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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:11:28 AM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
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Squeakers,
I am with you on this one. I used to be of the mind that I had to be the one and only. I still stand by that in terms of a relationship as I cannot do poly, but if my partner wants to play outside the relationship, I say, go for it. JUST BE HONEST WITH ME!!!

Also, what is good for the goose must be good for the gander. If he can play, so can I.
Unless he is totally insecure, I am sure he would agree to this, because I do not get involved with much younger men and the men I do like, cannot keep up with me sexually. LOL

jen

_____________________________

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(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 21

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:14:29 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

anyone that does is just disprectful of the relationship. Plain and simple. People come up with every excuse in the world to make a wrong a right. So i say let them go down the river of dumbass lake. When it all falls apart. They will blame everyone else. So be it. I do not respect such people. I do not care for such people. I will never loose sleep over it.

I am pleased to know that you feel this way. I will happily sail down that river to dumbass lake knowing that you are standing on the shore and will not be joining me.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 22

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:16:44 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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um it is called empathy. You should try it. Maybe when you look at friends and ums and see the hurt on their face you would understand

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 23

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:17:13 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

I don't think you're alone on this one, Squeakers. Stephann had a good thread going a while back along the same lines. I like to use the phrase "emotional monogamy" more so than open relationship but it pretty much boils down to the same thing. Two people who are secure in their relationship, and in themselves, may not find it so difficult to play outside their relationship. Whether it be straight SM, threesomes, bdsm play, double-teaming, vanilla sex, what have you, they still go home to each other at the end of the night. It may not even be the fact that they aren't getting everything they need at home. Sometimes variety really is the spice of life. Safety above all else, of course, and honesty between the couple is paramount. If the other knows about it and gives consent, it isn't cheating.

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It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

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Post #: 24

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:20:14 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

um it is called empathy. You should try it. Maybe when you look at friends and ums and see the hurt on their face you would understand

Why should MY PERSONAL relationship have anything to do with my friends. I do not talk to them about my sex life as it is none of their business. We do not have ums through our choice.

Empathy has nothing to do with this. Nothing in this relationship is hurting anyone. Not me. Not him. Nor the people he sees as he is perfectly open and upfront with them about the situation.

You don't like it, fine. Dont do it. But do not start telling me that what we do hurts anyone when you know nothing about me or him or our relationship.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 25

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:22:28 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
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Well i am one of the insecure ones. Because i know this about myself, i simply will not go into a relationship where the Dom/Master/Top wants to do this or subject me to it. i know how it will make me feel and because i do not like feeling like that, i will avoid the situation at all costs.

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(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 26

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:22:43 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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that you know cause people do not tell you everything till it is to late. That is the funny thing

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 27

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:23:43 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

that you know cause people do not tell you everything till it is to late. That is the funny thing

What people?

What people have anything to do with what I do in my private life?

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 28

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:27:27 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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it could be the next sub he plays with. it could be someone that he let you scene with. are you that clueless

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Post #: 29

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:27:34 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

that you know cause people do not tell you everything till it is to late. That is the funny thing

What people?

What people have anything to do with what I do in my private life?

it's called being ego centric-it's wrong for him-so it must be wrong for everyone.

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Post #: 30

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:29:04 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

um it is called empathy. You should try it. Maybe when you look at friends and ums and see the hurt on their face you would understand

What the heck does empathy have to do with it. Why the hell would friends and um's have hurt on their face UNLESS it was expressed to them in a negative way? If my friend came to me and said, gee Squeakers, I saw your SO coming out of a hotel room with another woman and I said, Ohh yeah that's so and so. She probably would say, "You know and you are okay with it?" I'd reply, "Yeah why?" She might look at me like I was headed down to dumbass lake but she would NOT have hurt on her face. If I had um's why would they even need to know?

