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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 8:08:52 AM

wendywoo

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Joined: 6/20/2007
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If you're in private, you do as youre told.

If you're in pubic and you have genuine fears of beign recognised and your standing in some way harmed, the use a safeword.

You DO have safewords, don't you?

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 8:12:42 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wendywoo

If you're in private, you do as youre told.

If you're in pubic and you have genuine fears of beign recognised and your standing in some way harmed, the use a safeword.

You DO have safewords, don't you?

Maybe it is because I skipped breakfast today and my brain is slow[er], but I don't get the connection between having a safeword and how you view yourself in a mirror?

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 9:21:03 AM

AquaticSub

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I'd have a hard time safewording over clothes. The worst thing that could, realistically, happen is that I look really stupid.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 9:27:49 AM

camille65

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From: Austin Texas
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I can look at your picture and I see a really pretty woman with luscious curves. I genuinely hope that you see the same thing.
Heh I think my dom would simply laugh at me if I tried to safeword over an outfit! Hmmm... then he would probably choose something intentionally awful for me to wear and mmmmm the potential for humiliation. Knowing he still thinks I'm yummy/okay while I see a frump.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 9:31:43 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
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From: South Florida
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Sometimes we forget that men have many of the same issues that women do.
The picture that Michael had on his profile before we met in R/L was a few years old. I don't think Michael realized I knew it. Before I went to California the first time to meet him, I asked him for a new picture and he was terrified that I would see it and reject him outright. When he sent me the new picture, he called me to tell me he was about to send it and I was to call him immediately after I received it. I called him of course and told him not to look so serious and that I hoped to be able to get him to smile alot more once I got off the plane.. The audible sigh of relief was so endearing to me.. He smiles an awful lot now and it may come as a surprise to many here, but he can be a real goofball too.. He has just about stopped telling me that he "almost" believes me when I tell him how happy I am with him.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 9:46:30 AM

Mercnbeth

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unflattering is subjective. like art and beauty. Master requires this slave's opinion be respectfully voiced with regards to costume...as it is one of this slave's passions, but "clothing" (as in the stuff that is mass produced to fit someone else's proportions and sold in retail outlets) is just plain loathesome.

this slave finds anything mass produced and bought off a rack to be unflattering to everyone, especially if the tag reads Vera Wang or Victoria's Secret...and also is of the firm belief that tailoring is an art, not just a skill.

that being said...this slave dresses and undresses to please Master, regardless of how she personally feels about the item's appearance, or her appearance in said item. whatever the occasion, she tries to put together a tasteful outfit that He will be pleased with, even if it means drawing a pattern and hauling out the sewing machine. special requests are especially looked forward to and sometimes this slave will put on something silly just to get a giggle from Him.

if you need to have some control over your wardrobe in order to maintain a healthy self-esteem, why not just make it a hard limit?

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 10:04:52 AM

Tigrita

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From: California
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I didn't read all the posts, just 1st 2 pgs, but here is my 2 cents...

How about he picks a theme he wants, like sporty, or schoolgirl, or whatever, and lets you find the right pieces that will make it work on you. Try things on in the stores before buying, get him used to seeing what will look good on you. And as for lingerie, you mentioned he likes 2 pieces, you look better in 1 pieces... how about just modeling stuff in the store for him, letting him see it, that will get him excited about the one piece looks that work well for you. Another idea is a corset-style top and garter set. Controls the tummy, but as sexy as a bra and panty+garter set.

Good luck! You guys will find a groove that works for both of you I'm sure.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 4:17:40 PM

DollMaster72

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/2/2007
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[/quote]

Simply put...Obedient IS sexy!

[/quote]

Partly because I agree, and partly because of your tag line. In the words of Slim Pickins, I must say "Ditto!"

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 5:32:38 PM

adoracat

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~~fast reply~~

i told Daddy about this thread....and he asked me my reply. when i told him "wear what your Sir wishes you to wear" he said "good answer!" when i told him about the "but i'd rather let Sir know that something else would look better" answers...he said its always an option if respectfully spoken, but HIS answer would always be the final one.

of course. he's the Daddy.

kitten, amused.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:01:17 PM

burningdesires47

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Joined: 2/22/2007
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I once was seeing a guy who wanted to dominate me. He told me to look nice one night because he was taking to show me off at a BDSM event (just a group discussion, not a play party or anything).

I have a haircut that requires a bit of fussing to not look completely stupid. I was wearing a LITTLE bit of makeup because I looked like a bloody chemo patient (chronic health issues). No perfumes of any kind due to my health issues. And he very rudely told me that I looked terrible and that he was going to make me take a shower to get that "nasty stuff" off before we left, and maybe let me borrow some of his clothes.

