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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 5:18:22 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Good lord....you'd think we stumbled upon a bunch of princesses in this thread-rather than subs.

Who cares if it flatters-as long as the top likes it.

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(in reply to Daddyskittin)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 5:44:34 AM   
Daddyskittin


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Good lord....you'd think we stumbled upon a bunch of princesses in this thread-rather than subs.

Who cares if it flatters-as long as the top likes it.


Well I don't know about the princesses... but I'm a kittin... I'm His kittin... and He likes the way I dress myself... sooooooo... (saunters off laughing and swishing her tail).



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(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 5:48:34 AM   
TheChauvinist


Posts: 76
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Good lord....you'd think we stumbled upon a bunch of princesses in this thread-rather than subs.

Who cares if it flatters-as long as the top likes it.
I agree. Obedience is another prerequisite I have for my relationships. I they can voice their displeasure and/or dismay all they want. But in the end, their are to obey. Nothing less.

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 5:54:29 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I choose all my own clothes to wear for Sir. I may take a variety of outfits and He picks one, but other than that i have bought and picked them so they usually suit me.
It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if Sir chose to put me in something really ugly, unflattering, as long as He likes it. What pleases Him is what counts.
I would be absolutely mortified if He asked me to wear a pair of ugly, flat shoes / boots, or even worse wellies *argh*. I'd still wear them though and probably enjoy the humiliation of it.


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to TheChauvinist)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:07:22 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Just goes to show how relative things like "attractive" really are.  I can tell you from personal experience that when I ask a girl to wear something specific, or assume a specific position, there is already a high degree of probability that I'll find her attractive that way.  And if I ask her to do it a second time, it's a certainty.
 
As a slave/submissive I think one of the difficult things to achieve is to see yourself through your Dominant's eyes.  I know, you women can spend an eternity looking at yourselves, preparing yourselves, critiquing yourselves, and many times finding fault with yourselves.  And you're used to seeing yourself through your own eyes.
 
But you only have one person to please when it comes to obeying, and that's your owner.  So it's irrelevant what you think about the quality of your service; the only thing that counts is his opinion of the quality of your service.  Including how you look in what you wear, or what "Twister" generated position you're wearing it in. 
 
Consequently, it may be helpful not to be thinking about what you think you look like at those times, but what he (or she) thinks you look like at those time.  Look for visual cues as to what they think (an erection is usually a good sign).  Ask if they find you pleasing and believe what it is that they have to say (hey, where's that trust so often and easily mentioned?).  Afterward, get a little feedback by asking what it was that they found so appealing.  And work to develop the ability to see yourself through your Dominant's eyes.
 
John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:46:35 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

...
 
Consequently, it may be helpful not to be thinking about what you think you look like at those times, but what he (or she) thinks you look like at those time.  Look for visual cues as to what they think (an erection is usually a good sign). ...
John


I do this.  It's how I (think I)  know some of them have been total bombs.  I'm a rather intuitive gal and I can pick up on body language, even the not sprung kind. LOL 


(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:52:40 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

...
 
Consequently, it may be helpful not to be thinking about what you think you look like at those times, but what he (or she) thinks you look like at those time.  Look for visual cues as to what they think (an erection is usually a good sign). ...
John


I do this.  It's how I (think I)  know some of them have been total bombs.  I'm a rather intuitive gal and I can pick up on body language, even the not sprung kind. LOL 


But have you spoken to him about it?  Why rely upon intuition?  No one is a mind reader, and the reading doesn't get any better from the distance we're sitting.  He's the only one that can tell you what matters.
 
John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:03:33 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Rrafe, you missed the follow up post where she mentions that when she wears this stuff, his face falls. He doesn't like it on her, he likes it on the fantasy cheerleader in his head.

To me, that would be a major problem, that he wasn't seeing me and remembering what I look like when he got stuff, that he didn't want me, he just wanted a fantasy played out. And putting it on for him and having him not like it? Ouch, bad emotional hurt there.

Basically she's screwed. If she wears what looks good on her, it isn't the stuff that looks good in his fantasies so he doesn't like her in it. If she wears the stuff that looks good in his fantasies it doesn't look good on her, and he doesn't like her in it. No matter what she does, she loses. No wonder she isn't aroused from the constant put downs.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:12:02 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

...
 
Consequently, it may be helpful not to be thinking about what you think you look like at those times, but what he (or she) thinks you look like at those time.  Look for visual cues as to what they think (an erection is usually a good sign). ...
John


I do this.  It's how I (think I)  know some of them have been total bombs.  I'm a rather intuitive gal and I can pick up on body language, even the not sprung kind. LOL 


But have you spoken to him about it?  Why rely upon intuition?  No one is a mind reader, and the reading doesn't get any better from the distance we're sitting.  He's the only one that can tell you what matters.
 
