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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 8:30:45 AM

RRafe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

sometimes it is not always right in front of you. People want a to the point answer. Most of the time people are not always honest about how they feel. SOmetimes they cover it up just to be with someone. I have seen this all to often in relationships. Sure I will till you it is ok cause i love you. called it the hurt behind the smile. look for past to dictate the future. that is where the truth of a person is

If you can't try to see the good in things-you never will.

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 8:57:50 AM

BeingChewsie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

sometimes it is not always right in front of you. People want a to the point answer. Most of the time people are not always honest about how they feel. SOmetimes they cover it up just to be with someone. I have seen this all to often in relationships. Sure I will till you it is ok cause i love you. called it the hurt behind the smile. look for past to dictate the future. that is where the truth of a person is

I feel sorry for people who can't be honest about their needs or who lie to keep or get someone. Obviously nothing is going to change how -you- feel. I don't get why you feel the need to project it on to other people or attempt to tell other people how they feel. How odd.

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"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 9:21:06 AM

velvetears

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owned girlie, someone else spoke about wanting to "know when it was happening", and it was an interest to you why. i think if two people are in a relationship, even a power exchange one, and they have an interest in making things work, wanting to help the sub/slave deal with any insecurity would be something the dominant would want to accomplish. Hiding it, even though it is the right of the dom to have other women, makes it feel dishonest. How can it be about control when the sub/slave has relinquished any control over him having anyone he pleased? Some are ok with not knowing, some like to know. Why would any dom want to keep this information from someone he cherishes? Maybe for them it's the ultimate ego trip - see how far i can push, how totally i own her etc.... but for any sub with insecurities, who want to know, why keep it from them if for whatever reason it makes it easier to handle things? Maybe one day, knowing he will be upfront about it, she will loose interest in knowing and it won't be an issue any longer.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 10/29/2007 9:22:44 AM >

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 10:20:26 AM

susie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

I am in a relationship where it was clear from the start that my Master would be allowed to play and have sex with others. I, however, am totally monogamous. The rules of him seeing others was set at the start, one off meetings, no relationship etc. To start with it was hard because it was something I had been brought up to think was wrong. What he has always said and made me understand and feel is that I would always feel totally secure in our relationship. And I do. I understand that he gets something from these other people he can't from me (not prepared to go into detail) but I feel secure and loved by him so I know I have nothing to worry about.

Is this the same guy that was unemployed when you met him and you put up all the money for him to start his own business? He's been going out and screwing other women since the beginning of your relationship and you're not allowed the same sexual freedom? What an interesting way for him to express his gratitude. Sounds like you got yourself a real winner. And you think I have problems?

I am so sorry that you find it hard to accept that people can be in happy relationships that are different from the way you see life. Yes it is the same person that I helped set up in business. Yes it is the same person that made such a success of that business that he now employs others and has given me a fantastic way of life.

Yes he goes out and sees other people with my blessing and as I said earlier in this thread if you had bothered to read it there is a perfectly good reason in mind for him doing that (it is personal to me and not a reason I am going to divulge to a spiteful person like you). I really do not see how him having sex or playing with others has anything to do with our relationship which is solid and loving.

I know that you have as much of an issue with monogamy as Latexbaby has, so if it is not right for you fine don't do it. But do not have the nerve to tell me what is right for me when I am in a relationship that works. I am not the one that constantly comes to these boards complaining that they cannot meet someone or that men are not interested in women with baggage or weight issues.

Yes I do think you have problems. And yes I am certainly on to a winner and one that will be around for a long time to come thanks.

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 10:56:49 AM

batshalom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Who am I to say this? I'm the one susie constantly says has serious problems and should seek professional help because I refuse to date professional freeloading bums. She spits venom at me far worse than this anytime she gets the chance.

Mm. I see. Well. I hope it resolves the problem between you.

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 12:21:48 PM

LATEXBABY64

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            I always look at what people put out in front. But i am also good at reading between the lines. IF you project things in a certain way then. that is what people will see. Most people do not want to see what is front of them. they get in the bad circle trap of depression and grab at straws of feel good for the moment. People redirecting the comments like it is my problem or issues not the case at all. I am very content of where i am going.

    But as i have said in the past life will wake you up to the right course of action. Just some never do it cause they are into the feel good for the moment. SOMETIMES the right thing may not feel so good or might hurt at the moment but will be better in the end. You just have to be strong and stick to your guns. I am one i stand up for the good of thing.

