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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:32:59 AM   
kitttty


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I do not see the need to announce in your profile that you are married, in a relationship or in a D/s relationship if the relationship you are seeking is between the two of you and is not intended to involve the third partner. Eventually, if it gets serious, you have to come clean but it is quite feasable to play with someone a few times and not tell them about your other relationship without being a dishonest person.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:39:30 AM   
lusciouslips19


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I think it is deceptive. I would not appreciate someone playing with me a few times before telling me he was married. I would tell him to take a hike. I would much rather have someone state it in their profile so I can decide . so yes, that would be decptive as I probably wouldnt have played with him if I knew. thats what makes it deceptive. if someone was to play with you knowing that if you knew they wouldnt have. Yes, people decive al the time. They outright lie too. there are countless men and women that lie. but some of us are smart and see the red flags.

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:44:43 AM   
browneyedenigma


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I do not see the need to announce in your profile that you are married, in a relationship or in a D/s relationship if the relationship you are seeking is between the two of you and is not intended to involve the third partner. Eventually, if it gets serious, you have to come clean but it is quite feasable to play with someone a few times and not tell them about your other relationship without being a dishonest person.


you do not see the need for a married person to disclose that information to someone who may become "intimate" with them? 

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:45:47 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I do not see the need to announce in your profile that you are married, in a relationship or in a D/s relationship if the relationship you are seeking is between the two of you and is not intended to involve the third partner. Eventually, if it gets serious, you have to come clean but it is quite feasable to play with someone a few times and not tell them about your other relationship without being a dishonest person.


unless the person you are playing with has a rule about not playing with folks in a relarionship......

imho, its only fair to let the other party have all the facts, and make the decision for them self....

_____________________________

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in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:46:02 AM   
kitttty


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It depends on the relationship they seek. If they say "I am not interested in a long term thing. I just want to play" then why do they have to disclose that they are married? They only have to disclose that they will not be in a serious long term relationship with you.

(in reply to browneyedenigma)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:49:18 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I do not see the need to announce in your profile that you are married, in a relationship or in a D/s relationship if the relationship you are seeking is between the two of you and is not intended to involve the third partner. Eventually, if it gets serious, you have to come clean but it is quite feasable to play with someone a few times and not tell them about your other relationship without being a dishonest person.

While you certainly have a right to your opinion, I respectfully disagree with you on this.


_____________________________

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(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:49:40 AM   
kitttty


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quote:


unless the person you are playing with has a rule about not playing with folks in a relarionship......


I have that rule and it is totally my responsibility to make it clear that I want a public/romantic relationship in addition to a long term D/s relationship and that I would eventually like to find "the one" and settle down and have a family.

If he says all of this is possible from his end (which he has to or else I wont play) then he would be lying to me.

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 8:50:54 AM   
kitttty


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If you have a rule that the person you have relations with not be married, you need to ask them if they are single. Thats your rule, not theirs and I dont see why they need to assume that you have this rule.

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 9:10:25 AM   
LATEXBABY64


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if someone is not honest about who they are. Then what is the point.  Maybe End up dead or missing. Alway use common sense logic when starting something new

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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 9:16:36 AM   
grlneedstolearn


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i don't think it's right that people do that. For example, me i do have another profile on here that does not mentoin my current Dom. But when i do start talking to someone, after a few messages i will let the other person know. And i would say about 95% of the time, the other person appreciates my honesty and we will continue talking, going out, etc. i will not form a bond with the person if he can not accept that i am takin but on the other hand looking for a Dom, with my Dom's permission.

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 9:29:09 AM   
RosesHaveThorns


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I think that the situation as given by the OP is lying. The guy, according to the OP, even admits to purposeful deceit. I also agree with TNstepsout that he is just wasting his time, and the time of those who contact him. Some people just don't want poly, threesomes, or would deal with them really badly. Some may be open to trying it, but some just will not be capable of it in a thousand years. I myself, would probably end up punching the other women in short order(Through no fault of hers, I might add), so I doubt I'd be a good addition to a poly household.

And trying to convert someone who is perhaps shy, unsure and inexperienced with boldfaced deceit is simply not going to work. It will simply make them less likely to be poly in the future.

And my concern is that if the OP is indeed correct...When does the guy tell the play partner that he is married? Before or after play? After a bond has been formed? I know that if a guy I thought was bonding with me, and me alone suddenly told me that I was secondary and that he was married and failed to mention it I would be very upset.

As as House states, everybody lies. But there is a difference of lying to protect your identity or to get other people out of your own life where they have no business being, and decieving someone who is invovled with you so that you can get play you wouldn't otherwise.

And I ask others...If you don't mention a partner on a profile, why do you do it? Not to say that you are horrible evil people, I am just curious on the reasons it is done.


< Message edited by RosesHaveThorns -- 10/27/2007 9:31:14 AM >

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 9:34:16 AM   
RosesHaveThorns


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And in addition, while I am not poly, if I were, I would probably only play with invovled people if I could meet and discuss things with the other partner(s). I also know others who follow this rule and are poly.

But since I am not poly, even if I was not interested in a long term relationship with the guy, if he failed to mention a partner or a spouse I would feel like he lied to me to get sex and was not honest. In essence, I would feel extremely used.

