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Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:21:42 PM

dc0785

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/24/2007
Status: offline

Ok...I am a dom. I finally acceptted sub a number of months back. All was discussed and we were compatible. Quickly, however, the playing field changed and her marriage was ending. I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship. BUT I don't want to let her go. She I keep her and set her aside with the understanding that when she is stable in a situation I will bring her back AND that I will find a temporary or do I teach her by example and let her know she is released?

Post #: 1

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:25:54 PM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

What example would you be teaching other than you aren't dependable when she's in an "unstable situation"?

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 2

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:33:30 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Good question.

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 3

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:36:00 PM

dc0785

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/24/2007
Status: offline

Hum??? As A DOM, I make the decision. However, as an actual caring Dom, I know she needs her time to get things straight. I need her service but I know she needs to resolve other issues before we can resume. I can't imagine not being available for her. Yet, I require service (not just physical but emotional service).

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 4

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:36:40 PM

SageFemmexx

Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline

What? You only want married subs so you don't have to be anything more than a player? She is too emotionally needy? Financially unstable? Err too available now?

You need to do some explaining.

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 5

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:42:56 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dc0785

Hum??? As A DOM, I make the decision.

There mere ability to make the decision does not mean you have made the correct one or even that you should be allowed that make the decision. Not saying you shouldn't... just something to think about. Your status as dominant does not mean your decisions will go unquestioned.

quote:

However, as an actual caring Dom, I know she needs her time to get things straight. I need her service but I know she needs to resolve other issues before we can resume. I can't imagine not being available for her. Yet, I require service (not just physical but emotional service).

If you want her around, why release her? If her service is good, why release her? If you are a caring dominant, why not keep her around and help support her instead of being the classic fair weather friend and saying "Call me when you get your life back together"?

Now personally, if my dominant were not willing to stand by and support me when times got tough I'd probably release myself.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/24/2007 5:44:59 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 6

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:49:56 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

As a Dom, you have the ability to make a decision. But the sub trusts you to make a GOOD one. Which if you ask me, you are not doing. And you are placing your needs of service before her being in rough times. Her needs are not thought of, only what YOU want. Maybe she needs some stability? Support? Care?

And what the hell did you do before you found her? You HAD to be single for long periods of time. And you can do it again. Even if it means jerking off.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 7

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:50:29 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Why you would "release" someone for having a difficult time in their life? I'm with the rest, and maybe we just don't have enough information.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:54:32 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

This question makes no sense to me. In all my times of uncertainty, particularly while going through an ugly divorce, my focus on service to my Master and pleasing him was of utmost importance to me, and his strong yet caring guiding hand did wonders in keeping me balanced when the world around me was going awry.

If I could not count on the foundation he created with me, and if I could not rely on the constant undercurrent of his consistency in my world, I could not submit to him as I do today.

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 9

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 5:58:39 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

I would try to give some advice but honestly I can't figure out some of the wording. Especially the "find a temporary" part. Is that for you? A temp sub? Or do you mean finding her a temp dom to fill in for you? Neither alternative actually makes me believe anything positive about this relationship. Let me be the first to ask...are you and your sub together in real time or is this an internet/phone relationship?

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 10

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:02:54 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

During a transition, I would curtail all D/s activities with her and just be supportive of her as her friend.

If you do not wish to wait and feel you need to take a temporary submissive.. then don't bother. You would do no service to either the temp or your present submissive for you are putting them in the position of being dispensable. (clue time: women don't play that, homey. Oh, they will SAY it's OK but only in hopes you make a decision and don't go through with it)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 11

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:05:36 PM

rmanrr

Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline

Greetings
to chime in with the rest of the group....to abandon one who seemingly means much to you just because things are difficult shows a complete lack of trust on your part, a lack of devotion, which is equally important being dominant, a lack of sense, and a lack of a whole lot of what it takes to be IMNOHO a Man. Grow a set, borrow a set and act like a Man. I would suggest that she seek elsewhere but as the previous poster says...online? Real time? Sometime? Anytime? Notime?