John

Yes I have.  We spoke about it last night.  He did say that the last little outfit didn't look as he expected it to.  He also said that he didn't notice some of my flaws in some corset pictures he took of me until I pointed them out.  Doh!   I posted about this to gain some perspective.  We both struggle with thinking women should look a certain way, and are trying to overcome that and take joy in my beauty just the way it is.  Sometimes it's good for me to get percpective from other people.  I do think that health and wellness is very attractive and that the extra 20 lbs. I'm carrying is not attractive.  I am a perfectionist and don't want to settle for less than the best that I can be.  At the same time, perfection is a lie.  There is no " perfect" female body, or rather if there is one, I'm not it.  What i know for sure is, one doesn't have to be perfect to be sexy.  sexy is largely an attitude.   I am struggling with how to maintain my sexy attitude even as we stumble through this stuff and sometimes make mistakes and how to feel sexy even when i don't think i look sexy. 

(in reply to Rover)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:13:32 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		God damn fucking women and their bullshit.  You ain't doing it so YOU can look in the mirror and think you are sexy, you are doing because your fucking owner thinks you are sexy!  One of the sexiest woman I have ever been with was on the far side of a size 16 but she loved here body, I never had to deal with the "do I look fat" bullshit and instead got a woman who loved to dress sexy for me.

MY woman is ALWAYS beautiful, PERIOD.   Even the ones in a moment of harsh reality I knew were not beautiful, they were still the most beautiful creatures to ME.  In BSB I happen to have a woman who's inner beauty matches her external beauty but if and or when it doesn't I just don't SEE it, to me she is the most beautiful woman in the world, even wearing things that I know don't make her look her best.

I dress her up for MY fucking pleasure, not hers, for ME.  Now, if I want to go out and have her knock the socks off of other people, I will either pick something I know others will see her as stunning in or let her choose.  It isn't that I can't see those imperfections, my heart has, as someone already said, "hourglass shaped glasses" when I look at the woman who owns my heart, perhaps yours does too?

So ladies, relax.  If your man KEEPS asking you to show your fat ass or your saggy tits, or whatever imperfection real or imagined, instead of seeing yourself through your own eyes, look at that smile on his face and that raging hard on and throw your head back and be proud.  Realize that that man is looking at the woman he desires most in the world and nothing can be sexier than that!

(in reply to Rover)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:16:25 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I know how you feel.. My husband loved to take pictures of me deepthroating him, or us kissing, or of my face while I was about to cum or cumming.  He did it to show me how beautiful and sexy I was and he wanted me to see what he saw (the actual "view" not spiritually.)  I saw myself making goofy faces and holy crap I look just like my mother!! Not exactly a turn on for me..lol


The poor man was trying to show you how beautiful he sees you in the same way you tell me to tuck in my shirt all the while I just see a fat slob.  He was looking at you with his heart woman, and this just makes me sad and my eyes tear up.


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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:21:09 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		God damn fucking women and their bullshit.  You ain't doing it so YOU can look in the mirror and think you are sexy, you are doing because your fucking owner thinks you are sexy!  One of the sexiest woman I have ever been with was on the far side of a size 16 but she loved here body, I never had to deal with the "do I look fat" bullshit and instead got a woman who loved to dress sexy for me.

Being sexy for me is about feeling it as well as looking it. You put a woman in something she is not comfy in, or doesn't feel sexy in and she loses half her sex appeal instantly.
Some women are comfy with themselves no matter what and all power to them. Some are not though and i strongly object to your opening comment about womens bull shit. It may be bull shit to you but it isn't to those women struggling with their image daily.
The op in my opinion is having a really hard time and doesn't need you coming along and telling her, her feelings are bull shit.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:21:12 AM   
MistressDiane


Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

God damn fucking women and their bullshit.  You ain't doing it so YOU can look in the mirror and think you are sexy, you are doing because your fucking owner thinks you are sexy! 


Amen!
If I wanted her/him in a tater sac, they'd BE in a tater sac and what matters most is that I Wanted to see them in a tater sac. It's called submission. Deal with it.

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:22:23 AM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

So ladies, relax.  If your man KEEPS asking you to show your fat ass or your saggy tits, or whatever imperfection real or imagined, instead of seeing yourself through your own eyes, look at that smile on his face and that raging hard on and throw your head back and be proud.  Realize that that man is looking at the woman he desires most in the world and nothing can be sexier than that!


Very well said (loved your whole post but didn't want to block quote!!)...I am not, never have been - and hope to god never will be a size 0/2/whatever picture of perfection...i have issues with how i look - who hasn't - but generally when i am with a guy, i assume that he finds me the most amazing, sexy woman in the world...and so thats how i feel...which gives me great confidence which only makes me more sexy!!

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"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting" - e e cummings

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:33:31 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

God damn fucking women and their bullshit.  You ain't doing it so YOU can look in the mirror and think you are sexy, you are doing because your fucking owner thinks you are sexy!  One of the sexiest woman I have ever been with was on the far side of a size 16 but she loved here body, I never had to deal with the "do I look fat" bullshit and instead got a woman who loved to dress sexy for me.