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 9:43:34 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Well this thread made me realize I have no idea what my partners profiles say.  I also don't care :) 

So what does that say about us? 

I don't think leaving out that you are involved in a particular relationship in a profile is NECESSARILY an issue.  But it often is.

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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 2:24:15 PM   
slaveofKaos


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I do mention in my journal that I have a slave I dont hide it. If you one were to read my whole profile they would know.

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slave jodi

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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 2:26:55 PM   
slaveofKaos


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I had a very long discussion with this Dominanat and he made it very clear to me that he would never mention it unless specifically asked, whether its 1 email or 100.

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slave jodi

(in reply to TheChauvinist)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 2:30:01 PM   
RaynaSub


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This is the internet, we are typing on computers.
People lie on here.
People cheat on here.
People often lie by omission on here.
Can you change people on the internet?
Usually not.
All you can do is have common sense, use it and move on.


< Message edited by RaynaSub -- 10/27/2007 2:31:20 PM >

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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 2:31:41 PM   
slaveofKaos


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Just to let you know im telling you exactly what he has said to me. He does not want people to know he's married, he will not tell them unless they specifically ask no matter how long that might be, and he is looking for slaves some live in some play.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to susie)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 2:33:49 PM   
slaveofKaos


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Because its a poly relationship whether all three people meet or not. Your brining someone else into your life they should know that there is another person in your life, or your not giving them the chance to say "im not in to that" and maybe becaue they dont want there partner out fucking someone else.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 2:34:10 PM   
RaynaSub


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Joined: 9/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

Just to let you know im telling you exactly what he has said to me. He does not want people to know he's married, he will not tell them unless they specifically ask no matter how long that might be, and he is looking for slaves some live in some play.


Seriously, where you born yesterday?
Are you surprised that people lie and cheat online?
Or are you just surprised because you know the dude?

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Being deceived ? - 10/27/2007 3:24:23 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well this thread made me realize I have no idea what my partners profiles say.  I also don't care :) 

So what does that say about us? 

I don't think leaving out that you are involved in a particular relationship in a profile is NECESSARILY an issue.  But it often is.


LOL I quoted this because it made me laugh, and because I really couldn't tell you what my Master's profile says, either - - I don't care.

I do want to add some thoughts to this thread, though, although this may get lengthy:

First, all those things which were important for me to know about him before continuing conversations with him, I asked him about.  Well, some of those things he volunteered prior to my asking, but if he didn't, I would have asked.  I am of the belief, as several others I know are, that a Master has the right to be in as many relationships as he chooses, whether he involves his slave(s) in them or not.  So in my opinion, a Master who does not tell a potential slave about other slaves up front is not necessarily in the wrong, and if a potential slave does not ask about others, she is wrong to assume he has none.  In my case, I wanted to know, and I asked, and he told me at the time that he owned one other.  She was not in his profile, just as I believe I am not in his profile now - either here or other sites he may frequent.  While I was not looking for a poly relationship I didn't care that he owned someone else, and continued following his lead.  I didn't see this as being deceptive, because everything I wanted to know was revealed to me, and I was free to make my own decisions based on that.

Second, I'd like to address this notion I often see, where submissives insist on talking to a currently owned slave.  As one of those "currently owned slaves" myself, I am not so appreciative of this.  I find it can be really disruptive to my world and what I might be focusing on at any given time.  He used to not allow this from others because while I accepted him having other girls, I was not emotionally ready to be involved with them.  Some girls left because of that, and that was fine with him.  It was worth him losing a potential slave than losing me because I was not in a position to be dealing directly with them. Personally, I appreciated not being forced into something I wasn't ready for.

In the last year, I have been introduced to potential slaves for him.  I continue to find it disruptive, and while I am not bothered by the girls per se, I do not particularly like the disruptions to my world., but I deal with them.  Typically what will happen is a slave will ask him if he owns someone, and he will say yes.  Then she will request to talk to me, to ease her concerns that I might be hurt in all this.  He allows it.  So I am contacted by some girl who I then have to assure (often several times) that I am fine.  Then, either one of two things happens - Either she will lean just how close he and I are and will become jealous of it and either not want me around anymore or will want to go off with him seperately and exclude me, or she will befriend me, ask for advice in serving him, and when she realizes just how tough he is, she will run off screaming how mean he is and abandon our newly created friendship, too.

In the latest case, he introduced me to a girl he has already owned for awhile, and I had hoped to become friends with her and serve him together.  In our first conversation, she told me how jealous she is of me and how I must be "more owned" than she is, etc.  I was suddenly put into a situation where I had to console his other slave.  I did not ask for this, and after she started contacting me daily, he told her to stop, thank god.

One girl who ended up in our worlds for oh about a month, wanted us all to have one happy online family profile, which neither he nor I cared about, and became extremely upset when he said no, and then I got a phone call with her crying about it and spent a good while reassuring her that he's not going to change his profile every time he is taking in a new girl....nor am I.

I write all this to try to shine a light on the "other side" of this deception people are talking about.  Sometimes the wife or the existing slave just doesn't want to be a part of it all, and sometimes the Master is taking her into consideration by not involving her until it is appropriate.  And for those submissives who insist on talking to the current submissive, please be considerate that she is also human and not the in-place counselor to ease your fears and insecurities.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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