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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:08:50 PM

RosesHaveThorns

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quote:

Do you mean what type of dress up?

Er...Yes. That's my bad, sorry for not being clear.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:17:11 PM

LadyLegs

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I think body imperfections are like the dirty laundry. Men don't seem to notice it unless you point it out to them.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:26:11 PM

octavia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

quote:

Do you mean what type of dress up?

Er...Yes. That's my bad, sorry for not being clear.

Well.. Lots really.
He prefers athleticy stuff like cheer leaders, pony tails.. things that show a middrift or are tight and revealing. for instance, I look way better in a one peice outfit rather than a bra and panties. He prefers the bra and panty look. He likes clothes that are worn bra less.... not a good look for me! ( Ive had two children) We have shopped together and he picks out all the stuff that I instinctivly know is not going to look good on me. Its like I'm saying to him: " yeah it's cute but...." Then when I show him something that would look good on me, he's like eh, whatever. Doesn't seem to really excite him too much. All and all, I end up feeling super UNSEXY.
the last thing he bought me was a bra and garter set. I was excited about it but really very apprehensive. I mean I was excited that he bought me a prezzie, but i knew it wasn't going to look good. I tried it on when he wasn't around and sure enouph... ewe. LOL
the garter wasn't so bad but the bra.. oh my it was not a good thing! I wore the outfit he had bought me anyways. ( leopard theme) and braced myself for the reaction. His words where that i looked good but i could tell by his physical reaction and facial expression that he was disapointed that it didnt look better. I hate feeling like im disapointing him. He wants to have a doll he can dress up pretty and sometimes I just feel like a great big disapointment to him in that area.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:31:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It depends on their attitude. I have a particular taste and somewhat snobbish attitude towards fashion- my standards aren't necessarily that of the ordinary person and thus I can't judge unbiased.

However, if they HONESTLY feel what they pick out is a great outfit and I KNOW it's jyust plain wrong fashionw ise, it would be wrong of me to lie and/or allow them to continue ignorantly in the world. I'd ask if they wanted my honest opinion and critique- if they said yes, then I'd go for it. If they said no, well it's their choice to remain ignorant.

Yes, I've worn lots of outfits that were less than tasteful and plenty which were below my general standards because of the desires of the other person.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:33:34 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
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[/quote]
Yes agreed. But sometimes he puts me in it and I don't think he sees anything different than I do. All the flabby bits and such, are amplified not hidden or minimized.
So the question then is, does he want me sexy or obedient?
[/quote]

I learned along time ago never to assume that I know what is going on Phoenix's mind. ~laughs~ He is a man after all, so he will see me differently than I see myself.

I also know I am my worse critique when it comes to my body. I have realized he does it alot of the time to show me he finds me sexy and to make me see myself through his eyes not my own. I also think it has to do with pushing my comfort zone with those areas or specific types of clothing in general. In the end being obedient always turns him on, which in turns turns me on. So I suppose it is a bit of both.

If your truly uncomfy talk to him and be open to his response.

Blessed Be,
Nika

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 10/29/2007 6:37:36 PM >

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:34:05 PM

Cuffkinks

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quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

From the subby perspective, should I just do it, grin and "bare" it, even thought I know it looks bad? Or should I tell him, upfront that it's not going to look good and try to convince him to give me more control over what I wear and how I wear it?

When it comes to outfits that only he is going to see me in, I just go along with it. It really doesn't matter if I think I look sexy because if he thinks I look sexy, he is going to treat me like I look sexy. Which makes me feel sexy.

I am going to second this notion. I could be wearing a potatoe sack and if he treated me like I was sexy it would turn me on and it make me feel sexy and desirable.

Blessed be,
Nika

Yes agreed. But sometimes he puts me in it and I don't think he sees anything different than I do. All the flabby bits and such, are amplified not hidden or minimized.
So the question then is, does he want me sexy or obedient?

Simply put...Obedient IS sexy!

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:40:20 PM

RosesHaveThorns

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If he is disappointed, then offer suggestions and allow him to make the final decision while shopping, as someone else suggested. He has the power, but you use your knowledge of clothes to pick out good picks that he might like.

But...Is he asking you to go braless in public? This is an issue, and I certainly couldn't do the same, thanks to waaaaaaay too much bouncing and pain. If he likes your discomfort, however, consider using the bra alternatives that they sell. Those latex things you slap on or something. Might get less stares and offend others less.

Now...He is trying to get you into two piece outfits. Does he like seeing you in any of these outfits? I looked at your profile, and I see no reason why you would be afraid to wear two-pieces. Perhaps he is trying to encourage you to feel more comfortable in less, rather then hiding your body.