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 31

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:32:18 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

that you know cause people do not tell you everything till it is to late. That is the funny thing

I think you are confusing the orginal post. There is a big difference between all parties being on the same page and someone having an affair behind someone's back.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 32

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:35:32 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

it could be the next sub he plays with. it could be someone that he let you scene with. are you that clueless

I think you will find it is you that is clueless.

1. I do not scene with anyone apart from my Master
2. He is open and upfront with anyone he meets (before he meets them).

You have an issue with open relationships so stay clear of them. Your way is not the right way. It is YOUR way. I am in a happy relationship, where I love my partner and am secure in the fact that I am loved by him.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 33

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:37:12 AM

soultoshare

Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
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I myself have come along way in my thinking about including others......as late as 3 years ago, I wouldn't have accepted the concept of more than one man at a time...now, I can't wait for that to happen! My first experience playing with another couple was amazing! I didn't react at all in the way I thought I would, that's for sure.....there was no jealousy watching him play with and have sex with the other woman, in fact, it was pretty cool! What surprised me is that I couldn't watch her get beaten, and she was in tears by the time I was done with mine....turns out we both wanted to scream "STOP IT NOW!!" at the respective Doms.

I'm okay with the idea of him playing with others, but everything is discussed and covered. Safe sex is a must, and at least one of us has to know the other party involved. At this point, I have only a play partner, but I don't see anything changing in a relationship setting.....as long as the relationship is solid, I don't see where this is going to be a problem. Well, barring the stalker types mentioned above.

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Post #: 34

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:39:03 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Well i am one of the insecure ones. Because i know this about myself, i simply will not go into a relationship where the Dom/Master/Top wants to do this or subject me to it. i know how it will make me feel and because i do not like feeling like that, i will avoid the situation at all costs.

I appreciate your honesty. And I actually like this post. It's just a different way of creating a positive world.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 35

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:41:21 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: soultoshare

I I didn't react at all in the way I thought I would, that's for sure.....there was no jealousy watching him play with and have sex with the other woman, in fact, it was pretty cool!

Yep yep yep.

(in reply to soultoshare)

Post #: 36

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:49:31 AM

therealboss

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

i do not want my sub or slave to devote any attention to anyone,they will be allowed a hobby,but not a relationship of any kind,apart from me,they are mine to use,this opinion does not make me insecure

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be the best

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Post #: 37

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:53:17 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: therealboss

i do not want my sub or slave to devote any attention to anyone,they will be allowed a hobby,but not a relationship of any kind,apart from me,they are mine to use,this opinion does not make me insecure

Sorry I can not control myself. I read your profile---would the allowed hobby be licking your arse?

(in reply to therealboss)

Post #: 38

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 8:59:55 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

Quick reply:

R has always gone out with other women as friends and/or lovers. We dealt with my insecurity head on and over the period of a few years I figured out he is really capable of handling multiple relationshps, nobody is getting replaced, no drama is allowed, no big deal is made out of it. He doesn't bring them home, we don't interact in threesomes, in fact he rarely even talks about women he sees or meets...unless they are super hot..he knows I *like* women a lot, especially super hot ones so I like hearing about them...

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"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 39

RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/28/2007 9:01:20 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

:: fast reply ::

Squeakers, I'm with you. In my opinion, based solely on my experience, it is not rational to expect to be someone's only "romantic" interest forever. Aba can play if he wishes, I can play if I wish, and we can play mutually. ~shrug~

I'm not sure why fidelity is such a big deal because I am not of that mindset - mind you I am not saying it is wrong, just saying I really don't get it. I want to be happy. I want Aba to be happy. To say "I want Aba to be happy with only ME" is saying that I put conditions on his happiness, on my acceptance of his happiness, and on my own happiness. Too much stress for me.

Aba and I have not played separately. We may never do so. We might find that we are happily monogamous to each other but it is not something I feel like I can madate. It seems to set one up for failure or frustration. Flexibility, you know? I like options.

(in reply to therealboss)

Post #: 40

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