Being sexy for me is about feeling it as well as looking it. You put a woman in something she is not comfy in, or doesn't feel sexy in and she loses half her sex appeal instantly.
Some women are comfy with themselves no matter what and all power to them. Some are not though and i strongly object to your opening comment about womens bull shit. It may be bull shit to you but it isn't to those women struggling with their image daily.
The op in my opinion is having a really hard time and doesn't need you coming along and telling her, her feelings are bull shit.


Fair point although I thought the tone of the post would have made my intent clear but I guess it didn't.

There are of course things men/partners can do to help a woman with her self image, going slow is probably the best and hardest course.  Slowly building up her self esteem is important.  However, the point that you are not dressing up for YOU but for the person looking is a point lost on many women and why women who focus deeply on looks bore the fuck out of me because where all the rest of us see someone approaching perfection, they see a mirror full of flaws.  Life is WAY too short to deal with that crap.  BSB manages to walk that line pretty well, better than any woman I have ever been with.  She spends time working on "perfection" but if I tell her "lets go now" she can throw on some clothes and go without having to be "perfect".  Just one of the many reasons I love her.

So, back  to your point, I wasn't trying to say her feelings are bullshit but they ARE about HER and not HIM.  This isn't vanilla, this is WIIWD and it is about HIM and his likes.  The more she lets go into that and worries less about what society tells her to do and more about what he tells her to do, the happier they will both be.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 10/30/2007 7:35:44 AM >

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:37:41 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I agree with you entirely and my apologies for reading your post wrong.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:44:54 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

I am a perfectionist and don't want to settle for less than the best that I can be.  At the same time, perfection is a lie.  There is no " perfect" female body, or rather if there is one, I'm not it. 


Beauty (or sexy) is not perfection.  Nor does it exist because we fail to see the imperfections.  It exists because we see the imperfections, accept them, and decide that it is beautiful (or sexy) nonetheless.
 
None of us has perfect bodies, and I suspect that he does not either.  Yet I also suspect that you find him handsome in spite of that.  What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

quote:


What i know for sure is, one doesn't have to be perfect to be sexy.  sexy is largely an attitude.   I am struggling with how to maintain my sexy attitude even as we stumble through this stuff and sometimes make mistakes and how to feel sexy even when i don't think i look sexy. 



We are our own worst critics.  Even supermodels obsess about their own flaws.  If he thinks you're sexy, then you are.  Done deal.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:49:58 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		This has been a fantastic thread for me to be reading. He doesn't dress me but like a lot of women I tend to focus on the negative bits on my body instead of how he sees me. My face is okay and I do have great legs but all the stuff inbetween screams out at me in all of its doubt.

It can be very hard to let go of how you see yourself. He tells me I am beautiful and I cringe inside because 'I' don't see that. But.. it doesn't matter if I see it or not, HE sees it.
missturbation wrote:
Being sexy for me is about feeling it as well as looking it. You put a woman in something she is not comfy in, or doesn't feel sexy in and she loses half her sex appeal instantly.
Some women are comfy with themselves no matter what and all power to them.
 
I strongly identify with those words. It is so so hard to reconcile what he sees with what I see. That doesn't mean it is all about me, yet at the same time it does. Argh lol. He loves me, he loves my body and I wish I could be forever at ease but I'm not. Reading the words on this thread will help me focus on the reality.
The reality is that he thinks I am beautiful. Being in an LDR makes it harder in a way because every time we meet it is almost like being at the beginning. He knows that and the first thing he has me to is to strip naked and stand in front of him. I worry as I slide my clothes off, I worry the light is too harsh and he can *gasp* see everything. Then I look into his eyes and see that wow he really n truly is happy with me. But then in the weeks we are apart all of that builds back up, all the stupid worries over being untoned etc.
Yikes I'm rambling.

There are a lot of responses on this thread that I am going to save and read again when I struggle with what I see. My thanks to the women here for putting how I feel into words.
My thanks to the men here who remind me that it is what he sees that counts, not what I see.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:58:51 AM   
slaveelle


Posts: 116
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		I dont think i know one woman that is entirely comfortable with her own body. There will always be bits we want to hide, get rid of, or tone. Its the nature of women to want to look as attractive as they can for their partners.
 
 I too have had 4 Ums thats left their mark on my body (well hundreds of them actually) and am very self conscious of my stomach and thighs. My master continally reminds me that he loves me and my flabby bits, because it makes up who i am. He dosnt sees me how i see me.
 
 Relax and enjoy knowing you are pleasing him with the things he likes to see you wear.
Just  do it because he wants your obedience, that in itself  should leaves you feeling even more beautiful.

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"No bond is stronger than that of the Beast"

(in reply to Daddyskittin)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 8:03:01 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Remember, it is society that tells you that you are ugly, well sometimes it is asshole partners too but you get the point.  Listen to what he tells you, what his eyes tell you, what his body tells you.  That is the only voice you should listen to.

(in reply to slaveelle)
Profile   Post #: 60
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