    I am not into repeat episodes of drama and life
i do not except swinger type behavior I value people more then that. maybe that is the key how much you value someone. It is all wrapped in that moral value thing.
some of you need to really take a deep look. Maybe you do not have any shrugs

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 1:27:19 PM

susie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

           I always look at what people put out in front. But i am also good at reading between the lines. IF you project things in a certain way then. that is what people will see. Most people do not want to see what is front of them. they get in the bad circle trap of depression and grab at straws of feel good for the moment. People redirecting the comments like it is my problem or issues not the case at all. I am very content of where i am going.

   But as i have said in the past life will wake you up to the right course of action. Just some never do it cause they are into the feel good for the moment. SOMETIMES the right thing may not feel so good or might hurt at the moment but will be better in the end. You just have to be strong and stick to your guns. I am one i stand up for the good of thing.

   I am not into repeat episodes of drama and life
i do not except swinger type behavior I value people more then that. maybe that is the key how much you value someone. It is all wrapped in that moral value thing.
some of you need to really take a deep look. Maybe you do not have any shrugs

As you said, YOU do not accept the swinger behaviour. That is your choice. Just because you don't like does not make it wrong. Just wrong for you.

I don't agree with scat play but that does not make it wrong for those that enjoy it. It is just wrong for me.

Stop with the One True Way and wake up to the fact that your way is not the only way.

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 6:02:48 PM

LATEXBABY64

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well my way is called the less drama more balance way So eat my shorts lol

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 8:51:19 PM

defiantbadgirl

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Joined: 11/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

I am so sorry that you find it hard to accept that people can be in happy relationships that are different from the way you see life.
If that were true, I would be against gay marriage. As long as two people love each other and one isn't taking advantage of the other, I wish them all the happiness life has to offer.

Yes he goes out and sees other people with my blessing and as I said earlier in this thread if you had bothered to read it there is a perfectly good reason in mind for him doing that (it is personal to me and not a reason I am going to divulge to a spiteful person like you). I really do not see how him having sex or playing with others has anything to do with our relationship which is solid and loving.
What I read stated that you were uncomfortable with the idea in the beginning and he talked you into it. I also read that you are monogamous while he is not. I would see it alot differently if you had the same sexual freedom he does. At least he is honest with you about the other women, which means he's not a cheater. I just think that after all you did for him financially, he could at least be fair to you and get rid of the double standard.

I know that you have as much of an issue with monogamy as Latexbaby has, so if it is not right for you fine don't do it.
Yes, I do prefer monogamy when sex is involved. But that doesn't mean those who prefer open relationships (where both sleep with others) shouldn't do what makes them happy.
I am not the one that constantly comes to these boards complaining that they cannot meet someone or that men are not interested in women with baggage or weight issues.
I have lost count of the number of threads people other than me have posted about having difficulty finding someone. I don't see you going on every one of those threads telling them they're wacko and need professional help. As far as baggage goes, everybody has it. Many men use baggage as an excuse to not be interested in women when they have baggage themselves. It's a common double standard I've observed both within and outside of the lifestyle and I decided to start a thread about it. I have no idea why so many people wanted to turn a general observation thread into a thread about me. When I observe double standards, I post about them. I hardly think that qualifies me for a trip to the nearest insane assylum.

Yes I do think you have problems.
So do you. So does everyone else. That doesn't mean they're psycho.

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 9:17:05 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

owned girlie, someone else spoke about wanting to "know when it was happening", and it was an interest to you why. i think if two people are in a relationship, even a power exchange one, and they have an interest in making things work, wanting to help the sub/slave deal with any insecurity would be something the dominant would want to accomplish. Hiding it, even though it is the right of the dom to have other women, makes it feel dishonest. How can it be about control when the sub/slave has relinquished any control over him having anyone he pleased? Some are ok with not knowing, some like to know. Why would any dom want to keep this information from someone he cherishes? Maybe for them it's the ultimate ego trip - see how far i can push, how totally i own her etc.... but for any sub with insecurities, who want to know, why keep it from them if for whatever reason it makes it easier to handle things? Maybe one day, knowing he will be upfront about it, she will loose interest in knowing and it won't be an issue any longer.

Hi Velvetears, thank you for acknowledging that post. I feel much differently than you do on this, which is simply reflective of the diverse thoughts on this board. First, I do not presume to be "cherished" by my Master. He has never used that word with me, nor is it important to me that he feels that way. I know he finds me very valuable to him, and he loves me, and that in itself warms my heart.

