KindMasterB
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I once gave a writing assignment to a woman I was in a Master/slave relationship with, to write me 1500 words on the subject of humiliation. While it's apparent, in spots, that she's desperately trying to reach the word count, she still had a lot of terrific things to say:
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HUMILIATION
I believe that it is the nature of the submissive person to yield in surrender and obedience to imposed conditions and treatments; and while some of these conditions and treatments may be easier to yield to than others, I think it is far easier to surrender oneself physically than to relinquish wholeheartedly the inner spirit. Mental submissiveness, as opposed to physical submissiveness, is much more a matter of choice, and is composed of many paradoxical features that render this choice difficult in most cases, and impossible in some. Mental submissiveness involves several qualities:1) honesty - telling the truth; 2) compassion - showing love; 3) valor - not running away from a situation; 4) sacrifice - giving of yourself ; 5) honor - upholding your duty; and lastly 6) humility - being not proud or arrogant; having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority.
When I speak of this or that quality, I am speaking not merely of this or that aspect of mental submissiveness, but of a certain stability in that regard. For example, one can practice humility in an isolated incident or situation, but the quality of humility indicates a habit of so acting.
Humility is both an acquired and an infused quality. The acquired quality of humility assists one to exercise that quality as directed by the natural light of reason; while the infused quality of humility enables and disposes one to exercise that quality as directed by another. This latter involves a whole new dimension to the practice of humility, a whole new outlook, a whole new reason for practicing humility.
The word "humility" is derived from the Latin word humil(us), which means lowly, insignificant, on the ground. Already that tells us much about the nature, meaning and necessity of the quality of humility to the submissive. Humility is a quality that allows one, through the subjugation of arrogance and self-pride, to develop patience and compassion. And patience helps one to encounter frustrations, disappointments, contradictions, privations, hardships, etc. (all of which cause pain) without losing one's serenity, without becoming irritated or despondent. It helps one not to be upset by trivial incidents however unpleasant in our daily lives. It is a quality that every submissive is called upon to exercise frequently.
If we reflect upon the number of times each day that we are confronted with situations, persons and things that displease us, we can see how often humility and patience are needed. They are important because they prepare the way for the practice of all the other qualities. Virtuous action is usually difficult and likely to cause sorrow on the sense level. Humility and patience, by moderating the emotion of sorrow, removes one of the serious obstacles to the practice of the other qualities.
Humility leads to the ability to keep control over the impulse that rises suddenly when something disagreeable happens. It is not just disregard of or indifference to life’s daily irritations or upsetting incidents, but a real control of self, of one’s feelings and impulses. On the contrary, arrogance and pride can lead to the lack of self-control, and lead to other and greater faults. They can easily grow into anger, irritability, harsh words, unpleasantness towards others, etc.
Yet, if humility is an important quality, and much needed in daily life, it is not an easy quality, for it demands much subjugation over our emotions and impulses. It is acquired by slow continual repetition of patient control - in spite of many failures. It is unfortunate, however, that many do not grasp the value of humility, for its natural fruit is calm of mind. The inner spirit of the humble person is not at the mercy of every chance happening. So far I have spoken of humility on the purely natural level, in order to explain what the quality consists in. The exercise of that quality, however, on the purely natural level is a very difficult quality to cultivate, since it is not easy for one to see the advantages of enduring with serenity the pain and humiliation that are inseparable from true submissiveness.
There is a close connection between humility, and awareness of and trust in the Master whom the submissive wishes to serve; an awareness that there is nothing that should happen except that the Master foresees it and allows it, and can bring good out of it if one trusts in his concern for the submissive.
The practice of humility requires that everything be seen in the light of this trust, that everything that happens to the submissive is permitted by her Master, and for her own good. Whatever trials and suffering come to the submissive, it is by the Master's choosing and allows for personal growth. But it takes a deep trust in the Master to be aware of his hand in all matters, and to accept his will in humility and with an interior serenity of mind and heart.
Humiliation infused by the Master allows the submissive to develop this quality beyond the natural light of reason. Acts of humiliation assist in subjugating pride, which causes one to think of oneself as above others. The submissive may think that she is completely able to take care of things, but problems are never far when a high ego is a prominent trait. Self-consciousness, the basis of pride, is a natural state of being which causes the vast majority of every problem we have. The antidote to pride is to develop the quality of humility.
In order to overcome pride, a submissive needs to completely trust her Master. Pride in any form, with the possible exception of pride in ability to obey and serve, can lead to trouble. Pride causes you to seek your own pleasure and to satisfy your own desires. There must be a higher motivation for one's attitudes and behavior.
The higher motivation and the answer to pride for the submissive is to develop humility and compassion. Compassion is unconditional and requires nothing in return. There is no pride, envy, wrong behavior, self-seeking, hurt feelings, impatience, evil thoughts, iniquity, etc., when one has compassion coupled with humility. It is characterized by forbearance and endurance when one is tested. It lasts when all else fails.
Finally, with compassion and humility comes the rest of the qualities of mental submissivenes.
It is important to remember that humiliation should not be considered a punishment. Acts of humiliation serve to strengthen the submissive's ability to develop the inner resources of devotion and courage that allow her to serve her Master to the best of her ability. If a submissive is arrogant then of course, correction should be forthcoming. However, it should be one that is designed to humble as opposed to humiliate. It should be designed to bring down the pride of the submissive or to reduce her to a state of abasement. The correction should produce feelings of chagrin and/or shame, and these painful feelings caused by the consciousness or exposure of unworthy or improper conduct should assist the submissive in eliminating the behavior that led to the need for correction. Differentiating between humiliation, used as a tool to assist the submissive in defeating self-pride and arrogance, and humbling, used as a correction, is very important. The difference should be clear to both the Master and the submissive. Humiliation can be exciting for the submissive due to the total relinquishment of power and will and therefore should not be confused with acts designed to humble and correct, as the power of the correction will be diminished if it is also something that is pleasurable to the submissive. It is difficult to be specific about what acts may be humiliating as opposed to humbling. This involves a certain degree of negotiation between the submissive and her master, in the sense that he must know what to her is humiliating and what should be used to humble. An act that is humiliating to one submissive, may be humbling to another; and indeed, an act imposed by one master that is humiliating to the submissive, may, in turn be humbling if imposed by a different master.
Mental submissiveness is necessary for the mutual satisfaction of the submissive and her Master. It is necessary in order for the submissive to be wholly subject to her Master, to be entirely under the domination of her Master, to be completely controlled by her Master. Dedicated service to one's Master can provide one of the most satisfying relationships one can experience. As for each of us, the satisfactory performance of service and obedience requires the highest degree of integrity, skill, and effort. Without the guidance of one's Master, in allowing the submissive to experience humiliation for instruction and personal growth, humility would be much more difficult to attain. Without humility, the qualities that lead to mental submissiveness: honesty, compassion, valor, sacrifice, and honor, would be much more difficult to attain. Without mental submissiveness, there is not the complete and total surrender and obedience that the very nature of the submissive requires.
< Message edited by KindMasterB -- 11/7/2007 1:26:24 PM >
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RE: Humiliation - 
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