And if he is giving you athletic gear, does he have some sort of exercise kink? If so, would you feel better wearing the stuff at the gym for him?

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 6:41:22 PM

TakenPet

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It is very self defeating and it can be more of pushaway tactic. Your best bet as I have learned the hard way, he is with you and loves you for a reason. He doesn't care what you think you look like, just relish the idea that he is happy to see you the way you are dressed or posed. Don't think so much, just feel it, look at his smile, look at the excitement in his eyes, take it all in. Remember that there is a reason he wants to see you that way, because he wants you to feel the way he sees you.
Try to relax, with time it will get better, but in the mean time look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are sexy, trust me over time, it will become subconscious and you will believe it regardless of whatyou are in and where you are.
Enjoy yourself

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 7:58:45 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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To no on in particular:..Face it, most men do not have a clue as to what looks good on someone until they see it on..Many men go about, see an outfit and think WOW, I like that look ,assuming of course, it will look good on any woman for the most part, a kind of one look fits all thing..and the men are very attracted to their mates so naturally assume they will look fantastic in anything,because to them their mates are fantastic..(not a bad deal huh?"..:0)...My best advice is, wear the outfit he picks..but maybe add a few things to it to make it look more acceptable to yourself..ie: a well placed scarf,a bit of fur strategically positioned et al.....Tempting

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 8:19:03 PM

Celeste43

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You have to be honest with him about how you feel. Not refuse to do what he says but warn him that when he does this, he won't find you wet and ready. Because he needs to know what turns you on and what turns you off.

However if it's just stuff for him to see at home, ask to be blindfolded so you don't focus on your body image.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 8:20:29 PM

Lordandmaster

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"Wear this, bitch."

"Sir, this will look unflattering on your sub's body, may I wear something else?"

"I said wear it, bitch."

"Yes, sir."

OR

"What do you think would look more flattering?"

"This, sir."

That's about the long and short of it.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 9:16:27 PM

Phoenix2raven

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when submitting, it's a question of what the Dom/me wants, eh? if Sir wants me to go out in purple plaid pants, as long as he pays for them, so be it. i'd be worried what other people thought, i'm vain enough to do that ... then i'd blush like hell, and look down at my feet a lot... which he loves. i'd keep quiet and assume he's getting off on my reaction to being "not pretty" ... or that he's testing my submission ... or that he's got more in store for me later, if i'm a good girl :) what are pretty looks, but a transitory thing? the D/s dynamic is eternal inside.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 9:26:31 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I know how you feel.. My husband loved to take pictures of me deepthroating him, or us kissing, or of my face while I was about to cum or cumming. He did it to show me how beautiful and sexy I was and he wanted me to see what he saw (the actual "view" not spiritually.) I saw myself making goofy faces and holy crap I look just like my mother!! Not exactly a turn on for me..lol

OK this made me remember, long ago with my Master, he was having me do...um, stuff...and I felt awkward and dorky and reeeally unappealing. So I kept shifting around, distracted and embarrassed, trying to position myself into a more flattering way. The conversation when something like:

Him: "What the fuck are you doing?"

Me: "I can't possibly look appealing like this!! I'm trying to move so I look better for you; I'm too self conscious."

Him: "If you're in a position that doesn't look appealing to me, I will move you. Until then, you let me worry about what looks good to me, and focus on doing what I tell you to do."

Enough said. I trusted him to change something if he wasn't enjoying looking at it. So I'm with the "wear what he wants you to wear" crowd.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 9:58:00 PM

slave4urneeds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Most women find themselves embarrassed when a certain position is used, that shows all our stretch marks, floppy bits, flabby bits, bits that we wish we could chop off or hide, BUT...............................

Your man obviously finds you sexy in whatever outfit/position you're in. That's a GOOD THING, ENJOY!!!

I agree with Magnolia, most of us have some part of their body that they do not like or wish they could change. If your Master is asking you to do things that you think are unflattering, just remember he sees you for what you really are, not what you think you should be. i have always been told by my Dom that it is about what he sees, not what i think.

As far as the humilation and embarassment, maybe he enjoys the fact that you feel this way and loves to watch you squirm. i would do what your Master has asked of you and leave it at that..