Did I mention he owned one pair of jeans I could fit two or three of me in, a few pairs of sweatpants, and only white t-shirts? Oh wait maybe a couple button-ups.... Yeah no, I wasn't having any of it. Well OK I was willing to discuss it til I got the "you're not a real subbie" speech. Uh, duh.

Dealbreaker.

If my dominant wants me to wear something he thinks is cute but I think is simply unflattering, I'll wear it, out of respect for his authority. But if he asks me to do or wear something that is completely demeaning to my self respect, it is definitely something I would be needing to discuss with him. If I don't feel sexy, I won't behave in a sexy manner, and then I won't be the toy he wants me to be. He needs to make some compromises in order for me to be capable of serving the way he wants me to.

If this is getting in the way of your ability to serve, bring it up. If it's just bugging you, just try and see it differently.

< Message edited by burningdesires47 -- 10/30/2007 6:02:16 PM >

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:20:22 PM

DollMaster72

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wendywoo

If you're in private, you do as youre told.

If you're in pubic and you have genuine fears of beign recognised and your standing in some way harmed, the use a safeword.

You DO have safewords, don't you?

I do believe what wendywoo was eluding to is if the outfit made it obvious what you did behind closed doors, and if, say someone at work found out, it could hurt your career. "Like, why dont you wear this leather halter top to the board meeting today hunny, and hmmmm, I really like it with the posture collar." A bit exagerated, but maybe time to use the safeword and get back to sanity.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:21:02 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
this slave finds anything mass produced and bought off a rack to be unflattering to everyone

I've got a few things in my closet I'd disagree with you on that.

And I'll just add that I certainly agree that a body/person can be beautiful no matter what, there are truly many fugly clothes and outfits in the world that even the most beautiful person in the world won't make right (leggings especially).

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:49:33 PM

octavia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Rrafe, you missed the follow up post where she mentions that when she wears this stuff, his face falls. He doesn't like it on her, he likes it on the fantasy cheerleader in his head.

To me, that would be a major problem, that he wasn't seeing me and remembering what I look like when he got stuff, that he didn't want me, he just wanted a fantasy played out. And putting it on for him and having him not like it? Ouch, bad emotional hurt there.

Basically she's screwed. If she wears what looks good on her, it isn't the stuff that looks good in his fantasies so he doesn't like her in it. If she wears the stuff that looks good in his fantasies it doesn't look good on her, and he doesn't like her in it. No matter what she does, she loses. No wonder she isn't aroused from the constant put downs.

Celeste, you did a better job than I even of understanding my fears.
Thank you for giving words to my feelings.

oct

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 6:55:44 PM

RRafe

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Then the Dom should be big enough not to criticize the sub-if his choices fail to make him happy.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:05:18 PM

batshalom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Rrafe, you missed the follow up post where she mentions that when she wears this stuff, his face falls. He doesn't like it on her, he likes it on the fantasy cheerleader in his head.

Basically she's screwed. If she wears what looks good on her, it isn't the stuff that looks good in his fantasies so he doesn't like her in it. If she wears the stuff that looks good in his fantasies it doesn't look good on her, and he doesn't like her in it. No matter what she does, she loses. No wonder she isn't aroused from the constant put downs.

Celeste, you did a better job than I even of understanding my fears.
Thank you for giving words to my feelings.

oct

Mm, yes. I missed that part too in doing a fast reply. My apologies, octavia.

If he puts you down for ~his~ clothing choices, it's time to speak up most definitely. If he can't see his own blunder, then you, as his sub, have a responsibility to remind him. You, as his woman, as his partner, as his friend and lover and companion, need to speak up to keep your self-esteem intact. Once you lose your self-esteem, you're not a strong partner.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:09:08 PM

octavia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Rrafe, you missed the follow up post where she mentions that when she wears this stuff, his face falls. He doesn't like it on her, he likes it on the fantasy cheerleader in his head.

Basically she's screwed. If she wears what looks good on her, it isn't the stuff that looks good in his fantasies so he doesn't like her in it. If she wears the stuff that looks good in his fantasies it doesn't look good on her, and he doesn't like her in it. No matter what she does, she loses. No wonder she isn't aroused from the constant put downs.

Celeste, you did a better job than I even of understanding my fears.
Thank you for giving words to my feelings.

oct

Mm, yes. I missed that part too in doing a fast reply. My apologies, octavia.