_____________________________

Be Well, Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 12

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:09:22 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

All was discussed

Obviously some rather important stuff was left out.

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 13

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:16:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I gotta go with what everyone else has said here. Were you hoping you could just keep having an affair and not have to be really responsible for an open 24/7 relationship?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 14

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:27:49 PM

Hergirl0824

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dc0785

Quickly, however, the playing field changed and her marriage was ending. I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship.

this pretty much says it all doesn't it?
seems that she is going to be available soon and that is not something you want..or at least it seems that way from your post..if this is the case then a player in Dom's clothing seems to be in the midst

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 15

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:39:49 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dc0785

Ok...I am a dom. I finally acceptted sub a number of months back. All was discussed and we were compatible. Quickly, however, the playing field changed and her marriage was ending. I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship. BUT I don't want to let her go. She I keep her and set her aside with the understanding that when she is stable in a situation I will bring her back AND that I will find a temporary or do I teach her by example and let her know she is released?

teach her what by example, that you are untrustworthy, selfish, and uncaring? People have changes in their lives, sub or no sub.. a person going through a divorce is a person who needs support not "taught a lesson". wether you choose to stay in the relationship or not is a reflection of your choices based on your wants, desires, etc. Don't put it off on her and try to make her responsible for your choice. Do the Domly thing and just make your decision and own it.

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 16

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:44:40 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dc0785
I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship. BUT I don't want to let her go. She I keep her and set her aside with the understanding that when she is stable in a situation I will bring her back AND that I will find a temporary or do I teach her by example and let her know she is released?

Reconsider the Relationship????

BTW... the rules haven't changed.. .only her marriage has changed... that doesn't equate to rules changing.. that equates to the situation changing and would require more discussion and consideration.

However, anytime I see some come here and ask if they should be in the relationship... well... My answer will be always NO. If you can't answer that question for yourself... then you shouldn't be in the relationship. I have to wonder if you even should be in a relationship considering the very immature manner you are handling this situation as it is.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to dc0785)

Post #: 17

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:49:48 PM

pseudopsychotic

Posts: 145
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

As a "Dom," you do what you must, and I'll hope she comes to her senses.

_____________________________

Got a problem with me Solve it.
Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoe
Can't face me? Turn around

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:53:56 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pseudopsychotic

As a "Dom," you do what you must, and I'll hope she comes to her senses.

and finds someone who doesn't think he's caring just because he says he is

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to pseudopsychotic)

Post #: 19

RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) - 10/24/2007 6:55:40 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Fast reply:

Not to defend the OP, but I do find the responses here to be interesting.

In light of the many threads with regard to avoiding subs with "baggage", I'm surprised that no one has considered that the sub in question here might simply be too emotionally clingy and needy for the relationship that was agreed upon. It's entirely possible that with her marriage ending, the sub might simply require more attention than was originally negotiated. It seems as if quite a few doms in these forums have expressed a desire to have drama-free relationships... I would imagine that a sub going through a separation and divorce might possibly be experiencing enough drama to negatively affect the agreed-upon relationship.

There has also been evidence that some doms here have had enough of the institution known as marriage, or are currently married, and because of that make it clear from the beginning that they have no intention of ever making their submissive into their wife... or even cohabitating. It is possible that the submissive has made overt comments or given indications to the OP that with ending her marriage she would then be available to fulfill other more "traditional" roles for him... he might simply be wanting to head off at the pass any such ideas.

Again, I'm not defending the OP, but I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that his idea of a D/s relationship matches my idea of one... and then condemn him for not living up to my standards. There are people who enjoy casual and emotionally unattached dynamics... we're constantly being reminded of it right here in these forums. I'm just surprised to see so many who preach tolerance for all forms of this "lifestyle" be so judgmental.

(in reply to Hergirl0824)

Post #: 20

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