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/29/2007 11:37:19 PM

rmanrr

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Greetings
to no one in particular...
some of what My woman has for clothes I like and say so...some are not and I say so. One of the sexiest things she wore during her last visit was one of My shirts....now, that, that was sexy!....and yes I am that big and she that small that it was almost like an oversized dress on her. heh heh. but she looked so damn good in it...things progressed often that visit heh heh.
What looks good sometimes is also in the heat of the moment or an experiment for dress up....I would expect her to tell Me if she is of the mind that something will not be flattering to her in her opinion but the final beholder is Me, is it not? If I like her in something then I say so. Her opinion is valued and taken into consideration. I don't find I disagree much at all about her choices so far....she has excellent fashion sense.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 12:01:35 AM

Prinsexx

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If I realised now the way looking half beat and leaning over the ironing table looked like, or impregnated with my belly sticking out, or black stockings all torn, or make-up smeared, or legs crossed in heels ar an iffice desk looked ro my Akpha Males from the past I would have felt an inner peace. But i didin't I worried about the way I looked instead.
Just enjoy....................

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 4:11:22 AM

Twicehappy2x

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LMAO.......I gave up on this issue a long time ago.

Scooter buys my clothes, most of them he picks out himself. He also picks out a lot of Jewel's clothes as well.

He figures if he can ball it up and hold it in one hand, it looks good.

Now when i was 16 i didn't feel that way and now that i am a grandma 5 times over i really do not feel that way.

He also thinks my 38DDD boobs fit perfectly fine in a medium shirt, lol, an ex large barely contains them!

Jewel and i have come to the conclusion that he wears hour glass shaped contacts, he only sees that sexy hour glass figure. All those flabby grandma bits are obscured from his vision.

Then again he gets all worked up over her giant flannel night gown and my flannel snow man pajamas.

So i would bet that what your Master sees makes his heart go pitter pat, give in and let him have his fun.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 4:23:55 AM

batshalom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

I just know there is nothing sexy about my body in some of those poses/outfits. I've done it sometimes, just knowing the whole time that I looked horrid. Of course I can't get sexually aroused when I know I look so bad. Plus, it leaves me feeling embarassed and ashamed. So my questions are these;

From the subby perspective, should I just do it, grin and "bare" it, even thought I know it looks bad? Or should I tell him, upfront that it's not going to look good and try to convince him to give me more control over what I wear and how I wear it?

Ohhh boy. This is a fast reply - I'm pressed for time and have not read one single other reply - but here's my answer.

He is your Dom. He requested something of you that's pretty mild as far as D-types go. So do it. It doesn't matter if you look like a hippo doing the foxtrot, do it. If he didn't find it appealing, he wouldn't tell you to do it, or at the very least he would tell you to stop doing it. What's in ~your~ head as sexy or not sexy doesn't matter - you cannot dictate what your Dom finds sexy or fun or cute or whatever. It is in the difficult tasks that lets us know that we surrender - lots of pride to be had in it, so embrace it, do as your Dom asks.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 4:28:53 AM

Squeakers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

So here is my dilemma.

I'm a subby dating a Dom who likes to play dress up. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it. It appeals to the princess in me.
The problem comes when he asks me to wear things or assume positions that I know are going to be unflattering for me. I get off on thinking that he finds me sexy and well.. I just know there is nothing sexy about my body in some of those poses/outfits. I've done it sometimes, just knowing the whole time that I looked horrid. Of course I can't get sexually aroused when I know I look so bad. Plus, it leaves me feeling embarassed and ashamed. So my questions are these;

From the subby perspective, should I just do it, grin and "bare" it, even thought I know it looks bad? Or should I tell him, upfront that it's not going to look good and try to convince him to give me more control over what I wear and how I wear it?
From the perspective of a Dom would you rather have an unsexy, completely obeying subby or have one tell you, " that is not going to look the same on my body as it did on the model at the store." and suggest other outfits and types and/ or styles.

Sometimes I feel like there are different types of sexy and I am just a different type than what he is looking for. I mean, I got sexy.. just not cheerleader sexy. kwim?

So let me ask you a question what if he were to ask You to do something like bark or oink during sex?   Would You do it?   How about if you were at the peak of your climax and he said, if you don't do it, I will stop?
     It is a humbling, humiliating action and not at all sexy, but it does show desire to please and obey his command, and that the desire to please and obey can be ultimately sexy.
     I am not sure, what his thoughts are but, for me, it sounds as if, he might be letting you see, that sexy, is NOT in a look, it comes from within.    To me, vanity is just totally unsexy.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 4:43:27 AM

Daddyskittin

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Speedy reply here.....pretty much skimmed...

Thank god I'm never "dressed"... honestly no way in the world I could handle someone else making my fashion choices for me... cause odds are they'd do it wrong... with LA ... I'm a snob about fashion... I know what looks good and what doesn't... but there are many times when I just don't give a damn it's a comfort thing... Soooooo either your like me and it's just not an option for them... or your a good little subbie and you do what your told to do.

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