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RE: Quick Question - 10/24/2007 6:52:32 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Do you think that a person in the Role of Dominance is responsible for helping a sub to overcome thier emotional baggage?

Quick Answer: NO

Short Qualifier: NO... but I would expect the person in the Dominant role to provide support and be active in assisting the submissive overcome their emotional baggage. In the end thou.... It is the submissive's responsibility to do the work

editted to add....

As many have stated already.. this is not a Dom/sub thing. I would expect any person in the relationship to provide support and be active in assisting the other overcome their emotional baggage. (this has been the case between myself and the girls)

But... the big Warning!!! There is a difference between HELPING and ENABLING... one can be very empowering and rewarding to a relationship.. the other will bring it to its knees.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 10/24/2007 7:01:11 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 81

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 12:41:16 PM

WhipLash803

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/29/2007
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This is exactly right, helping...through Leadership and example are ways of "helping" a submissive work through their issues. Fixing, controlling or outright carrying someone elses's burden are enabling. This will definitely bring a relationship to it's knees, just not before it destroys the lives and sense of well-being of both D and s. This why I say that a D/s relationship has the potential for being the most Unhealthy and Destructive relationship of any kind. Because of the temptation to the D to "fix" problems, due to the exchange of Power..it is very easy to become that "enabler" and it becomes just as easy for a s. to "expect" that their problems can and will be fixed by their D. This is where that "Zen-like" state of self-awareness, self-identity and self-actualization become SOOOOO very vital. It is when both parties...both D and s are fully self aware and comfortable with their own identity, that they can honestly discuss ALL things and create their own "mutually shared reality". This is where they agree to all the things that make up the Power exchange in a D/s relationship that basically "freakout" all the vanilla folk. D/s CAN be healthy...it's the ONLY relationship for me, however it requires a much higher sense of who you are and what your place in the world is than a vanilla relationship. Too many people think that a D/s relationship will help them "find" their identity...I say, you better have a damn good idea of who you are before you try to get into one in the first place or your in for a heck of a learning curve!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Do you think that a person in the Role of Dominance is responsible for helping a sub to overcome thier emotional baggage?

Quick Answer: NO

Short Qualifier: NO... but I would expect the person in the Dominant role to provide support and be active in assisting the submissive overcome their emotional baggage. In the end thou.... It is the submissive's responsibility to do the work

editted to add....

As many have stated already.. this is not a Dom/sub thing. I would expect any person in the relationship to provide support and be active in assisting the other overcome their emotional baggage. (this has been the case between myself and the girls)

But... the big Warning!!! There is a difference between HELPING and ENABLING... one can be very empowering and rewarding to a relationship.. the other will bring it to its knees.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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Post #: 82

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 12:48:35 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Do you think that a person in the Role of Dominance is responsible for helping a sub to overcome thier emotional baggage?

Replying before reading any answers.

The Dominant can guide the sub, encourage her to seek help, foster an environment that is conducive to that end. It is a way for him to have more control of the harmony within the relationship. He can help in those ways, sure, but it isn't his responsibility to do so.

(in reply to RRafe)

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Post #: 83

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 12:55:41 PM

WhipLash803

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/29/2007
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LOL..."Almost" Zen-like, takes into consideration that we are all human and therefore it's unrealistic to expect perfection in anything. Especially something as constantly evolving and growing as self-awareness.

Whiplash

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipLash803

Any person that considers a D/s relationship, Dom or sub...damn sure better have an "almost" Zen like sense of self-awareness.

Nine out of ten owners say they prefer them. It's the one who almost answers the questionnaire that screws with your data every time.

Almost Zen? Thaat's like what's the sound of an almost whiplash.....?????????

(in reply to Prinsexx)

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Post #: 84

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 1:02:41 PM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

I agree with the others here that it depends entirely upon what is desired by both, and, whether the dominanat is qualified to help.

On the flip side of this, I find it amusing when I see a dominant who is enchanted with the idea of "owning" a slave... drools at the notion of a slave being at their beck and call to do whatever they wish... but then balks at the idea of true responsibility for another human being.

Excellent post. The terms M/s are thrown around quite freely... without enough regard for the significance of that type of relationship.

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Post #: 85

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 1:33:32 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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Yes, but it's nothing a roll of duct tape couldn't handle!

Actually, we are all informed by our life experiences--wonderful, horrific, lovely and traumatizing--and we cannot help but bring them to every single relationship.
I would have no interest in a relationship in which my experience of the relationship--the unfolding manifestations of my emotions and their resultant expression, is not inquired after and hopefully understood by knowing not only who I am now, but how I came to be who I am now. Within that understanding I would think and hope that compassion would be attendant. I wouldn't have the first idea of how to be in a relationship with another without giving and receiving it.

(edited for clarity)

< Message edited by subtee -- 11/8/2007 2:10:16 PM >

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Post #: 86

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 1:43:42 PM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Yes, but it's nothing a roll of duct tape couldn't handle!

Actually, we are all informed by our life experiences--wonderful, horrific, lovely and traumatizing--and we cannot help but bring them to every single relationship.
I would have no interest in a relationship in which my experience of the relationship--the unfolding manifestations of my emotions and their resultant expression, is inquired after and hopefully understood by knowing not only who I am now, but how I came to be who I am now. Within that understanding I would think and hope that compassion would be attendant. I wouldn't have the first idea of how to be in a relationship with another without giving and receiving it.

Agreed. In any relationship where the people honestly care about each other, compassion and caring need to be a major part. I don't believe in armchair therapists, but, I do believe in guidance and even in insistance on the other person exploring the avenues to help them deal with issues that they can't deal with on their own. I don't think it just comes down to accepting responsibility for them.... it comes down to guidance in how to deal with or get help for them. If I own a slave, I do believe it is my responsibility to provide them with avenues of help they may need.

But... as always... that's just my opinion.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

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Post #: 87

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 1:56:43 PM

slaveelle

Posts: 116
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Australia
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I pretty much agree with whats been posted, i too think that if a submissive comes into a relationship with emotional baggage then its up to the dominant to decide on whether he wants to help or not.
Submissives are also responsible for themselves and their emotional state and bringing it into any relationship should be dealt with before entering into one, that way its less likely to have a negative effect on the people invloved.

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Post #: 88

RE: Quick Question - 11/8/2007 3:11:41 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveelle

Submissives are also responsible for themselves and their emotional state and bringing it into any relationship should be dealt with before entering into one, that way its less likely to have a negative effect on the people invloved.

Exactly the reason I've chosen not to look to actively look for anyone right now. Had a big ol elephant-sized suitcase full o' crap, thought it was gone, dealt with, discarded, but it seems like it resurfaced and fell off a truck and slammed me to the ground. What possible good and positive things could I bring to anyone with that garbage dragging along behind me.

Sharon

(in reply to slaveelle)

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Post #: 89