If he puts you down for ~his~ clothing choices, it's time to speak up most definitely. If he can't see his own blunder, then you, as his sub, have a responsibility to remind him. You, as his woman, as his partner, as his friend and lover and companion, need to speak up to keep your self-esteem intact. Once you lose your self-esteem, you're not a strong partner.

He doesn't put me down. It's just that i can tell by his body language that it is not what he is expecting. He is a good man, he does not blame me or put me down verbally. it is just an issue we are struggling with. ... Thought i had better clarify that before the lych squad shows up.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:31:25 PM

MercTech

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quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

He doesn't put me down. It's just that i can tell by his body language that it is not what he is expecting. He is a good man, he does not blame me or put me down verbally. it is just an issue we are struggling with. ... Thought i had better clarify that before the lych squad shows up.

It sounds to me like there is a gap between his mental image of you and how things look when he has you dress to his specifications. It may be your dom needs to learn more about fashion. <grin>

If the pictures are accurate on your profile, you are beyond cheerleader cute. <opinion> The photography is excellent. Kudos to your photographer. You would look fetish cute in the traditional "Catholic School Girl" type outfit. But, for my money, I would vote for a bolero vest with tight capris and sandals. Carry on the belly dance idea with belled anklets and a jingly coin belt.

Of course, I have this weird photographers eye that looks on naked woman and mentally dress her to portray how I see her personality.

Stefan

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 7:53:13 PM

Statepalace

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I had a slightly similar situation, and this is how I handled it -

My Dom likes to see me embarrassed. He also likes to see me in something sexy. Sometimes He wants both. There have been outfits that He suggested that I knew would make me feel ONYL embarrassed, not sexy at all, and I had a strong feeling that was not His intent. So I asked. For the outfit in question He said the intent was to make me feel slutty and sexy and embarrassed (I am so lucky!). With that information I explained to Him that a thicker material and different skirt design would work better on my body to get the result that He wanted. The type of skirt He first suggested would have had made me look like a tent.

I would certainly have worn whatever He picked out. It wasn't a question of obedience. But hell, He's a straight male, not my gay cousin that I go to for fashion advice. I don't expect Him to know the best way to dress my body type unless I let Him know. If He wants something (reaction from me) and I know the way to get it for Him, then I need to share. What He chooses to do with the information is then up to Him of course. To quote someone far wittier than myself , "I wouldn't be a very good minion if all I could do was give blowjobs and make toast". All of me is at His disposal; sharing stuff I know about myself like what outfits I look best in comes under that umbrella.

The fallen face, is it possibly because you don't look like you're enjoying yourself and that enjoyment was his intent? Putting myself in his place, it wouldn't be that you didn't match the store manequins that made my face fall. It would be because you looked so unhappy wearing what I thought would have you feeling sexy. That doesn't mean you should fake happy! Just help him out a little bit by asking what he wants you to be feeling and suggesting outfits that would work to give those feelings. If it's embarassed and not sexy that he's after, then he's on the right track, lol. But if it's not, then he should get some feedback so he can get what he wants out of the encounter. If he was getting what he wanted, the face wouldn't fall. I don't think it has anything to do with how you look in the outfit, just how you feel in it.

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 8:18:43 PM

MaamJay

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I agree! and I do have boobs.. ( very nice ones if i do say so myself ) and he keeps putting me in things that minimize them and accentuate my very un beautiful waist ( I carry most of my extra 20lbs in my waist)
[/quote]

I find Myself wondering if He doesn't have an ulterior motive here ... to get YOU to the point where you have less hang ups about those less flattering bits such as your waist. Maybe He is trying to show you that He loves the whole package and finds ALL of you sexy. Perhaps when He hears you say "i have a lovely waistline" He might desist and let you show off those boobs again!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]
PS Is it you in the pic? If it is, stop complaining girl LOL!

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RE: When a Dom asks Sub to wear something unflattering. - 10/30/2007 8:37:17 PM

arayofsunshine55

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Well this certainly depends on your dynamic and agreements. I know that he likes my legs out and lots of cleavage. That is all he sees, and if that is satisfied he'd good. But I see more than that, not because I am hard on myself. I've always know what looks good on me due to proportion, color, balance, etc -- all the kinds of things you'll see on what not to wear and other such shows. And that's a different fashion sense than he possesses. So I give him feedback.

And at the same time, my sense of myself is one of those things to which I cling and it is a hard limit. So we can push it only so far before I start feeling like I don't look good and that wears on my happiness. But we talk about all of this and we adjsut and deal and get realistic. I have few hard limits and so we work around the few I do have.

That's what works for us.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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