That out of the way, I didn't want to know. I've written a post about this recently, although I'm not sure if it's on this thread or not. Knowing would have only served to feed a morbid curiosity of mine, and feed my insecurities. Knowing would have diverted my focus away from him and onto myself - "Does he enjoy her more than me? Does he love her more than me? Does he see her more than me?" Me me me me...and this is not what my slavery is about.

Once I got to a point where it really didn't matter to me either way...where my curiosity died and I didn't care what he was doing elsewhere because what he and I had together was so awesome...where I knew not a damn thing could affect my position with him other than me...That's when we really bonded and that's when he started sharing it with me - - because I could handle it.

He preferred that I knew. But even more than that, he preferred I could handle it when I knew, much the same way he didn't push other "extremes" on me before I could handle them. Some of us are wired differently. I did better focusing on my servitude to him, and focusing on being a valuable slave to him. Those things outside of he and I were simply distractions and didn't deserve my attention. It is my opinion that focusing on those things outside of my service to him means I am not focusing on my service to him (for clarity, "my service to him" to me means my submission to him - all the things I do for him, not just domestic household stuff). That's how it worked for us. I don't see how focusing on things that didn't pertain to me and things that were outside my threshhold of handling could have helped me. For the same reasons he withheld exposing me to areas of "play" that we now enjoy so much, he withheld exposing me to this, too. We both worked hard at reaching where we are now, and for us that meant exercising patience enough to wait until I was ready for something before making me deal with it...even if I thought I wanted to.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thank you for your insight.

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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 10/29/2007 11:22:04 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

I am so sorry that you find it hard to accept that people can be in happy relationships that are different from the way you see life.
If that were true, I would be against gay marriage. As long as two people love each other and one isn't taking advantage of the other, I wish them all the happiness life has to offer.

Yes he goes out and sees other people with my blessing and as I said earlier in this thread if you had bothered to read it there is a perfectly good reason in mind for him doing that (it is personal to me and not a reason I am going to divulge to a spiteful person like you). I really do not see how him having sex or playing with others has anything to do with our relationship which is solid and loving.
What I read stated that you were uncomfortable with the idea in the beginning and he talked you into it. I also read that you are monogamous while he is not. I would see it alot differently if you had the same sexual freedom he does. At least he is honest with you about the other women, which means he's not a cheater. I just think that after all you did for him financially, he could at least be fair to you and get rid of the double standard.

I know that you have as much of an issue with monogamy as Latexbaby has, so if it is not right for you fine don't do it.
Yes, I do prefer monogamy when sex is involved. But that doesn't mean those who prefer open relationships (where both sleep with others) shouldn't do what makes them happy.
I am not the one that constantly comes to these boards complaining that they cannot meet someone or that men are not interested in women with baggage or weight issues.
I have lost count of the number of threads people other than me have posted about having difficulty finding someone. I don't see you going on every one of those threads telling them they're wacko and need professional help. As far as baggage goes, everybody has it. Many men use baggage as an excuse to not be interested in women when they have baggage themselves. It's a common double standard I've observed both within and outside of the lifestyle and I decided to start a thread about it. I have no idea why so many people wanted to turn a general observation thread into a thread about me. When I observe double standards, I post about them. I hardly think that qualifies me for a trip to the nearest insane assylum.

Yes I do think you have problems.
So do you. So does everyone else. That doesn't mean they're psycho.

What I said in the original post was that the idea was hard as it went against the way I had been brought up. Not that I found our situation hard. He did not "talk me into it". It was a discussion that we had at the start of the relationship. The agreement that he would be able to meet other people for play was made for personal reasons and it was set as an agreement right at the start of our relationship.

As for a double standard, why is it. I choose to be monogamous. I do not want to see others and I have never asked him his view on whether he would allow me to or not because it is not something I would ever want to do. I have no idea how you can tie together our sex life and our financial affairs. They have nothing to do with each other.

We are all aware of your views on monogamy, you have always made it very clear on the various threads where it comes up. So if you are ok for others to have open relationships, why is it not ok for my and my partner to have one?

As for the baggage issue, it was pointed out to you at the time that it is not the fact that people have baggage that makes it hard for them to find relationships, it is how they handle the baggage. Something that seems to pass you by no matter how many times people point out to you that you have issues with the way you handle yours. There is no double standard.

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