ownedgirlie
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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
quote:
ORIGINAL: angelic
~fr~ Here's the problem as i see it. Many times the Dom/Master/Top wants to play with xy and z... but said slave/submissive is only allowed to have him as the "One". i am of the firm belief that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. It is one thing if said slave/submissive does not want another, it is an entirely different thing when the Dom/Master/Top has said specifically 'i will have many, 'you' will have one.
That's where the whole "Ds = double standard" comes in. I am perfectly fine with a master setting up an entirely different set of standards for their property than they hold for themselves. That's kinda what the relationship is based on- one person has authority and the other does not.
Hi LA, you said it well here. My relationship is fraught with double standards. I honestly can see it no other way. He makes the rules, I do not. He has authority, I do not. He goes to bed when he wants, I go to bed when he says. He sleeps on the bed at all times, I sleep where he tells me to. I serve him, he is served by me but does not serve me. And so it goes. He owns me, I do not own him.
Ours is not a dymanic of equal authority. To further this, his interest in other slaves is not to have another casual play partner, but to have other relationships. Taking it even further, any other slave of his will not be held to the same standards as me, rather to whatever standards are appropriate for her and where she is mentally/emotionally at the time. To do otherwise would be unfair.
Now, I was one of the most insecure people you could know back when I first became his. But all this was told to me up front and I agreed to it, and while it was probably the hardest thing I learned to handle, it has also been the most rewarding, due to where it has taken our relationship. But, the key to my ability to handle this as I do now was to come to feel totally secure and confident in my place with him. And I mean totally. This did not happen quickly - it was a matter of years, and it required effort on both our parts to get here. Effort well worth it, in retrospect. Step one was to recover from my insecurity about myself, and my own esteem and self confidence issues that were fed by an abusive marriage. Therapy helped a lot in that regard.
I don't condem anyone who is insecure. I lived there myself for a long time. But in recovering from it, I can see how self-limiting it was, in many ways.
As for the poly/mono double standard - yes we have that in place. He does what he wants, I do what he says. He owns me, I do not own him. I can not fathom it being any other way for us. Because of who I am and my needs as a slave to him, if he made things "fair and balanced" we would not be thriving together as we are now.
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RE: Alone in my way of thinking? - 
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