so,Slavedesires. It takes very little time to throw together a rickety hovel-but it usually falls down the first time that the wind blows. A Mansion may take years,and incredible effort to construct-but it will weather hurricanes. Everything we as humans create devolve from three main elements. Intent. Desire. Persistence. Everything worthwhile I have had in my life came from hard work, and careful thought and planning. I ordered my priorities,did the work, and good things came to me. And I really don't see any valid way to shortcut this process. You do the work,and reap the benefits. You see Fidelity...i DO strongly believe this. As i am moved by your words, i was also moved by Padriags's words. But that does not change the fact that at this time in my life....love is not my burning desire...but my desire is to believe in someone who is embodes love and compassion equally (am not sure that makes sense.) edited to add.... i went to look at your profile Fidelity..... and what you say there is also what i believe. You said: "Friendship. Respect. Trust. Love. You see. I have found love is inconsistent-but you can usually keep it together through rough spots if the other three stay strong." shy...who is truly staying strong.

IronBear -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 11:37:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires But many women carry the notion, right or wrong doesnt matter: The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us. If I talk to you its because I want to enjoy your conversation. If I talk to you and enjoy your conversation, I want to know more about you. If I want to know more about you its because I like you. If I like you its because there id something in you that gelled with me. If something in you gells with me, we may be friends. If we are friends, all things are possible. If I fuck you, its because I care, respect and trust you and it right for both of us. If it is not right for us, I will not fuck you. Friendship is far more important than sex.

slavedesires -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 11:43:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires But many women carry the notion, right or wrong doesnt matter: The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us. If I talk to you its because I want to enjoy your conversation. If I talk to you and enjoy your conversation, I want to know more about you. If I want to know more about you its because I like you. If I like you its because there id something in you that gelled with me. If something in you gells with me, we may be friends. If we are friends, all things are possible. If I fuck you, its because I care, respect and trust you and it right for both of us. If it is not right for us, I will not fuck you. Friendship is far more important than sex. Sir, i only hope and pray that the one who told me those words and believes her words, reads your words. ~~shy

Lordandmaster -> RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST (8/5/2005 11:49:36 PM)
I'll try this one last time. All doms are men, but not all men are doms. All dommes are women, but not all women are dommes. The title of this thread indicates that it is about DOMS. Everyone has responded by writing about MEN (and turned it into a gender issue). That's like asking about zucchini, and having everyone respond about vegetables. quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires but Sir, doms ARE men and dommes ARE women or did I not realize something along the way

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